I am genuinely interested in finding a wife. Where do I look?

[sweet guy]

Poorguy is sucessful in his career, academic and financial, and needed a "trophy wife" to complete the perfect picture.

That's a bad idea when you have "everything" and you are looking desperately for a "trophy wife" to complement your status or prestige. This makes you very vulnerable to "sweet and smooth talking" and any calculated women could take the advantage to make you think you two have chemistry and rip you off in the long run.

You will pay dearly both financially and emotionally if you don't do due dilligence.

 

[gala]

So there's conflict here. The guy wants a wife who will love him and treat him well and you guys are telling him to advertise the size of his bank account. Guess what kind of wife that's NOT going to get him?

This guy is asian--have any contact back in the old country? The kind of contact that could do some arranging and matchmaking for you? That might not be a bad idea. If you have a good matchmaker with an interest in both sides working out then you might find someone who is not just after a passport and a bank account. It's worth a try if you can swing it--despite the changes I still think people in Asia take marriage more seriously than people here do.

If that's not an option I'd say try and get word around that you are wife hunting and let other people match you up. I think friends matching you works better than lavalife--everyone on there gets jaded after awhile: if you've been on 30 dates the 31st one isn't going to strike you as wonderful no matter how great they are.

 

[anon1]

This year, I will earn $80,000.

Hell, I'll marry ya!!!!!

 

[Plan8]

sweet guy:

For a guy who claims never to have been on a date before, you seem to have a good plan.

When a fellow is on the prowl, putting 6 to 9 months into a tentative situation is a long term project.

poorboy:

You seem to be looking in the territory, many a lady nearing 30 with the attributes that you seek would also be thinking about marriage.

There is a lot to be said for being socially active. For what it's worth introductions from friends are quite under rated. You get to be in non tense situations by having others around. This allows you the time to "get to know" without the one on one.

 

[poorboy]

No contact with the old country. I am a banana. As far as asking friends, none of my friend's wives or girlfriends seem to know any. I ask on a regular basis too and find it very dissappointing that they can't seem to help. I equate the situation to being unemployed and asking your friends to keep an eye out on a job for you. It's never worked for me.

I don't flaunt my income because $80,000 really isn't that much. Your average cop earns that when he works overtime. And with the high cost of living in this city, that income is more like $50,000 if you lived somewhere else.

Most of the women I like could care less how much I earn. I don't know why a girl would choose to date a guy with no college education that works in a bread factory, but she does.

Why some girl stays with a guy who is afraid of mice, can't change her flat tire when they are out on the road forcing her to call her dad for help I'll never understand.

I'm also sure I don't want a trophy wife. I want a best friend I can have sex with.

I get out a fair amount, but the golf course, drag strip, airport and work don't seem to be a good place to meet someone. That's why I took up horseback riding.

As far as being friends first with a girl, how many of you guys girlfriends actually were? I'd say a small percentage. I only know of one or two people where that situation actually worked out. Usually once you enter the "friend zone", you are neutered.

 

[Dr Watchsom]

Re: Re: Re: I am genuinely interested in finding a wife. Where do I look?

Okay, its confirmed. You are the single biggest Tool™ on TERB.

Fucking idiot.

Dont beat around the bush Shake tell him how you realy feel.

 

[MRMARCUS]

Well you have been given some good advice, i like gala's response. Many guys go back to the "old" country and import there wives, so you would not be the first or the last.
I don't know if you want to come across like the asian with money. I have a good friend who is chinese drives a bmw and likes to flash the cash. A lot of girls will approach him b/c they smell money, but then he gets stupid and blows it. My friend $80k a year is alot of money. Just my humble opinion, i find a lot of oriental girls are money hungry. Again i mean no disrespect to anyone, just my two cents.

You made a comment that why would a girl choose to date a man without a college diploma, my friend that is the biggest mystery on the face of the earth. That question has a 1000 answers, for example maybe she does not have a college diploma. Maybe he is sincere and treats her in a way you will never know.

 

[james t kirk]

I am looking for someone who is university educated, has a pleasant disposition, even temperament, is effortless to talk to, compassionate, family oriented and easy on the eyes who makes you happy to be around her because of her infectious smile. The type of girl you would be beaming with pride when you introduce her to your friends and family while you have your arm around her.

