I am genuinely interested in finding a wife. Where do I look?

[Bud Plug]

I've tried lavalife, but I don't get any responses because I am 5'7", 150lbs and asian. The criteria for males seems to be a minimum of 5'10", 160lbs and caucasian.

I have been a member of lifemates for three years, and they have not found me a match. I also took horseback riding lessons for almost two years because of the high female/male ratio, but all that happened was that I got really good at riding a horse.

What can I do?

Where to look? Follow this two step program.

Step 1

The first stop you should make is at a lawyer's office. Ask him/her about the family laws - property division, support, custody, access. Ask what the typical divorce proceeding costs in legal fees.

Step 2

Stop looking!

 

[mmouse]

None of his cousins (female & male) have married Chinese. All their spouses are white. That's about 10 or 12 cousins (that I know of-big family).

Personally I find that kind of strange. Serious loss of culture.

 

[ontguy1111]

give up pal obviously your destined to be with the hairy palm sisters....( hint....watch Steve Martin in the "Lonely Guy")

 

[The Brus]

Nitehawk

Do not, I repeat, do not look for a potential wife at a laundromat. If she cannot afford a washer/dryer, then, there is no way that she will be able to support you.

 

[poorboy]

Go away for a weekend and see what happens!

MLAM buddy! What are you doing resurecting year old posts!

Anyway, I've recieved from pm's from some of you complaining about this post poping up every few months, (which isn't exactly accurate as the last date was back in Dec 04) and wanting to know what's happened to me.

I'm still here, mostly dispensing car repair advice and posting reviews in the Toronto Outcalls.

No gf. Lots of tries, but no success. I'll be moving out of this city in March and starting a new life somewhere else. Probably out west.

 

[RTRD]

I did???

MLAM buddy! What are you doing resurecting year old posts!


No gf. Lots of tries, but no success. I'll be moving out of this city in March and starting a new life somewhere else. Probably out west.

Not me. If it isn't on the first or second page I don't see it.

 

[RTRD]

Here...

I have many friends in same situation. Cruel world based on appearance. One of them sorted it out because girl liked his money- but he had family wealth- lots. Another one honestly evaluated himself and found someone his own situation- indian lady, not very attractive, but they both get along. Now my real suggestion is go back to asian country so you are on equal ground.

...is your guilty party. And make that 18 months old...

 

[mr parker]

Where do you gas a Hybrid?

I did not read all 200+ or so posts but I can tell you male immigrate, a.b.c. or the likes have unique dating problems. I would only take advice from those who know first hand and not from I had a friend situation. They do not have a clue. Bananas are half way in one culture yet half way in another. It would be difficult to find another banana you like but it sounds to me your more toward the a.b.c. side. I don't have a real solution for Poorboy other than me myself, cousins an similar friends with more money and achievements having trouble finding the proper equal mates. When I travel overseas, I am literally a superstar. I have no problems hooking up with the prettiest Asian woman with the highest elite background. However, I been in this country too long and find Western girls extremely attractive. My sisters and female cousins have no problems finding equal partners.

 

[incognito]

I find it amusing that the guys that are single are ,almost to the point of desperation, are in need of a female relationship and the guys that are married are teling us not to get married. I guess thats why they're here. I guess the grass is greener on both sides of the fence.

 

[Don]

I find it amusing that the guys that are single are ,almost to the point of desperation, are in need of a female relationship and the guys that are married are teling us not to get married. I guess thats why they're here. I guess the grass is greener on both sides of the fence.

How true. You always want what you don't have because you think it will be great and you get board of what you do have.

Though I am not married, luckily for me I have had come close to it twice and escaped what would have been disasterous relationships for me. I gravitated towards them because I thought that is what I wanted but was able to come to my senses at the last minute. Because of those "memorable" experiences, I can now truely appreciate not being married!

 

[RTRD]

I would never tell anyone to not get married...

I find it amusing that the guys that are single are ,almost to the point of desperation, are in need of a female relationship and the guys that are married are teling us not to get married. I guess thats why they're here. I guess the grass is greener on both sides of the fence.

I think that being in a healthy and fulfilling relationship is the great thing on earth - that to know the true love of a woman is the definitive, seminal experience in this life for a man.

Unfortautely...

1) Many men fail to understand that such a relationship is give and take - and begin to measure it simply by what they can get out of it. They reduce it to how often they have sex (not that sex isn't important), what their mate looks like (not that being attracted to your mate isn't important) and their own selfish indulgences at the price of their mates happiness....not that I am above these things myself. My point though is that often many men simply put themselves ahead of the relationship itself, invest little to nothing it it, then complain when it bitterly crumbles

2) All I said in 1) notwithstanding, finding the RIGHT person to be married to is not easy. I have already gotten it wrong once in life, and while I am pretty confident that this second time will go better, it sure as shit is not perfect - frankly I don't know that I was mature enough for this endeavor, say 10 years ago. If you marry for the wrong reasons...if you marrry the wrong person...if you marry before YOU should...it can and will be painful. Then the question becomes how long can you hold off scneario 1)?

