Ex girlfriend is hitting me up for money

[desert monk]

I don't think she abandoned her child if they are with her parents and she's sending money back home. Terribly judgmental.
I guess the question is do you consider her a friend in need? Or is she just a pussy to fuck? If the former then the decision is tough. If the latter it's an easy call.

She doesn’t seem to care much about her kid, she barely talks to him, yet she maintains that she’s going to bring him to Canada when she has a stable job. To me, she came to Canada to better her personal circumstances, which probably includes finding a beta bucks provider. Being a good mother doesn’t seem to be a high priority to her, even though she has said she wants another kid.

Also, her last serious relationship was with a married man who wouldn’t leave his wife. What kind of good mother wants to set an example like that for her son?

 

[Samranchoi]

Also, her last serious relationship was with a married man who wouldn’t leave his wife. What kind of good mother wants to set an example like that for her son?

I guess the same kind of father who sees SP's behind their spouse's back using money that could be used for family purposes. But hey, it's so easy to judge those saying they are bad examples for their child.

 

[whynot888]

assuming she is here from china? Her family back home must be loaded

 

[eternalbachelor]

This shouldn't be a question.

If you can afford to give away 2 grand with nothing in return then you can afford a better class of female in your life.

In other words you are selling yourself short. You are better than this and better than her. She is obviously not a good person. Why?

She abandoned her child.

If she can do that, where the hell do you think you are.

Move on. She is a vampire.

+100
book as many good SPs for a fraction of $2000 as you need to get over her. Concentrate on making money, not on serving bitches

 

[asian_sampler]

I don't know her and it's difficult to ascertain her intent. At the end of the day though, it's your money so you are free to do with it as you please. Clearly some would gift it, others would loan it, and some wouldn't give it period. If you are more well-to-do, that of course also makes a difference.



Definitely a good idea. I wonder though, even though it would take some effort, would it be possible for her to then go to the school and request a refund?



First, one of the biggest mistakes that is a well known is never get involved with family when it comes to money. Lot of people have major issues when it comes to money. So if I were to give money to a family member and it was a significant amount, damn sure I'm legalizing it in some way as I would with a friend. I know too many people who have been burned by giving or lending money to others. With gifts, sometimes the giver thinks they now have the right to comment, influence, and judge the receiver's actions.

Second, if I lend someone money and they don't pay it back, I don't think I'm worried about the stress they'll endure when I take them to court. One of the deterrents to them for not paying me back is the prospect of being taken to court.

Lastly, if you don't understand what exploiting someone by giving them money when they are desperate in exchange for sex means, you have issues. If he wants to give it or lend it, so be it, but making it conditional upon sex is not right.

I suggest you either ignore my comments or put me on ignore so you don't have to read them. Same shit from the same shitters...

If she gets a refund for her tuition ?? I thought of that as well and chances are if the money is really for something else she will give him every excuse in the book why she needs to make the payment and not him which should be big enough red flags for the average person. Chances are she needs money now and won't want to wait the time frame required to receive the refund just to pull off this scam.

 

[Jasmina]

Chick opinion - How long did you date? Had you stayed friends (talked regularly since break up) or did she just ask randomly out of the blue? Do you still care for her as a friend/human being? Do you believe the money would actually be used for what she claims? There are a lot of factors to take into consideration before you make a decision and only you know the answers to these questions. I definitely second the sentiment that if you give her the money, don't expect to see it returned and don't expect sex in return, in fact, I'd avoid that under the circumstance.

 

[sempel]

This shouldn't be a question.

If you can afford to give away 2 grand with nothing in return then you can afford a better class of female in your life.

In other words you are selling yourself short. You are better than this and better than her. She is obviously not a good person. Why?

She abandoned her child.

If she can do that, where the hell do you think you are.

Move on. She is a vampire.

A bit judgemental (which is what K Douglas is likely referring to). You aren't the OP so how do you know her circumstances? Aren't most of the ladies working at Asian agencies in similar boats? Here working and sending money home?

Granted the OP kind of admitted that she comes across as less motherly and more living the life while studying here. Of course, if she was looking for a sugar-daddy type, I'm not sure why she was dating the OP. I base this on the fact that if the OP was a sugar-daddy, why question giving her this particular sum of money at this particular time? Seems like it was a regular relationship and now she's asking for money after it's over.

If you decide to you take someone to court, it's time and lost wages off your back too. You would be taking time off work and the end result is not guaranteed. Few of us could afford to part with $2000 in the first place. If the OP could afford the $2000 and potentially time in court to get the money back, he wouldn't have started the thread.

