Dilemma

[Drunken Master]

So I was with a SP last night, who shall remain nameless, and things were progressing well enough. We were making the usual small talk, about different cities we have lived in/visited, when I asked her if she had been to Vancouver.

Her: Yes, but I didn't like it. Too many Chinese people.

Me: (laughing) Um, okay.

Her: The town I come from in Russia has so many Chinese people. They're dirty and they smell.

Me: (continuing to laugh nervously)

Her: It's like that in Toronto. So many Chinese people. Also, I don't like black people.

Me: (by this point smiling stupidly, completely bamboozled)

Her: I'm not racist, I just like white people.

OOOOOOOkay. Well, both of us being naked, and me just having spent good money (that I couldn't really afford to part with, but the penis, like the heart, wants what it wants) I didn't stand up and give the "One World, One People" speech, offended though I was.

So, I have two questions. What do people do when other people make racist comments? I have to admit to being a coward in real life - but I have rationalised it in the past with the fact that anything I say is unlikely to change the racist's attitude. A cop-out, yes, but one that has saved a few social situations with casual redneck aquaintances and relatives from degenerating into a shouting match.

Secondly, why do racists assume - and yes, my dear, I'm sorry to say that you are, in fact, a racist - there is some kind of universal community of white people and that we all "understand" or even accept their point of view? How the hell did she know I wasn't adopted by a Chinese family?

 

[eyeofthedragon]

I think it is almost impossible to change a racist's mind since their dislike is irrational similar to phobias.

 

[oldjones]

We can make laws and such to prevent such stupidity from having too much harmful effect. But one on one—so to speak—you're up against the reality that stupidity is a) common as dirt, and b) found in the nicest places in the nicest people. The Exit Righteous is of no use except in groups, and changing the so-called mind involved will be much harder than changing the subject.

She: I didn't like Vancouver; too many Chinese.
You: You have such beautiful eyes/breasts/lips/nails. What do you call that colour? [Forcing a reply is crucial]
Side benefit: If successful, this may preserve some or even most of your regard for your humanity-challenged companion.

 

[Drunken Master]

Subdave - when black people first arrived in America, they were "uneducated," and were undoubtedly dirty most of time due to the fact that they were made slaves. Is that any justification for contemporary racism?

For that matter, my "ethnicity" is the pretty typical mix of Irish and Scottish, although my family has lived in Canada for generations. When the Scots and the Irish arrived in Canada they were mostly very poor and very dirty. Funny how no one stereotypes me as being smelly - unless I forgot my deoderant, but that's more of a personal thing....

 

[LeatherDoll]

Its a damned good question ..

DM, first, let me congratulate you for stepping up. This is the very most important thing to be done when trying to make change -- silent tolerance implies approval and acceptance and allows human rights violations to continue.

Racist. Absolutely.

Your response needs to be quick and direct: "I don't think that is an appropriate thing to say."

Don't try to change her mind. Don't try to convince her she is wrong. You can't and won't win. Your "job" here is not to fix the problem, just to let her know that you find her expression of hate to be unacceptable.

Simply state that we live in a place where our behaviour is proscribed to ensuire that we are all treated well. If she has problems with people, she should keep it to herself.

I'm sorry this happened to you -- I want to go jump in the shower myself just from listening.

Its pretty shocking when its in your face, isn't it?

Again: "I find that type of over-generalized talk very disturbing. It is unacceptable to talk about people that way. Please don't do it." is sufficient.

Racists say things because they think that it is ok and that you will agree. Make sure to let her know that neither of these assumptions is correct.

Anything at all is better than silence. Don't be embarassed - you didn't cause a problem, you are responding to one!

 

[shinyam]

I have to agree with LeatherDoll. First of all, what she said was definitely racist and ignorant. By being silent (I don't blame you), she does not realize what she said is offensive, and is likely to say the same thing again to another client, who may not react as calmly as you. In any case, unless the client is racist, it will cause an unpleasant experience.

One line you can use in response may be:

"Well, I know a lot of Chinese people who are really nice." (even if you don't know any). This will probably put her in defensive a mode and she will probably realize her mistake.


I'm sure she has had encounters with nice, clean Asian clients. Why she would continue to generalize is impossible to deduce. I guess there are racists in every country.

 

[Snook.fr]

Re: Its a damned good question ..

Your response needs to be quick and direct: "I don't think that is an appropriate thing to say."

Well, It depends if she says that before or after the session has started....
If it is Before, and you respond as such, you might lose the YMMV thing... (no MSOG)
If it is after, just tell her that she is wrong and invite her to leave.

 

[happygrump]

Racism cannot be reasoned out of a a person, because it was not reasoned into them in the first place.

 

[The_Jaded_One]

I would have argued with her. It is not b/c I am inherently more moral than anyone else but rather I have a sickness in the fact that I love to argue and analyze the thought process of others. Sometimes I have been told I should think more with my little head when it comes to arguing with girls.

I would just like to say that you can rationalize racism away. You start by asking why they are racist and then you pick apart their arguments by showing them how completely w/o merit their position is to a logical, rational person. From there, you make them start to feel guilty and hypocritical when you twist their warped logic around to beat them. Even though racism is borne of fear, it is rationalized and processed by the intellect so the way you deprogram that conditioned thought process is to deconstruct and pick apart their arguments/rationalization so that the racist can see the inconsistencies in their flawed, moral logic and be forced to admit they are being fearful and irrational to themselves. One has to remember there is usually a subconscious reason behind the racism other than the stated one (i.e. Chinese people are dirty) and you have to find and expose it in order to make process in your appeal to their intellect. Usually when the racist starts getting more and more angry you are getting closer to the true reason b/c their anger is a defence mechanism for their tenuous rationalization.

 

[red]

I would have had sex with her, and then when leaving mention you are half black and half chinese.