I wonder? -- is it possible?? -- dare I suggest it??? -- maybe you're not doing it right!????
Assuming girl on top, it's very easy for the girl to ease away from the guy's mouth, so now he's having to chase you. Maybe, unconsciously, that's what you're doing. So he grabs your legs to pull you back, and holds on, and that makes it worse for you, etc, etc.
So next time, having made sure the guy has a pillow under his head, you press your pussy against his face. Not too hard of course, but enough to let him know he doesn't have to chase you. IMO, having the lady maintain a slight pressure on guy's face makes a huge difference (emphasis on "slight" of course.) Plus, the position the lady is in, she finds it very easy to control the amount of pressure.
Now, I can't imagine how anyone could get actual sexual pleasure from sucking a chap's nudger, but apparently women do. So if there's anything there at all, for you, I think anything that helps both parties to relax increases the chance of moving forward along the wild and wonderful highway 69.