The OP's relationship has already ended so there's definitely no sex. He also said that he wants to stop talking to her and leave it be. The OP's experience has nothing to do with:

1. Exploiting a desperate person in exchange for sex. The ex seems to be desperate right now, but money has not changed hands and as far as we know is not an escort.
2. Whether or not the ladies you've been with seemed desperate or have no choice but to be in this industry.
3. Why those ladies choose to be in this industry.

The above statements are your usual routine of justifying your involvement in this industry. I would certainly hope you are a good client and not causing women to be be exploited in this industry, but these points have nothing to do with this thread. Yet you complain the loudest of anyone on this board when others take threads off-topic.

Like you always say: it's a public forum so I'm free to politely disagree with you.

I think you have made a bunch of unknown assumptions. I don't think you know the OP's circumstances more than anyone else and up to this point he hasn't specified what his preference would be - loan or gift. Obviously a gift is preferable to her.

Yes, going to court costs time and money and there's clearly a downside to losing a day or more in wages to fight for money that you still might not win back. I'm not sure what you mean by saying the OP could afford the 2K plus time in court. It isn't clear to me what you are trying to say. If he can afford the gift, it makes sense that he probably doesn't need to recover the money back. If 2K is a large sum for him, he should think about the recovery costs.

The moment the OP implies that giving her money could (or should) lead to sex, it HAS turned exploitative. I wasn't implying she was an escort. I'm just saying I personally don't feel good about exploiting anybody, escort or not. You've chosen to read into things too much.

And I have no issue with polite disagreement. I have no issue with people defending there points - go ahead and do so. But I think you'd agree the moment you add "As usual" into your comments and direct it at someone, you come off as judgemental, condescending, snide, and sarcastic. Now it's no longer polite, it's personal, right? So disagree without including those type of added and unnecessary comments.

 

[Butler1000]

Is she working her ass off. Nope. She is asking for free money.

Sorry but my sympathy is limited here. He owes her nothing. She made a choice. And instead of trying to stand on her own two feet she is hitting him up for cash.

I would add that 2 grand is a pretty low number for tuition. Smells fishy.

I have never had a good experience with friends and Gfs who show up out of the blue and ask for cash.

Yes I will again you the word vampire. That's what these type of people are. And since I stopped allowing them in my life it has improved greatly. I have a great social circle of friends oh can trust because they are capable of taking care of themselves.

Thats the difference.

 

[Jasmine Raine]

The relationship is over. There should not even be an asking in my opinion.

It is time for her to learn how to use other resources in her life or those that are available to everyone through banks, government, etc.

That is not even getting into the BS side of the story. Which I feel there is some sense, being here on a visa would mean this tuition would have been covered or planned to be covered at some point without your money.

It is hard when having blended your life for a long period of time, to move past that and stop relying on your old partner. Some people get that, some don't. Help her learn that when it is done, it is done.

Besides, she is not going to starve, die, lose her roof over her head. Life will go on for her even if this is a bad bump in the road for her. She will live, so you will.

 

[sempel]

Gotta agree with Jessica - nobody travels abroad for education but doesn't have the money, especially since there will be obviously increased costs versus staying in your own country (international student fees are much higher, living costs, travel, etc). The entire education system in Canada is actually well funded by international students who are paying significantly higher costs for being educated here. Many internationals are fairly well-off and can afford the exorbitant charges. So did this lady really come here for an education and run out of money? More likely she wants a nicely funded trip back home so OP, if giving the money, stick with the notion of paying the school directly (or whatever other expense she says - who knows if the entire 2K is just education).

 

[spraggamuffin]

Tell her to get a job.

Many women already see being a girlfriend as being a means to an end.
For financial reasons more than anything.
so I guess once they are somebody's girlfriend, they already have"job" once the material things keep flowing.
What OP is going through is one reason carnal relationships never last, because it's fully conditional upon something or many things that are equally carnal or material in nature.
One might feel it has to do with the heart, and it may for one of them and seldom two.
It's definitely about what each wants and can get from the other though.
When it's not, love,kindness or respect and support, it ultimately is of a material nature.

 

[testing1]

Not sure if this was said earlier but I love the line that she cant ask others or family because your the only one in Canada she knows, 2K can be transferred globally almost instantly 7 days a week.

 

[explorerzip]

A bit judgemental (which is what K Douglas is likely referring to). You aren't the OP so how do you know her circumstances? Aren't most of the ladies working at Asian agencies in similar boats? Here working and sending money home?

