Very Ominous

thumper18474

Well-known member
I took a walk last night in the neighborhood
Walked past an Apple Pie
Ice cream Sundae...and an Lemon Cheesecake..!
I thought to myself
The streets seem strangely desserted!
 

Meesh

It was VICIOUS!
Jun 3, 2002
3,963
277
83
Toronto
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage. The sign said it was bread in captivity.
 

Lilo Brancata

The Catfather
Mar 28, 2019
791
2,389
93
I had an unusual dental related problem recently. About a month ago I had to have a small steel plate inserted in my mouth to replace some missing teeth. A week later I noticed the plate was starting to rust. My dentist asked me if I had made a change in my eating or drinking habits that may have caused the problem. I explained that I had recently developed a fondness for eggs Benedict, and ate it every day. The dentist advised that the solution was to remove the steel plate and replace it with a chrome plate. When I asked why, the dentist replied, "There is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
 

NotADcotor

His most imperial galactic atheistic majesty.
Mar 8, 2017
7,238
4,888
113
I found this hot chick tied to the railroad tracks, I untied her, and brought her back home where we had some great sex.
Never did get a blow job though, couldn't find her head.


Yo Mama so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phonebook
Your mother is so obese that when she sits around the finely appointed Tuscan villa she sits *around* the finely appointed Tuscan villa.
 

thumper18474

Well-known member
Last night I was in the recliner..naked as usual watching a movie drinking my beer and eating Doritos ...minding my own business..and those fuckers at Walmart called the cops again!
 

SchlongConery

License to Shill
Jan 28, 2013
13,879
8,012
113
Last night I was in the recliner..naked as usual watching a movie drinking my beer and eating Doritos ...minding my own business..and those fuckers at Walmart called the cops again!
Similar thing happened to my ex-gf and I picking fruit. Not allowed in that Loblaws anymore.
 

Robert Mugabe

Well-known member
Nov 5, 2017
10,424
7,589
113
Piece of rope gets denied entrance to a night club. Doorman tells him "we don't allow pieces of rope in here".
Not to be discouraged, the piece of rope goes round the corner and ties a knot in his midriff section and rubs it vigorously against a brick wall for a minute and then goes back to the night club. Doorman says "aren't you that piece of rope that was trying to get in here a minute ago?"
The piece of rope says "No. I'm a frayed not".
 

Robert Mugabe

Well-known member
Nov 5, 2017
10,424
7,589
113
A guy I know found out his son was dyslexic. Which was a bit of a double whammy because they already knew he was stupid.
 
Ashley Madison
Toronto Escorts