Haven't been here for a while

[Boss Nass]

Father-in-law died suddenly a few weeks ago, and my life changed. When we got the news, my wife literally dropped the phone. She hung her head for a few seconds, and then started screaming and cursing him with incredible hatred. I didn't expect that. Their relationship had always been civil and friendly, although there was an undercurrent of something, but I never thought much about it.

It turns out that he had been sexually abusing her from a very young age. Her mother, alive but quite old, probably knew about it, for reasons that I won't go into. I now understand so much more about my wife, and her family. And I'm at a loss to know how to handle it. I will let my wife deal with it, with my support, but no direct involvement. Not my place. She's strong, and she will get through this. But we both have to clear out the hate and anger that we feel.

Sorry for venting, but this forum, being anonymous, is one of the few places I can let it out.

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

All my to you and yours. I hope this is cathartic for you both

 

[Jenesis]

This is going to be a tough time for your wife. All you can do is support. Let me add one thing - try to only focus on her feelings. Don’t try to “fix” them or make them better. Just like venting here, you don’t expect people to fix it but you just need someone to listen, some place as you said that you can vent. She will go through phases of feelings about this and she will just need you there to listen.

Also, it might be time to get some counselling for her. I would suggest it but not push it.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I am so sorry your wife had to deal with this. This is going to be hard because you are going to have feelings About this as well. Guilt for not knowing before hand, anger at this man who is now gone and you can’t confront. As a man and husband I am sure you wish you could punch this guys lights out. I say if counselling is not right for you, find a group online for this very issue or talk here like you have. You need to release the feelings as well.

Good luck. Personally, my PMs box is open should you ever feel the need.

 

[K Douglas]

It seems like your wife has bottled up the pain from that trauma for all these years and it exploded upon hearing of her father's passing.
She needs to get professional help. She may be strong but nobody has the strength to cope with being sexually abused.
As her husband you need to support and encourage her to get that help.

 

[tml]

Thank you for sharing this with us. Hopes and prayers for you and your wife to deal with this. Please keep us updated.

 

[Darts]

Give your wife space.

 

[Boss Nass]

It seems like your wife has bottled up the pain from that trauma for all these years and it exploded upon hearing of her father's passing.
She needs to get professional help. She may be strong but nobody has the strength to cope with being sexually abused.
As her husband you need to support and encourage her to get that help.

Thanks, but I'm sure she can handle it. She let me know that she had really gotten over it years ago, and his death was only the final aspect of closing it. She's been released from the torment, and looks forward to happiness. Together, we'll find it.

 

[IM469]

Thanks, but I'm sure she can handle it. She let me know that she had really gotten over it years ago, and his death was only the final aspect of closing it. She's been released from the torment, and looks forward to happiness. Together, we'll find it.

It just seems like such an unfathomable situation - such a huge betrayal of trust. Her parents - it's not like you can easily run away. I wish her the best but I would watch her - it maybe that she is still coping but it would not hurt to talk to a professional to remove lingering emotional scars - if it's possible.

I can't explain the behavior of the wife. There are so many stories of husbands drunk, beating/abusing the children - in some cases caging them - but the wife just excuses the behavior rather than help her own children. Some bizarre sick response I also have trouble trying to fathom.

 

[poker]

Sorry she (and you by extension) have to go through this. I can’t imagine. Talking to professionals would be wise move.

 

[Goodoer]

Holy shit. Just be there for her as best you can. I'd think in the background would be best? At least until she approaches you about it.

 

[The Oracle]

Just a reminder that sexual predator's are out there and sometimes where we least expect.