Married Men who partake in the "hobby"

[lamkam]

Hi,

I recently posted a thread on this forum and received a lot of fantastic feedback. I noticed that a lot of the men giving me advice were married (most indicating happily so), a fact that surprised me a lot. I had a few questions that maybe those of you who are married and active in this scene may be able to answer - but I also welcome anyone else to chime in.

1. Is it for emotional or purely sexual reasons that you partake?
2. Are you otherwise happy in your marriage? Does the sex just diminish once you have been married for a while?
3. Does your wife know/approve of this? If not, do you think this is worth the possible consequences?

I know that these questions are rather personal but I am thinking that since we're all anonymous here people may be more willing to answer truthfully. The main reason why I am asking is because I am sort of nearing that point in my life where my friends are getting married and I will also probably get married in the not so distant future - Most of us hold this grandiose perception on the meaning of marriage and fidelity. I am just very curious as to how marriages develop to the point where people need to step outside of the union to have their needs met (whether sexual or emotional). My intention is not to come off as judgmental or condescending and I apologize in advance if anyone feels so.

There are a lot of fantastic people on this forum so I am looking forward to all of your insightful responses.

 

[Hangman]

There are dozens of threads on this topic. Have you read those yet?

 

[freestuff]

I'm not married but having been on this board for a while, I'll take a stab at answering your question:
1. For most, it's just sex (either they want more/variety or can't get PSE items otherwise).
2. Most allege that they are happy in their marriage otherwise (or won't get divorce because of the kids or don't want to give up half of their stuff).
3. 99.9% married guys believe that their wives don't know about their "hobby" (but IMHO I think at least 10% know about it and don't care as long as the guy doesn't flaunt in their face/friends faces).
As for my married friends, I can honestly say that I would be 100% shocked if any of the guys cheated on their wives. They're not sex-fiend like guys on this board. They're on the boring side like me.

 

[fiesta519]

I think a lot of the time it's the thrill of something new and the surprises that come with it.

 

[punter]

After you have been maried for a few years, you'll be able to answer your own questions.

 

[massman]

The reasons will be individual. But a commOn theme will be a marriage where the womans desire for sex has dwindled to almost nothing, while the guys has remained the same or increased. There will be a mix of pure sexual needs and emotional ones. VERY few wives will know, even fewer will approve.
Guys stay in these marriages for various reasons, but suffice it to say sex is but one component. Lack of it may not be a reason to terminate a marriage - especially if there are orher aspwcts of the partnership that are worth preserving. However for many guys, while sex is not the only thing, it is really important! Thus the need to hobby, get some satisfaction, feel like you are being "looked after" and with a good provider, even feel like you are still attractive and able to turn on a beatiful woman.

 

[MPAsquared]

I'm not married but having been on this board for a while, I'll take a stab at answering your question:
1. For most, it's just sex (either they want more/variety or can't get PSE items otherwise).
2. Most allege that they are happy in their marriage otherwise (or won't get divorce because of the kids or don't want to give up half of their stuff).
3. 99.9% married guys believe that their wives don't know about their "hobby" (but IMHO I think at least 10% know about it and don't care as long as the guy doesn't flaunt in their face/friends faces).
As for my married friends, I can honestly say that I would be 100% shocked if any of the guys cheated on their wives. They're not sex-fiend like guys on this board. They're on the boring side like me.

Ur definition in brackets in #2 is NOT "happy". There is happy, and there there is that. Combine BOTH and then u have the majority here. Some happy. Some fall into the other category.

 

[bsi]

I started hobbying when the blowjobs stopped in what is otherwise a good marriage.

I find it better to just pay someone that does not mind doing it and I enjoy helping the girls pay their tuition

 

[james t kirk]

I started hobbying when the blowjobs stopped in what is otherwise a good marriage.

I find it better to just pay someone that does not mind doing it and I enjoy helping the girls pay their tuition

Noble.

 

[fasz]

i have a good wife we get along verry well the only thing i am always horny and she is not, so i hobby and keep it my secret.it works out well no hasle no mistress just pure sex

 

[freestuff]

Ur definition in brackets in #2 is NOT "happy". There is happy, and there there is that. Combine BOTH and then u have the majority here. Some happy. Some fall into the other category.

I agree with you but some have claimed to be "happy" (in/with the marriage) even if the sex is lacking/non-existent. That would definitely not make me "happy" and would lead me to reconsider the marriage but some guys think otherwise.

