How to be likeable
- Thread starter Zoot Allures
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I haven't watched the video, but my number one rule is to show a genuine interest in other people.
The "acceptance prophecy" is what Danu Anthony Stinson and her colleagues (including PhD advisor Julie Fitness) found in their research, here is exactly how this prophecy plays out in real time, and why it’s so difficult to break:
The Two Paths of the Prophecy:
The most painful part of Stinson's research is that people are generally quite accurate. If you expect rejection, you are usually right—but not because you are inherently unlikeable. You are right because your fearful behavior manufactures the very coldness you feared.
Even more striking, her studies on "chronic rejection sensitivity" show that people who expect rejection often misread neutral cues as negative cues. A yawn, a glance at a watch, or a short text reply is interpreted as definitive proof of dislike, which prompts them to withdraw even further, leaving the other person genuinely confused about why the interaction suddenly went cold.
Why it’s so hard to stop:
You can't simply "think positive" your way out of it, because the prophecy operates on an implicit level. If you have a history of social rejection, your body has learned to respond with a cortisol spike (stress hormone) the moment you walk into a room. That physiological response happens before your conscious thoughts can catch up.
How to interrupt the cycle (according to social psychology):
The Two Paths of the Prophecy:
- The Acceptance Path (The Upward Spiral): When you enter a social situation expecting warmth and liking, you feel safe. This safety reduces your cognitive load—you aren't frantically scanning for threats. As a result, you act more openly: you make more eye contact, smile more genuinely, ask curious questions, and disclose appropriate personal details. Others pick up on this warmth and reciprocate it, which confirms your original expectation, making you even more at ease the next time.
- The Rejection Path (The Downward Spiral): When you expect rejection, your brain treats the interaction as a threat. You become hypervigilant, looking for any hint of disapproval. This anxiety manifests in subtle "safety behaviors": you talk less, keep conversations superficial, avoid eye contact, or even preemptively reject others with coldness or sarcasm. Others misinterpret this guardedness as aloofness, disinterest, or unfriendliness. They pull back, which you correctly perceive as rejection—confirming your original fear.
The most painful part of Stinson's research is that people are generally quite accurate. If you expect rejection, you are usually right—but not because you are inherently unlikeable. You are right because your fearful behavior manufactures the very coldness you feared.
Even more striking, her studies on "chronic rejection sensitivity" show that people who expect rejection often misread neutral cues as negative cues. A yawn, a glance at a watch, or a short text reply is interpreted as definitive proof of dislike, which prompts them to withdraw even further, leaving the other person genuinely confused about why the interaction suddenly went cold.
Why it’s so hard to stop:
You can't simply "think positive" your way out of it, because the prophecy operates on an implicit level. If you have a history of social rejection, your body has learned to respond with a cortisol spike (stress hormone) the moment you walk into a room. That physiological response happens before your conscious thoughts can catch up.
How to interrupt the cycle (according to social psychology):
- Shift the goal, not the expectation: Instead of trying to force yourself to believe "They will like me," adopt a learning goal: "My goal is to find out one interesting thing about this person." This takes the spotlight off your performance and reduces safety behaviors.
- Behavioral "acting as if": Deliberately force yourself to do the opposite of what your anxiety dictates. If your anxiety says "cross your arms and look at your phone," force yourself to turn your body toward the person and ask a follow-up question. You don't have to feel accepted to act acceptably.
- The "rejection is not catastrophe" reframe: Stinson's work also suggests that the prophecy is most powerful among people who view rejection as a global indictment of their entire self-worth. If you can cognitively practice viewing rejection as a simple "mismatch" (wrong time, wrong context, different personalities) rather than a reflection of your value, the stakes lower—and lower stakes mean less threatening behavior.
How to be likable?
Don't post videos. Who has time to watch it?
Don't post videos. Who has time to watch it?
it really is that easy anyone who says anything else are probably trying to sell you something
As someone who was a bad salesman, I agree. A good salesman gets to like them, this is essential.
Would you buy anything from someone you did not like ?
I did seminars on how to be good salesman. I hated the job of listening to people. So shallow. Thay is why I was bad at it.
But it was a learning experience.
This is some of the interesting stuff I remember learning :
1 A great salesman is trained to STFU and listen because that makes customer feel important
2 I was trained to find a shared interest within the first 30 seconds.
When you find that tiny connection with a stranger that instant bond creates likability.
3 Instead of talking about themselves, great salespeople ask insightful, open-ended questions.
People who ask thoughtful questions and are genuinely curious about the answers are universally liked but there are outliers.
4 Sales training taught me to mirror. If they are slow and methodical, you slow down; if they are fast and energetic, you speed up.
In real life, this subtle mirroring makes people subconsciously feel trust
To this day I look for sales tactics. The last one was the salesman took of his shiny watch off and deliberately
had the curtain drawn so the sunlight shined on the watch as he showed it to me while bragging how a previous customer gave it to him as appreciation.
I call bull.
Then he ordered me to go see the competition as I was leaving. Again bull, as he thought that his confidence would convince me not to see the competition.
He was a good hard working salesman who was trying to get 10K out of me.
But, he knew only enough about what he was selling to sound good and that was all he needed
Me and salesmen do not get along as I understand their tactics
