More thoughts on this
Since beginning this thread, I've been reading it pretty regularly. While it's gotten on and off track a few times, I thought I'd respond to a few comments, and carry on in the discussion.
There seem to be (at least) three common themes from differing points of view:
1) Those who stated they see SP activity as disreputable and morally wrong, but still carry on with it, and deal with real emotional aftershocks;
2) Those who stated they see it as morally problematic, but have found a rationale within themselves about it, are more or less adjusted to it, and carry on without too many problems;
3) Those who stated they see SP activity as fine, exciting, and have no doubts about that. These posts were often pretty hostile/insulting to other members' posts that raised questions about self-respect, disease, and personal isolation resulting from this activity.
Personally, I think Sorely's view is pretty close to my bottom-line feelings about this - the 'loser meets loser' characterization pretty much hit the nail on the head, in a very blunt way that I've never quite articulated for myself.
For those who accused me of 'galling' and 'arrogant' generalization about how others might feel about their own actions, I hope you will read my earlier posts more closely, because my comments have always been about me, and my own questions about this.
I will say this about others' comments - if you are in, or have plans to be in, any kind of real, intimate relationship, AND you don't have worries about the diseases you might bring to others, AND if you don't have any self-respect issues about lying to loved ones, THEN you and I are different in the conscience department.
I don't tick that way, and I am not sorry about that.
The comments from SP's were pretty disrespectful, but I understand that the rationalizations they must go through to live with themselves make real understanding on this difficult.
It was sort of sad to see SexySyndy flaming me about my thoughts about disease and risk on this thread, and protesting on another about how horrible it would be for her if her mother found out the truth about her daughter's life.
I think most people on this Board would agree that to some extent, their SP actions cause them to be 'in the closet' about their true selves, somewhere in their lives. Speaking on this Board is very helpful - there aren't a lot of people elsewhere who are knowledgeable enough or able or willing to deal with the truth on this. It is good to speak frankly, somewhere, and air this stuff out a bit with people who get it, whether they agree with me, or not.
There were some comments in the thread about religion, family and society that I think were pretty valid. Of course, sexual guilt exists, and is created by those external forces.
The paradox, though, is that for me, I understand sexual guilt as a cause of SP behaviour. Reducing the guilt made real relationships more possible, and steered my away from the world of the night.
As well, fear (reasonable fear, I might add) of disease has nothing to do with that guilt - it is the result of too many high-risk encounters.
I will also totally agree that the excitement factor about being with tons of beautiful SP's, and the anticipation of more to come, are pretty powerful feelings that haven't gone away, and maybe won't.
Deep down, though, I was looking for love, not sex, and that is why it didn't work for me. All the emotions, my own and the SPs' were fake, momentary half-truths, and I never stopped knowing that on some level. The awareness that I was in 'loser meets loser' encounters was in there, somewhere.
To those who find this activity to be the best available option, or a phase, or just a lifestyle they are comfortable with, I am not here to knock that or change anyone. I am just speaking about me, how I feel, and wondering how others feel.
For at least some people, this is all pretty complicated, and not so easy to handle. Those who have flamed the posts that expressed that view simply don't come from the same place.
That's it for now.
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