Recession effect on the "Toxic Wife" - Another gold digger story

spraggamuffin

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Oct 6, 2006
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The article says it all.
Women are such Angels.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/...en-the-money-goes-so-does-the-toxic-wife.html

You loser!" screamed Katie, aiming a vase at her husband. "You've destroyed my life,'' she continued, hurling it. "Just look at my hair, look at my nails! You loser, you jerk, you nobody."

Katie's husband, Jack, whose property portfolio disintegrated in the financial crash, had just told his wife that she would have to cut back on her thrice-weekly visits to Nicky Clarke, the nail salon in Harvey Nichols, and the oxygen facials, chemical peels and seaweed wraps at Space NK.

Not only that, but they no longer had the money to pay for an army of bullied Eastern Europeans to wait on her hand and foot.

Worse was to come – the brow-lift would have to be cancelled; her black Amex card would have to be snipped in half; and there was no way, he told her, that he could carry on spending £28,000 a year on Henry's school fees at Eton.

Chloe, too, would have to leave the marginally cheaper (only £25,000 pa) Wycombe Abbey immediately.

Such was the aggression and verbal and physical abuse that followed that Jack was left with cut lips and blood streaming from a broken nose.

Their eight-year-old child, not yet at boarding school, sat cowering in a corner and dialling 999. When they arrived, they had to restrain Katie forcibly from attacking her husband.

An extreme and isolated example of the global economic meltdown hitting the £1 million home? Sadly no. When the super-rich feel the pinch, inevitably, the Toxic Wife heads off.

The Toxic Wife, first identified in these pages almost two years ago, is a particular and terrifying species.

Not to be confused with the stay-at-home mother who selflessly devotes herself to the upbringing of her children, with all the housework and domestic chores that entails, the Toxic Wife is the woman who gives up work as soon as she marries, ostensibly to create a stable home environment for any offspring that might come along, but who then employs large numbers of staff to do all the domestic work she promised to undertake, leaving her with little to do all day except shop, lunch and luxuriate.

Having married her wealthy husband with his considerable salary uppermost in her mind, the Toxic Wife simply does not do "for richer, for poorer". Little Dorrit, she ain't.

Indeed, lawyers and financial advisers have reported a 50 per cent increase in the number of divorce inquiries since the financial markets collapsed in September.

A recent survey conducted by community website makefriendsonline revealed that a third of 10,000 respondents believe that financial hardship will cause a relationship to fail, while matrimonial law specialists Mishcon de Reya have reported up to 300 per cent more inquiries.

Numbers have risen significantly as couples seek to reach an agreement before the recession tightens its grip. But for the Toxic Wife, "agreement" is the last thing on her mind.

There are countless stories of them acting in the most bizarre and inhumane ways. For gold-diggers are materialistic to such an extent that they are emotionally detached from other people.

There's an inability to empathise with another human being. They certainly don't ''do'' conscience. Money, on the other hand, they both love and understand.

''I told my wife to stop this organic food malarkey,'' said Jeremy, a beleaguered hedge-fund manager, another man who fell for an extremely beautiful yet extravagant woman.

"She went ballistic. Organic Hass avocados cost £1.75 each and she wanted me to buy six of them! In the end, I just peeled off the labels that said they were certified organic and put them on ordinary avocados – she didn't notice the difference. I did the same with bananas…''

''So why did she walk out on you?'' I asked.

''She has a very high standard of living,'' he said. ''She's never taken the Tube or a bus; it's always taxis. And she likes to eat out a lot, at the best restaurants, and she likes to buy expensive gifts for people she wants to impress.

"As soon as the financial wobbles started, she must have joined some upmarket dating agency because somehow she's found another very rich man pretty damn fast.''

Another case is Sasha who, for the past few months, had been gloating about the £3.4 million chalet in Verbier her husband was about to exchange on, how she'd managed to hire a high-society interior decorator to do it up for a song (''more an anthem, actually", she'd giggled) and how much she was looking forward to a white, snowy Christmas there.

