Old Flame

[Yuri]

Out on my usual Saturday afternoon Grocery Day, when at the counter I see a woman who looked very familiar from my past. In short, turned out to be a former girl I briefly dated in Univerity before she dumped me because I was "too nice". Anyway she recognized me and starts talking, asking about what I was doing, where I live etc....Turns out her than boyfriend, eventual hubbie, left her 10 years ago. She tells me that he turned out to be abusive/crude and rough and as a result she & her 17 yr old daughter were left out in the cold when he booted them out for a younger woman.
Anyway, she questions if I am married or have a girlfriend (I say no, not as yet). She goes on to say that perhaps it would be a good idea that we get togther and she asks for my telephone number and address. Well why not, and I give it to her.

Question:

1, Why do women, when they are younger, dump nice guys for "bad boys" only to realize that bad boys usually become abusive/cruel, and than realize the error of there ways and try to re-kindle relationships with us nice guys ?????

2. Why do us nice guys never forget, even after 20 years, women that we use to have a crush over, and are prepared to forgive & forget.

 

[Cinema Face]

Question:

1, Why do women, when they are younger, dump nice guys for "bad boys" only to realize that bad boys usually become abusive/cruel, and than realize the error of there ways and try to re-kindle relationships with us nice guys ?????

https://terb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=33758&highlight=wizard

This addresses your question.

 

[hornydawg]

Many women are attracted to "bad boys". They see them as exciting and adventurous. But it's only a matter of time before they want the guy to settle down, and, well, bad boys aren't very good at that. I have the same problem with women. I am very much attracted to bad girls, and the same thing happens. You can't change someone's identity. If someone for example has lived the last 4-5 years stripping/escorting , it's crazy to think that suddenly someone can change that behaviour to be in a long term monogamous relationship. Sure, it can be done, when the person is ready for change, but, the person has to want to change and you can't do anything to accelerate the change. Their's nothing wrong with bad girls/ guys or stripping or escorting....you just have to accept them as who they are, you can't change them, I've tried unsuccessfully. Take people as they are, don't expect them to change, either you like all parts of their life or move on if you don't. Your ex probably realized, as I have, that it's better to only be attracted to bad girls/boys and to be with someone with whom you both share the same values and morals with regards to a relationship.

 

[Taber]

Question:
2. Why do us nice guys never forget, even after 20 years, women that we use to have a crush over, and are prepared to forgive & forget.

Dumbasses keep living in the past thinking there's a chance !!
Nail her and move on

 

[Average Joe]

It's taken me a number of years and a lot of being walked all over but I've learned that when it comes to relationships women are just as shallow as men are. Sometimes even more so. They're just better at packaging their shallowness.

I was conned by an escort (not in the business anymore) and it taught me to never trust any woman completely because sooner or later they will screw you over.

My advice is that this woman dumped you once for being a nice guy and unless you've become the type of jerk she's attracted to she'll likely dump you again.

 

[Cinema Face]

Women are sexually attracted to “bad boys.” The “nice guys” aren’t sexually attractive but are useful for providing for a myriad of other needs of a woman’s. bad boys usually aren’t good providers. This woman probably realizes that she needs a nice guy to latch onto to provide for her needs but will secretly be looking for a “bad boy” to rock her world in the bedroom.

The solution? Develop the sexy qualities of the bad boy without becoming a jerk. Be a dominant, assertive male and don’t accept any BS from a woman, but never control her, abuse her or be jealous.

Additional reference:

http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/

 

[xarir]

2. Why do us nice guys never forget, even after 20 years, women that we use to have a crush over, and are prepared to forgive & forget.

Nice guys are too damn loyal for their own good. As a nice guy you're willing to help out and want to see Good Things happen to this lady even if you have to go out of your way. You do this because you're too farking nice. (BTW - Been there, done that.)

My mom has always told me, "When it comes to love, men are stupid. All a lady has to do is bat her eyes and smile and men think they're in love." Ove the years, through experience, I've learned that mom is generally correct. And in this instance, she's bang on.

Best of luck to you Yuri. See where this goes, but take it cautiously and don't pin your hopes anywhere.

 

[WhOiSyOdAdDy?]

Question:

2. Why do us nice guys never forget, even after 20 years, women that we use to have a crush over, and are prepared to forgive & forget.

Speak for yourself!!.. I have a very long memory. I may forgive, but I never forget

 

[Mr.lover]

do yourself a favour don't get involved with her, 2 reasons:

(1) she sounds scared of being alone and probably thinks u are her best chance, i mean with a teenage daughter to take care of it must be tough. She didn't appreciate u in the past she'll never appreciate u now.

(2) As human beings we always want what we can't have, she was something u couldn't have (anymore) and u will always wonder about why. Was i not good enough? Now that she shows interest suddenly u feel good about yourself. It won't last, trust me been there done that.

Like Taber said "Nail her and move on" both of u will realize the mistake u made, especially u.

 

[james t kirk]

Re: Re: Old Flame

Nail her and move on

Very good advice.

Nail her and see how it goes.

Whatever you do, don't start giving her all the support she needs and more.

 

[joebear]

The other guy is going to be a part of her life forever. Most guys have a hard time adjusting to that.

There is no reason you can't talk to her but beware of the emotional baggage.

 

[xarir]

The other guy is going to be a part of her life forever.

That may be the hardest part of it. The other guy is part of your life whereas you wanted to be a part of her life but never really had the chance to.

To you then this may seem a heaven-sent second chance; maybe it is. But in all likelyhood it isn't.

 

[luv4lust]

not all women go for the bad boys

and yes nice guys turn down nice girls too!!!!!

 

[Flower]

I agree with luv4lust!

not all women go for the bad boys

and yes nice guys turn down nice girls too!!!!!

I had a small mixed breed beagle who would see a rabbit, point, and chase/catch it and then be so bewildered as what to do with it. (He would let it go). I think that this is sometimes the case with humans also, we see something, so after it and have no idea what to do with it (them) once we have them.

There are women and men who rather go after the "bad" boy/girl because they are a bigger challenge and maybe this makes them appear to be a bigger "prize"! Perhaps this is what happened with your ex and her "bad" boy.

We all make mistakes.IMHO .. It's better to give this a chance (if you want to) rather than allow the opportunity pass and always wonder "if only I had ......."

 

[scubadoo]

Your story reminds me of a song "Same Old Lang Syne" by Dan Fogelberg.

Here's a link for the lyrics:

http://www.lyrics007.com/Dan Fogelberg Lyrics/Same Old Lang Syne Lyrics.html