Hi,
Everyone has a path in life we walk with obstacles that lay on the path before we even reach them or know they exist. Everybody also have crossroads in their paths but those crossroads always lead up back to our original path. The choice is which path do you take because there is NO path that is easier then the other. That's just life. Much like Dorothy from the Wizard Of Oz she had one path she needed to follow and many crossroads but ONE destination and goal she had for herself, so no matter what she did, she never lost sight of that destination and goal.
We can all say we have met people in the business that get wrapped up in the money, drugs, men, but none of us know their path 2 years from now, 5 years from now, 10 years from now, not even them. Remember a time in your life (and everyone has experienced this) when you felt lost, confused, had regrets, made mistakes, bad choices, etc. and where are you now? not physically but in your heart and soul, in your morals and ethics, in your passions and desires. Life experience (whatever that may be) is what forms us to who we are meant to be, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Everyone that I have met in my life that has had the honor to know my path of thorns over these last 29 years wonder in such amazement on three things; 1) How I managed to still be alive. 2) How I hold no anger or resentment for the path laid before me although I still am fighting my way through recovery from that path. (which is also a part of growing and self-discovery of myself) 3) How loving, caring, genuine, empathic, compassionate, strong, determined, giving and uniquely special I am after everything I have been through. My past is not a secret nor is the obstacles and pain that I have endured because I share this weekly with my psychotherapist and group therapy and though these people have their own past pain and struggles they look up to me because whichever hand of cards is placed in my hands I make the best with it and never fold because it is my path to discovery as to why am I here on this earth? what am I meant to accomplish? what career path am I meant to have?
I should be dead 7 times over at this point in my life and I am not, and that alone for me means something so big that I'm unraveling the layers to found out. I've experienced drug addiction, physical, mental and emotional abuse (starting from my childhood) that I had to move away from home at 16 and work 2/3 jobs and drop out of high-school, I've experienced rapes, abortions, child birth, lost my child, disowned by my family, friends that should be tried for treason, homelessness, countless times of attempted suicide, my heart broken by love 3 times where you feel it should kill you but is doesn't, many cruel men in this business and that's just a little taste of the other side of me, and so many people that tried to 'save me' when really, you can only save yourself if you want it bad enough that you cant taste it in your mouth and it burns in your belly.
But here I am, still alive, drug free, with real friends, not homeless, not attempting suicide anymore, going to school next year, strong and determined. I would not be the person I am today if I had not gone through all these things that are devastating. And when people ask me if I could go back would I do it all again and I always say "Your damn right I would" because I like the person I am and I would not be the person I am today unless I went through these obstacles that were on my path.
I was lost for many years but at some point in the spring of this year I felt that the devastating lessons for this chapter in my life had ended and it was time for me to gather all those invisible notes and puzzle pieces and begin to be found. Absolutely no regrets, no hatred, no pity. For my soul and wings are golden and that is worth more then anything that this world has.
Your sister needs to make this decision and every life decision that comes her way for herself because perhaps it's part of her life path. But be there for her with love and support and let her go so she can find her wings.
I hope in opening my private life up some will let you and others realize that no one in real life or the adult industry is f*cked for life and things will never change for them. Some people need to crash and burn, hit rock bottom before they realize that they don't like being down there and there is only one way out, and that is to take those broken wings and go up.
We never go back, we only go forward.
"There's nothing broken we can never fix, I said." ~ Tori Amos
Annessa
xoxo