Anything else there dude?

My guess from your little grocery list is you may be setting the bar a little too high. You aren't looking for a wife, you're looking for another jewel in your crown to brag about. You have just eliminated about 99.5% of the female population. There are lots of chicks out there who may not may not make you "beam with pride" about how they look cause they may be a bit plain, or have pair of hips, or whatever, but would make fine wives. I will bet you wouldn't even given them a second look. You think you are entitled to Cindy Crawford. I have met a thousand guys just like you, so don't worry you are not alone.

My advice would be to grow up a bit or stick to SPs. Your little list and your description of yourself has me convinced you are a self absorbed little corporal and the chicks see through it all right away. Instead of looking at yourself and your grocery list, you blame your height and your heritage.

 

[sweet guy]

No contact with the old country. I am a banana.

That's a VERY SERIOUS challenge. A male banana is really tough to find a mate, my friend. All of my male cousins are "bananas" and they do have similar challenge like you do. But they manage to beat the challenge.

Let's face it, it's tough if not impossible for male banana to date Caucasian female, even though he is every bit as white dude. That may not have to do with R word but it's more to the "chemistry" part. Sometimes it's tough for the Caucasian really "get it" in another culture. I guess you know what I mean.

It's equally challenging for male banana to meet Asian woman (NOT female banana) cause first she has to master English the same level as you do and you have to "relearn" the language of your heritage. Plus, she may not share your "Caucasian" mentality.

Still, if I were you, I would probably keep my options open. It's a good start when you say you are very into the sports. The only thing missing is the skills to "seal the deal". I would recommand you to read books on how to improve your dating skills, and try to apply those skills in causal settings. Think of it as investments. If that doesn't work out, you can tell right the way. Always keep your eyes and ears open. Sometimes a little inexpensive gesture to her can go a long way.

BTW, that's applicable to both Caucasian and Asian women.

 

[sweet guy]

Just my humble opinion, i find a lot of oriental girls are money hungry.

It really doesn't matter what color the money hungry girl really is. The only difference for the oriental girls when it comes to gold digging will be they are quite direct and you pretty know what she wants beforehand.

Unlike the Cacausian (non-EE type) counterparts, those oriental girls usually have two things in mind,

1) Long term "food coupons".

2) Canadian citizenship.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[johnnyhandsome]

And I want to add to that that Tom Cruise is only 5 Ft. 5 and could probably get any woman he wants, so there goes your height theory blown to smithereens. I also have a friend who's 5 ft 8 and I've never seen him leave a bar or club alone.

So there!!!!

 

[sweet guy]

Most of the women I like could care less how much I earn. I don't know why a girl would choose to date a guy with no college education that works in a bread factory, but she does.

Why some girl stays with a guy who is afraid of mice, can't change her flat tire when they are out on the road forcing her to call her dad for help I'll never understand.

That also explains why Larissa Meek of Average Joe 2 fame chose Gil Hyatt-the construction worker who was basically an airhead, rather than Brian Worth, a nerdy Average Joe who is an auditor at the Department of Homeland Security.

See, the women you are looking for like men are not necessarily wanting to settle right the way. Given your credentials, she will probably believe you are "stable", "husband" materials in the LONG run, but not for the time being.

Plus, don't give away too much on top of showing your desperation. Women do occasionally love mystery from her potential mate. Never talk too much, always be a good listener. Let her talk most of the time. Chances are you will know more than she does and you will pretty know what to do to be your advantage.

 

[The_Jaded_One]

Have you tried lying your ass off on lavalife and saying you were 5'10" to see the kind of response that you would get? No doubt being short sucks but I think a lot of it is in your head too. Also, I don't know whether you live in a bubble or not but making 80 large should be some serious drawing power for you. A lot of girls would fuck you hard for an 80K husband annuity.

 

[LexLuger2000]

http://www.myforeignbride.com/?source=Google&STerm=Mail+Order+Brides

 

[sweet guy]

As far as being friends first with a girl, how many of you guys girlfriends actually were? I'd say a small percentage. I only know of one or two people where that situation actually worked out. Usually once you enter the "friend zone", you are neutered.

Neutered? I am not so sure.

