Addiction

[Toad-kw]

I have found, as I am sure some of the other posters here find, that this habit very addicting.

I personally have tried to quit this habit more than once and obviously that has not happened like I planned.

Terb has been a great board to provide information and reviews of our favourite sp, mp and sc. Information has always been there for review for those who search for it. It has also allowed us to gain electronic friendships with other terbites. There seems to be almost a common bond here between people which is great.

Due to the addicting nature of this hobby, I would like to propose a support group to help people quit the habit. There are currently groups out there to help people through the addiction. I am looking for a group that would lean on each other in times of need. Who knows terbites better than terbites themselves.

I would appreciate notes back from anybody that would be interested in participating in a group. I presume that people would be more comfortable with PM's which is great. Any information will not be shared with anyone else.

I also ask for the respect of the terbites that are not interested in this. I know some of the group probably do not find this addicting and others may be able to stop the habit when they feel like it. Please respect the opinions of others even if this would not apply to you.

With my time on this board, and the friendships that I have made, I appreciate this opportunity.

Thanks.

 

[calloway]

You are an amazing person Toad-kw and it's obvious you're battling the demons. I admire that you have the courage to admit the problem and are trying to do something about it. I'm not sure whether I can personally help, but I'm there for any support I can offer you.

This hobby can lead to addiction and anyone who says otherwise is just kidding themselves. But like alcohol or smoking, the bottomline is the person has to admit they have a problem and want to make a change. Unfortunately if left unchecked it can ruin relationships, families and your bank account.

Hang in there Toad-kw.... do it for the special lady you recently told us about.

 

[Guy Lafleuer]

Toad,

I'm not addicted to the hobby. I've got my own vices and addictions to deal with. But there is actually help available at the Homewood in Guelph. They deal with every addiction imaginable. I may be checking in sometime to get off my own...issues. There in the phone book.

If it's just feedback from the board your looking for. When I get the urge, I just watch some porn and have a little menage a moi. The urge goes away and then I have more money to spend on my other vices.

Guy

 

[Toad-kw]

Thanks guys,

Calloway,

I appreciate your comments and you have been a good friend on the board.
PS. It wasn't me that mentioned any special lady on the board though.

Guy,

I am aware of the services offered abroad including Homewood. I personally am using some services to try to help clear this up. The main reason for the post was to take the bull by the horns, admit the problem, and try to set up a support group to not only help me, but to try to help any other terbites that are going through the same problems.

 

[ceo8888ca]

My 2 cents

To break the addiction, one would need another activity to occupy the "time" and "energy" previously allocated.

The idea of a self-help group is good, in turns of "weaning" the members off the addiction. The vision is there but the execution will be tough. If the meetings degenerated into talking about the gals, then more fuel is added to re-ignite the addiction as soon as the meeting is over.

A "diversionary" topic is necessary when members meet over a beer, such as fishing, travelling, business. As each member would have his unique reason to get into the hobby, speakers coming in to talk about successes may not be effective.

What may be helpful would be a network of members that can take time out and join the guy for a beer when his urges are overbearing. Targets may be to cut the outing back to 1 or 2 times a month. I would consider that a success if the goal is reached.

You can see that I am an addict and I need help myself. So, PM me for support if you wish.

 

[Toad-kw]

Thanks CEO

I guess, the first thing that I would propose would be an email group and if comfort levels are there, to get together at a public place (restaurant, bar, etc) to talk about what forum would be comfortable to all involved.

 

[slyguy]

Courageous and admirable post. I not only empathize, but share the same addiction. Recently, I have been going through the same thought process and evaluations. I haven't found a solution, but realize I will have to make a change.

 

[Stoo]

OMG...

I am looking for a group that would lean on each other in times of need....

I don't wish to make light of this addiction issue, but Toad-kw, let me offer the following simple solution:

Whenever, you feel the urge, simply book the SP of your choice, pay in advance, then PM me. I will take your appointment, thereby sparing you the suffering. If all you get is the financial woe of the hobby, soon you will loose interest and you'll be cured.

I wouldn't offer this help to anyone... OK, maybe Slyguy and CEO as well... but you are special and this is what friends do for friends!

