Are women stupid?

[jjwilson]

This might not be the right place to start a thread like this but what the heck: At home today and a little disagreement comes up between myself and the SO (significant other), nothing we couldn’t have talked our way through but she decides to go into the “We’re-Not-Talking� game. So now it’s going to be two days of her stomping around the house avoiding eye contact and refusing to answer to any comment from me. She actually works at keeping angry believing, I assume, that refusing to talk to me will show me how mad she is! If she only knew that the silence is preferable to the whining and nagging I usually get. This is really what keeps me in the hobby; when she pushes me away for some stupid reason, ie; to make a point about how mad she is, I just find myself a nice friendly SP or MPA or dancer that doesn’t push away. I spend our money to make me happy; goes a long way toward making up for the No-Talking game.

jj

 

[jjwilson]

"They win every battle." Correction - they think they win every battle.

Thanks for the book recommendation Don, I'll look for it.

jj

 

[james t kirk]

Ha ha ha, been there seen it done it.

Are you with my ex by any chance???

About 5-6, redish blonde hair, scottish, no tits, obsessed with aerobics????

Every time I turned around, it was something else she would be busting my balls over. One time, it got so bad, I was keeping track of the arguements in a daytimer. In the month of June on year we had 28 distinct and separate arguements. (There are only 30 days in June.)

It was always me getting yelled at, nagged, complained at, door slamming at, etc, etc. for one thing or another. Usually my family, work, or friends in no particular order. It never seemed to end frankly.

Got so bad, I remember breaking down crying sometimes. (I was sticking around because we had bought a house together and didn't quite know how to get out of it.) I can remember more than once just getting fed up and told her it was over, I was out of here, was walking out the door, and she would physically block me from leaving. More than once, she would lock herself around my leg and I would be dragging her across the floor. Me threatening to leave was the only thing that would shut her up.

Kind of funny when I think of it now.

Like you, I never hobbied so much in my life as when I was with her. I was completely and utterly stressed out and I found a great deal of comfort in the arms of other women. I just needed some warmth, some touching, and yeah some sex because I was so strung out at home.

Some women are just born to complain. She didn't get it anywhere strange, her old lady was exactly the same way. Controlling. Her father was completely whipped from what I could see. The old lady had decided years ago that she didn't like either of his two sisters and gave the old man the ultimatum - either you cease having anything to do with your sisters, or I am out of here. And he went for it.

 

[lasslicker]

I do understand you using your wife's silence as an excuse to hobby, I hope that you are aware that this is just a rationalization.

Should you have any interest in salvaging what sounds like a shakey relationship, you might want to end these games as quickly as they start, and discuss with her the root problems at hand.

 

[wop]

I know the story, that is why 1/2 wop's Dad is looking for an apartment...thanks to Mrs wop and her complaining ways. Just couldn't take it anymore...so the only one who really suffers is ...1/2 wop. Does this make sense? Why behave in a way that will ensure you to be in single parent Mom land?
I don't get it.

 

[james t kirk]

I do understand you using your wife's silence as an excuse to hobby, I hope that you are aware that this is just a rationalization.

Should you have any interest in salvaging what sounds like a shakey relationship, you might want to end these games as quickly as they start, and discuss with her the root problems at hand.

It may be immature, but I totally understand where he is coming from because I did the same thing.

You get the treatment at home, and you get so wound up, and so hurt, you seek a little solace in the arms of another women.

I don't know about you, but I am a pretty live and let live individual and I don't understand what she is getting so upset about 90 percent of the time.

What women want is their way all the time.

Men are simpler, we figure, you do what you want to do, I will do what I want to do and you want to do what I want to do, you are welcome to join in, if not, feel free to do your own thing and we will get together later.

Women have never heard of this concept.

The other thing is that men generally don't pack in long term relationships. They seek out other females, but they don't want to pack in the home for it. Women on the other hand, you can never trust them because they are ALWAYS looking to up-grade. You can be with one for 10 years and if another guy comes along that has more dough, or will give her something you won't or can't - she's gone.

 

[jjwilson]

It's not really silence, it's agression being manifested as silence. I would discuss it with her but we're, apparently, not talking for the next two days.

jj

 

[james t kirk]

It's not really silence, it's agression being manifested as silence. I would discuss it with her but we're, apparently, not talking for the next two days.

jj

See you at Allure tonight.

 

[Keebler Elf]

Time to see a marriage counselor. Seriously, it's better to nip this in the bud before it destroys your marriage.

 

[james t kirk]

Time to see a marriage counselor.

I tried that.

Waste of time and money.

Nothing changed.

I was looking for judge and jury, someone to tell me what I was doing wrong, or what she was doing wrong.

All I got was, "And how does this make you feel capt'n kirk when this happens?"

Fuck that noise.

You want to know the truth......

Either you accept it and live with it or get the hell out, becaue she ain't ever going to change. In fact, it will probably only get worse.

 

[lasslicker]

While they do make the best mistresses, DQ, what jj needs is an Asian SP.

jj:If you feel that this a pattern that cannot be broken, it sounds like it's time to cut your losses. How long have you been married, and how long have you felt this treatment is unacceptable?

 

[happygrump]

... but back to the original question.

Are women stupid?

No, of course not. At the risk of making sweeping generalizations here, they know exactly what they're doing. And they're doing it because it works.

They'll give you the silent treatment for a few days, and then when it's over they'll tell you that they needed time to be able to "figure things out in their mind." Remember, it's not rational and it's not logical, but it's the way they think. Not good nor bad, just different.