Granted the OP kind of admitted that she comes across as less motherly and more living the life while studying here. Of course, if she was looking for a sugar-daddy type, I'm not sure why she was dating the OP. I base this on the fact that if the OP was a sugar-daddy, why question giving her this particular sum of money at this particular time? Seems like it was a regular relationship and now she's asking for money after it's over.



I think you have made a bunch of unknown assumptions. I don't think you know the OP's circumstances more than anyone else and up to this point he hasn't specified what his preference would be - loan or gift. Obviously a gift is preferable to her.

Yes, going to court costs time and money and there's clearly a downside to losing a day or more in wages to fight for money that you still might not win back. I'm not sure what you mean by saying the OP could afford the 2K plus time in court. It isn't clear to me what you are trying to say. If he can afford the gift, it makes sense that he probably doesn't need to recover the money back. If 2K is a large sum for him, he should think about the recovery costs.

The moment the OP implies that giving her money could (or should) lead to sex, it HAS turned exploitative. I wasn't implying she was an escort. I'm just saying I personally don't feel good about exploiting anybody, escort or not. You've chosen to read into things too much.

And I have no issue with polite disagreement. I have no issue with people defending there points - go ahead and do so. But I think you'd agree the moment you add "As usual" into your comments and direct it at someone, you come off as judgemental, condescending, snide, and sarcastic. Now it's no longer polite, it's personal, right? So disagree without including those type of added and unnecessary comments.

Hypothetically, if $2000 was insignificant to the OP he likely would have given it to the ex already despite our objections. He could also choose to bring her to court for the fun of it even if the costs exceeded the recovered money.

Everyone here is a bit judgmental and makes assumptions because we're relying only on what we can read and / or personal experiences. We can never truly know someone else's circumstances. You calling out someone for being a bit judgmental is silly especially since that's why the board exists.

The OP explicitly said she broke up with him before Christmas and stopped talking with her. I do admit to missing this statement earlier: "Also, there has been no explicit promise of sex or rekindling the relationship, I’m just assuming that will be included in the deal. I could just meet up with her and try to seduce her, then say I don’t feel comfortable giving her the money." If he took that course of action, then then you are correct that he would be exploiting her. Congratulations on winning that point.

On the other hand, you did not leave it there and said "I can't say I know the personal situation of every lady I have seen but for those I've seen on a regular basis and spoken to, there's nothing I noticed that would indicate they were desperate for money and had no other choice. They have chosen SW for whatever reason and it's a job. So, if you are willing to exchange the money for sex, plenty of ladies to choose from where there will be no strings/issues/exploitation." You chose to link it to your hobbying experience, which again has nothing to do with the OP or the ex.

I made the "as usual" remark because you again added a value statement based on your hobbying experience that is not relevant to the thread. You have used this pattern many times over and usually get defensive when called out on it. When other people make irrelevant points in other threads you are quick to point out that the topic has gone off track.

How about you learn to reply to posts without adding unnecessary and sneaky references to your illustrious hobbying career?

 

[Ceiling Cat]

Activate your Romulan cloaking device, be invisible to her now. This would be your best choice.

 

[Jasmina]

I disagree on some points here, if she is here on a visa she may not have banks as an option for getting a loan, and I am not sure how you think the government would help? As for student loans, when I was in uni I always had to plan for the inevitable fact that my OSAP would be held up for at least a month for whatever stupid reasons they came up with for me needing to hand in additional paperwork or whatever. Not sure how it works for international students, but if you are not used to the system I can easily see how her money might have been delayed.

We don't know their relationship, maybe she felt completely comfortable approaching him for the money due to their history, I think it is erroneous and maybe a little jaded to just assume she's targeting him as a mark. She may be, sure, but we don't know that. I personally have wonderful relationships with my exes and if need be I would feel comfortable going to them if I needed help.

The relationship is over. There should not even be an asking in my opinion.

It is time for her to learn how to use other resources in her life or those that are available to everyone through banks, government, etc.

That is not even getting into the BS side of the story. Which I feel there is some sense, being here on a visa would mean this tuition would have been covered or planned to be covered at some point without your money.

It is hard when having blended your life for a long period of time, to move past that and stop relying on your old partner. Some people get that, some don't. Help her learn that when it is done, it is done.

Besides, she is not going to starve, die, lose her roof over her head. Life will go on for her even if this is a bad bump in the road for her. She will live, so you will.

