How's your performance?

[Dcoat]

In a recent review, someone spoke about his "Performance", which prompted me to post this thought.

As a bit of a discussion tease, NOT AT ALL as criticism, here's that thought about "Performance".

It may not be a good description of how hard or how long a man can maintain an erection. It is certainly a judgement of how good the sex is for both the man and his partner. IMHO, it's not a very good measure of how satisfying the sex is.

In my youth hardness and duration came easy and often, recently less so. However, I am VERY satisfied with and enjoy sex, a lot.

So I'd redefine performance to a more descriptive meaning, "how well I do to satisfy my or my partners desires", which is the implication anyway. I imagine most here would say the same about their "Performance" regardless of how others (SP's, BF's, SO's) would characterize the erection's hardness or duration. An erection is only 1 way of satisfying a man or his partner, and with all the other ways of satisfaction hardness and duration of an erection are not a good measures of satisfaction.

It may be more descriptive to call hardness and/or duration by something other than performance, like, "Hardness and/or duration"?

 

[Jenesis]

It seems that because your “performance” has changed - you now what to change the meaning of it to reflect you better.

Performance for a man has always involved hardness and stamina. You can’t just take that away from the meaning because those are not something you can keep up with anymore. Not trying to be rude at all but those two are key components of “performance”.

And to be honest - I don’t think women even made up those components to be included. Our definition would be more inline with yours but men have dictated as such and it has been this way for eons. Will continue to be this way for eons more I assume.

Performance in porn is all about hardness and stamina. It is not about pleasing her. Since we all know her “O” is most likely fake.

 

[Jenesis]

Agreed, " how well I do to satisfy my or my partners desires" is a good benchmark for "performance".
Getting up there in age, sure it's either gone soft or leather-dick happens but if she's smiley/happy, I've performed well.
There's been lots of times where the MP says she's not going to cum but keep going because it feels good & I'm doing a great job, it just means I've booked near the end of the day.

None of this has to do with how long or how hard my dick is. That's a bodily function of which I have little control over so it's neither good nor bad, it just is.

See even that - performance often includes if the girl cums and for us, we enjoy sex with us often not coming. We can think a lover is awesome and never have cum with him at all. Because for us, our satisfaction comes from emotional intimacy.

So the definition seems wrong to me as well but this is the benchmark men have come up with.

 

[Robert Mugabe]

Agreed, " how well I do to satisfy my or my partners desires" is a good benchmark for "performance".
Getting up there in age, sure it's either gone soft or leather-dick happens but if she's smiley/happy, I've performed well.
There's been lots of times where the MP says she's not going to cum but keep going because it feels good & I'm doing a great job, it just means I've booked near the end of the day.

None of this has to do with how long or how hard my dick is. That's a bodily function of which I have little control over so it's neither good nor bad, it just is.

what is "leather- dick"?

 

[rgkv]

performance got up and moved out

 

[Dcoat]

performance got up and moved out

Not really.

My "performance", coupled with her "performance" still gets me to my smiley space.

 

[Dcoat]

It seems that because your “performance” has changed - you now what to change the meaning of it to reflect you better.

Performance for a man has always involved hardness and stamina. You can’t just take that away from the meaning because those are not something you can keep up with anymore. Not trying to be rude at all but those two are key components of “performance”.

And to be honest - I don’t think women even made up those components to be included. Our definition would be more inline with yours but men have dictated as such and it has been this way for eons. Will continue to be this way for eons more I assume.

Performance in porn is all about hardness and stamina. It is not about pleasing her. Since we all know her “O” is most likely fake.

I don't understand.

If yo mean men have the upper hand in defining performance, I don't think thats true. Women have always (still do) been the gatekeepers of sex. Thats why we're (incorrectly) insisting that a woman must give ongoing consent, but not men.

So, defining elements of sex is defined by woman not men.

 

[Jenesis]

I don't understand.

If yo mean men have the upper hand in defining performance, I don't think thats true. Women have always (still do) been the gatekeepers of sex. Thats why we're (incorrectly) insisting that a woman must give ongoing consent, but not men.

So, defining elements of sex is defined by woman not men.

I would 1000% disagree. This is a perfect example. Performance, in my opinion, was not defined by women. Men have been obsessed with their bedroom skills. More so than women. A lot women rarely cum and a lot of men don’t know what they are doing. Men judge penis size more than women.

