Romantic advice sought....

[Rerun]

I have a situation where someone (for whatever reason) seems to be hugely infatuated with me. This lady contacts me quite regularly even though I never contact her except when returning her calls/e-mail. She frequently requests that we get together, which I oblige on occasion (after we meet, she calls or e-mails to thank me for the ‘wonderful time’). At one point she went away for a month. The day before she left, she requested that we get together for a goodbye lunch to which I agreed. That evening, she left me a message explaining what a great time she had and how she’ll miss my company, blah, blah, blah. The following morning she called again FROM THE TRAIN STATION!!!

We met earlier this week and she was coming on particularly strong…. actually offering me a massage (and I’m guessing she had no intention of charging me $150!!). LOL I was drinking and was VERY tempted, but managed to ward off her advances.

In spite of her obvious interest in me, I’m not particularly interested in this person and I’m not exactly sure why. She’s decent looking and is quite an accomplished person. For whatever reason, I don’t feel a chemistry with her. My lack of interest puzzles me because, as I explained, she really is a quite worthwhile person and, to be perfectly honest, I’m not really in a position to be choosy these days. I think the lack of a challenge might be turning me off (ie, she might be coming on a bit too strong) and/or my tastes have been artificially heightened by the ultra-hot SPs and MPAs I’ve been seeing!

In spite of my current lack of interest, I’m wondering if I should give it a try and see where it goes. My concern is that if I don’t come to appreciate her the way she deserves to be appreciated, I’ll end up hurting her, which I don’t want to do.

Any advice?

 

[johnnyhandsome]

I have a situation where someone (for whatever reason) seems to be hugely infatuated with me. This lady contacts me quite regularly even though I never contact her except when returning her calls/e-mail. She frequently requests that we get together, which I oblige on occasion (after we meet, she calls or e-mails to thank me for the ‘wonderful time’). At one point she went away for a month. The day before she left, she requested that we get together for a goodbye lunch to which I agreed. That evening, she left me a message explaining what a great time she had and how she’ll miss my company, blah, blah, blah. The following morning she called again FROM THE TRAIN STATION!!!

We met earlier this week and she was coming on particularly strong…. actually offering me a massage (and I’m guessing she had no intention of charging me $150!!). LOL I was drinking and was VERY tempted, but managed to ward off her advances.

In spite of her obvious interest in me, I’m not particularly interested in this person and I’m not exactly sure why. She’s decent looking and is quite an accomplished person. For whatever reason, I don’t feel a chemistry with her. My lack of interest puzzles me because, as I explained, she really is a quite worthwhile person and, to be perfectly honest, I’m not really in a position to be choosy these days. I think the lack of a challenge might be turning me off (ie, she might be coming on a bit too strong) and/or my tastes have been artificially heightened by the ultra-hot SPs and MPAs I’ve been seeing!

In spite of my current lack of interest, I’m wondering if I should give it a try and see where it goes. My concern is that if I don’t come to appreciate her the way she deserves to be appreciated, I’ll end up hurting her, which I don’t want to do.

Any advice?

Dammit, Rerun!!!!! Why are you chasing my sister???????????

 

[Deviant]

She might be infatuated with you, but have you led her on? You may hurt her feelings by telling her you not interested romantically, but at least she will know to look elsewhere, isnt that the gentlemanly thing to do?, doesnt she deserve that?

 

[Rerun]

Beau…. Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I think you’re right,chemistry is the key, and I don’t think it’s there. Hence, I don’t think it would be a very good idea to pursue anything beyond friendship.

Problem is, she recently ended a bad relationship and has become even more persistent of late!

L&C: I have not been leading her on. I attempt to make excuses when she requests that we get together, and only give in after persistent requests. I also decline invitations to her home. There has been absolutely nothing sexual, which I could have quite easily if I want. You're right that she deserves to be let down respectfully, and I will do that next time she makes her intentions known either through words or actions.

 

[Plan8]

Problem is, she recently ended a bad relationship and has become even more persistent of late!

.

Here's an important part of your puzzle RR:

She was looking to be saved from her last romance by you.
She's still looking for her knight in shining armour.

That's a tough roll...things tend to move too quickly, and unless you're prepared for a very bumpy ride, don't even get started.

 

[Rerun]

Thanks P8, but the adjective ‘bad’ in reference to her relationship was overstated on my part. She went back to school and is on the verge of completing a bachelor’s degree and is contemplating grad school or law school. Her former partner isn’t university educated and this has created a gulf between them as she finds they now have little in common.

 

[JeremytheWicked]

Perhaps you need to find out if she is indeed seeking more of you than you are willing to give. Sometimes a person just enjoys ones company, and has time on their hands. Having said that, the train station bit sounds like infatuation to me, though.
Test the waters. See if you can't have some dialogue about it. If she is wanting you, I think she is probably very frustrated with the relationship (as such) so far, and would love to get the 'feelings' off her chest.

This is not the best thing for everyone. I am one to talk it out, and to be honest and forthcoming (sometimes TOO much so). It seems to work for me. I don't need to guess about peoples feelings or agendas, and my openess tends to evoke the smae from the person I am interacting with. It's almost refreshing, to be truthful.

 

[The Shake]

Rerun - If she were a guy, would you want to spend time with her? Take the sex issue out of the equation and try to figure out whether she is someone that you want in your life. Not just someone you would tolerate in your life (or not mind) - but someone who's presence matters to you.

If the answer is yes, then Beau and JtW have provided you with some excellent advice about trying to set some boundaries for the relationship. It could be an excellent friendship and perhaps develop into something more.

If the answer is no, then find a tactful way of letting her know that you think things are moving a little too quickly and that its best that you give each other a little more space.

 

[Rerun]

Thanks to folks for the input. Lots of good advice and food for thought.

I even extend thanks to Sweet Guy who once again has spiced up a thread with his unique 'insight'. LOL