Leave good memories as is, or take a risk?

[stinkynuts]

With the power of Google, anyone can now track down an old friend. When I was in university fifteen years ago, I had a female friend whom I adored. I have some really great memories of our time together, perhaps some of the happiest of my life. Unfortunately, we had a fight, and I never heard from her again, even though she has always been in the back of my mind.

I recently Googled her, and found out she's married. She has become very beautiful, and I am genuinely happy for her. However, I have been thinking about contacting her and letting her know how sorry I was for being a jerk, and how much her friendship really meant to me.

Should I simply cherish the memories I have of her, and never contact her again? Or should I contact her in the hopes of re-establisihing our friendship?

 

[alexmst]

If it was a romantic friendship, then seeing as she's married now I'd say best to stay away.

If it was a Platonic friendship, sure, you could drop her a line and see if she bites. I've done this a couple of times. Best is if she is on Facebook. Just "poke" her and she if she responds with a message. If not, she isn't interested, no harm no foul. With me, one responded, one didn't.

 

[a 1 player]

I agree, check and see if she is on Facebook, it would be the least intrusive way.

 

[stinkynuts]

The relationship was strictly platonic. She isn't on Facebook.

My greatest fear is that she won't be receptive to me contacting her. Then I will feel as if we were never true friends. If I don't do anything, then I don't have to worry about that scenario.

Or even worse, maybe she's changed and no longer the person I adored. It's a risk I don't know if I want to take. On the other hand, it could be that she's still the same wonderful person and still likes me as a friend, and we can continue our friendship.

To me, the memories I've had with her, as I said, are some of the happiest of my life. I'm afraid those will be tarnished if something goes wrong after contacting her....

 

[a 1 player]

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Go for it, but remember, time changes people.

 

[xix]

Run or Call

I tried once she ignore me and asked who I was?
through email.
Never did again with anyone.
I may try with this guy since we were just pals.

I say: Don't bother.

 

[MuffinMuncher]

Never go through life wondering "if I'd only.... "

Contact her politely and sincerely. If she responds, you at least have some closure. If she doesn't respond, at least you tried.

 

[lawyerman]

Never go through life wondering "if I'd only.... "

Contact her politely and sincerely. If she responds, you at least have some closure. If she doesn't respond, at least you tried.

I couldn't have said it better.

 

[Cobster]

Don't bother

 

[tboy]

Well, to be honest, the reason it's called "the past" is because, it's passed.

I have done the same recently. Found someone on face book and hooked up with them for "old times sake" (bunch of guys I hung around with) and a couple of female friends.

With the guys it was like pulling teeth. The old friendship just wasn't there and it was more awkward than anything.

With one woman (I found her phone number in my pile of numbers) and she acted like I was some creep stalker and was all suspicious about why I contacted her (all I wanted was to say Hi, how are you, what have you been up to etc). This woman and her daughter actually spent weekends at my place (platonic) on more than one occasion too. Just to clarify she had become interested in this guy who I knew to be a player and a real asshole to women. She was all over him. I told her if she hooks up with him to not come crying to me when he plays her. Sure enough, he played her, she got hurt.

I say let it go and cherish the memories you have.

 

[fuji]

Contact her.

You might win the lottery and wind up having amazing sex. Probably not, but it's a remote possibility.

Otherwise either you have a few forced exchanges after which you realize that it's over, or she sees you for the stalker that you really are and blows you off. In either case you get to stop living in the past.

How can you lose?

 

[SupahotGavin]

just advice

One of the things I can’t understand is people who can’t let it go, people who tend to ’look back’ on old flames, lost careers, etc... I think this curse affects mostly men, but I digress...

NO Offense meant here, but my god move on. Consider your next new friend, next great adventure, the job that’s waiting around the corner that everyone is afraid to go for...Insert Next ’whatever’ here!

My advice is put your energy into meeting someone new, and forgo walking back over old tracks.


Gavin