Need advice about a girl

[greentshirtman]

I thought i would post this here as it has a different type, maybe more open? type of person i don't know, anyways tell me what you think?
Ok, I'm writing here because i really don't know what to do, I think our 6 year relationship could be over, so im asking for advice. here it goes
We have been going out for almost 6 years, shes' 23, im 29, we are from different countries, if that makes any difference. Anyways we live in her country now, I just moved here last year after being away from here off an on for a year, cause she wanted some space she said, but finally wanted me to move her last summer. So everything seems fine, sex isn't great, but hasn't been for a couple years,so thats nothing new. But we have fun together playing sports, walking, going out,etc.. everything seems fine, but we don't have that quiet time couples have, sitting on the couch, etc..she didn't move in with me but is still living with her parents cause she says it will screww up her studying, since she's in a very very hard faculty.
Anyways No problem. I have not trusted her for awhile (im the jealous type, i admit, but she has lied to me about things, nothing really major though) I have been reading her emails, bad me, anyways, i have found out that she posted some replies in a lesbian webpage to find some girls, and now she is going out with one of them to a gay club. I don't know if anything else is invloved, yet, but she has lied about where she has been, etc..
i think the other girl asked her to leave me and be with her, but my girlfriend replied its hard to breakup with someone you have gone out with so long, but who knows
Now, am i just confused over nothing? she's really not cheating, no guys involved, but she is lying about everything, so it easily could be anything in the future. I have tried to bring the subject of gays up, when she would say do you like her (soem girl on the stree) and i would say do you? and i am vey open about homosexuality, ive been to gay clubs before with her, and had a good time dancing with her. I've mentioned having a threesome with another girl, and she tells me she would like it, i just have to find the girl, so iv'e given her the opportunity to say some thing, but nothing, this has been going on for about a month or so now.
I just can't come out and say anything, can i? she will know im reading the mails and will kill me, lliterally, she has a temper, but maybe this is an important enough issue to come out point blank? Or could this be some phase, and i risk screwing everything up? It either takes alot of guts or a lack of brains to post this here, so any help i can get is aprreciated, thanks

 

[Alien (<>..<>)]

I can give you some pointers. I'm an expert in these kind of matters.

I also had very problematic girls as girlfriends, they ranged from liars to flirtitious. After carefully dissecting your post I can see what your worries are. There's nothing to worry about. If your girl wanted to leave or cheat on you she would have done it a long time ago. She seems very independent and wants to keep that life but keep you at the same time. I'm telling you man, if you were not worth shit to her she would have used and left you a long time ago. It's disturbing that she is a closet lesbian but at least you know she won't be fiddled by a man, girl-on-girl sex is not degrading if you are a husband of one of them. Think about what I'm telling you.

Just let me state that she is NOT the type to get marry to and have children. She will fuck you up in the future. It would be like marrying Madonna or Jenniffer Lopez, your girl will never be a good family woman. My advice to you is to keep her as a "satellite" and just screw her while she lasts. Do NOT marry her unless you plan on not having kids.

You also mentioned that she is from another country, holy hell dude, she is certaintly not your ideal future wife and mother of your kids. Use her and be ready to await a hard-ass dumping on her part down the road. That's what's awaiting you.

 

[Sasha Jones]

Sorry but if she is seeing another person behind your back and lying about it, she IS cheating, be it with a man or a woman it does not matter.

Confront her, she is the one in the wrong, not you. Although it may not have been proper to snoop through her emails she wouldn't be so pissed aobut you doing it if she had nothing to hide in the first place.

 

[daty]

OK
Claim that you are a lesbian too (I tell people I am a lesbian cuz I LIKE women) and show up at the "gay" bar catching her in the clutches of her new lover , tongues entwined in a passionate round of tonsel hockey (go Ottawa).
Then jump in fondling as much breast as you can and dive for DATY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't know if this will help the relationship but may be a hell of a swinging threesome night !!!!

