Getting over "the girl"

[biogenicx]

I imagine everyone here has been through this at least once where they lost the girl they felt was "the girl"... I'm sick of pretending that this problem doesn't exist and trying to cover it up with other stuff- I just want to get over it and move along.

I've tried basically everything I know to get over this girl- I've seen stupid amounts of escorts, seen girls in the personal life, have tried hanging out with my buddies all the time. And at the end of the day I still end up thinking about her.

It's actually gotten to the point where I'm bored of sex and I'm uninterested in it- I go along with it but it's nothing like it used to be.

Hoping maybe someone here can help me out

 

[amber-jade]

sounds like a time to be with youself....

morn your loss , keep moving forward with life. and all the experiences it offers.
good , bad and ugly.

 

[Insidious Von]

Are you a teenager?

Maybe you should stop trying to get over it and accept it for what it was.

 

[biogenicx]

Maybe you should stop trying to get over it and accept it for what it was.

eh no- I'm not a teenager? Look at the site we're on lol

 

[Brill]

I don't think you'll get over her until you meet someone else who does it for you. You won't find them in escorts, but they'll do until you find her.

 

[Insidious Von]

eh no- I'm not a teenager? Look at the site we're onl

Well then grow some balls.
The "the girl" is the one willing to disfigure herself to bear you children, the rest are just wild oats.

 

[anon1]

The "the girl" is the one willing to disfigure herself to bear you children, the rest are just wild oats.

Well said!

 

[lovedoc]

Sometimes it helps to focus on the bad stuff of the relationship as well as her flaws. The more you think about the good things, more you'll miss her.

But if you were the one who fucked up the relationship, then your guilty feelings may stay with you for awhile.

 

[genintoronto]

Time. It's really the only thing that will make it better, and eventually make the shitty feeling disappear.

It also helps to remind yourself that as wonderful as this girl was, and as shitty you feel now, "the one" is really just a myth: there are plenty of other "the one" out there for you. But of course, you need to get over that one before you can see them. Which brings us back to the only proven remedy for a broken heart: time.

 

[rhuarc29]

Time. It's really the only thing that will make it better, and eventually make the shitty feeling disappear.

It also helps to remind yourself that as wonderful as this girl was, and as shitty you feel now, "the one" is really just a myth: there are plenty of other "the one" out there for you. But of course, you need to get over that one before you can see them. Which brings us back to the only proven remedy for a broken heart: time.

Genin said it best. When I was in my young twenties I found "the girl". I still haven't found a girl to match her. But eventually as time goes on you start to remember the good as often as the bad...as opposed to all the good you are seeing now. Sure, the bad was never THAT bad, but it helps. And besides, in a relationship you want both sides to be happy. A few years after she left me, she wanted to get back together...but I never let it get farther than friends, because knowing she had doubts about me bothered me. Look for a girl who sees as much in you as you see in her. If that doesn't exist, why beat yourself up about the duds?

 

[lovedoc]

Time. It's really the only thing that will make it better, and eventually make the shitty feeling disappear.

It also helps to remind yourself that as wonderful as this girl was, and as shitty you feel now, "the one" is really just a myth: there are plenty of other "the one" out there for you. But of course, you need to get over that one before you can see them. Which brings us back to the only proven remedy for a broken heart: time.

Time after Time - Cindy Lauper

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and think of you

Caught up in circles, confusion is nothing new
Flash back warm night, almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after sometime you pictured me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're callin' to me
I can't hear what you've said
Then you said, "Go slow, I fall behind"
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades
And darkness has turned to grey
Watching through windows
You're wondering if I'm OK
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time

You said, "Go slow, I fall behind"
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time

Time after time

 

[SlitherySOB]

No girl is worth your sanity.
No girl is worth your sanity.
No girl is worth your sanity.
Obvious advice, that's hard to follow. What made her so special? Made her 'that' girl? It may take some time to get over her, but you will.

 

[waynec]

I recently had the same experience and actually think of her every day, but I have made peace with it. I believe the relationship was there to teach me something and I have found that finally and it was time for a change. My suggestion is to look for that and trust God that it is for the best. She'll be back if she's in your destiny.

 

[jumper123]

Been there, got the badge

Yup - been there, not sure if your "the girl" is in the business. Presuming yes since the post is here. In my case (at the time) I was a club driver, and she was "the only girl" I was ever a client of. She figured she couldn't trust me. I remember she asked me once if I was a mean drunk. No, but I figure she'd been through the ringer and just wasn't up to taking the chance. I remember only the good and I went through hell getting over her -- even had to move onto other 'day' work to do it. I think back (8 years ago) and all I can think of is that I hope she's happy. Not a clue how to reach her. You've got to get yourself to that same place. If you can't or won't -- she wasn't "the girl" you're just obsessed with her. In that case, try running full speed into a brick wall a few times until you get to the point where you tell yourself 'just not worth it'.