Just like women judge women harder so do men.

I think this definition came from men for sure.

Or maybe I am watching too many Roman history docs lately and watching their ego driven lifestyle has me believing all things “male” and “power” are based off male ego alone. That testosterone driven ego of performance on the battlefield and in the bedroom and in the political arena, etc.

 

[Indiana]

I’ve slowed down with age.
Max only 2 or 3 shots a day now when I’m active.

 

[shack]

So I'd redefine performance to a more descriptive meaning, "how well I do to satisfy my or my partners desires", which is the implication anyway. I imagine most here would say the same about their "Performance" regardless of how others (SP's, BF's, SO's) would characterize the erection's hardness or duration. An erection is only 1 way of satisfying a man or his partner, and with all the other ways of satisfaction hardness and duration of an erection are not a good measures of satisfaction.

It may be more descriptive to call hardness and/or duration by something other than performance, like, "Hardness and/or duration"?

Since performance is already most customarily defined as hardness and duration, for simplicity, let that continue to stand.

Find a new term for your new parameters of performance.

 

[Goodoer]

Mid 40s. I can jerk it with results at least 4x per day if I have to (some days I have to do more). I can keep/maintain an erection for an hour+... I cannot cum with my wife, but I can with others... That's not performance! I can perform with the wife through oral and manual sexy time. She gets off.

 

[NotADcotor]

I am really good, I get off every time

 

[csmitting]

what is "leather- dick"?

And are we talking full grain, boiled or genuine?

 

[Erosboy]

One of the reasons I see sex workers is that I satisfy them 100% of the time. Each and every time.

I satisfy them by:

- giving them all their screening info and/or deposits without bitching
- I never negotiate
- I show up on time
_ I pay
_ I show up with a sparkling clean ass crack and penis
- I don't overstay my welcome


Civvie dating I don't perform quite as well since the rules are much more vague

 

[IM469]

From my rather simple concept:
If I cum, she performed well.
If she notices that I cum, I did well.

 

[Chaka Khan]

5 minutes.

 

[Dcoat]

"Performance" is a non-issue. Never use the word. If I'm having fun and if the girl I'm with at least seems to be enjoying herself then it's all good.

It sounds like you're centred, confident guy.

 

[Dcoat]

I hear y

The whole emphasis on "performance" (because of how it's defined) bugs me, as if masculinity and the ability to please a sexual partner is defined by how good you are at sexual intercourse. By the normal standard, I have "performance" issues. Nerve damage from prostate surgery in my 30's (20+ years ago) made it virtually impossible for me to do full service. I can get an erection easily enough but basically vaginal sex is uncomfortable for me (the "pressure" I guess for lack of a better way to explain it) and I lose it very quickly if I try just because it doesn't feel good to me, so I learned to take my enjoyment from other ways of having sex (especially oral - both ways!) and I learned to appreciate the more sensual side of sexual play - touching, fondling, caressing, cuddling, kissing, etc. - and I realized that as long as it's fun, why does it matter "how" it's done. "Performance" in that sense is over-rated. And, yes, it bugs me when I see people talking about "performance" issues, as if "if you're not good at this specific sexual act then you're not good at all." And I see escorts because, frankly, it would be embarrassing to be with a civvie woman, have things start to get hot and heavy, and then suddenly say "Oh by the way ..." So, given that it still bugs me, I'm not sure I can claim to be "centred" or "confident." I can only claim to have adapted well to my circumstances and I've reached the point where I don't feel I'm missing out on anything.

I used to be embarrassed to share this, but I have talked about it a couple of times in relevant threads and got several private messages from guys in similar circumstances who've appreciated my openness about it.

I hear you on the "Confident, centred" question. I also hear you in saying that being open has helped others.

The only thing (I think) you need is to get a bit more ownership over your "comfort" with intercourse.

My bet is that you've already taken significantly more ownership over some other concerns, for you or someone else.

In any case, thanks for contributing, and good luck.

 

[bazokajoe]

My performance isn't what I would like.
Don't think it will get any better.

 

[Valcazar]

Or maybe I am watching too many Roman history docs lately and watching their ego driven lifestyle has me believing all things “male” and “power” are based off male ego alone. That testosterone driven ego of performance on the battlefield and in the bedroom and in the political arena, etc.

Roman masculine norms were hugely influential, sure, but I don't think we can blame everything on them.