The One Spa

Bananad

Previous Thread Next Thread
G

Goober Mcfly

Retired. -ish
Oct 26, 2001
10,123
14
38
NE
Goober: Right. Bananas. How to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. Now you, come at me with this banana. Catch! Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. First of all you force him to drop the banana; then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him 'elpless.
The Doctor: Suppose he's got a bunch.
Goober: Shut up.
Meesh: Suppose he's got a pointed stick.
Goober: Shut up. Right now you, Mr Shithead.
The Shake: The Shake.
Goober: Sorry, Mr. Shake. Come at me with that banana. Hold it like that, that's it. Now attack me with it. Come on! Come on! Come at me! Come at me then! (Shoots him.)
The Shake: Aaagh! (dies.)
Goober: Now, I eat the banana. (Does so.)
The Doctor: You shot him!
Fang: He's dead!
Meesh: He's completely dead!
Goober: I have now eaten the banana. The deceased, Mr Shithead, is now 'elpless.
The Doctor: You shot him. You shot him dead.
Goober: Well, he was attacking me with a banana.
Fang: But you told him to.
Goober: Look, I'm only doing me job. I have to show you how to defend yourselves against fresh fruit.
Meesh: And pointed sticks.
Goober: Shut up.
The Doctor: Suppose I'm attacked by a man with a banana and I haven't got a gun?
Goober: Run for it.
Fang: You could stand and scream for help.
Goober: Yeah, you try that with a pineapple down your windpipe.
Fang: A pineapple?
Goober: Where? Where?
Fang: No I just said: a pineapple.
Goober: Oh. Phew. I thought my number was on that one.
Fang: What, on the pineapple?
Goober: Where? Where?
Fang: No, I was just repeating it.
Goober: Oh. Oh. I see. Right. Phew. Right that's bananas then. Now the raspberry. There we are. 'Armless looking thing, isn't it? Now you, Mr Tin Peach.
Fang: Thompson.
Goober: Thompson. Come at me with that raspberry. Come on. Be as vicious as you like with it.
Fang: No.
Goober: Why not?
Fang: You'll shoot me.
Goober: I won't.
Fang: You shot The Shake.
Goober: That was self-defence. Now come on. I promise I won't shoot you.
Meesh: You promised you'd tell us about pointed sticks.
Goober: Shut up. Come on, brandish that raspberry. Come at me with it. Give me Hell.
Fang: Throw the gun away.
Goober: I haven't got a gun.
Fang: You have.
Goober: Haven't.
Fang: You shot The Shake with it.
Goober: Oh, that gun.
Fang: Throw it away.
Goober: Oh all right. How to defend yourself against a redcurrant -- without a gun.
Fang: You were going to shoot me!
Goober: I wasn't.
Fang: You were!
Goober: No, I wasn't, I wasn't. Come on then. Come at me. Come on you weed! You weed, do your worst! Come on, you puny little man. You weed...

(Goober pulls a lever in the wall--CRASH! a 16-ton weight falls on Fang)

Fang: Aaagh.
 
G

Goober Mcfly

Retired. -ish
Oct 26, 2001
10,123
14
38
NE
Goober: If anyone ever attacks you with a raspberry, just pull the lever and the 16-ton weight will fall on top of him.
The Doctor: Suppose there isn't a 16-ton weight?
Goober: Well that's planning, isn't it? Forethought.
The Doctor: Well how many 16-ton weights are there?
Goober: Look, look, look, Mr Knowall. The 16-ton weight is just _one way_ of dealing with a raspberry killer. There are millions of others!
Meesh: Like what?
Goober: Shootin' him?
The Doctor: Well what if you haven't got a gun or a 16-ton weight?
Goober: Look, look. All right, smarty-pants. You two, you two, come at me then with raspberries. Come on, both of you, whole basket each.
The Doctor: No guns.
Goober: No.
The Doctor: No 16-ton weights.
Goober: No.
Meesh: No pointed sticks.
Goober: Shut up.
The Doctor: No rocks up in the ceiling.
Goober: No.
The Doctor: And you won't kill us.
Goober: I won't.
The Doctor: Promise.
Goober: I promise I won't kill you. Now. Are you going to attack me?
The Doctor & Meesh: Oh, all right.
Goober: Right, now don't rush me this time. Stalk me. Do it properly. Stalk me. I'll turn me back. Stalk up behind me, close behind me, then in with the redcurrants! Right? O.K. start moving. Now the first thing to do when you're being stalked by an ugly mob with redcurrants is to -- release the tiger!

(He does so. Growls. Screams.)

Goober: The great advantage of the tiger in unarmed combat is that he eats not only the fruit-laden foe but also the redcurrants. Tigers however do not relish the peach. The peach assailant should be attacked with a crocodile. Right, now, the rest of you, where are you? I know you're hiding somewhere with your damsons and prunes. Well I'm ready for you. I've wired meself up to 200 tons of gelignite, and if any one of you so much as makes a move we'll all go up together! Right, right. I warned you. That's it...

(Explosion.)



Credit and apologies to Monty Python
 
S

Spode

Banned
Feb 13, 2004
2,346
0
0
55
and you have the power to ban people?!

sheesh
 
Y

yychobbyist

Geez, that's even weirder than the reason I posted that hijack thread.
 
W

wrong hole

huh...
May 4, 2003
4,890
0
0
25 malbury lane
Can someone do a Coles note version of it....too long to read


reading makes my head hurt
 
B

banshie

Member
Jan 27, 2003
885
0
16
Goober

Where's the credit to Monty Python? You might get sued. Or attacked with damsons and prunes!
 
S

superquad1968

Lucifer's Assistant
Nov 26, 2003
659
0
16
Hell. Where Else?
www.terb.ca
Coles Notes Version:

4 idiots want help fighting fruit
1 really big idiot kills 4 smaller idiots

Metaphor for something. Dunno wot.

Did that help?

Please do not ban me. Just helping out.
 
T

The Scholar

New member
Jan 4, 2004
261
0
0
*sees Fang under that 16-ton weight...figures he must be thirsty...asks him, "would you like a Tim Horton's coffee?" to which Fang's hand crawls out from under the block and gives me the middle finger...*

Nice guy, huh?

:p

Regards.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Ashley Madison
Previous Thread Next Thread
Toronto Escorts
Top Bottom