Very Ominous

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thumper18474

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Mar 1, 2012
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Treading water as I float down the river of time.
I took a walk last night in the neighborhood
Walked past an Apple Pie
Ice cream Sundae...and an Lemon Cheesecake..!
I thought to myself
The streets seem strangely desserted!
 
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Meesh

Meesh

It was VICIOUS!
Jun 3, 2002
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Toronto
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage. The sign said it was bread in captivity.
 
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Lilo Brancata

Lilo Brancata

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I had an unusual dental related problem recently. About a month ago I had to have a small steel plate inserted in my mouth to replace some missing teeth. A week later I noticed the plate was starting to rust. My dentist asked me if I had made a change in my eating or drinking habits that may have caused the problem. I explained that I had recently developed a fondness for eggs Benedict, and ate it every day. The dentist advised that the solution was to remove the steel plate and replace it with a chrome plate. When I asked why, the dentist replied, "There is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
 
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NotADcotor

His most imperial galactic atheistic majesty.
Mar 8, 2017
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I found this hot chick tied to the railroad tracks, I untied her, and brought her back home where we had some great sex.
Never did get a blow job though, couldn't find her head.


Mike_Kz550bik said:
Yo Mama so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phonebook
Click to expand...
Your mother is so obese that when she sits around the finely appointed Tuscan villa she sits *around* the finely appointed Tuscan villa.
 
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thumper18474

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Mar 1, 2012
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Treading water as I float down the river of time.
Last night I was in the recliner..naked as usual watching a movie drinking my beer and eating Doritos ...minding my own business..and those fuckers at Walmart called the cops again!
 
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SchlongConery

SchlongConery

License to Shill
Jan 28, 2013
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thumper18474 said:
Last night I was in the recliner..naked as usual watching a movie drinking my beer and eating Doritos ...minding my own business..and those fuckers at Walmart called the cops again!
Click to expand...
Similar thing happened to my ex-gf and I picking fruit. Not allowed in that Loblaws anymore.
 
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Robert Mugabe

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Nov 5, 2017
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Piece of rope gets denied entrance to a night club. Doorman tells him "we don't allow pieces of rope in here".
Not to be discouraged, the piece of rope goes round the corner and ties a knot in his midriff section and rubs it vigorously against a brick wall for a minute and then goes back to the night club. Doorman says "aren't you that piece of rope that was trying to get in here a minute ago?"
The piece of rope says "No. I'm a frayed not".
 
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Robert Mugabe

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A guy I know found out his son was dyslexic. Which was a bit of a double whammy because they already knew he was stupid.
 
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