At the last minute, Husband pulled out of the deal. Never mind that he had lost his lucrative job in the City, she felt he had deliberately traumatised her and is suing him for divorce on the grounds of mental cruelty. '

'She's got the personality of an overindulged infant,'' he sighed, ''a spoilt brat who starts screaming the moment a toy is taken away.''

In the grown-up world that toy is money and what it can buy: status, power, glamour and arrogance. It also has a way of making these particular women precious. ''Because I'm worth it'' has become the catch-all legitimiser for any personal indulgence.

According to Susie Ambrose, a marital psychotherapist and CEO of Seventy-Thirty, an upmarket introduction company that takes its name from the work versus free time balance, there has been an unprecedented demand from married women recently.

''We are being targeted by women on the fence between leaving their husbands who are on the brink of losing their wealth, and wanting to meet someone extremely rich straight away,'' she says.

Like a frog, the Toxic Wife needs to hop safely on to another lily pad, and a rich one, before leaving her husband. She won't stand on her own two feet. And finding a job is quite beneath her.

Yet Susie Ambrose thinks such women ''are like businessmen – utterly ruthless". The rich man is the career path, the meal ticket, and it doesn't matter how fat, old, balding or unattractive he is – it's solely about money.

''These particular women know how to fake love,'' adds Ambrose. ''They're actually very good at it.''

She now has a waiting-list for her life-coaching sessions – a course costs between £10,000-£60,000 – on how to distinguish a gold-digger from a genuine woman.

Men, it seems, have got wise to the potential Toxic Wife and don't want to end up with someone who is going to bolt the moment they experience some financial bad luck.

For men, divorce is one of the most expensive trials in life – emotionally and financially. As the joke doing the rounds among City men goes: "This credit crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."

But this is no joke. I've seen at first hand how, as soon as money disappears, so does love.

Olivia and Richard had a set of beautiful and expensively conceived twins (we're talking around £30,000 worth of IVF treatments for the right gender – she joked how she would send them back if they were girls), a fabulous house, great holidays several times a year, two nannies and a lifestyle of which most of us lesser mortals could only fantasise.

How we laughed when Richard, with admiration in his voice, mentioned at a drinks party last year that he'd turned to his wife in the middle of the night and asked her if she'd still love him if he lost all his money.

''F--- no!'' had been her answer. Such a feisty, amusing (and obviously joky) response delighted him. But today he is scratching his head with abject dejection. She had meant it.

She left him the moment he lost his senior post at an investment bank and immediately hooked up with another rich man.

Worse, she took their boys with her and he rarely sees them because she has since moved to America to start afresh with her new, unsuspecting milch-cow.

As most of us are battening down the hatches and finding inventive ways to cope with the new austerity, some unfortunate men have not only lost their jobs, they are also having the scales ripped from their eyes.

The horrible truth has dawned: they married a woman who wanted them solely for their money.


Do we know anyone like this?:)
 

Serpent

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spraggamuffin said:
The horrible truth has dawned: they married a woman who wanted them solely for their money.
Were these marriages made in a strip club?
 

RTRD

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Sep 26, 2003
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Agreed...

capncrunch said:
Reason #453 why a man should never, ever even CONSIDER marriage without a prenup.

...if you have serious coin.

Of course, these women would probably never agree to a pre-nup.

I think it speaks to knowing why you chose the person you chose to marry...and being honest about why they chose you.

If you know you picked her for the amazing way she has maintain her fabulous well breed beauty, age defying upkeep (you think that shit is cheap), and because of her amazingly sophisticated taste, then you better ask yourself why she picked you...and here is a hint, it isn't just for your stunning good looks and unbelievable prowess in bed...

I just find it hard to believe you wouldn't be able to see this coming during the dating process...instead, I think guys ignore the obvious signs, along with telling themselves that their own financial gravy train has no last stop...
 
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RTRD

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That...

