Goodbye

[Sexy_Dave]

I find it amusing how some people feel this need to post these epic good byes.

"...cancel any discreet email addresses and ‘adult oriented’ memberships."

Looks like you failed on that one.

"...due to my addiction to sex."

Excuse making.

"...I should have been stronger."

Getting close to the heart of the matter here but still not really ready to accept it.

"...receive the sacrament of reconciliation, and I feel a lot better for it because my need was genuine."

Better than the Holy Hand Grenade of Division of Assets and Spousal Support.

"...I’m tired of living a lie."

You still are living the lie, evidenced by you being here after telling everyone you would be gone.

"...stay true to my convictions"

Are these the convictions you had when you began this foray into hobbying???

"It’s time I took responsibility for my life..."

Talk is cheap...You still are not getting it.

"I can’t say I will miss you. How can I? I don’t really know you."

Then why are you here layin all this garbage on us under the pretense of being the caring individual when you should be taking care of the ones in your Life who deserve this consideration? Obsequeous Hypocrite.

"...it no longer matters what you say,..."

Obviously it does!!! lol Why else would you be here now? Unless you are satisfying some internal, selfish need to appear to be something that you clearly are not.

"I have been manipulated by my desires and sexual addictions for too long."

You are not accepting responsibility for yourself here. People of strong character are not manipulated by there desires. Excuse making.

"I was curious to the response..."

Hoseshit...

"...rub would be more supportive of my decision."

Why should you give a rats ass about the support of someone here???



"I’m only human, that’s why I kept my computer open on this so I could see the reaction, and also because I'm waiting for a PM from another Terbite who had some non SP information for me in the technology forum. I do pray that it will never happen. I hope that this is forever behind me."

Oh please....give us a break!!!!

LMFAOOOO

 

[BallzDeep]

I have to ask, who is TWH, after reading all of this, I'm too involved now.

 

[Ashley Dupree]

This may sound weird but what about the wife failures? She honor him every way but sex is also important in relationship. She fail him there. I'm not making excuse for him and his hobby. He had void in his relationship and people go other place to fill need. She will also have to realize her fault to. There is serious problem in marriage today because it seem like people give up working on it after while...... She figure she don't have to give it up anymore because she have his 3 kids or she tired or she busy. I say all this because I know feeling and it is not fun to feel not wanted in relationship. And when he say he went on church weekend I dont buy that. People sometime use relgion like a bottle of pill and they cured. He have to have faith in himself and his marriage.

 

[Berlin]

There is serious problem in marriage today because it seem like people give up working on it after while......

Agree.

As for whose fault was it or who can be blamed, you know we are only looking in from the outside after all and will never know the true dynamics in their relationship.

Let's hope that things will work out for the 2 since it seemed they are are willing.

I have to ask, who is TWH, after reading all of this, I'm too involved now.

Don't think it's Goober's mom.

 

[rama putri]

Christ. Not another goodbye thread. If people want to leave, just friggen leave and spare us the I found Jesus or whatever speech.

 

[skypilot]

Christ. Not another goodbye thread. If people want to leave, just friggen leave and spare us the I found Jesus or whatever speech.

Yes!

 

[kbluejayk]

Amen!

 

[Never Compromised]

Why are we continuing to give THW and/or the caught hobbiest any bandwidth?

All things in life are with risk. This hobby has a number of risks.

Lets get back to having some fun, and stop being the fun of other people.

 

[Jade4u]

awwww

Does this mean if I meat a tall dark and handsome man and about to be married still in my apt. for a short while before moving in with him that I cannot log in and say good-bye.

F u's lol I already F'ed enough of yah anyways. I am retired love this place keep coming on cause yeah I guess I love this place and if I ever leave it I am saying bye bye.

Also from the men I met I better get some best wishes etc... or I will come back and F you all again.

 

[Drops of Female Dew]

In my opinion for what it's worth I think that if Tower was sincere about quitting the hobby because he has "found god" and sees the err of his ways, he would not still be reading this board and posting here. But he is, because as he said, his wife doesn't know about TERB so he feels safe being here even after he's sworn to her and God that he will no longer cheat. I think Tower is still lying to his wife and also to himself. He's been hobbying since 2002, is he really going to give it up cold turkey just because he was caught? It's not like he himself came to this decision on his own - He got caught. Tower, would you have posted this thread if your wife hadn't found out? The answer to that should tell you how sincere you really are.

 

[Bud Plug]

Let me start by saying that I wouldn't wish what happened to you on anyone (particularly on myself ). Obviously, your life was going to be turned upside down if you didn't find some common ground with your wife after she discovered your hobbying, given her attitude towards it. Most people, especially if they have kids, aren't prepared to let that cataclysm happen. I also hope that you've made the best decision for yourself and that you will be happy with your choice.

Having said all of that, you've made several statements in your swansong post that suggest some further reflection is in order.

I’m definitely no saint, but I have tried to be “good”.

