Can you really trust a fantasy?

[Mr.Gr33k]

So this has been on my mind lately and I figured I’d throw it out here to see what others think.

There are certain jobs predicated on deception, white lies, exaggeration and bending the truth. Examples of such work would be sales, politics, PR and yes, sex work too, where success really depends on creating an experience. It’s about giving people an emotional high, telling them what they want to hear and playing into a version of reality that feels good in the moment. Nothing wrong with that, it’s part of what makes it work.

The best providers are masters at it. They know how to create an experience, build a connection and make someone feel special. It’s not necessarily lying. It’s more like emotional performance and honestly, that’s a huge part of the value. After all, most clients repeat with a provider because they felt a special connection, not just sex.

Observing Terb over the years, reading through some of the threads and comments on this forum, I get the feeling a lot of guys really buy into the fantasy without even realizing it. Not just enjoying the moment, but actually believing that what’s being said or felt is completely genuine and I get it, it feels real. That’s what makes it so powerful.

But that’s also where it can get messy. There’s this idea called “willing suspension of disbelief”. It’s when you know something isn’t totally real, but you let yourself believe it anyway, because it’s easier or it feels better than reality. I think that happens a lot more than people admit.

So it makes me wonder:

When the job is based on emotional connection, how often do the lines get blurry for both sides?

As clients, are we actually okay with the illusion or do we end up hurt when we realize it wasn’t as personal as we thought?

Can someone who spends every day crafting connection, flattering others and selling a fantasy truly keep those habits separate from real life?

This isn't throwing shade on anyone. I respect the work and the boundaries. This is more just something I’ve been observing and wanted to put out there to see what others think.

 

[sinistar122]

This is a great post to reflect upon. Agree with almost everything you say. There are some DDG providers out there that I would never repeat with since the experience was so mechanical it felt like work for me as well. The best experiences are often with more average appearing providers that are masters at creating that illusion. I believe it is very easy to get sucked in as clients. I think the providers are just very good at their job, with minimal to no attachment to their clients -- of course exceptions apply. There are a couple spa ladies that are absolutely incredible at this. But then you realize they are seeing 8-10 clients a day, sometimes 5 days per week and reality very very quickly sets in.
I think the trick to avoid falling head over heels for one provider is to keep a rotation of several and not see any one more often. For me that is one a month maximum. Have read of dudes seeing the same lady several times per week. That is clearly not healthy lol.

 

[xix]

This feels like a re-post.

 

[massman]

So this has been on my mind lately and I figured I’d throw it out here to see what others think.

There are certain jobs predicated on deception, white lies, exaggeration and bending the truth. Examples of such work would be sales, politics, PR and yes, sex work too, where success really depends on creating an experience. It’s about giving people an emotional high, telling them what they want to hear and playing into a version of reality that feels good in the moment. Nothing wrong with that, it’s part of what makes it work.

The best providers are masters at it. They know how to create an experience, build a connection and make someone feel special. It’s not necessarily lying. It’s more like emotional performance and honestly, that’s a huge part of the value. After all, most clients repeat with a provider because they felt a special connection, not just sex.

Observing Terb over the years, reading through some of the threads and comments on this forum, I get the feeling a lot of guys really buy into the fantasy without even realizing it. Not just enjoying the moment, but actually believing that what’s being said or felt is completely genuine and I get it, it feels real. That’s what makes it so powerful.

But that’s also where it can get messy. There’s this idea called “willing suspension of disbelief”. It’s when you know something isn’t totally real, but you let yourself believe it anyway, because it’s easier or it feels better than reality. I think that happens a lot more than people admit.

So it makes me wonder:

When the job is based on emotional connection, how often do the lines get blurry for both sides?

As clients, are we actually okay with the illusion or do we end up hurt when we realize it wasn’t as personal as we thought?

Can someone who spends every day crafting connection, flattering others and selling a fantasy truly keep those habits separate from real life?

This isn't throwing shade on anyone. I respect the work and the boundaries. This is more just something I’ve been observing and wanted to put out there to see what others think.