As for me personally, I simply refused to play. I just went on as if everything was ok. When I asked what was wrong, and I'd hear a "NOTHING!!" through gritted teeth, I actually took her at her word. "Oh, good, I'm glad nothing's wrong, because I hate to see you upset."

Of course, I've been divorced twice... and now very happy living by myself.

 

[BoxHunter]

Whoa! Hold on there! Although I am not partial to any form of "lesson teaching" the "silent treatment" is (for me at least) a way to avoid further confrontation. I'm sure you are all faultless in whatever conflicts you have...
My ex was so emotionally abusive that I would rather bite my tongue and say nothing than have him explode in another fit of rage.
That being said, I do agree that shutting out your signifigant other is a major reason that men frequent SPs and MPs.

 

[Jade4u]

Just say to her in a rough manly voice while holding her wrists in place "what can I do to stop this silent treatment and tell her you are telling me right now, tell her stop treating me like I am not a human being and sit your but down right now and talk to me and you are not going anywhere until you do." Tell her all people have feelings in a nice way listen to her contently allowing her to speak of course but at the same time only act like a man when you feel she is going to go back to the silent treatment or to walk away from the situation at hand. Make her talk tell her you will talk like it or not. I love a man who listens and is showing me he cares and at the same time can take responsible control of a situation and show me he is a man.

Now I am out of here before you men start throwing things at me.

YIKES

 

[BigBlack]

Got so bad, I remember breaking down crying sometimes. (I was sticking around because we had bought a house together and didn't quite know how to get out of it.) I can remember more than once just getting fed up and told her it was over, I was out of here, was walking out the door, and she would physically block me from leaving.

Been there, done that, and bought the dvd, although in my case it was leasing an apartment. The stress was unbearable, so much so that even the best of us can shed a tear from time to time. It just seems to never end, like a sadistic torturer systematically punishing and in my case was one sided as she could do no wrong whatsoever. Yet when I was about to leave, she cried and cried, only to repeat the cycle. It's like a sick, twisted game .

After 13 months worth of it, I told myself to screw it. Many women are far too stupid to verbalize what they want because what they CLAIM they want, when given to them rarely produces the desired result. I'm much more alphamale now and use all the tricks of the trade (although not to the point of bad taste), and they seem to respect it far, far more.

Many women are like children. They need defined limits and oftentimes someone to draw the line. Sure they try to soften us up, but they won't respect us when it happens. I'll never allow myself to be so vulnerable to a woman again. Painful lessons learned.The ultimate nice guys they try to create end up finishing last. Are sp's, mp's good ways to even the playing field sometimes. You bet! No better way to fill the void of a nasty woman then good treatment from a hot one.

Hey Adam, wanna have an apple?

BBLACK

 

[BigBlack]

Just couldn't take it anymore...so the only one who really suffers is ...1/2 wop.

She'll have him blaming you for all the difficulties in no time I bet.

BBLACK

 

[Flower]

Are women stupid? Not all of them ....

Anyone who uses "the silent treatment" or goes around slamming doors has a problem. It's not only women who do this, it is a stupid way to handle stress or problems and will place a strain on even the strongest relationship.

If someone is unable to verbalize a problem and feels the tension building, they should take a long walk and think it out. Acting wounded, slamming doors, giving "the silent treatment" etc .. will not solve anything.

It's difficult, but it's better to end a relationship than to be unhappy and to continue with something that is not working and/or is making you unhappy.

The person who allows this type of relationship to continue is IMNSHO the stupid one.

 

[happygrump]

Re: Are women stupid? Not all of them ....

The person who allows this type of relationship to continue is IMNSHO the stupid one.

I disagree with your opinion. One can be sympathetic to the person who's troubled but simply does not have the "tools" to draw the other person out of her shell. It's not about being stupid, it's about either not being able to communicate, or being stonewalled regardless of the attempts.

Either way, the relationship is in trouble.

 

[Flower]

Life is too short to live in a toxic environment ....

I disagree with your opinion. One can be sympathetic to the person who's troubled but simply does not have the "tools" to draw the other person out of her shell. It's not about being stupid, it's about either not being able to communicate, or being stonewalled regardless of the attempts.

Either way, the relationship is in trouble.

I agree and was playing upon the topic of "stupid"

To allow this pattern of behaviour to continue is not healthy and if one doesn't have the "tools" to adjust/fix the problem, some sort of measure has to be taken.

Life is too short to be unhappy and there are times when it is just wiser and healthier to walk away if your partner is toxic or creating a toxic environment. Many people don't see, realize or want to be helped, each situation is unique has to be evaluated as such.

I would tell the other person that their "silent treatment", slamming doors, ignoring the situation is not the solution and offer to talk about it but would also let them know that it is toxic to the relationship and is causing serious problems. It is then up to them to decide what path they want to take.

I feel that for any relationship or even friendship to work that there has to be honest communication.

 

[jjwilson]

Thank you everyone for your responses, too many to reply to individually.

I've been in this relationship for almost 20 years and wasn't so much looking for solutions but rather for comisseration. She's got her own little world where she can browbeat me into submission with her passive/aggressive games. I can't leave the relationship because I don't want to loose the mitigating influence of my presence on the kids. My question: Are women Stupid?, refers to the fact that she seems to think that her control continues even when she isn't around. When she pushes I look for a way to even the score. I mean that metaphorically. The only way to survive is to seek some way of demonstrating to yourself that there are aspects of your life that she does not control. I know that's petty and immature but, hey, it works for me. Apply pressure in one place and you can be sure that it will be released somewhere else - that's my point.

jj