Thanks for sharing. Could you elaborate a bit on how your connection developed over time. And also how the connection was messing with her head
Is it possible for a provider to develop feelings for a client?
- Thread starter massage_toronto
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I'll offer two answers to the OP.
Yes, I think when 2 people are interlocked in the most intimate of acts, real feelings can develop. I have no doubt
that real relationships have developed from something that was initially transactional. Marriage, kids, the whole deal.
But I think that's very rare. Most of the time, an SP's affection for you stays within the job. She might prefer to see you
over other guys and she might even genuinely enjoy your sessions, but she does not see you as a boyfriend. You're a preferred
client.
Yes, I think when 2 people are interlocked in the most intimate of acts, real feelings can develop. I have no doubt
that real relationships have developed from something that was initially transactional. Marriage, kids, the whole deal.
But I think that's very rare. Most of the time, an SP's affection for you stays within the job. She might prefer to see you
over other guys and she might even genuinely enjoy your sessions, but she does not see you as a boyfriend. You're a preferred
client.
Don’t presume that most clients are just there for the sex/physical act. I’m willing to wager there are a decent chunk of clients who are seeking to some degree a reciprocal emotional connection. I mean, that’s what GFE means to me.
So, don’t expect your “getting to know them and cuddle” approach to bear much fruit.
I see. And I don't get why they don't feel ANYTHING at all if a man cuddles them and gets to know them. Isn't it a natural human reaction to feel attached to someone after cuddling and connecting in a safe space?
Not if it’s their job to give the appearance of connection. And for their own protection.
Look, some of the best GFE providers straddle a fine line in terms of opening themselves up emotionally.
It really should be performative (i.e., “fake”) but when it becomes real that’s when everyone - the client and the SP - is at risk of eventual emotional damage. For SPs, over connecting with too many clients can “hollow” them and lead to burn out. For clients, it can lead to a loss of their moral centre, obsessive behaviour, jealousy, etc.
As others have mentioned, happy endings where clients and SPs form lasting relationships do occur but are extremely rare. It’s better to let this idea go.
Once again you're making a lot of assumptions. How do you know that the SP you see aren't enjoying the connection they get with their clients? Maybe if you spend a lot of time on review boards you may have a certain idea of what the typical client is, but for many of us reality is different.. Most clients book me (and other indies with the same type of profile as me) precisely because they want that warm intimacy and connection. I don't think you should be booking SP with the intent on ''getting her to be attached to you''.. you'll only get disappointed. You can't manipulate someone into being attached to you.
I foster connection with clients but like user above said, if I go beyond certain boundaries I will burn myself out. You have to be fully aware of what you're getting into if you want a girlfriend experience... Yes you will connect but it won't be like having an actual girlfriend, and you can't delude yourself into thinking that there is something beyond a SP-client relationship.
Its possible, but its more complicated than the average relationship. I find a lot of people like the idea of dating an escort or massage person but the reality of it is more than people expect and are willing to tolerate.
It almost has to be someone that's a little bit turned on by sharing their partner. Its a kink some men have.
I was warned from the very beginning working at a massage place to "stay away from blacks" and "never hang out with these guys off the clock. They're all fucked in the head"
Thats was a good chunk of my training
I didn't always follow her advice and I saw "blacks" and never had any issues and I met people outside of work and while most of them were not worth my time, I almost married a couple of them. They were good guys.
We had a lot in common outside of sex though and they never treated me like a sex worker.
It takes a strong confident person for me. These guys were highly educated and successful and knew what they were getting into.
I find that a lot of men are trying to trick us with luxury items and status. Anyone who has to get women that way is awful... But if you have a genuine real connection with someone, its hard to ignore.
The feeling is likely not mutual...but it happens.
I almost married 2 of them. ( I'm the one that doesnt want to get married FYI, I read to many TERB posts and 90% of my clients are married so... I don't even want to bother)
It almost has to be someone that's a little bit turned on by sharing their partner. Its a kink some men have.
I was warned from the very beginning working at a massage place to "stay away from blacks" and "never hang out with these guys off the clock. They're all fucked in the head"
Thats was a good chunk of my training
I didn't always follow her advice and I saw "blacks" and never had any issues and I met people outside of work and while most of them were not worth my time, I almost married a couple of them. They were good guys.
We had a lot in common outside of sex though and they never treated me like a sex worker.
It takes a strong confident person for me. These guys were highly educated and successful and knew what they were getting into.