 

[HOCKEY_GOD]

I recently had the same experience and actually think of her every day, but I have made peace with it. I believe the relationship was there to teach me something and I have found that finally and it was time for a change. My suggestion is to look for that and trust God that it is for the best. She'll be back if she's in your destiny.

This is hilarious. One of my best friends is going through the same thing. It was his fault that she dumped him and he hasn't dated anyone since then (he repeatedly would want to clarify meaningless shit and be paranoid that she was seeing her ex, which she wasn't)... like this goes back to 2005 - talk about living in the past!

He so infatuated with this gal that he vows not to get married until she ties the knot. What's even more bizarre is that this guy can get crazy pussy if he wanted too but still only thinks of her. Yet, he won't tell this gal how he feels and apparently gives off the impression that he hates her when deep down this guy loves her with all of his heart. I've told him to seek professional help because he actually has subconsciously yelped out her name (in a rather lame desperate voice at inopportune times).

If I didn't know better he's really crying for help deep down but getting none. I don't really understand because maybe I just haven't been so head over heels for any woman I was in a relationship with.

He's got it bad and its really sad!

 

[Mencken]

Been there done that. Took a long time (years) but eventually it becomes more of a memory than a drag. Its a chemical thing in the brain. Once the chemistry is triggered it is hard to let go of...same as a drug addiction. All you can do is try to think about other things...accept the past for what it was and move on. Doing anything about it can lead to bad behavior...stalking, etc...so don't even think about going there. Leave her alone, if you are not already, and just live one day at a time until it fades.

 

[Cypher]

Older I get the more I believe in the universal law of attraction; that is, what we put out emotionally, in thought and deed, becomes our belief system. And then lo and behold, miraculously the universe keeps throwing things at us that seem to reinforce our limiting beliefs.

In a universe of unlimited possibility,"She is the one," is a self-imposed, limiting belief. Moreover, if you cling to it then you have completely dis-empowered yourself by putting your happiness in her hands. That's simply not her job or purpose. She's not responsible for your happiness, you are. Really, if our conditions for happiness are that someone/anyone must think/act as we wish them to then it's never going to happen.

Every relationship teaches us something. It can either be a step toward or a step away from who we want to be and the life we want to live. The good news is it's entirely within your own power. Make peace with this stage in your life, be grateful for the relationship and all it taught you, give love freely without fear or regret or condition, don't listen to the cynics in your ear or head. There's no shortage of love in the universe. Amazing things await, the best is yet to come.

 

[Aardvark154]

Biogenicx, as usual Gen, hits the nail on the head. The death of a relationship is much like the death of a person and goes though the same stages of morning, grief and reconciliation which cannot be rushed. Believe me it is in many ways even worse with a divorce.

However, if you find that you are just plain obsessed, and things are going nowhere after a year and half or two, then seeing a good clinical psychologist would be a good idea.

 

[getwhatuwant]

As others have said, Gen's got it right, and Aadvark adds to it with comparing it to like the death of a person. When we loose someone, the only thing that makes it better is time and even then it may not hurt as much as it does now but the memories will still be mixed emotionally.

I guess the only thing we can do in situations like this is to take time for ourselves to mourn the loss and reflect. Focusing on finding a replacement isn't going to work if your mind is stuck on her. Forgive the situation, forgive her and forgive yourself. Allow yourself to be sad or mad or whatever you want to feel, it's okay to be vulnerable.

 

[randygirl]

Older I get the more I believe in the universal law of attraction; that is, what we put out emotionally, in thought and deed, becomes our belief system. And then lo and behold, miraculously the universe keeps throwing things at us that seem to reinforce our limiting beliefs.

In a universe of unlimited possibility,"She is the one," is a self-imposed, limiting belief. Moreover, if you cling to it then you have completely dis-empowered yourself by putting your happiness in her hands. That's simply not her job or purpose. She's not responsible for your happiness, you are. Really, if our conditions for happiness are that someone/anyone must think/act as we wish them to then it's never going to happen.

Every relationship teaches us something. It can either be a step toward or a step away from who we want to be and the life we want to live. The good news is it's entirely within your own power. Make peace with this stage in your life, be grateful for the relationship and all it taught you, give love freely without fear or regret or condition, don't listen to the cynics in your ear or head. There's no shortage of love in the universe. Amazing things await, the best is yet to come.

I think you hit the nail on the head. You choose to think your way to your reality. Either biogenix can think he's lost the girl of his dreams and pine for her, or he can choose to believe that she was an amazing girl, but not the end all and be all.

Either one of these ways of thinking leads to a different reality. He gets to choose which one he would rather explore. All the time in the world can go by, but that will not make the hurt better unless a significant mental shift happens.

biogenix, it is up to you how you choose to perceive this break up: a mortal blow, or a stepping stone.