How to get fired

[night ride]

Yes, I know the question seems rather silly, but after many years of working for some good people I'm now working for cheap prick assholes. I may be able to switch employers soon and I would like to collect severance of what I believe is one week a year times the many years I worked.
If I quit, I get zip. If I get canned then I believe I get severance...so how do I get canned with severance?

 

[james t kirk]

Yes, I know the question seems rather silly, but after many years of working for some good people I'm now working for cheap prick assholes. I may be able to switch employers soon and I would like to collect severance of what I believe is one week a year times the many years I worked.
If I quit, I get zip. If I get canned then I believe I get severance...so how do I get canned with severance?

Believe it or not, a guy I used to work with at my last employ did exactly that. But it took him more than a year to accomplish his goal of getting fired with severence.

He basically hated his boss out in Vancouver, so it was easy for him to do. What he did was create a situation where his boss could no longer work with him. He was still good with the boys in Toronto and everybody liked him here, but he became unbearable for his boss. Finally one of them had to go and he was it. He clicked his heels right out the door.

 

[Samurai Joey]

You may want to take a look at the following link from the Ontario Ministry of Labour regarding severance:

http://www.labour.gov.on.ca/english/es/pubs/guide/severance.php

To summarize, to qualify for severance, an employee must be (1) dismissed by the company due to bankruptcy or insolvency, (2) "constructively dismiss" the employee (see the link for a definition of "constructive dismissal"), (3) lays the employee off for 35 or more weeks in a period of 52 weeks, (4) lays employee off due to restructuring or other business decisions to close the department or business unit, or (5) gives employee written notice of termination and employee resigns after giving 2 weeks notice.

Just merely getting fired will not qualify for severance, especially if it is "for cause" i.e. the fault is due to you as an employee. Do any of the situations just described above apply to you? If so, discuss with HR in your company or even an employment lawyer to discuss the possibilities.

 

[jiiimmm]

I think your wasting time and energy with this plan. When you find something better just move on. In the meantime do the best job your capable of. Once you move on they'll get the message, if not, fuck them.

 

[HOCKEY_GOD]

Yes, I know the question seems rather silly, but after many years of working for some good people I'm now working for cheap prick assholes. I may be able to switch employers soon and I would like to collect severance of what I believe is one week a year times the many years I worked.
If I quit, I get zip. If I get canned then I believe I get severance...so how do I get canned with severance?

Set the office on fire!

 

[MissCroft]

At least try to do it in style. Like George: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yngq9NmOnFw&feature=related

 

[fuji]

Stop coming in to work, and see for how long do they keep paying you.

 

[pencilneckgeek2]

At least try to do it in style. Like George: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yngq9NmOnFw&feature=related

You beat me to it, that's exactly what I thought of, when reading the O.P.

 

[HG Hunter]

Stop coming in to work, and see for how long do they keep paying you.

In a similar spirit, keep asking for half days off. When they ask why, tell them you have an interview elsewhere. But as Samurai Joey said, keep doing a good job. Eventually they will get the message and maybe grant you your wish.

 

[Brandon123]

Call in sick all the time because your stressed. It's not your fault that your sick, they can't fire you on wrongful cause so, they might just package you out.

 

[zardoz]

My technique is worth gold, you should be paying me for just postng this... I did this a year ago...
1. find a shrink (psychiatrist) and say you are depressed, having thoughts of violence, suicide, etc... do something if you have to like attempted suicide. (I did not, but I will not tell you what I did)
2. ask shrink to give you sick note for 2 weeks, then go back to office for 1 week or so, then go back to shrink say you cannot take the work sress, thoughts of depression coming back. need more time off, this time a month... you get the idea. you should get paid from STD or LTD insurance while you are sick. If you are good at this and can get up to 2 years worth of pay from LTD without having to work a single day. I only got 1.5 months.
3. Do not go partying during your sick days. keep this cycle for like 3 months, the company will get sick of you and offer your package to leave. Find a lawyer to represent you and squeeze the most out of the company especially now getting fired will might make your "condition" even worse, get doctor's letter with it. if you are working for a big company, they will not want to look bad, will probably give you a sweet deal.
I got 8 month package from a company I worked for 5 years using this technique...
please don't hate me for this..

 

[Thunderballs]

My technique is worth gold, you should be paying me for just postng this... I did this a year ago...
1. find a shrink (psychiatrist) and say you are depressed, having thoughts of violence, suicide, etc... do something if you have to like attempted suicide. (I did not, but I will not tell you what I did)
2. ask shrink to give you sick note for 2 weeks, then go back to office for 1 week or so, then go back to shrink say you cannot take the work sress, thoughts of depression coming back. need more time off, this time a month... you get the idea. you should get paid from STD or LTD insurance while you are sick. If you are good at this and can get up to 2 years worth of pay from LTD without having to work a single day. I only got 1.5 months.
3. Do not go partying during your sick days. keep this cycle for like 3 months, the company will get sick of you and offer your package to leave. Find a lawyer to represent you and squeeze the most out of the company especially now getting fired will might make your "condition" even worse, get doctor's letter with it. if you are working for a big company, they will not want to look bad, will probably give you a sweet deal.
I got 8 month package from a company I worked for 5 years using this technique...
please don't hate me for this..