By the way I am 100% red blooded male !!!!!!

 

[papasmerf]

Let me try to explain something to you

when you started dating you were 23 she was 16. She was how shall I say it????? A CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And in many ways still is. Kinda lucky she is not my daughter, but that is another story. YOU ARE TOO OLD FOR HER at this point in her life.

 

[greentshirtman]

well i said almost 6 years, we met when she was actually almost 18, but hey i know she's young, alot of people get married at 23 or so anyways, and hey, I think most fathers would be very pleased if i was going out with their daughter, i believe i'm a very respectable person, but thats a whole different story

 

[papasmerf]

still does not explain the immaturity on her part

 

[La Contessa]

A couple of thoughts here.

If she is a lesbian, then it is only a matter of time before she is going to say good-bye to you. Lesbians to not enjoy sex of any kind with men.

If she is bi-sexual, then your fantasy threesome is a possibility. However, be prepared that it is quite possible that you might just end up being an observer and not a participant in that scenario.

Playing in chat rooms and corresponding with lesbians does not make her a lesbian. She may just be testing the waters. Afterall, just because you are a member of TERB, does that mean you are active hobbyist?

The KEY thing IMO is the fact that you have caught her lying and you don't trust her. If you don't trust her now, not much chance that is going to get better with time and you are headed for nothing but misery in your life if you marry her. You say that you have great times playing sports, going for walks etc.....Accept the relationship for what it is...a friendship, and start looking elsewhere for the lady of your dreams.

 

[duMaurierguy]

This really is a sad scenario. In order for any meaningful and lasting realtionship to work, trust is the hallmark for success-from both parties. It would appear that both of you are lacking in that department. The level of meanful communication probably relates directly to the level of intimacy in your sex life with this lady.

To reach a resolution to this, you must be prepared to accept the outcome, whatever it may be. To continue with the status quo, will only poison whatever love is left with resentment.

You must confront your GF and let her know that you have read her E Mail and know what is going on. You need to acknowledge what you did was wrong and that it will NEVER happen again. She needs to come clean as to where her head and heart really are. In other words, you both need to lay your cards on the table. Decide then if the relationship is worth continuing, weather the dynamics of the ralationship need to change (having other ladies included as a 3rd party to your sex lifes) or, cut your loses and move on.

Not easy but truely that simple. Good luck...

 

[2sexxxy]

Get pictures of her kissing her girlfriend and save them. Then ask her for a threesome, if she says no show the pictures to her parents.

 

[greentshirtman]

I only mentioned the threesome part, so she would admit to her liking or knowng girls, but that didn't happen.. We went on alittle trip for 2 days with her freind and boyfriend, just now and had a great time. But your guys are right, me reading her emails is stupid and should be no part of the relationship, but also her lying is the same, so i will tell her the truth how much i love her,but don't trust her. But the only way this relationship will work out is If she is honest with me and i give her my undcondionall trust from know on and stop reading emails, which will be very hard, but has to be done, wish me luck, i think i will talk to her today about this, im not looking forward to it.

 

[greentshirtman]

My friend told me about this site in 95-96 when i used to visit him in toronto, and we try to find the best strip clubs in T.O, Now i come her to read the lounge positngs, it is Very entertaining reading, you just normally don't see this kind of stuff posted by people just giving their honest opinions

 

[V12]

This sounds far too complicated to have a good outcome. It's not her fault that she is bisexual and expecting her to repress it probably won't work. Under the circumstances, your lack of good sex isn't surprising. However, her lack of honesty about it will doom what you do have.

I would move on but would have a last very open conversation. My advice would be to lay Everything on the table - facts, suspicions, fears, the good, the bad, your intentions - Everything!! If there is a glimmer of hope for a future, it will come out of that discussion.

Good luck.

V12

 

[The Baroness]

Why the hell cant you men stay out of our e-mails?

 

[eyeofthedragon]

shouldn't it be fe-mails then?