Honest to gawd...I've been single and I've been married, and while being single had its perks, I MUCH prefer being married...

 

[Bud Plug]

I find it amusing that the guys that are single are ,almost to the point of desperation, are in need of a female relationship and the guys that are married are teling us not to get married. I guess thats why they're here. I guess the grass is greener on both sides of the fence.

I can't argue with your observation on human nature. The "greener grass" phenomenon is common.

However, there might be something else to consider here.

I would venture that most married guys feel confident that, were they single, they could form satisfying relationships with other women (perhaps multiple women). Why would they think that? Because they already have proved it. As a result, they don't think that they'd be taking much of a chance that they'd wind up lonely and alone if they were to go out on their own. They remember being single and have fond memories of it.

On the other hand, many single guys are single for the very reason that they've been unable to form a satisfying relationship with any of the women they've met/dated.

So, their situations are not parallel. Single guys want what they've never had and can't possibly fully appreciate what it would be like. Married guys know both sides of the coin, and prefer the single option. Their choice is born of experience, not curiosity about the unknown.

It's just logical to say the grass is greener on the other side of the fence when you've lived in both yards and the grass really is greener in one of them!

 

[RTRD]

Maybe...

I can't argue with your observation on human nature. The "greener grass" phenomenon is common.

However, there might be something else to consider here.

I would venture that most married guys feel confident that, were they single, they could form satisfying relationships with other women (perhaps multiple women). Why would they think that? Because they already have proved it. As a result, they don't think that they'd be taking much of a chance that they'd wind up lonely and alone if they were to go out on their own. They remember being single and have fond memories of it.

On the other hand, many single guys are single for the very reason that they've been unable to form a satisfying relationship with any of the women they've met/dated.

So, their situations are not parallel. Single guys want what they've never had and can't possibly fully appreciate what it would be like. Married guys know both sides of the coin, and prefer the single option. Their choice is born of experience, not curiosity about the unknown.

It's just logical to say the grass is greener on the other side of the fence when you've lived in both yards and the grass really is greener in one of them!

"I would venture that most married guys feel confident that, were they single, they could form satisfying relationships with other women (perhaps multiple women). Why would they think that? Because they already have proved it. As a result, they don't think that they'd be taking much of a chance that they'd wind up lonely and alone if they were to go out on their own. They remember being single and have fond memories of it."


..but how many have been single at age 45 and 45 lbs over weight, along with being 14 or 15 years out of the dating game?

"So, their situations are not parallel. Single guys want what they've never had and can't possibly fully appreciate what it would be like. Married guys know both sides of the coin, and prefer the single option. Their choice is born of experience, not curiosity about the unknown.

It's just logical to say the grass is greener on the other side of the fence when you've lived in both yards and the grass really is greener in one of them!"

Yeah, I see your logic, but I would offer that the BEST perspective would be someone who has been single...married...and single again. That would be the TRUE required experience in order to have a complete perspective.

All IMHO...as a guy who has been single...married...single...and married again...and who prefers "married"

 

[catchmeonline.com]

i havent even read this thread. the title is making me sick to my stomach..
no offence.. I just have a hard time thinking of that M word and... god i just got harsh shivers..

 

[leah_mpa]

...given that you are still with your BF (despite his selling all your stuff, having o job and putting you in danger with "gangster guys"), perhaps "boring guys" have enough sense to stay the fuck away from you.

Honest.

Really, if half of what you have postd about your relationship (TMI, BTW) is true, you probably have self esteem issues. Add to that your chosen profession, and do you really think that Joe Taxpayer is going to see himself in a realtionship with you, waiting for the day he can take you home to mama?

Beyond that, I am sure you get asked out everyday in your job. Its just that you know that a guy who is cheating on his wife (if you call it that - I know everyone has their own standards) with you tugging on his johnson probably isn't looking for anything other than to get what he couldn't get in the MP...except he will want it for free. I give you credit for seeing through that.

But really now, you aren't ACTUALLY pining for a "boring guy" are you?

If so, here is a start - try leading a "boring" life...

All IMHO...

Hey.... That's not fair!!! Haven't you heard of this saying.... "You can't choose who you fall in love with."?? If I could, I would've stayed with my ex that I was with for almost 7 yrs. We almost did get married. But I wasn't in love with him, couldn't see myself with him for the rest of my life, so the proper thing to do was to end it.