...and good luck getting another job if and when they do a reference check.

 

[pencilneckgeek2]

My technique is worth gold, you should be paying me for just postng this... I did this a year ago...
1. find a shrink (psychiatrist) and say you are depressed, having thoughts of violence, suicide, etc... do something if you have to like attempted suicide. (I did not, but I will not tell you what I did)
2. ask shrink to give you sick note for 2 weeks, then go back to office for 1 week or so, then go back to shrink say you cannot take the work sress, thoughts of depression coming back. need more time off, this time a month... you get the idea. you should get paid from STD or LTD insurance while you are sick. If you are good at this and can get up to 2 years worth of pay from LTD without having to work a single day. I only got 1.5 months.
3. Do not go partying during your sick days. keep this cycle for like 3 months, the company will get sick of you and offer your package to leave. Find a lawyer to represent you and squeeze the most out of the company especially now getting fired will might make your "condition" even worse, get doctor's letter with it. if you are working for a big company, they will not want to look bad, will probably give you a sweet deal.
I got 8 month package from a company I worked for 5 years using this technique...
please don't hate me for this..

Maybe one of our resident lawyers can answer my question. This would be fraud, correct ?

 

[zardoz]

...and good luck getting another job if and when they do a reference check.

true, you wont get a good reference from the parting company if any at all. i was going for early retirement so it wasn't an issue

 

[zardoz]

Maybe one of our resident lawyers can answer my question. This would be fraud, correct ?

no lawyer will answer your question because they benefit from this kind of things the most. If you truly believe you are depressed then it is not a fraud. I believe OP is depressed because he is stuck in the job he does not like or other reasons. It is up to the doctor to diagnose your condition. You did not get sick on purpose!

 

[WhaWhaWha]

Yes, I know the question seems rather silly, but after many years of working for some good people I'm now working for cheap prick assholes. I may be able to switch employers soon and I would like to collect severance of what I believe is one week a year times the many years I worked.
If I quit, I get zip. If I get canned then I believe I get severance...so how do I get canned with severance?

Regular tardiness and excessive sick days. Do not let them fire you for causes or misconduct. You get no severance for that.

 

[Keebler Elf]

If I quit, I get zip. If I get canned then I believe I get severance...so how do I get canned with severance?

Then you believe wrong. Assuming that your employer is large enough to even qualify for severance, you get nothing if you quit and you get nothing if you are terminated for cause. Your employer must lay you off as per post #3 in this thread to be entitled to severance.

If you are terminated for cause, you are also ineligible for notice of termination (or payment in lieu of notice).

What you're really talking about it is making yourself such a pain in the ass that your employer would rather lay you off and give you some money rather than risk being sued by you for unjust and/or constructive dismissal. And there's a very fine line between making yourself a pain in the ass vs. being terminated for cause.

The real answer to your situation is to man up and quit if you're that unhappy. Your sense of entitlement is rather, um, "interesting" considering you're working in a non-union environment. What you're really saying is that your current boss is a prick and you want your employer to pay you to leave. Sorry, employment law doesn't work that way.

 

[night ride]

What you're really talking about it is making yourself such a pain in the ass that your employer would rather lay you off and give you some money rather than risk being sued by you for unjust and/or constructive dismissal. And there's a very fine line between making yourself a pain in the ass vs. being terminated for cause.

The real answer to your situation is to man up and quit if you're that unhappy. Your sense of entitlement is rather, um, "interesting" considering you're working in a non-union environment. What you're really saying is that your current boss is a prick and you want your employer to pay you to leave. Sorry, employment law doesn't work that way.

Okay, thanks for the info. Checking the Min of Labour website I initially couldn't find bugger all info. There's no shame in knowing what one's rights are especially given the changes in favour of the employer in the employer/employee balance of rights and responsibilities since 1995.

 

[Blue-Spheroid]

Maybe one of our resident lawyers can answer my question. This would be fraud, correct ?

Faking illness for personal gain would, of course, be fraud for the employee. If a doctor is complicit as described above, he or she could also be committing fraud and (at best) risk loss of license.

What ever happened to "take this job and shove it"?

 

[Pedro Sanchez]

I think the general rule of thumb IN CASE LAW, is one month for every year of work, up to a maximum of 15 to 18 months, IIRC.

Severence is 1 week for every year, up to a maximum of 11 weeks.

3 months to 1 year = 1 week
1 to 2 years = 2 weeks
2 to 3 years = 3 weeks
etc etc

Unless you are union and they have negotiated something otherwise.

Other info you might find useful.
http://www.e-laws.gov.on.ca/html/statutes/english/elaws_statutes_00e41_e.htm#BK91

I think the OP is a fucktard...just man up and leave if you are unhappy, its not necessary to be a shit head and taint the whole company. Its losers like you that contribute to the shithole that society is becoming.