As someone who seeks some sort of “connection” when meeting with a sp, my approach is this. Treat each visit as an “escape.” or a “treat”. It’s a brief break from day to day reality where two people make each other’s bodies feel good (and brains). But after it’s over, like any other type of escape (eg a vacation away). Walk out the door and leave the fantasy there. Where guys get into trouble is using visits with SPs as a substitute for emotional needs that aren’t being met in real life.

 

[Butler1000]

It ain't that deep.

 

[Mr.Gr33k]

It ain't that deep.

Is that what she said?

 

[Mr.Gr33k]

As someone who seeks some sort of “connection” when meeting with a sp

This in itself is a bit of an oxymoron and what "willing suspension of disbelief" refers to.

 

[Butler1000]

Is that what she said?

What? And ruin the fantasy!?!

 

[Robert Mugabe]

My 10 cents worth. I was quite willing to go along with the con game and pay, without delusions. Until I came upon two ATF's who didn't like me. I didn't know that was a thing...seeing as it is about buying a fantasy. But apparently it is. In my case. Kinda like, "you broke the rules there hun"

 

[xix]

Nickel idea.
I see it as a one night stand. Cut out the diner talk or coffee (FWB), dress well and leave once the fun is over.

 

[massman]

This in itself is a bit of an oxymoron and what "willing suspension of disbelief" refers to.

Not always an oxymoron especially when talking about a regular, where you actually get to know each other a bit. But ya, see what you are getting at.
And yup, it’s all about suspension of disbelief.

 

[MajinMo]

When the job is based on emotional connection, how often do the lines get blurry for both sides?

As clients, are we actually okay with the illusion or do we end up hurt when we realize it wasn’t as personal as we thought?

Can someone who spends every day crafting connection, flattering others and selling a fantasy truly keep those habits separate from real life?

Crafting connections that seem real is probably something that becomes routine for them like any other job.

I feel like our brains are wired to think there's some kind of unique/exclusive connection. I find it's easy to stay grounded when you know there's many others having the same experience, no matter how special it might seem.

 

[Josephine]

Connection is established in order to build sexual chemistry and intimacy.

I see what you did there, interesting.

 

[Bearlythere]

I think for me, I am under no illusion this is anything more than 1 hour or so where I suspend my regular existence and then after that hour of hormone release, I put that feeling back in a box.

That all said, I do my research and end up seeing women that I think will suit my personality and their looks are appealing. I am 60 now so I don't go looking for someone who looks younger than 25. I mainly see MPs and for the most part I don't get sucked into any illusions these girls want anything else by my money for time. I rarely see the same MP two times. Never more than once every 6 months at the most (and I don't go to an MP or SP more than once every couple of months)

I do this hobby to scratch the itch that isn't being scratched another way, so I am not looking for the emotional connection beyond the politeness and natural reaction to a beautiful woman.

But I will admit some SPs and MPs do leave a lasting impression. They are the ones who really can break down that mental wall I put up. I am to an extent acting for them to make it more pleasant and natural but they do this a lot more than me and they are damn good at it. The really good ones you remember.

 

[The Options Menu]

I think for me, I am under no illusion this is anything more than 1 hour or so where I suspend my regular existence and then after that hour of hormone release, I put that feeling back in a box.

I lean more GFE-- I do like a degree of connection and intimacy in a session. I like the mood a good or great session puts me in. After that I don't so much put things in a box, as put them on the shelf. Why have fond memories if you can't regularly savour them? Admittedly it's a difference of degrees, because you still have to be able to put that memory back on the shelf, and go about your life. Well, unless you like to rummage in boxes.

 

[Bearlythere]

I lean more GFE-- I do like a degree of connection and intimacy in a session. I like the mood a good or great session puts me in. After that I don't so much put things in a box, as put them on the shelf. Why have fond memories if you can't regularly savour them? Admittedly it's a difference of degrees, because you still have to be able to put that memory back on the shelf, and go about your life. Well, unless you like to rummage in boxes.

I think we are talking about the same thing, but I don't need a complete GFE. And box or shelf, you remember the good experiences. I did a Flirt Sampler of three girls and I remember two of them vividly

 

[southpaw]

No, you can't trust a fantasy. That's why it's called a fantasy.