I HAVE fallen in love with "boring guys" in the past but unfortunately, they did not fall in love with me. And this was WAY before I became a whacker. (Besides, I don't think I'm too exciting either. All I do is work, eat, sleep, yap on the phone, and go shopping. What's so exciting about that??!! I really don't do anything else!!) Trust me, if a nice, "boring guy" came along right now whom I have feelings for, I'd go with him in a split second. And I'd quit my whacking job too. (But only if things get serious, almost to the point of marriage.) Unfortunately, good boys just aren't attracted to me (or at least, they never ask me out). So if all I can choose from are "bad boys", well then, is it any wonder that I end up with them?? Don't forget, in one of my previous posts, I already mentioned that I'm not an aggressive person at all. "Bad boys" are usually aggressive so they come after me. "Good boys" probably wait around for girls to ask them out, and since I'm not aggressive and they're not aggressive, how would we even have the opportunity to get together?

But one thing you're totally right about though. I don't think any man would be thrilled about bringing a whacker home to meet mommy. That's why, if I did get serious with someone and my job really bothered them, I'd quit. I know it'll be tough and I'll probably have to quit slowly but I know I can do it.

I am at a stage right now that I do want to get married and have a kid or 2 and settle down. But I just haven't met anyone I want to settle down with yet. Maybe someday.

BTW, if you think I'm not attracted to "good boys" you must've not read my thread: "Need advice: I'm a MPA starting to fall in love/lust with a LE officer." He's a VERY good boy and I'm attracted to him. I mean, who else in society has such high moral values like they do?? He's not a bad boy!! He's a totally good boy!!! Maybe too good. So it's not like I pick these bad boys to fall in love with. I don't have a sign taped to my forehead that reads: "Bad boys only" you know. So I know I do fall in love with good boys too. Just that they never fall in love with me.

 

[RTRD]

Yes...

Hey.... That's not fair!!! Haven't you heard of this saying.... "You can't choose who you fall in love with."(

...and it always seems to be from people who are in a dysfunctional self destructive relationship and need an excuse for being there.

You can't make yourself fall in love with a person, that is true. But you CAN avoid falling in love with people who are not good for you and who don't offer you the things in a relationship that you (claim) to want.

Seriously, one of the things I always asked a woman I was dating before I got serious was to share some info about her past BFs and relationships. If she has a pattern of being "drawn" to dysfunctional relationships with "bad boys", I'm out. I can't be around people who are prone to mismanaging their lives...they are like a virus, and soon enough they will be finding a way to fuck up your life as well.

And in regards to bad boys being the only ones who ask you out...well, you could try A) Asking "good boys" out, or B) Not going out. I would think EITHER would be superior to literally being in fear of your life, that is when you aren't having your belonging stolen from you.

Really, if you don't see that your currently relationship is unhealthy you have issues. And if you see it is unhealthy but still chose not to end it, you have issues. In either case, you need to get you to a therapist.

Sorry, no sympathy. My position still stands. Want a normal guy? Get rid of the dysfunctional one you have now, and straighten your life out.

 

[leah_mpa]

You can't make yourself fall in love with a person, that is true. But you CAN avoid falling in love with people who are not good for you and who don't offer you the things in a relationship that you (claim) to want.

Seriously, one of the things I always asked a woman I was dating before I got serious was to share some info about her past BFs and relationships. If she has a pattern of being "drawn" to dysfunctional relationships with "bad boys", I'm out. I can't be around people who are prone to mismanaging their lives...they are like a virus, and soon enough they will be finding a way to fuck up your life as well.

And in regards to bad boys being the only ones who ask you out...well, you could try A) Asking "good boys" out, or B) Not going out. I would think EITHER would be superior to literally being in fear of your life, that is when you aren't having your belonging stolen from you.

Really, if you don't see that your currently relationship is unhealthy you have issues. And if you see it is unhealthy but still chose not to end it, you have issues. In either case, you need to get you to a therapist.

Sorry, no sympathy. My position still stands. Want a normal guy? Get rid of the dysfunctional one you have now, and straighten your life out.

Hi MLAM!! You know what, you are SO absolutely right. I KNOW my relationship is unhealthy. And I KNOW I have to end it. I just wish that I'm not such a slowpoke in doing things. However, I always DO manage to get things done. It's just a matter of time. I always have to build myself up until that final moment. I think that's why all my exes were SHOCKED (and I mean SHOCKED!!!), when I finally do end the relationship. Because I know most of them didn't think I'd be strong enough to end it. When I finally do leave, I LEAVE!!! I move, change my number, change my workplace, change my name.... so that they can NEVER find me again. Some of my friends think I'm cruel when I do this. But I always do things this way when I finally end things so then, they can't call me, sweet-talk me, get me all weak again, and go back to them. So with my bf, I know it's a matter of time.