As for a group to lean on, I use the duo method. I lean on one lady, while another leans on me, forming an uncomfortable sandwich, which I just hate. This is much like some of the old torture methods used in the dark ages...

 

[bOOTyMaN]

Hello i am Jimmer and i am a pussyaholic.

I agree with the above comments and also would like to add that you,me and everyone needs a solid foundation or else we are like waves in the sea being blown (no pun) by the the mighty winds .

Vices suck as i am cursed with pretty much all of them,constant battles my friends but the good news is they can be overcome with support and accountability.

Group Hug.

Cheers

 

[Stoo]

But seriously...

This hobby can lead to addiction and anyone who says otherwise is just kidding themselves.

Interesting to hear that some of my idols are having thoughts along the same lines. As you probably know, I have recently become involved with a woman after my divorce two years ago. She is open-minded, and we have a girlfriend we see from time to time, most recently, this Friday (See NF post...) Sly, I think it was you who questioned why I was still hobbying some time ago, and the answer is obvious.. I'm addicted!

I think the rationalization I go through... and I am only speaking for myself... is that hobbying doesn't hurt anyone. I can afford it (I don't think I am as active as Sly and CEO seem to be...) and I probably only hobby once a month or so on average. It does not harm my relationship in any way, because there is no emotional attachment beyond "the moment" with the SP. It is strictly physical... sport as it were.

My ongoing fear is that I might contract an STD. While I take all of the normal safetly precautions, there are risks. I am also engaged in some relatively high risk sports, but I can control the level of threat here. I think the risk of catching an STD is what will ultimately get me out of the hobby. And I don't mean HIV, just a good old 'dose' which would be difficult to explain (although, one bonus in having a third person join us from time to time, is that I can blame it on her) ;-)

I have no doubt that I have a sexual addiction, and I suspect that this is the case with most of us. Toad-kw, as with any addiction, the cure is found in understanding the underlying need that is not being met. Unlike alcohol or tobacco, I doubt that there is any physical component to the addiction, ironically, but rather a deep-seeded psychological need that you have... as do the rest of us. I started hobbying towards the end of a bad marriage. I was in a relationship pretty much without affection, and an SP could provide that... however superficial... for a couple of hours. The problem is, that I started to like it right away... thanks to some of the great ladies I have come to know. In this new relationship, there is great affection, physical, emotional and everyother kind there is. So now I just figure I'm one horny guy.

I suspect that while the goal of using fellow Terbites as a support group is a great idea, I suspect it 's a bit like going to a bar to chat with the drunks to get help beating your drinking problem. If you are truly serious about this, and "just say no" isn't working, I would suggest that the first step is to contact your doctor, who can perhaps refer you to a suitable therapist. If the family Doc is a little "close to home", you could contact a private therapist who specializes in this. I have been accused of dispensing this kind of advise before (with tounge in cheek...), but I am surrounded by Psychiatrists, Psychologists and Therapists in my private life (and before some smart-ass suggests it... no I'm not in an Institution...) The trick is to get over the first call... just think Tony Soprano.

Besides, some of the Shrinks I know are hot, really hot, and I often imagine what... oh never mind...

 

[Stoo]

Better than a duo...?

Group Hug.

What's the rate for a group hug?

 

[ceo8888ca]

Re: Better than a duo...?

What's the rate for a group hug?

All males (dressed) ==> Free !
All males (naked) ==> Your rimmed ass.

All females (Naked) ==> Number of females X hourly rate
All females (Naked with your SO) ==> PRICELESS!

Your choice ??

 

[Toad-kw]

Stoo,

I agree with you. I have taken those other steps as well and I will continue to do so. Part of AA and other groups are having a support network set up for when you need the help the most. Most people do not have the anxiety when the weekly meetings happen. People are connected to each other so that support is given when it is needed. It is also reciprocated as needed as well. This is definitely not a one way street.

The part of drunks talking together is bar is a good analogy, but if the drunks have made a commitment to stop and they are talking without drinking that is a good thing. If not I agree. The group would not talk about SP's and who was hot. It would be talking about the addiction. Why it happens, When it happens, what seems to cause the start of it when it happens. They we can support each other and try to move forward with beating the addiction. Some other talk could take place as well, but certain groundrules would have to be applied.

