Getting over "the girl"
- Thread starter biogenicx
- Start date
Basically agreed. This came up not too long ago, and to paraphrase my advice from then:
You now have a lot more free time in all likelihood. Even though you feel awful, it's important to fill that time, preferably with social things with a fairly strong focus on 'you'. Friends and family will get you so far, but I'd suggest doing things that you wanted to do but could never find the time for. There's the phrase, "the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody" but I'd advise against sexual sexual liaisons with civies and pros alike until some time has gone by and you invested some time in doing 'you things'. A person having sex should be about themselves and the person they're having sex with, not about the ex. If you hop in the sack too soon the ex will be in the room... Avoid excessive intoxicants and drunk dialing / (e)mailing / IMs / PMs / Wall Posts / whatever. Enforce some meaningful minimum separation from the ex. You can't move on if you're both always in each others orbit. Put friendship or FWB out of your mind until after 'the next relationship' at a minimum, if ever.
Like Gen said, a person needs time, but it's also about how a person uses their time. Avoid brooding alone, or friends and family that will over coddle, and try to keep busy preferably doing social things that you were always curious about. As often as not new friends and new romantic relationship will naturally emerge from that after some time.
If you were in a serious and long relationship and you eventually transition to a new relationship you will have baggage, comparisons will arise, and you'll have to unlearn relationship and sexual habits. If you've had enough time and space, and used that time well, this is transitional. There are no firm timeliness here, but it does get better.
Good luck.
It's BS. To think you guys are oblivious enough to post that on a board where countless married or partnered men proactively research how to better fuck around on their sacred "child bearer" and lifelong partner because she doesn't turn their crank enough. Time after time, they risk it all for 30 minutes of fine ass! There''s the real verdict on your idea of romantic fixation as a merrit based award.
All the good deeds and intentions in the world can't make somebody "the one" - they have to be BORN with whatever it is that affects a given person the primal and purely romantic level.
For people who really know what they like, it is extremely diffcult to have "the best" and then lose it. After all, "the best" was No.1 for a reason, and if you are honest with yourself there's no way to be as enthusiastic about other people when you know they're not what you really want.
Of course, not everyone is that selective or particular. For people who are mainly in love with themselves and value thier SO's exclusively based on how accommodating an accessory the other person is to them, then I suppose a romantic interest can be replaced as easily as switching phone plans.
Both ways of being have their pro's and con's. I am not promoting one value system over the other, but the two types of people inheirently don't understand each other, leading to extremely ignorrant suggestions like "growing balls" ( I day it somentimes takes more balls to insist on your criterea rather than to make do with whatever comes along...)
Well, whatever you do, DO NOT listen to Don Henley records.....
You'll be sitting in the corner at 3 a.m in a puddle of your own pee, drinking beers,and singing along to the strains of "The Heart of the Matter" sobbing out loud, "Even if, even if, you don't love me anymore"
You'll be sitting in the corner at 3 a.m in a puddle of your own pee, drinking beers,and singing along to the strains of "The Heart of the Matter" sobbing out loud, "Even if, even if, you don't love me anymore"
This comment is insensitive, and is clearly an oversimplification of the issue and how to get over it. I fail to see how simply 'growing some' will help him feel less hurt. This isn't about bravery or cowardice, it's about loss and grief. Grieving a loss is a complex process, and some people are better at it than others. In the end, his getting over it will be less about "growing a pair" and more about is ability to let go.I can honestly say "It has never happened to me". Yes I have been involved with several women through the years. A few did not care for my dog and some of those asked me to choose ... after wishing 'her' a nice life the dog and I went for a walk. One wanted the dog when we broke up.
That said, I do not know how I would react if this current woman in my life left. This one could hurt.
To the OP how long has it been ? Gen and the rest are on the right track in that just give it time.
Do you have a hobby, like to cycle(apparently we need a new Cycleguy ... lol), just find something that catches your fancy and dive in.
You'll grow out of all this over time. I think back to a few guys I dated and one or two of what could have been more serious type relationships and I think "WTF was I doing back then?" I wouldn't date them today for many reasons and part of it is because I have matured and know what I want now. Think of yourself and be selfish for a while . I've accomplished a few things by doing this. In my experience, it helps.
G
GlavaMan
Hahaha been there done that.....expect for the pee thing! How about The Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight .....also fits!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKEu3EmBCzQ&feature=fvsr
Smart decision. Never give up your dog (or cat). Any woman who asks you to do so isn't worth it.
Besides, dogs have a higher sense of loyalty than women (or men for that matter).
