I'm hoping I could get some tips from some members here, My SO was deported over 2 years ago, I'm trying to sponsor her to come back to Toronto. My problem is that I have chatted with people and they think my SO is taking advantage of me with my money, she takes out what she needs as we have a joint account and she doesnt bother to let me know what she uses it for, my hours at my work have been cut drastically and I dont make that much. I owe a ton of money for credit cards, banks and I cant pay them because I have to make sure my SO has money for what she needs. We were legally married before she was deported, I pay rent and the money my SO takes out is way more then way paycheque is for 2 weeks. My health is deteriorating because of all of this, I have degenerated disc disease in my back and I work really hard for my money, I have stomach problems everyday, some people say if it doesnt get better to just it might be better to just cut my losses and move on but I dont know if I could do that. Thanks for everyone who read this and for whoever might make a suggestion.
Some Major Suggestions
- Thread starter Sammy78
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Trying to keep it simple.I'm hoping I could get some tips from some members here, My SO was deported over 2 years ago, I'm trying to sponsor her to come back to Toronto. My problem is that I have chatted with people and they think my SO is taking advantage of me with my money, she takes out what she needs as we have a joint account and she doesnt bother to let me know what she uses it for, my hours at my work have been cut drastically and I dont make that much. I owe a ton of money for credit cards, banks and I cant pay them because I have to make sure my SO has money for what she needs. We were legally married before she was deported, I pay rent and the money my SO takes out is way more then way paycheque is for 2 weeks. My health is deteriorating because of all of this, I have degenerated disc disease in my back and I work really hard for my money, I have stomach problems everyday, some people say if it doesnt get better to just it might be better to just cut my losses and move on but I dont know if I could do that. Thanks for everyone who read this and for whoever might make a suggestion.
BIG RED FLAG!!
I say this knowing that I'm a romantic at heart.
Sorry, for the bad news.
Have you explained your circumstances to her? Does she continue to spend the same although she knows you are earning less? Where is she that she has to spend more than you make?I'm hoping I could get some tips from some members here, My SO was deported over 2 years ago, I'm trying to sponsor her to come back to Toronto. My problem is that I have chatted with people and they think my SO is taking advantage of me with my money, she takes out what she needs as we have a joint account and she doesnt bother to let me know what she uses it for, my hours at my work have been cut drastically and I dont make that much. I owe a ton of money for credit cards, banks and I cant pay them because I have to make sure my SO has money for what she needs. We were legally married before she was deported, I pay rent and the money my SO takes out is way more then way paycheque is for 2 weeks. My health is deteriorating because of all of this, I have degenerated disc disease in my back and I work really hard for my money, I have stomach problems everyday, some people say if it doesnt get better to just it might be better to just cut my losses and move on but I dont know if I could do that. Thanks for everyone who read this and for whoever might make a suggestion.
If you have explained the new reality to her and she hasn't changed her spending habits, is she aware that it will be more difficult for her to return to Canada as you are now earning less? if so, maybe she is happy spending your money back home and doesn't need to return as she has the best of both worlds.
Only you can make the final determination.
She was deportedI'm hoping I could get some tips from some members here, My SO was deported over 2 years ago, I'm trying to sponsor her to come back to Toronto. My problem is that I have chatted with people and they think my SO is taking advantage of me with my money, she takes out what she needs as we have a joint account and she doesnt bother to let me know what she uses it for, my hours at my work have been cut drastically and I dont make that much. I owe a ton of money for credit cards, banks and I cant pay them because I have to make sure my SO has money for what she needs. We were legally married before she was deported, I pay rent and the money my SO takes out is way more then way paycheque is for 2 weeks. My health is deteriorating because of all of this, I have degenerated disc disease in my back and I work really hard for my money, I have stomach problems everyday, some people say if it doesnt get better to just it might be better to just cut my losses and move on but I dont know if I could do that. Thanks for everyone who read this and for whoever might make a suggestion.
Your in debt , you are sick because of it.
your own wife is not telling you what she's using the money for ?
and you cannot even sponsor her to come back to Canada ?
It's time to move on.
She is in Africa, When I go out somewhere I always walk around like I'm in a bad mood because i'm so stressed. I think i'm so kind hearted that I dont say anything about it. I chatted with a girl who is from Kenya and knows about the money situation in africa and she thinks my wife is taking advantage of me because the money is there when she needs it.
Have you explained to her your new situation at work? Have you asked her to spend less? Have you asked her where the money is going? Why does she need two weeks of your wages in an African country?She is in Africa, When I go out somewhere I always walk around like I'm in a bad mood because i'm so stressed. I think i'm so kind hearted that I dont say anything about it. I chatted with a girl who is from Kenya and knows about the money situation in africa and she thinks my wife is taking advantage of me because the money is there when she needs it.
It sounds like she is taking advantage of you and I don't think you will qualify to sponsor her if you are in debt. Maybe it is time to cut your losses and move on.