 

[sempel]

Hypothetically, if $2000 was insignificant to the OP he likely would have given it to the ex already despite our objections. He could also choose to bring her to court for the fun of it even if the costs exceeded the recovered money.

Everyone here is a bit judgmental and makes assumptions because we're relying only on what we can read and / or personal experiences. We can never truly know someone else's circumstances. You calling out someone for being a bit judgmental is silly especially since that's why the board exists.

The OP explicitly said she broke up with him before Christmas and stopped talking with her. I do admit to missing this statement earlier: "Also, there has been no explicit promise of sex or rekindling the relationship, I’m just assuming that will be included in the deal. I could just meet up with her and try to seduce her, then say I don’t feel comfortable giving her the money." If he took that course of action, then then you are correct that he would be exploiting her. Congratulations on winning that point.

On the other hand, you did not leave it there and said "I can't say I know the personal situation of every lady I have seen but for those I've seen on a regular basis and spoken to, there's nothing I noticed that would indicate they were desperate for money and had no other choice. They have chosen SW for whatever reason and it's a job. So, if you are willing to exchange the money for sex, plenty of ladies to choose from where there will be no strings/issues/exploitation." You chose to link it to your hobbying experience, which again has nothing to do with the OP or the ex.

I made the "as usual" remark because you again added a value statement based on your hobbying experience that is not relevant to the thread. You have used this pattern many times over and usually get defensive when called out on it. When other people make irrelevant points in other threads you are quick to point out that the topic has gone off track.

How about you learn to reply to posts without adding unnecessary and sneaky references to your illustrious hobbying career?

The rich get richer by saving money. But assuming the OP was rich, I assume he would have handed it over just as you've stated. Therefore, he probably NEEDS the money like most of us and it's a big hit. Therefore he probably should consider ways of recovering it if he wants to loan it besides asking nicely and praying. Where is it written that he has to give it as a gift?

You seem to miss the mark many times over. I wasn't calling everyone else judgemental - I was referring directly to you because you clearly are with your "as usual" and other BS points about how I post whatever. Leave that garbage out of your replies. Don't throw out crap then say "Oh I thought you were ok with disagreement". Disagreement about the topic or the current conversation, yes. Insults/BS, no. Don't expect me (or anyone else) to be thrilled when someone puts in a jab or two as part of their disagreement.

The reason I link this to hobbying should be obvious - it comes off as wildly contradicting to say to the OP don't give money and expect sex when that's what all of us are doing. I'd look foolish to make that statement. So I'm making the point that in the cases of seeing pros, you aren't exploiting the willing ones. Now, I also cannot say all pros aren't being exploited so I can only reference my own experience to say the ones I've seen are not in a desperate situation. Granted I could be wrong but I'm just saying I don't BELIEVE they are "forced" to do what they are doing. You read it as me trying to brag or trying to impress a bunch of anonymous people on a board. Well whoop dee doo - maybe I'll win some fake award too. Come on.

And you are dead wrong - I don't know what you've been reading but I'm the one who usually sends things off in tangents so I'm not the one complaining about hijacking. Please get your facts straight before calling out somebody. Granted I will point out, just as you did, that sometimes a point/argument is irrelevant. Sorry but I'm pretty sure money+sex+desperation = exploitation. Therefore the point IS relevant.

Try going back and reading things again. See what I've written and see what you've written. As far as I'm concerned, I get defensive when someone appears to be arguing purely because they have an axe to grind versus actually debating/disagreeing. Get over whatever chip you have. Based on what you've written, it comes across as you just having a personal axe to grind so you, like some others, seem to jump in just to argue for the saking of proving me wrong. I agree/disagree with anybody based on what they write. I don't save my disagreement for a select few and say they're wrong just to poke at them.

 

[Jasmine Raine]

I disagree on some points here, if she is here on a visa she may not have banks as an option for getting a loan, and I am not sure how you think the government would help? As for student loans, when I was in uni I always had to plan for the inevitable fact that my OSAP would be held up for at least a month for whatever stupid reasons they came up with for me needing to hand in additional paperwork or whatever. Not sure how it works for international students, but if you are not used to the system I can easily see how her money might have been delayed.

We don't know their relationship, maybe she felt completely comfortable approaching him for the money due to their history, I think it is erroneous and maybe a little jaded to just assume she's targeting him as a mark. She may be, sure, but we don't know that. I personally have wonderful relationships with my exes and if need be I would feel comfortable going to them if I needed help.

