Observation - what an ass I am!

[petitelover]

I enjoy Ontario, especially Toronto, and was there for a couple of days this week. I was bored so I ventured out of my hotel in the evening and went to the Brass Rail on Bloor and Young. I went in, stayed about 2 hours or so and left. As I exited, what appeared to be a bundled up female homeless person came up to me and asked for money - at first I was taken back and said no. She persisted in asking for whatever change I had and I said "NO THANK YOU."

I am a very charitable person and fortunate enough to have the ability to give very large sums of money to worthy causes but I generally do not just hand out money to street people. I don't know - I guess the stereotype that they will use the money for drugs or something other than food and/or shelter.

As I was driving out of the parking garage behind the Brass Rail I thought about what I just did. The weather was absolutely freezing and there was this female homeless person asking for money - a dollar or two - and I didn't even give her a dime. I was just in the Brass Rail and dropped over $400 on dances and drinks with a dancer who probably has her Yorkville condo mattress stuffed with $$. In retrospect, I am quite sure the homeless person would have appreciated the couple bucks more than the money I wasted on the dancer.

I guess beauty makes life easier in most professions. If you can "work it" $$ comes in larger sums, more frequently and easier with less appreciation because it is easier.

I drove around the corner to try to correct my error and she was not there. What a stupid ass I can be sometimes.

 

[johnny]

The issue isnt about money. If you gave her the money you would be an enabler and contributing to the problem. there are other avenues to go if you really want to help the homeless. Giving your couple of dollars would only have made you feel good about yourself and done nothing for the individual.

 

[petitelover]

The issue isnt about money. If you gave her the money you would be an enabler and contributing to the problem. there are other avenues to go if you really want to help the homeless. Giving your couple of dollars would only have made you feel good about yourself and done nothing for the individual.

Perhaps, but a nice hot cup of coffee or something to eat on a VERY cold day would have warmed both our bodies.

 

[johnny]

Its an individual choice i guess, if you want to give the homeless person a couple bucks go ahead.

 

[Questor]

I think I understand what you are saying, but I disagree. An ass wouldn't have given the situation you encountered a second thought. I think you are a compassionate person and your charitable gifts are evidence of that. I too wrestle with handouts in the streets and choose not to give. I am not sure what is the best course of action.

 

[daboy]

I was just in the Brass Rail and dropped over $400 on dances and drinks
As I was driving out of the parking garage behind

man--drinking and driving kills, I would suggest a taxi in the future.

daboy

 

[petitelover]

I was just in the Brass Rail and dropped over $400 on dances and drinks
As I was driving out of the parking garage behind

man--drinking and driving kills, I would suggest a taxi in the future.

daboy

3 watered down mixed drinks in 2 hours and the rest on dances and the $20 cover for the VIP room upstairs. Based upon my 6' height and weight not even close to being loopy. Good comment though.

 

[stinkynuts]

Guess your conscience got to you. The idea that helping them will only enable them is completely false. Nobody wants to be homeless.

I always try to give at least a loonie whenever a homeless person asks. If it can get them a bite to eat, then it's worth it. To turn your back on a fellow human being in need is, in my book, not acceptable.

 

[l69norm]

... I don't know - I guess the stereotype that they will use the money for drugs or something other than food and/or shelter...I guess beauty makes life easier in most professions. If you can "work it" $$ comes in larger sums, ..

You are better off giving money to agencies that help the homeless like the United Way. Many homeless people are mentally ill and can't really look after themselves, even if they did have money or "good looks".

This woman was a ex-fashion model, married and had 2 children. She developed mental illness and ended up on the streets where she was later found frozen to death in Toronto:

http://www.ontariotenants.ca/research/rooming-houses.phtml
".....on 17 December 1985, a homeless alcoholic woman called Drina Joubert died in the back of a truck where she had been living. Because she had once been a model and an actress, and because the money that was found on her body could have been used to pay for housing, her case excited more than the usual amount of publicity....."

Someone I know developed schizophrenia and is now basically an inch away from becoming a street person. He lives like a hermit in the basement of his dad's house. This person was an outgoing young professional, engaged to be married and had a really well paying job before he became mentally ill.

His dad can't get him any help because the son legally refuses it. The police have been called many times and the only way the dad can force the son to get help is to send the son to jail (for past assaults). What's worse, a hermit son living in the basement or mentally ill son in jail, where maybe he might get some help, but the dad can't look out for him?