Sammy, I'm very sorry to hear of all this.
You say that your wife was deported over two years ago. Do you mind telling us what for, also is she even eligible for readmission to Canada?
I hate to say this but a woman from non-western country who just plows through your bank account without accounting to you pretty much voluntarly for her expenses indeed sounds as though she is using you as her "piggy bank."
You say that your wife was deported over two years ago. Do you mind telling us what for, also is she even eligible for readmission to Canada?
I hate to say this but a woman from non-western country who just plows through your bank account without accounting to you pretty much voluntarly for her expenses indeed sounds as though she is using you as her "piggy bank."
The suggestion above is a good one. A better one would be to only put in the joint account what you can afford after looking after your own needs.And a practical suggestion:
Open up an account of your own, and put your pay there. Transfer to the joint account only what YOU think she needs.
It boggles my mind to think that some people think so little of themselves that they would put themselves in the situation described by the OP.
Sammy, you seriously need to grow a pair. Good luck. I know it isn't easy.
I have opened up a new bank account and transfered what is left to my own account. She came to Canada using a different name, There is no way that I can go to Africa because it is really expensive. The one thing that i'm scared of is we are legally married and i'm still living at home because of my financial problems, She moved in with us before she was deported and all of her stuff is here (clothes, shoes, books). If I grew a pair of and cut my losses what would I do with all of her stuff. I go to see a movie by myself and its uncomfortable, I went to a concert by myself on the 14th and I felt just as bad because I was by myself.
No one can take advantage of you without your permission.
I would suggest you might benefitfrom some therapy and should also talk with your doctor regarding the possibility of depression.
You're not able to go to her and I doubt she will be allowed to enter Canada again w/o jumping through some major hoops. You may also wish to talk with a lawyer about the best way to divorce her. (Did you know she entered Canada illegally?)
I would suggest you might benefitfrom some therapy and should also talk with your doctor regarding the possibility of depression.
You're not able to go to her and I doubt she will be allowed to enter Canada again w/o jumping through some major hoops. You may also wish to talk with a lawyer about the best way to divorce her. (Did you know she entered Canada illegally?)
Wow. You are in a bit of a tough spot. But, a few points are raised by your last post.
1. Not knowing what to do with her stuff is no reason to continue in a relationship!
2. Fear and discomfort of being alone while legitimate human feelings, is not a reason to stay in a relationship where you are being taken advantage of.
Finally 3. Since you are married, you may have some financial obligation if you guys get divorced and she seeks legal advice. Im not sure what happens now that she is deported. She probably has little ability to pursue this legally.
Overall the best thing is to talk to her. Tell her the finances. If you want to stay in this, and support her make it clear what the monthly budget is, and what your obligations are in terms of rent, bills etc. Then transfer an appropriate amount o support each month into her account. If you want out, then tell her.
1. Not knowing what to do with her stuff is no reason to continue in a relationship!
2. Fear and discomfort of being alone while legitimate human feelings, is not a reason to stay in a relationship where you are being taken advantage of.
Finally 3. Since you are married, you may have some financial obligation if you guys get divorced and she seeks legal advice. Im not sure what happens now that she is deported. She probably has little ability to pursue this legally.
Overall the best thing is to talk to her. Tell her the finances. If you want to stay in this, and support her make it clear what the monthly budget is, and what your obligations are in terms of rent, bills etc. Then transfer an appropriate amount o support each month into her account. If you want out, then tell her.
Can you say DIVORCE?????
Consult a lawyer, find out if you can simply stop trying to bring her back and divorce her.
You might love her but it sounds as if she loves what you give her.
Consult a lawyer, find out if you can simply stop trying to bring her back and divorce her.
You might love her but it sounds as if she loves what you give her.
So many red flags!!! At least you took the good advice and got your own bank account!! She came to Canada under a different name? Are you married under this different name or under her real name? Why would you allow her to show up under a different name? Dude you do not need terbs advice! You need a lawyer's advice, I know, they cost money. Must be some where to get free legal advice!! Run, do not walk!! To the lawyers office!
Sammy, since you're seeking our input, I hope we can help.
I hope that you can take a factual, logical stance here - not an emotional one.
If this were your best friend, what would you tell him?
This situation has left you worse off rather than better off. Please, stop the bleeding now, recoup yourself and move on.
It won't be easy but it will be better. Alone and lonely is better than duped and broke.
Good Luck and stick to your guns.
I hope that you can take a factual, logical stance here - not an emotional one.
If this were your best friend, what would you tell him?
This situation has left you worse off rather than better off. Please, stop the bleeding now, recoup yourself and move on.
It won't be easy but it will be better. Alone and lonely is better than duped and broke.
Good Luck and stick to your guns.
I met her under the older name but we got married under her real name
Why the FALSE DOCUMENTS?