That's admirable, but you should examine where your definition of "good" comes from - an internal code?, religious tenets?, your perception of societal expectations? If your definition of good does not come from within, how has the definition you've been using served you in your life?

She lay down the law and told me under no certain terms was I to have sex with her

Whoa! Doesn't she understand: 1) the relationship between that behaviour and your hobbying, and 2) the message that sends about the "balance of power" in your relationship on a go-forward basis. In my view, her position on this is obviously counterproductive to restoring your sexual relationship with her.

Over the years, I have told my wife that I loved her, but in many cases how can a man truly love his wife, yet still hobby on the side?

Again, depends on your definition of love. Does a man whose wife is in a coma "not love his wife" if he seeks the comfort of an SP? I don't believe so. Love is a word thrown around by some as if it only means one thing. I think that we love everyone (who is close to us) differently. I even think that you can love and support your wife without having any sexual relationship with her!

I have known all along that my hobbying is wrong....We have just returned from a Christian (Catholic) retreat weekend with the intention of saving our marriage.

Man, that Catholic religion is strong stuff! Nothing has ever proved more effective in instilling guilt into people. I'm not sure how effective it is as medicine, however!

A marriage of true love is something worth fighting for! It’s like the country song ‘Love isn’t something that we’re in, it’s Something that We Do’. It takes a lot of work

I read and hear this kind of statement a lot. The idea that love is "hard work" or something "you fight for" seems like "square peg into round hole" logic to me. If you really love someone, I don't think it should seem like work at all. People are capable of almost anything. With enough determination you can "act" like you love someone, or even convince yourself that you really do love them. I think people who are "working hard" at loving someone are in denial about the nature of their relationship.

the particular SP was performing in ways I wished my wife would behave in her affection toward me.

Bingo. Has she reflected on her role in your choice to hobby? Is she prepared to change, or is she perfect, because according to Catholic rules she's done nothing wrong (by withholding affection from you)? When a relationship deteriorates, it's never fully the "fault" of just one person.

My wife had ALWAYS been faithful to me. I know I am married to an angel.

Again, only if "faithful" is narrowly defined by whether she's had sex with other men. There are many ways to be "unfaithful" and unsupportive without having extramarital sex.

My point is that I’m tired of living a lie.

Until your wife addresses her role in your choice to hobby, you still are.

I have a lot to do to gain the full trust of my wife, but it is worth the effort.

See my comments above about "having to work at it". Ah, Catholicism! - work hard, deny yourself earthly pleasures, give 10% of your money to church, listen to other people preach to you as if they are closer to God than you are, and maybe you'll be granted happiness in an afterlife! You wouldn't buy this if it was Amway knocking on your door, would you?

I know I am blessed to be married to such a strong and wonderful woman.

See my comments about her willingness to examine her own actions.

It’s time I took responsibility for my life and become the husband, father and friend that I should have been years ago.

Ok, but I assume these aren't new objectives for you. Why did you think that hobbying wasn't inconsistent with these objectives in the first place? Maybe the answer is that one doesn't have anything to do with the other.

She is my best friend.

Nothing wrong with that. However, my best friend and I don't have sex, and he wouldn't expect me to have sex with him nor does he care who I have sex with! Is it necessary for you to have a sexual relationship with your wife for you and she to be best friends. If so, why?

I'm completely supportive of you finding greater piece of mind regarding the way you live. I just don't think you solve a problem by pretending it never existed.

 

[futurelegend]

Anyone else want to use up an entire page on this thread, picking apart this diatribe, line by line?

 

[futurelegend]

I think this was an extremely well thought out and written analysis. Great job Bud

Truthfully, I didn't even go through and read it. No insult to the poster above my comment at all. Everyone has an opinion and most are valuable. It just takes forever to get through posts like that and I don't think the OP is going to take what we have to say about his situation to heart. We are all the anti-Christ right now in his books, so it won't help. This is at least the third line-by-line analysis of his posts, however.

 

[Mikehorn]

I think this can be distilled into a single sentence. "Your wife caught you and you are screwed"

More like she'll try to make sure he doesn't get screwed again.

 

[danmand]

more accurate

I think this can be distilled into a single sentence. "Your wife caught you and you are neutered"

 

[james t kirk]

People are like elastic bands when it comes to changing.

You pull on the elastic and it changes, but eventually, it always wants to go back to its original shape.

She might say that she's going to be more of a horny wife for tower and try to address his needs (though Tower never really said that did he) and Tower might really want to be a faithful monagmous husband, HOWEVER,

With time, she will go right back to the way she was and he will be left scratching his head feeling cheated and, well, he knows the solution to his problems.

I actually have way more faith in Tower to drop the hobby cold than I do in his wife answering the call.

Tower would probably be better off to come to an arrangement with his wife where they have a nonsexual partnership. They live in the same house, they are a couple, but he gets to seek his sexual fulfilment in the hobby and she gets to have peace and quiet. That stands a far better chance of success than her suddenly becoming a horny housewife.