G
GlavaMan
Got this in an email so I had to post for Ottawa Terbites:
Limited Edition Barbie dolls for the Metro Ottawa Market
Manotick Barbie:
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Cadillac Escalade. Her vehicle is used for youth athletic taxi service only. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
Gatineau Barbie:
Has freshness date on package. Do not buy after that date or product may be spoiled rotten. When bought in conjunction with Hard Working Ken, she will change her appearance, will gain 75 lbs., will cut her hair, and belittle anyone who crosses her. Ken's head melts after 17 years.
Rockcliffe Barbie:
Comes with no appreciation for how the other 95% live. Does not have career or an idea of what makes her happy. No one, including Ken, is right, ever. This Barbie comes with Private School Skipper, a choice of a Range Rover or Mercedes SUV. Included is her Starbucks cup & credit
cards. Also available are full time help Midge and summer vacation home.
Nepean Barbie:
Comes with her very own losing lottery tickets and 10 empty slurpee cups strewn all across her perfectly polished car. She has a look of never being out of the Woods and doesn't know the difference between Canadian Tire and Ukranian Tire. She has 5 Ken doll boyfriends and never wears the same thing twice. She comes with 10 spoken phrases. Including, Oh My God, Gag Me, Can I have your number, Are you my Daddy, and Since when did my town become part of the Ottawa slum city. Her nose is turned up so high that you can see the empty space inside her head through her
nostrils.
Navan Barbie:
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler Jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six-pack of Coors Light, and a Hank Williams, Jr., CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick mullet-haired Kenny doll's ass when she's drunk. Comes with personal concealed gun license.
Kanata Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes with a choice of a BMW sports car or a souped-up H2. Included is her Starbucks cup, credit cards, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.
The Market Barbie:
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Navan Barbie's house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter top. Accessories include a CD player equipped with BonJovi CD and a rusty old Ford pickup.
South Bank St Barbie:
This Barbie is very similar to Navan Barbie. She comes with a few more accessories: shoulder pads, dark polyester skirt, white pantyhose, and a bad haircut.
Glebe Barbie:
This doll, made of actual tofu, has long gray hair and archless feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup, doesn't shave, and loves mosquitoes. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She thinks everybody is a right-winger, and hates the police with a vengeance.
Walkley Barbie:
This ethnic Barbie wears a leopard-print outfit and drinks Singapore Slings while she entertains friends in her Ontario Housing funded co-op. Limited clothing available. Very own bumper shopping cart available. Ethnic Ken completes this set.
Rockland Barbie:
This model is only available at the Sears store or at any parochial school bazaar. It cannot be purchased on Saturday night (because of Trivia nights) or on Sundays (Sunday school class). It comes with a case of Bud Lite beer, pork steaks, a recipe for Hash Brown Casserole, a 1987 Plymouth Voyager, and one cell phone (circa 1982, big as a toaster) with 15 anytime minutes. She is wearing the latest fashion from Walmart that she wore on Easter Sunday.
Vanier Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows, and her own Meth Lab kit. This Barbie also comes with 6 children by four different Kens.
Carleton Place Barbie:
This country bumpkin model comes with her own set of hubcaps. It can be found on many a nite at the local bingo hall with a pack of smokes up her left sleeve. It comes with a personalized cooler always loaded with a 6 pack of Export and beef jerky. Cruises the town in her Gremlin with Loretta Lynn blasting from her mono speaker. Wardrobe includes 3/4 length Kenny Rogers shirt and new to her collection a glitter Trailer Park Boys memorabilia t-shirt.
Limited Edition Barbie dolls for the Metro Ottawa Market
Manotick Barbie:
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Cadillac Escalade. Her vehicle is used for youth athletic taxi service only. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
Gatineau Barbie:
Has freshness date on package. Do not buy after that date or product may be spoiled rotten. When bought in conjunction with Hard Working Ken, she will change her appearance, will gain 75 lbs., will cut her hair, and belittle anyone who crosses her. Ken's head melts after 17 years.
Rockcliffe Barbie:
Comes with no appreciation for how the other 95% live. Does not have career or an idea of what makes her happy. No one, including Ken, is right, ever. This Barbie comes with Private School Skipper, a choice of a Range Rover or Mercedes SUV. Included is her Starbucks cup & credit
cards. Also available are full time help Midge and summer vacation home.
Nepean Barbie:
Comes with her very own losing lottery tickets and 10 empty slurpee cups strewn all across her perfectly polished car. She has a look of never being out of the Woods and doesn't know the difference between Canadian Tire and Ukranian Tire. She has 5 Ken doll boyfriends and never wears the same thing twice. She comes with 10 spoken phrases. Including, Oh My God, Gag Me, Can I have your number, Are you my Daddy, and Since when did my town become part of the Ottawa slum city. Her nose is turned up so high that you can see the empty space inside her head through her
nostrils.
Navan Barbie:
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler Jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six-pack of Coors Light, and a Hank Williams, Jr., CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick mullet-haired Kenny doll's ass when she's drunk. Comes with personal concealed gun license.
Kanata Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes with a choice of a BMW sports car or a souped-up H2. Included is her Starbucks cup, credit cards, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.
The Market Barbie:
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Navan Barbie's house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter top. Accessories include a CD player equipped with BonJovi CD and a rusty old Ford pickup.
South Bank St Barbie:
This Barbie is very similar to Navan Barbie. She comes with a few more accessories: shoulder pads, dark polyester skirt, white pantyhose, and a bad haircut.
Glebe Barbie:
This doll, made of actual tofu, has long gray hair and archless feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup, doesn't shave, and loves mosquitoes. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She thinks everybody is a right-winger, and hates the police with a vengeance.
Walkley Barbie:
This ethnic Barbie wears a leopard-print outfit and drinks Singapore Slings while she entertains friends in her Ontario Housing funded co-op. Limited clothing available. Very own bumper shopping cart available. Ethnic Ken completes this set.
Rockland Barbie:
This model is only available at the Sears store or at any parochial school bazaar. It cannot be purchased on Saturday night (because of Trivia nights) or on Sundays (Sunday school class). It comes with a case of Bud Lite beer, pork steaks, a recipe for Hash Brown Casserole, a 1987 Plymouth Voyager, and one cell phone (circa 1982, big as a toaster) with 15 anytime minutes. She is wearing the latest fashion from Walmart that she wore on Easter Sunday.
Vanier Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows, and her own Meth Lab kit. This Barbie also comes with 6 children by four different Kens.
Carleton Place Barbie:
This country bumpkin model comes with her own set of hubcaps. It can be found on many a nite at the local bingo hall with a pack of smokes up her left sleeve. It comes with a personalized cooler always loaded with a 6 pack of Export and beef jerky. Cruises the town in her Gremlin with Loretta Lynn blasting from her mono speaker. Wardrobe includes 3/4 length Kenny Rogers shirt and new to her collection a glitter Trailer Park Boys memorabilia t-shirt.