If nothing gets started, obviously nothing will get accomplished. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I have heard from a few members so far that interested. I appreciate the replies.

Thanks.

 

[Stoo]

Well Toad-kw, it will be interesting to see how this pans out. The main problem I see is that if CEO takes up the cause, the SP economy in KW will go into a tailspin. If Slyguy follows suit, the whole city will slide into economic turmoil.

None the less, I suppose I might take part too... but honestly, I don't think I'm ready. In all seriousness though, I wish you well with it. May I ask your motivation?

CEO... have you been reading NF threads? That style looks familiar...

 

[Toad-kw]

My motivation. To change what I have not been able to on my own. I have tried for years to quit the habit, only to fall into it again.

I know that there must be more people out there that are in the same position as me. I went through many times thinking that I was the only one addicted to this. I know now that I am not.

I want to change my path for the future and if others want to as well, let us have strength in numbers.

 

[bOOTyMaN]

Aighht!

I say we all congregate at the local Strip club and nip this addiction in the bud.

Stooooooooooooey is correct with his analogy in this matter.

Dr Booty. phd,xxx.

 

[doggiedog]

My hobby has been reduced to a never ending series of last flings. This is the technically challenged Toolman re-incarnated as doggiedog. I quit 10 days ago, wiped terb from my computer and due to my technical limitations, had to re- register.
Much has happened in the 10 days I was away. I read Toads posting this AM, went out for yet one more last fling (CEO check your PM). I need to quit once and for all and don't seem to be able to on my own. I read with interest the "lacking underlying need theory" but I believe that unlike booze or drugs we are born instinctive sex addicts. It is an addiction not unlike overeating. You are supposed to want to eat.
This hobby is a slippery slope and it is good to know I am not alone.
Toolman

 

[calloway]

Re: Better than a duo...?

What's the rate for a group hug?

Listen guys... we have the experience in our group to open our own business for sexual addiction and all become instant millionaires. We obviously have the knowledge and "first-hand" experience. What would we name our business? MSOG?

There's been some very caring and compassionate advice offered. Well... except for the rimming suggestion CEO. I still believe that this is a very personal decision with no magic solution. Just since reading this thread again, I've thought about going to see someone tonight 4-5 times. Strange as it sounds, I personally believe that sexual addiction is a lot more than simply needing sex. It's an addiction and I think the best non-medicated solution is simply "one day at a time". But like any addiction... you first have to admit you have a problem and then want to do something about it.

I've often wondered why I got in the hobby. High sex drive... cash to burn... curiosity. Save the money because most qualified therapists would probably tell us that we weren't loved enough as children or we fear rejection. My personal story is that I was madly in love with one girl all through high school and into my early 20's. We broke up and I simply went crazy sexually... never to return. Do I regret anything I've done? Sure, but you can't change anything about your past. You can however change everything about your future.

I might be kiddin' myself because I still believe that "when the right woman comes along"... I'll leave the hobby. But is that possible? How much damage has been done? Who knows... and maybe I'll never know.

We're only on the planet a short time and I'm determined to enjoy life to the max. As long as I'm not hurting anyone and my bills are being paid... I guess it's really my own business.

 

[doggiedog]

MSOG indeed. The stereotypical hobbiests seems to have more depth than previously believed.

 

[calloway]

Did you guys read the new thread in the Lounge? Maybe this is really the answer. We're not addicted.... maybe we're just too smart!


SEX MAKES YOU CLEVER

Sex stimulates the brain and makes people more intelligent, according to a top German researcher. Werner Habermehl, from the Hamburg Medical Research Institute, says that regular sexual intercourse promotes intelligence.

He said that love making not only excited the body but also the brain and the increased amount of adrenaline and cortisol hormones that are produced stimulates the grey matter, reported magazine Unicum Campus.

"Sex makes you more intelligent in that experiences are collected that can be used later on in areas of life not linked to sex," said Habermehl.

He added that the added injection of endorphins and serotonin that resulted from an orgasm strengthened self-confidence - giving the body a mental as well as physical work out.