Serpent said:
Were these marriages made in a strip club?

...might be one of those signs that would be fairly obvious during the dating phase....what does this person consider to be their most valuable attribute, and what are they willing to do with it in order to secure financial means...
 

capncrunch

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MLAM said:
Of course, these women would probably never agree to a pre-nup.
Exactly my point. If she agrees, then she's clearly interested in the man for who he is, not what he makes. If she disagrees, then her motives might not be quite so pure or romantic.

Either way, there's no downside for the man in finding out. He ends up with someone who cares for him as a person rather than his income, or he avoids falling into the trap of the men described in the article. It's a win-win situation all the way around.
 

hinz

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spraggamuffin said:
The horrible truth has dawned: they married a woman who wanted them solely for their money.
That explains why more men prefer hot SP/MPAs to gold diggers/trophy types. The financial damage is significantly less painful in the medium term.

Plus the SP/MPAs are more upfront when it comes to $$$$, instead of the gold diggers pretending to "love" you who you are. Men do not need to entertain all the BS the gold diggers try to put up or play her "hard to catch"/"my way or highway/no sex" game.

BTW, for those "toxic wives", thanks to the globalization, they better watch out as they are getting more competitions from Latin America, Eastern Europe and Asia. Those hotties/gold diggers are relatively low maintenance and their "asking price" are also less in USD/EUR/CAD/GBD equivalent for now.

Plus, they tend to spend less on plastic surgeries than their Anglo-Saxon counterparts by the time they are in mid-30s ;)
 

Meister

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Apr 17, 2003
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capncrunch said:
Exactly my point. If she agrees, then she's clearly interested in the man for who he is, not what he makes. If she disagrees, then her motives might not be quite so pure or romantic.

Either way, there's no downside for the man in finding out. He ends up with someone who cares for him as a person rather than his income, or he avoids falling into the trap of the men described in the article. It's a win-win situation all the way around.
I think a prenup makes sense when there is a disproportionate difference in wealth ie. Paul McCartney, large company owners etc..
For the average Joe making 250k or less it is an insult to the woman to ask for a pre-nup and there will always be mistrust. That's like saying you better come through with BJs, home cooked meals, looking after house and children or I'll kick you to the curb. If this is your attitude you better don't get married and stick with paid sex.
 

alexmst

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hinz said:
BTW, for those "toxic wives", thanks to the globalization, they better watch out as they are getting more competitions from Latin America, Eastern Europe and Asia. Those hotties/gold diggers are relatively low maintenance and their "asking price" are also less in USD/EUR/CAD/GBD equivalent for now.

Plus, they tend to spend less on plastic surgeries than their Anglo-Saxon counterparts by the time they are in mid-30s ;)
In England though the type of trophy wife that has the highest appeal is one who went to the 'right' schools, has the right accent and family background. Those qualities guys there pay a premium for. A girl from EE might be hot, but she won't be accepted into society there in the same way. The guy in the story was paying 25,000 pounds a year to send his daughter to that elite society school for a reason...her value as a future marriage partner in society would be greatly increased and would be a good investment for her in the long run.

If a guy is rich and the girls know it and he buys them lots of gifts, he HAS to assume his money is a big part of why they like him, more so if there is a big age difference or if he is vert unattractive physically. That's life. My great aunt in England once told me years ago that one of her g/f's went out with a man who took her to average but nice restaurants and showed up to pick her up in an old dented car with the passenger door tied on with twine. The girl liked him and after a while he asked if if she'd go steady with him even though he wasn't rich. She said yes. On their next date he picked her up in a Bentley - he was very rich but pretended not to be when dating (borrowing a beat up car, etc) because he wanted someone who loved him for him NOT because he was rich, and he knew his money would entice the majority of dates to say they liked him even if they didn't. Smart guy.

Of course if you are content with using money to attract hot girls, then go for it - but don't MARRY them. Just date, keep seperate residences, and your expenses (gifts, money, trips) are known and upfront. Mistresses go for money - nothing wrong with that. It is when love comes into the equation that things get complicated.

