how or what would you do
- Thread starter JD71
- Start date
How much is the loan and what was it for. Also do you know his present economic status? Is it can't or won't? Big difference. Pride can play in here. He may be embarrassed he can't pay it back at this time.
A bit more detail is in order if you want some genuine advise. Personally I've been in your situation before. I'm others others have too.
But right now its a bit vague to give an objective appraisal.
A bit more detail is in order if you want some genuine advise. Personally I've been in your situation before. I'm others others have too.
But right now its a bit vague to give an objective appraisal.
Go have a talk with your buddy and tell him that you do not want to be bothering him for the money he owes you, let him tell you what timeline he has in mind to repay the loan. If he tells you 6 months or a year, say nothing until that time. If it is not paid back by then, give him the same deal and allow him an extension of time to pay back the loan. It may even take a third or forth extension, if he has intentions of paying you back you will have given him every opportunity. He names the amount of time he needs to pay you back, therefore when he does not live up to his own expectations he embarrasses himself.
This is a stop loss solution to your situation. If your buddy has no intentions of paying you back then you have not lost anything more than the loan up to this point. You will have saved yourself the begging and pleading for your own money.
This is a stop loss solution to your situation. If your buddy has no intentions of paying you back then you have not lost anything more than the loan up to this point. You will have saved yourself the begging and pleading for your own money.
I doubt this was a male friend. Reads more like, "I gave this chick money and still like her but fuck! Am I ever going to get it back?"
Never loan money to a friend. I had a good friend who really needed money a few years back. I felt like a jack ass saying no, then another mutual friend stepped up with the cash.
Fast forward to today, I am still friends with them both, but they are not talking to each other since the needy guy has declared bankruptcy and listed the debt in his liabilities, which of course is way down the list and likely will never be paid.
Any money you give to a friend should be considered a gift. If you can't gift it, don't loan it.
Why place more value on the friendship then the friend? I have never understood this. If the "friend" valued the relationship, they would be paying it back. Even a dollar at a time. To show good faith, etc. That is not the case here.
The question that should be asked is whether the money or the friendship is more important to the friend? That will give you the honest answer.
Post facto advice but never lend money to a family member or friend. If you really want to help give them the money - they may in fact pay you back, but you aren't left saying deadbeat as you never expected to see the money again.
I just went through this with a friend. I have told him that our friendship is now over and he proceeded to call me every name in the book. I asked him a few times for my money back over the last several months and every time it was "when you're nice to me, I'll give it back" or "If you're going to be a bitch, I'm not paying it back". I am not the only one who lent him money and now he is feeling sorry for himself because he lost all of his friends.
I recently saw him walking towards me and he turned and walked in the other direction. lol
So to the OP, if this friend can afford to pay you back and refuses, he (or she) is not a true friend.
I recently saw him walking towards me and he turned and walked in the other direction. lol
So to the OP, if this friend can afford to pay you back and refuses, he (or she) is not a true friend.
No it's right, friends don't lend friends money.
Friends gift money to one another. In better times, your friend may gift it back to you. But if you are friends, there can be no expectation.
If you can't afford to gift it, don't lend it.
I don't believe in lending/borrowing between friends. I personally do not believe in borrowing at all (not even from banks with the exception of a mortgage in the future), but if I were to lend money it would only be to immediate family because those are the only people I would never resent for not paying me back. Not even significant others. I think it just depends on your philosophy of money. Sorry if you are not able to get that money back, but if that person doesn't respect you, your money, your trust, your friendship, they are not a very reliable person.. just my opinion.
It looks like the pivotal matter in this issue is whether the friend is willing vs. able to repay.
Your opening statement says 'that friend doesn't seem willing to pay back the loan.' The term fair weather friend comes to mind.
Here's another thought- If you loan someone X amount of dollars and then you never see them again, it was probably worth it.
Your opening statement says 'that friend doesn't seem willing to pay back the loan.' The term fair weather friend comes to mind.
Here's another thought- If you loan someone X amount of dollars and then you never see them again, it was probably worth it.
I believe that when you loan money to a friend, you should be prepared to gift the entire amount if they cannot find it in themselves to pay it back. in other words, if you can't afford to lose the money then don't do the loan. If it does come back to you, treat it as a pleasant surprise. I don't like to borrow or loan money - ever - but I did loan 2 different friends some cash within the past couple of years. I told them both that I expected to be paid back, but that I would never bring the subject to their attention, and never did. I didn't want it to appear that I was holding it over them, I also didn't want it to effect our relationship while the money was outstanding. I thought that the dignified thing would be to allow them to show if they were good on their word. Both friends paid back the entire amount and I thought that it said a lot about their character.
If this person is showing no interest at all in repaying your kindness, you are better off without them. It says much about their (lack of) respect for you. Learn from it...
Loaned a handsome amount of money to a distant niece struggling in
college only to find out that the money needed was mainly for
non-discreet spending. Chance of getting the money back hinge on her
landing a well-paid job upon graduation or winning the lottery.
Nonetheless not getting my money back won't upset me very much.
Its just a price to pay to find out the true color of her and her family.
It just means I'll never feel obliged to help her out in the future.
college only to find out that the money needed was mainly for
non-discreet spending. Chance of getting the money back hinge on her
landing a well-paid job upon graduation or winning the lottery.
Nonetheless not getting my money back won't upset me very much.
Its just a price to pay to find out the true color of her and her family.
It just means I'll never feel obliged to help her out in the future.