I find that a lot of men are trying to trick us with luxury items and status. Anyone who has to get women that way is awful... But if you have a genuine real connection with someone, its hard to ignore.
The feeling is likely not mutual...but it happens.
I almost married 2 of them. ( I'm the one that doesnt want to get married FYI, I read to many TERB posts and 90% of my clients are married so... I don't even want to bother)
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I think YOU could date an escort for sure! I find that men have to like the idea of it at least a little bit.
I know a story of a provider who dated a client that ended horribly for her.
She put this on Twitter and on her website, and is still active.
So I won't mention her name here.
Basically he told her that he wanted to have a kid and date someone like her.
Because she had a really great connection with him, she agreed to see him for real, and after 6 months of trying to have a baby, she finally got pregnant.
How she agreed to get pregnant for some guy she met 6 months ago is beyond me, but that is what happened.
Right after she told him, he dumped her.
Pretty much told her he was in it just for the free unprotected sex, and said he doesn't want the baby anymore.
But she went ahead and had the kid, and is now a single mom of 3 (she had 2 kids from a prior relationship).
I don't think it is a good idea for either the SP or the client in general.
Relationships that start off as sex don't usually last.
She put this on Twitter and on her website, and is still active.
So I won't mention her name here.
Basically he told her that he wanted to have a kid and date someone like her.
Because she had a really great connection with him, she agreed to see him for real, and after 6 months of trying to have a baby, she finally got pregnant.
How she agreed to get pregnant for some guy she met 6 months ago is beyond me, but that is what happened.
Right after she told him, he dumped her.
Pretty much told her he was in it just for the free unprotected sex, and said he doesn't want the baby anymore.
But she went ahead and had the kid, and is now a single mom of 3 (she had 2 kids from a prior relationship).
I don't think it is a good idea for either the SP or the client in general.
Relationships that start off as sex don't usually last.
I wanna ask OP. What’s the end game ?
let’s say that escort you’re thinking about, says “sure why not” & y’all date in real life…
What makes you so special? That she will quit escorting (her side or main income) for you ? Assuming you’d want your potential gf to not be an escort ? Essentially , what can you offer her ? That makes her think she doesn’t need her clients anymore.
& what makes her so special? That you’re gonna accept the nature of her job even when she’s your partner ? Assuming you’re ok with her continuing to be an SP. Essentially, what will she offer you, that you’d rather suffer through the inconvenience & not try finding a gf in the civi world (where we are supposed to).
let’s say that escort you’re thinking about, says “sure why not” & y’all date in real life…
What makes you so special? That she will quit escorting (her side or main income) for you ? Assuming you’d want your potential gf to not be an escort ? Essentially , what can you offer her ? That makes her think she doesn’t need her clients anymore.
& what makes her so special? That you’re gonna accept the nature of her job even when she’s your partner ? Assuming you’re ok with her continuing to be an SP. Essentially, what will she offer you, that you’d rather suffer through the inconvenience & not try finding a gf in the civi world (where we are supposed to).
I, somewhat briefly, dated one of the highest rated SPs on this board. I saw her a couple times and she pursued me. I thought I could handle it but the jealousy (from me) was too much. It's a mindfuck to read reviews about them. Of course the solution would be to stay off terb, but curiosity gets the better of you.
Anyway, I don't think most people can handle it. I don't think you should entertain the idea.
Anyway, I don't think most people can handle it. I don't think you should entertain the idea.
Just to clarify.. If I was dating someone I wouldn't be expecting them to support me so that I can quit escorting. I don't ''need my clients'' for a reason other than that this is my job.. If I was in a relationship with someone, this person would be my true partner. A lot of people are willing to understand that this is a job for us, and are capable of living with it. Before I was an escort, I had a partner who was a SP before. It didn't bother me. I wouldn't have liked this person to date others or hook up with other people for free, but I understood the difference.
Otherwise, I think a lot of men assume that escorts view all romantic relationships as purely transactional and that we are only willing to date someone who is wealthy, because we see clients who take us on dinner dates and stuff like that.. In my case that couldn't be further from the truth. If I'm in love with someone, I don't care if they're broke. However, I'm not willing to entertain the idea that clients may be able to date me, because that's a strict boundary, the answer will always be no. I wouldn't quit escorting for a partner, either, because this is the way I survive. Unless I won the lottery... But the idea of being tied down to someone I don't love just because they are super wealthy and can ''take me off the market'' is horrifying to me, because I'd lose my freedom.. This can lead to abuse
My dilemma is a little different. & I was happy to see people bring it up here.
