funniest HOMER line

[Jack Mioff]

The episode where the dog needs $2,400 worth of surgery or it will die. The whole family is at the vet's and when the vet tells them the price, the next scene, they are all in the car, including the dog and bart says

Bart: How come we're leaving the vet?

Homer and Marge exchange glances.

Bart: so when does santa's little helper get his operation?


Homer: (slightly nervous) let me tell you about doggie hevean.

Bart: Doggie heaven!

Again, Homer has that look

Bart: Does that mean there's a Doggie Hell

Homer: Well, err, yes there is a Doggie Hell

Bart: What dogs are in doggie Hell

Homer: Well, that dog from that devil movie, Hitler's dog.....

We'll get a new dog!

One with an untwistable stomach!

-Homer

 

[y2kmark]

Not a Homer line...

I don't remember that episode either, eggman and berlin, but I do remember a line from the episode where Homer discovers a long overdue library book. It is a book of classic stories and he sits down with Bart and Lisa to read it. The first story is about Odysseus and the Trojan War, and Homer, Lenny, Carl, Moe, Apu, and Professor Frink are trying to convince the gatekeeper in Troy (played by Flanders) to accept this large wooden horse they are hiding in. After the Trojans roll the big wooden horse into their city, Flanders says, "From now on, when people think wood, they'll think of Trojan". It was a hilarious line.

But my all time favorite from the Simpsons. Ned is actually playing King Priam and the line is:

"Now, whenever anyone gets wood, They'll think of Trojans!"

I fell off the damn chair

 

[Pete Graves]

"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman." -Homer

 

[RayFinkel]

Didn`t read all threads.

Homer.

I like my beer cold, TV loud, and homosexuals just Flaming.

 

[bigshot]

How about the time homer had to problem solve:

"OK brain, you don't like me and I don't like you. Let's just finish this so that I can get back to killing you with beer"

or looking at Bart and saying... "he reminds me me of myself at that age. Before life robbed me of my enthusiansm"

 

[Spode]

"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel."

 

[the_big_E]

ooh, he card read good

 

[Hockey_MLnut]

When Homer is going to talk to Bart about women

Homer: Women are alot like a fridge they are about 6ft tall 300LBS and they make Ice.

Homer: You gave both dogs away you know how i feel about giving.

Homer: I'm the magical man from fairy land i live in a gum drop house on lollypop lane................incase you cant tell im being sarcastic.
Marge: Welll Duhhhhhhhh

Homer: Then we cant pee in the drinking fountian.....well if we wanted to.

Homer: Nothing ever happens to good people
Bart: what about Lincon?
Homer: aaaa he sold poison milk to school children

when homer needs a doughnut he looks in his manual at work and there is an IOU that said "IOU one doughnut signed Homer" then Homer says
Homer: Bastard hes always one step ahead

 

[antaeus]

prohibition episode

drinking all booze in town, spinning on Moe's barstool Homer with beer keg on head:

Look at me I'm the king of Ireland

 

[WhaWhaWha]

When he entered the third dimension...

"I wish I'd read that book by that wheelchair guy!"

 

[Max_Power_1138]

From the "Behind The Laughter" episode

As they go to commercial, they preview an interview with Homer about his embarrassing off-camera behavior:

"Look, I told you... I thought that cop was a prostitute!"

 

[Annessa]

I love Homer,
I think the funniest line Homer ever said was.........
"I am so smart, I am so smart, S-M-R-T.............DOH"

Now that was funny...........got anymore?

That's my all time favorate one. Damn you beat me to it.





Annessa
xoxo

 

[jackryan02]

Upon leaving the house the Simpsons rented on vacation and finding his car covered in seashells by Lisa's new friends (from off screen, no less)

"SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!"

 

[hottmale]

"It takes two to lie. One to lie and the other to listen"

"If you dont like your job,you dont strike.You just go in
every day and do it really half-assed That's the American way"

" Televison -teacher,mother, secret lover"

"It's ok kids, you tried your best and you falied. The lesson is :Never try"

"You'll have to speak up, I'am wearing a towel"

" Hey I ask for Ketchup- I'm eating salad here"

" English? Who needs that ? I'm never going to England"

 

[Kensho]

My favorite Homer line comes the episode when Homer is the common man going into outer space.

While on the phone to the White House, talking to then President Bill Clinton and looking for an orange juice drink.

Homer say to Bill: "If anybody knows where to get some TANG, it would be you"

 

[cpaddin]

Two wives

I didn't read all of these so I hope this isn't a dupe. Sad that my first post on TERB is about Homer Simpson.

Homer : I don't know, Flanders, having two wives could have its advantages.

[Homer's imagination conjures up himself lying in a hammock while Marge and the cocktail waitress chop wood and dig a hole, respectively]

Homer : Chop, chop, dig, dig, chop, chop, dig, dig, chop, chop, dig, dig ...

Marge : You know, Homey, there's so much more two wives could do for
you ...

Homer : I hear digging, but I don't hear chopping!

or this one...

Homer: I'll take my chances in the mystery wall!
[goes into it]
[steps out into 3D land, looks around]
[thinking] Oh, glory of glories. Oh heavenly testament to the
eternal majesty of God's creation.
[out loud] Holy macaroni!

 

[Double J]

From last nights episode

I loved it when he was marrying Patty and her fiance...


"Queerly beloved"

Don't know what he said after that, I was laughing to hard.

 

[Back Burner]

I think I posted it but,

Homer is driving like crazy..


Marge - "Homer you'll kill us all"

Homer - "Or die trying!!"

 

[tigerxxx]

I think it was from the show that the simpsons were profiled like celebrities.

Homer: I thought the cop was a prostitute

(and then sits back satisfied as though that justifies everything)

 

[hottmale]

Mmmm Barbecue
Mmmm Beer
Mmmm Beer Nuts
Mmmm Fifty Dollar Pretzel
Mmmm Forbidden Donut
Mmmm Gummi Beer
Mmmm Organized Crime
Mmmm Sacrelicious
Mmmm Urinal Fresh



Sorry I would post them all But there is to many