One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
> > Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him
> > why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
> > And that's how the fight started.
> > A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
> > with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat
> > and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies,
> > 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
> > And that's how the fight started.....
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' It warmed my
> > heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. 'Somewhere I haven't been
> > in a long time!' she said. So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
> > And that's when the fight started....
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
> > Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would
> > make her look better at night than the cold cream.
> > And that's when the fight started......
> > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
> > first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you
> > worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
> > And that's when the fight started.....
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels. She
> > asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'
> > And then the fight started...
My wife was hinting about
> > what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something
> > shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale.
> > And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
> > expensive.... so, I took her to a petrol station...
> > And then the fight started...
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
> > staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
> > table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old
> > girlfriend... I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those
> > many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my
> > wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
> > And then the fight started...
> > I rear-ended a car this morning... So, there we were alongside the road and
> > slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just
> > get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't
> > believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me,
> > and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then
> > which one are you?'
> > And then the fight started...
THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER
> > When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I
> > should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of
> > first, the truck, the car, playing golf ' always something more important to
> > me.
> >
> > Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home
> > one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a
> > tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then
> > went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I
> > handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you
> > might as well sweep the driveway.'
> >
> > The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
> > Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him
> > why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
> > And that's how the fight started.
> > A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
> > with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat
> > and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies,
> > 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
> > And that's how the fight started.....
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' It warmed my
> > heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. 'Somewhere I haven't been
> > in a long time!' she said. So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
> > And that's when the fight started....
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
> > Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would
> > make her look better at night than the cold cream.
> > And that's when the fight started......
> > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
> > first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you
> > worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
> > And that's when the fight started.....
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels. She
> > asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'
> > And then the fight started...
My wife was hinting about
> > what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something
> > shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale.
> > And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
> > expensive.... so, I took her to a petrol station...
> > And then the fight started...
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
> > staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
> > table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old
> > girlfriend... I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those
> > many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my
> > wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
> > And then the fight started...
> > I rear-ended a car this morning... So, there we were alongside the road and
> > slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just
> > get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't
> > believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me,
> > and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then
> > which one are you?'
> > And then the fight started...
THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER
> > When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I
> > should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of
> > first, the truck, the car, playing golf ' always something more important to
> > me.
> >
> > Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home
> > one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a
> > tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then
> > went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I
> > handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you
> > might as well sweep the driveway.'
> >
> > The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