Being friends with an attractive girl does not guarantee you can hook her up. It's just an "opening", an "opportunity". As a business analyst who worked for one of the big six banks, you pretty know there is no such thing as risk free investment. There is risk of not enough money if you are so risk averse and avoid any investments.

Why don't you think of dating just like investing money for the long term?

It's all about the mindset. When you have done all the homework, learn the art of dating, do the due diligence, listen to others experiences before you date with a prospective date, you have already prepared more than others.

If she doesn't "take your offer", at least you feel you have tried your very best and it is she who really lose "big time" for failing to see the real you.

A successful person on relationship is someone who comes out strong by learning the mistake on dating , what works or doesn't work and move on. He is successful because he has a vision and determination to achieve. Dating is a long term project and it doesn't end on marriage. One failure or hell several failures do not mean you are a loser and you don't have to feel discouraged.

Sometimes, you need to fine tune your skills and it takes just one opportunity to succeed.

 

[havingfun]

I don't flaunt my income because $80,000 really isn't that much.

True. For the dedicated hobbyiest, $80,000 just doesn't cut it. Better get married, you'll never be happy as a hobbyiest.

 

[havingfun]

Do you tell women about your interests - the cars, the hang-gliding, etc. I have a lot of "guy" hobbies and nothing will cause a women's eyes to glaze-over faster than a discussion of these interests. They will write you off as incompatible. You have to start where they are at. And if you plan on pursuing these interests with any intensity once you are married ...

You want to meet women. Try Yoga classes, Cooking classes, Salsa dancing. You want to impress them. Learn to play classical piano or guitar. Give up those other interests. You'll meet plenty of women who will take an interest in you. And travel. Tell a woman you are planning a trip to London or Paris or ... and watch them take an interest.

Don't believe me, try changing your profile on Lavalife to read as the one I have proscribed.

 

[ojsimpson]

You could cruise the churches.

A nice Catholic girl.

 

[ice_dog]

Well let me try and answer some of your questions.

Inferiority complex hehehe? Hardly. Read the post again, this time carefully. It is not a complaint. I am looking for a solution. Anybody can sit back and criticize. How about actually thinking and offering some help.

I hold a BA and MBA and am currently a Senior Business Analyst with one of the bank owned mutual fund companies. This year, I will earn $80,000.
........

I am looking for someone who is university educated, has a pleasant disposition, even temperament, is effortless to talk to, compassionate, family oriented and easy on the eyes who makes you happy to be around her because of her infectious smile. The type of girl you would be beaming with pride when you introduce her to your friends and family while you have your arm around her.

I've met a couple like that, but they've never been interested. It's not for a lack of effort either. I'll talk to almost any woman, and find it fairly easy to make them laugh, but when I ask them out to do something, they always hesitate.

After a while, you can see it in their eyes before you even approach them that they are not interested, but I ask anyways because there's nothing to loose.

If you don't think height and ethnicity is a factor, make a profile on lavalife and say you are 5'7" and Asian and see how many hits you get. Also read the female profiles and see how many of them say they want a tall guy. I have also been told by the dating .....

First of all, lavalife is the WRONG place to look for a wife. You should know better.

Secondly, It is true that your height and ethnicity put you in a disadvantageous position ( see related link http://www.asianweek.com/2000_02_03/feature_asianmale.html )

If you are dating caucasian girls exclusively, you are NOT going to score much. Maybe that is why you are a hobbyist. I know I could put myself in hot water when I say this, as this is politically incorrect. This is a real social problem, and few asian males like to admit.


Last but not least, Are you are on par(in terms of looks) with girls you have approached, caucasian or otherwise. You know what I am talking about, since this is really Dating 101

 

[gala]

the trouble for asian guys is that asian women like to date non-asians (not just white either) but many asian guys tend to want to stick with their own kind. there ends up being a big surplus of asian guys around even for those who are willing to venture out of their own community.

asian guys need to start some kind of drug/crime revolution with some kind of drive by shooting music so they can get hot women even if they're total losers who can't hold down a job and are destined for the welfare roles. it's incredible to me that you see these totally hot women with these street-people-to-be and then this solid guy with a good job and probably gonna be a great parent and he can't find even an ugly wife.