 

[MuffinMuncher]

man--drinking and driving kills, I would suggest a taxi in the future.

Nowhere did he say he was drunk. Have you ever had a mixed drink in a strip club? The ice and mixers water down the drink to the point where you can barely detect the alcohol. The club doesnt want a bunch of drunks, they dont want problems with the cops, so they purposely underpour.

If you're going to be a shit disturber, at least be good at it.

 

[Edifice]

So, some guys don't mind dropping $100-$400 to a dancer at a SC who probably does live in a nice condo around Yorkville or to fuel her crack addiction or pimp but you have a problem giving a homeless person $1 or two?

That just shows class my friend.

Not ALL homeless people will use it to score weed or alcohol, some will actually use it to buy food. Some are more deserving than others.

I admit, I don't give money to every single homeless person I come across but if I did what you did at a SC and brush a homeless person aside then I would feel like a really big a-hole.

 

[The Daulfin]

Don't feel so bad about it as you likely would've got spit on if you offered her food or coffee. I've been asked for change literally hundreds of times and my response is always the same: no, but i you want me to buy you a meal then I will. I can with all honesty say 40% beg harder for the cash, another 30% will just walk away and hassle someone else, 19% will get downright hostile and less than 1% will actually take you up on the offer (and of that 1%, I've had some that will try to get me to take them to a bar for a drink, to which I say sorry and walk away). Yes, there are some legit ones out there but they are heavily outnumbered by the scammers and lazy turds these days.

When the weather gets better, sit around somewhere with lots of "homeless" people when there is some kind of tourist event going on and listen to them trade strategies for getting maximum money out of begging. My favourite was the guy who went dumpster diving for a ratty blanket to "complete his look". Disgraceful that people give money to these people instead of to an agency who will help real poverty.

 

[dudey31]

really

Don't feel so bad about it as you likely would've got spit on if you offered her food or coffee. I've been asked for change literally hundreds of times and my response is always the same: no, but i you want me to buy you a meal then I will. I can with all honesty say 40% beg harder for the cash, another 30% will just walk away and hassle someone else, 19% will get downright hostile and less than 1% will actually take you up on the offer (and of that 1%, I've had some that will try to get me to take them to a bar for a drink, to which I say sorry and walk away). Yes, there are some legit ones out there but they are heavily outnumbered by the scammers and lazy turds these days.

When the weather gets better, sit around somewhere with lots of "homeless" people when there is some kind of tourist event going on and listen to them trade strategies for getting maximum money out of begging. My favourite was the guy who went dumpster diving for a ratty blanket to "complete his look". Disgraceful that people give money to these people instead of to an agency who will help real poverty.

Your comments are very interesting. I've never bothered to kinda dig a little deeper into their motivations But I like petitelover had a similar experience and decided to start giving change when my initial feeling was that they really did indeed want to buy food or a drink. I may have to revisit this.

One thing I can add though is that talking to them and acknowledging them does not help if you don't plan on giving them some money, in fact, it often leads to disappointment, cursing, and a potential confrontation. I almost got into a scuffle with a huge native indian dude who probably wouldnt have felt a thing. So as pretty as it sounds...don't lead them on with kind gestures.

 

[Hard Idle]

I am a very charitable person and fortunate enough to have the ability to give very large sums of money to worthy causes but I generally do not just hand out money to street people. I don't know - I guess the stereotype that they will use the money for drugs or something other than food and/or shelter.
.

LOL. lucky for you that you can enjoy the feel good factor of cutting big cheques to charities without questioning how THEY use most of the money.

Anyway, I almost never hand out money to anyone, but sometimes I'll go around downtown with a spare candy bar, a few Timbits in a bag, or a half finished pack of chips and offer that to people who beg - if they refuse it (and many of the younger ones will refuse food) then you know they're full of shit about being needy.

 

[bestillmehard]

Its hard for me to decide when to give change or not...I heard awhile ago of a lady caught panhandling who drove away each day in a caddy, home to her big beauty of a house and her neighbours thought she left for work in an office each day....Each time I travel to Toronto I pass a group at the jarvis lights. When your car stops for the light they approach and ask for change. I always keep my change in my ashtray and always dump it in their cup, but other than that group of youngsters I rarely give money to panhandlers.