I did kind of generalize my statment. I realize she is here on a VISA. My point on government was regarding the asking of money in general for things like school as whole. For her, it would be different. I should have been more clear. I apologise.


I could be jaded, or could just be that I can't and never have been able to ask for money. Not like that. Not at all really. Not even my parents.

My opinion on it period, regardless of the situation is, once split - you are split and you need to go to others for help. Friends are great, but I just feel there is a line.

I do believe in this situation there is a ring of BS to it personally, but you do make some great points though. Thank you.

 

[explorerzip]

The rich get richer by saving money. But assuming the OP was rich, I assume he would have handed it over just as you've stated. Therefore, he probably NEEDS the money like most of us and it's a big hit. Therefore he probably should consider ways of recovering it if he wants to loan it besides asking nicely and praying. Where is it written that he has to give it as a gift?

You seem to miss the mark many times over. I wasn't calling everyone else judgemental - I was referring directly to you because you clearly are with your "as usual" and other BS points about how I post whatever. Leave that garbage out of your replies. Don't throw out crap then say "Oh I thought you were ok with disagreement". Disagreement about the topic or the current conversation, yes. Insults/BS, no. Don't expect me (or anyone else) to be thrilled when someone puts in a jab or two as part of their disagreement.

The reason I link this to hobbying should be obvious - it comes off as wildly contradicting to say to the OP don't give money and expect sex when that's what all of us are doing. I'd look foolish to make that statement. So I'm making the point that in the cases of seeing pros, you aren't exploiting the willing ones. Now, I also cannot say all pros aren't being exploited so I can only reference my own experience to say the ones I've seen are not in a desperate situation. Granted I could be wrong but I'm just saying I don't BELIEVE they are "forced" to do what they are doing. You read it as me trying to brag or trying to impress a bunch of anonymous people on a board. Well whoop dee doo - maybe I'll win some fake award too. Come on.

And you are dead wrong - I don't know what you've been reading but I'm the one who usually sends things off in tangents so I'm not the one complaining about hijacking. Please get your facts straight before calling out somebody. Granted I will point out, just as you did, that sometimes a point/argument is irrelevant. Sorry but I'm pretty sure money+sex+desperation = exploitation. Therefore the point IS relevant.

Try going back and reading things again. See what I've written and see what you've written. As far as I'm concerned, I get defensive when someone appears to be arguing purely because they have an axe to grind versus actually debating/disagreeing. Get over whatever chip you have. Based on what you've written, it comes across as you just having a personal axe to grind so you, like some others, seem to jump in just to argue for the saking of proving me wrong. I agree/disagree with anybody based on what they write. I don't save my disagreement for a select few and say they're wrong just to poke at them.

We already established that if the OP cannot afford to part with the money then it should not be given. We also established that if he chooses to proceed he should not expect anything back (sex, friendship, relationship, etc.) and it would be a gift at that point. You've just repeated what other people have said. He could treat it as a loan and write up a promissory note. On the other hand, he's already said that repayment is unlikely. So his only options at that point would be to do nothing or sue the ex. We agree that suing would likely cost more in terms of time and money than the initial loan.

So you admit to sending threads off-topic now? Interesting, because there are many examples of you criticizing others that do it. It's also interesting that some of those threads including one started by you have been deleted.
If you don't like my garbage or BS, etc. maybe you should hit ignore so you don't have to see them. Until then: :bounce:

At any rate, this is getting very cut and paste. So see you!

 

[explorerzip]

I did kind of generalize my statment. I realize she is here on a VISA. My point on government was regarding the asking of money in general for things like school as whole. For her, it would be different. I should have been more clear. I apologise.


I could be jaded, or could just be that I can't and never have been able to ask for money. Not like that. Not at all really. Not even my parents.

My opinion on it period, regardless of the situation is, once split - you are split and you need to go to others for help. Friends are great, but I just feel there is a line.

I do believe in this situation there is a ring of BS to it personally, but you do make some great points though. Thank you.

Yeah, I don't think someone on a student VISA can even get OSAP. She might be able to get a bursary or scholarship from her school, but that money would have come in already.

 

[james t kirk]

I seem to be the only one who has mentioned this, but.....

She asked you for 2 grand in a text message?

Seriously?

Call me old fashioned, but if you need to ask someone for a favour, you do it face to face. Not by email, not by text, not even by phone. Text would the most offensive way in my opinion.

Personally, I would not even bother to respond. She dumped your ass and now she wants money? That's funny.