Would I bribe hot girls to give me sex? Yes, and happily so.

Would I bribe them to marry me? No. Marriage should be for true love.
 

capncrunch

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Meister said:
I think a prenup makes sense when there is a disproportionate difference in wealth ie. Paul McCartney, large company owners etc..
For the average Joe making 250k or less it is an insult to the woman to ask for a pre-nup and there will always be mistrust. That's like saying you better come through with BJs, home cooked meals, looking after house and children or I'll kick you to the curb. If this is your attitude you better don't get married and stick with paid sex.
I think you may be missing the point.

Women test men all the time (no surprise there). This is the one chance that men get to test women. The money is only a peripheral issue. If she refuses to consider a pre-nup, then her motivations might be open to question. But if she agrees to discuss it - even if a pre-nup is never actually drawn up - then you've found a gem.

It's no different than discussing other vital parts of a marriage: sex, kids, relationships with in-laws, etc.

Going into a marriage without discussions like that can - and does - lead to all sorts of uncertainty and guesswork. Marriage is difficult enough. Why make it worse by not discussing important things?
Meister said:
If this is your attitude you better don't get married and stick with paid sex.
Ask most married men. If you think that marriage means you can have sex pretty much any time you want, well, that's fantasy-land. The number of men that are living in sexless marriages is legion. Sometimes it's because of the man, sometimes it's because of the woman, but mostly it's because of the relationship between the two. But that's an entirely different thread for a different time.
 

wetnose

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Nov 14, 2006
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Which reminds me of my personal belief: I've always liked young hot chicks. Always, since my first erection. It's quite likely and very possible that preference will not change 20 or even 30 years from now. Why get married and have to lock in a relationship with a someone who will only get older? It's only a recipe for disaster in the long run. True love has its benefits but it can't beat a nasty barely legal chick with big boobs!
 

Cinema Face

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Toxic wives. I’m glad they came up with a name for it.

I’ve had a toxic g/f like that for a while. She hung around when I was doing well and we broke up when times got tough. Then she wanted me back when it I was doing good again. No chance.

Anyway, the spoiled child comparison is accurate. Like spoiled brats, it’s not their fault that they’re spoiled. It’s always the parents’ fault for spoiling them. In the case of toxic women, it’s the fault of the men in their lives.

I’m sure that some guys on this site might not want to hear that. Unfortunately, it’s us guys that need to take at least some responsibility for invoking this behavior in some women. Many guys tend to be attracted to these types of women because they’re usually pretty, sexy and well skilled at manipulating men. Once we get involved with these toxic women, we tend to tolerate the behavior as long as we’re getting laid.

Guys who have some bucks but are otherwise insecure around women tend to show off their money. They get cool cars and like to blow a lot of money on their women, in an attempt to “buy” their affection. This type of display behavior tends to attract and encourage gold-digging behavior, especially when it’s done in the early stage of courtship.

These gold diggers are usually not hard to spot. The problem is that we tend to think with our dicks. Gold diggers are usually selfish, self-absorbed women who seem to lack the nurturing instinct.

It’s ok for a guy to have a few bucks. We tend to feel better about ourselves when we know we got some money in the bank. It’s even OK to drive a cool car and have a nice house. The problem is when guys use these “attachments” to attract women. The best thing is to not flaunt it too much.

Also, don’t spend too much money on women, especially in the early stages. It’s ok to spoil her after you’re in a relationship and she’s proven herself worthy. When guys spend big money on her in the beginning, just to win her affection, then she starts to develop a sense of entitlement. She thinks the guy’s trying to buy my affection and he doesn’t even know me yet. If he’s that desperate, then I’ll pay along and use him to get stuff I want while I keep looking for a guy that really turns me on.

Lots of poor guys seem to get hot girls too because they know how to attract them. I think guys need to learn more from these guys how to attract women without having to “buy” them and both men and women will be better off.
 
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