BTW, you are also totally right about asking women about their previous relationships. I do believe most people have a pattern which they repeat over and over again.

 

[Svend]

We could make it a TERB project to get Leah to leave her good fer nothing lazy parasite boyfriend.
I'm willing to help.

 

[leah_mpa]

I've tried lavalife, but I don't get any responses because I am 5'7", 150lbs and asian. The criteria for males seems to be a minimum of 5'10", 160lbs and caucasian.
(poorboy)

Man, i totally understand. But i have it even harder, I'm asian also, 5'6 and almost 200 lbs. It's nearly impossible to get a smile let alone a date for me. BTW, what type of girl are you looking for?
(incognito)

O.K. enough about my never-ending problems for now. We'll get back to that later. Let's address the serious problem of this thread.

poorboy and incognito...

I'm probably going to be sentenced to 70 yrs in whackhouse with no eligibility for break 'til next week by "The Municipality of Whackers Licencing and Standards" but I'm gonna reveal to u the reason why u have not found your SO.

Once upon a time, there's a god named EROS. (a.k.a Cupid) He's in charge of all the matchmaking of all the people on this earth. He's got an infinity supply of arrows that look like this: <------------> What he does is he breaks these arrows in half, shoots one half into the a** of a male(M), and shoots the other half into the a** of a female(F). (well, sometimes he shoots 2 males instead, and sometimes 2 females. Kinda depends on his mood.) Anyway, no matter how far apart they are on this earth, these magic half of an arrow always find the other half & when they do, the M & the F falls in love. However, these arrows have some serious side effects. Once u r shot in your a**, and when the 2 half arrows meet, a chemical is released into your brain that totally destroys the logical side of your brain. And U become blind, deaf, and dumb as well. That's why, when U fall in love, U cannot control yourself... U become illogical, blind to all your partners faults, can't hear any of your friends' & relatives' warnings, & start doing stupid silly things. Another problem with these arrows r that they're cheaply made. So sometimes they fall out of your a**. (Let's say the F's fell off) Hence U have one M trying to find the F but with no success bc her arrow fell off already. Then Cupid comes along, sees F without the arrow, so he shoots her with another one, and shoots the other half in another guy's a**. Then, the 1st guy is left out in the cold.

So what's the moral of the story??? (Besides the fact that you guys should pull the arrow out of your a** so Cupid can shoot at U again) Well, I don't believe that it's up to us to control our love lives. We can control it to a certain extent but if no one's gonna come along, no one's gonna come along. U can go out every night, go to every bar in town, sign up for all the match-making websites in the world.... if U're not gonna meet anyone, u're not gonna anyone. No matter how hard U try. It's not bc u're a banana or a kiwi or a donut. I see tons of good-looking, single, tall, caucasian men EVERYDAY that have the same complain as U guys. That they just can't find the right person.

So what can U do? Unfortunately, NOTHING. U'll just have to wait. Trust me, love is blind, deaf, & dumb. It doesn't matter if u're black or white, short or tall, fat or skinny. Love is totally BLIND. It sees nothing & knows nothing. Otherwise, explain how plenty of short, ugly, people get married. My aunt, (who's really pretty) she's dating this guy who I swear, looks like a total frog. I'm not exaggerating. She's been kissing him for the last 5 years now and still, he's a frog. And to the best of my knowledge, I strongly believe he will remain a frog for the rest of his froggy life unless some fairy-godmother comes along to turn him into a prince. But you know what? It doesn't matter. She is SO totally in love with him and SO totally happy. Her ex-husband, whom EVERYONE think is so much better looking (myself included), she couldn't even stand him. Couldn't even hold his hand, much less kiss him!! Go figure. AND he's what you guys call a "banana". And one of my best friends? She is GORGEOUS. Can pretty much have any man she wants. Well, guess what? I've known her since we were both 14 yrs old and you know what, every bf she ever had... they just get uglier and pimplier. Her husband now??? Let's just say his face looks like a pizza with everything on it. (the pepperoni being the pimples). AND he's a "banana" too. And no, I am not joking or making this up to make you guys feel better or anything. Never forget this. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. (How true.) BTW, although 99% of the people who's ever seen my bf thinks he's gorgeous, one of my whacker friends thinks he's ugly. So U see, there is no just one standard of beauty.

When Cupid strikes, there's no where no run. And no where to escape to. As Jesus said, (Actually, can't remember from which book or chapter or verse. I just remember he said it) "...it'll come like a thief in the night."

 

[leah_mpa]

We could make it a TERB project to get Leah to leave her good fer nothing lazy parasite boyfriend.
I'm willing to help.

Great idea!!! I'm gonna need all the help I can get!