Romantic relationships, ok fuck no. Disaster.
but why can’t we be friends ? Why can’t it be a case of “you know, the sex is getting boring, & I’d rather stop spending money for your time as an escort. But I really made a good friend here. I don’t want that to go
so hope to hangout casually next time.”
just like what Karly summers described above. They became friends.
Cause I feel it’s possible, that some SPs don’t play a character, it’s who they are. Like at work for example, you don’t necessarily play a character. It’s YOU, but just how you would be at work. Idk if that makes sense… a different flavour of you, rather than an alter ego. & you could totally be friends with someone you met at a previous work place.
Romantic relationships, ok fuck no. Disaster.
but why can’t we be friends ? Why can’t it be a case of “you know, the sex is getting boring, & I’d rather stop spending money for your time as an escort. But I really made a good friend here. I don’t want that to go
so hope to hangout casually next time.”just like what Karly summers described above. They became friends.
Cause I feel it’s possible, that some SPs don’t play a character, it’s who they are. Like at work for example, you don’t necessarily play a character. It’s YOU, but just how you would be at work. Idk if that makes sense… a different flavour of you, rather than an alter ego. & you could totally be friends with someone you met at a previous work place.
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Thanks for your response. You’re right. Although I thought I was covering multiple scenarios & reducing assumptions. I still missed some nuances in here.
A worthy thread, but are we sure OP is real? A comment on a previous page probably isn’t wrong.
I feel as though Professionals get client crushes all the time and clients are no different with their professionals. Happens here. Happens in law firms. Happens everywhere.
It’s happened with me in both directions. When I had the pro-crush, i dealt with it it so as to not be awkward and hopefully the person never realized.
When I was on the receiving end, it was actually brought up transparently and I thought about pursuing it because the woman was super interesting, communicated in an attractive manner and the sex was beyond expression. Ultimately, I realized I just couldn’t do it for my own sanity. I just can’t see how it works out except in very rare/specific situations.
Ahri’s previous comment is particularly on point about expectations. It’s why I knew I couldn’t do it as anything other than a very short term fling.
I feel as though Professionals get client crushes all the time and clients are no different with their professionals. Happens here. Happens in law firms. Happens everywhere.
It’s happened with me in both directions. When I had the pro-crush, i dealt with it it so as to not be awkward and hopefully the person never realized.
When I was on the receiving end, it was actually brought up transparently and I thought about pursuing it because the woman was super interesting, communicated in an attractive manner and the sex was beyond expression. Ultimately, I realized I just couldn’t do it for my own sanity. I just can’t see how it works out except in very rare/specific situations.
Ahri’s previous comment is particularly on point about expectations. It’s why I knew I couldn’t do it as anything other than a very short term fling.
Because our time is paid for?My dilemma is a little different. & I was happy to see people bring it up here.
Romantic relationships, ok fuck no. Disaster.
but why can’t we be friends ? Why can’t it be a case of “you know, the sex is getting boring, & I’d rather stop spending money for your time as an escort. But I really made a good friend here. I don’t want that to go
just like what Karly summers described above. They became friends.
Cause I feel it’s possible, that some SPs don’t play a character, it’s who they are. Like at work for example, you don’t necessarily play a character. It’s YOU, but just how you would be at work. Idk if that makes sense… a different flavour of you, rather than an alter ego. & you could totally be friends with someone you met at a previous work place.
As I said before I was very young and impressionable back then. Our clients understand and respect that? Heck most of my sessions nowadays are 70%: social 30% fun. If that. My situation with my friend is the exception not the rule. You shouldn't be expecting providers to hang out with you for free.
Idk if that's necessarily his end game but I've definitely noticed some clients start seeing escorts, or an escort specifically, without really knowing what they're looking for.. And what they actually want is a romantic relationship. I think if the client understands that seeing his regular escort can fulfill only some of his emotional needs until he meets a serious partner, he will be fine.. Otherwise he is going to hurt his own feelings. Seeing an escort can be beneficial for someone if the expectations are realistic.. I also think it's slightly disrespectful to think you'll be able to convince a SP to date you ''because you're the only one who will cuddle her'' and because ''she is probably undesirable to most men'' lol A lot of men in my personal life know I'm an escort and still ask me on dates, I just say no because I'm picky.
This exactly. And believe it or not, some people book me purely for social time.
Also, I'd never become friends with a client again like I said earlier, PARTICULARLY if I know he posts on review boards and communicates with other clients and is still active as a client. It's too risky.