 

[Blue-Spheroid]

When you are young and single, you tend to visualize marriage as an opportunity to sleep with the same woman every night. When you GET married, you realize that marriage is way more complex and that sex is only a small part of the relationship.

You build a life together, start and raise a family, share mortgages and other responsibilities, get involved in each others' emotions, and become (in many ways) two parts of the same person. Separating becomes not only complicated and expensive but also undesirable emotionally.

If the sex is not great, it is certainly a problem but, in many cases, not worth ending the relationship for. This is one (of many) reasons that some men may choose to have relations (affairs, dancers, SPs) outside of their marriage.

We all know that their is a vast difference between the girl you want to take home for a one-night-stand and the one you want to bring home to meet your parents. Rarely, if ever, will you find one girl that fits your ideal for both. Even more rarely will this ideal girl remain the best of both worlds (for you) as you both mature and change.

Some say that men are typically "wired" to seek multiple sex partners over time because (from an evolutionary perspective) this will help ensure that their genes are passed on more often (so the genes of men who sleep around end up inside more babies). Women, on the other hand, can't increase their fertility by having multiple men at the same time; however, their children have a better chance to grow up and make more babies if the woman has a stable and supportive partner. So evolution favours women who can get and hold a partner as exclusively as possible.

This difference between the sexes (on average, not every individual behaves this way) leads to the phenomenon we call the hobby.

 

[Samurai Joey]

When you are young and single, you tend to visualize marriage as an opportunity to sleep with the same woman every night. When you GET married, you realize that marriage is way more complex and that sex is only a small part of the relationship.

You build a life together, start and raise a family, share mortgages and other responsibilities, get involved in each others' emotions, and become (in many ways) two parts of the same person. Separating becomes not only complicated and expensive but also undesirable emotionally.

If the sex is not great, it is certainly a problem but, in many cases, not worth ending the relationship for. This is one (of many) reasons that some men may choose to have relations (affairs, dancers, SPs) outside of their marriage.

We all know that their is a vast difference between the girl you want to take home for a one-night-stand and the one you want to bring home to meet your parents. Rarely, if ever, will you find one girl that fits your ideal for both. Even more rarely will this ideal girl remain the best of both worlds (for you) as you both mature and change.

Some say that men are typically "wired" to seek multiple sex partners over time because (from an evolutionary perspective) this will help ensure that their genes are passed on more often (so the genes of men who sleep around end up inside more babies). Women, on the other hand, can't increase their fertility by having multiple men at the same time; however, their children have a better chance to grow up and make more babies if the woman has a stable and supportive partner. So evolution favours women who can get and hold a partner as exclusively as possible.

This difference between the sexes (on average, not every individual behaves this way) leads to the phenomenon we call the hobby.

The situation is a little more complex than even what you suggest above, as women can (and frequently do) seek multiple partners as well, and in some cultures this is even considerable acceptable. I had read in a paper some time ago (sorry, I do not have a link) that there is evidence to indicate that women who seek multiple partners may well increase their prospects to give birth to healthier offspring, since this would increase the prospects that they would be able to select the most healthy and "fit" male partner and thus increases the probability of giving birth to healthier offspring.

 

[Blue-Spheroid]

The situation is a little more complex than even what you suggest above, as women can (and frequently do) seek multiple partners as well, and in some cultures this is even considerable acceptable.

Certainly women (and men) have many more options in our western culture than were available 10,000 years ago. Not everyone follows the same pattern. Even so, we are the product of what we were long before the internet and women's equality chnaged the rules. I refer to overall trends and not individual behavior.

 

[Babypowder]

I think a lot of the time it's the thrill of something new and the surprises that come with it.

like "surprise honey! now we both have the clap!"

 

[wet_suit_one]

Baby, that's a good one! Quel surprise! Ha!

 

[oral.com]

Women are doing it too....the number of women in happy marriages with boyfriends always makes me smile.

 

[youwontknow]

The real questions is how to you hide your money you use on SP and the time where you went?

 

[freestuff]

The real questions is how to you hide your money you use on SP and the time where you went?

You need a separate (secret) bank account and you need to join a gym.

 

[lamkam]

Don't you feel any guilt partaking in this activity? I mean, these are the women that you swore to spend the rest of your life with, the women raising your children, taking care of your house. I get it that we all have sexual needs but isn't controlling our animal instincts a part of a man's character?