 

[tboy]

Well, call me callous if you want, but there are "street people" parked outside of the shoppers drug mart where I always shop. They've done all they can to get rid of them but since they are on public property shoppers and the police can't do a thing.

One time one of them saw me drive up in my new 4 x 4 and said "nice truck, spare some change". I said to him: Yeah it's a nice truck, it's worth about 45 grand. 1 year ago I lost my job because the place I worked closed down. Did I stand outside a store begging? No. I hustled my ass off and look, I can afford a nice truck...."

Another time a scuzzy looking woman asked me for money. I said "why don't you get a job then you won't have to BEG". She said "I can't work, I got hit by a cop car and hurt my leg". I said "if you got hit by a cop car you'd be living in Forest Hill and I see your HURT leg doesn't prevent you from standing HERE all day begging".....After that she started yelling and screaming at me so I told her to fuck right off...As I was unlocking my truck someone who followed me out of the store looked over at me, smiled and gave me a thumbs up....

Now I know there are genuinely handicapped people who can't fend for themselves. But IMHO 99.9% of the "homeless" people in Toronto don't need to be. They CHOOSE to be.

Here's my take:
1) Street Kids: Sure SOME of them had to run away because of abuse at home but many just don't want to follow the rules. TOUGH shit. I didn't want to follow the rules at home, so I stuck it out until I could afford my own place. I worked for a company who did an ad campaign for a street kid assistance program. I read about 20 stories taken from interviews from street kids. You know what? Fucking brats didn't want to follow their parent's rules like: being home by 10, not smoking in the house, coming home after school, being forced to get a part time job etc.
2) If your job doesn't pay you enuff to afford a place to live, why are you living in the second most expensive city?
3) Same goes for your welfare cheque, see item 3 above
4) The only people who don't have a job, don't want one and don't want to take the steps necessary to get one.
5) If you're looking for a handout, then you will get no where. If you're looking for help, then god helps those that help themselves.
6) If you're a crackwhore looking for money to score, then fuck you and the horse you rode in on. NO one tied you down and forced you to inhale. You put yourself in this boat, get yourself out of it (there are programs to help you too).
7) I work really really hard for my income. Sometimes I can't sleep because my arms are so sore from swinging a hammer or sanding all day. If you want some of that hard earned money from me you'd better do something for it besides BEGGING.
8) Have some pride and dignity. Take care of yourself and you just might get ahead.

Sorry, but nothing has come easy for me in my life. Now it wasn't the hardest life but it certainly hasn't been easy. Everything I have, including my home, I had to fight tooth and nail for and here's someone asking for a hand out? Uh uh...blow me.

 

[new2game]

Hey T-Boy..

...two thumbs up....way up....couldn't agree with you more..


N2G

 

[K Douglas]

I look at it this way - if I ever resorted to begging for money on the streets I'd kill myself. There are so many agencies, charities and govt programs out there (hell we live in a semi-welfare state) these people *choose* not to use them. I never give street people money - the only time I did was a tourist from another country who lost his wallet and needed a place to stay for the night - I gave him $10. So petitelover don't feel bad at all, you have nothing to be guilty of. Your taxes are and donations are contribution enough.

 

[Moraff]

For years we had a gentlemen here in Hamilton who would play the harmonica for change. As far as talent went he was lacking but I gave him money on a regular basis because he was at least making an attempt at working.

One day I had just turned down a gentlemen who asked for spare change and then proceeded to chuck a buck into the harmonica-player's cup. The first gentlemen proceeded to hound me as to why I gave the other guy money when he asked first. I finally turned to him and said "He's entertaining me, you're just annoying me. When you do something to earn my money then you'll get it."

 

[tboy]

you know that to me is the big difference between my experiences with the homeless here and in Europe.
I noticed that in Europe it seemed to me that if you saw someone on the street begging he always did something - either was playing an instrument, or drawing pretty pictures on the sidewalk.
Here the only thing that they do for you is get in your face.

EXACTLY, here too many want a freebie.....

I have a cure for the homeless problem in Toronto but hell, no one would dare offend anyone by actually MAKING them get a job. I just wish our politicians had balls, I really do. The ONLY thing they are good for is wasting our money and giving themselves raises.