Joke of da day

[bOOTyMaN]

Subject: friends
>>>
>>>
>>> Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I
>>> said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent
>>> on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just
>>> pull the plug."
>>>
>>>
>>> She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my wine.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> She's such a bitch.
>>>

 

[bOOTyMaN]

Subject: camels


Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a
smoke, >when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the
end and puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What
in the hell is > >that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get
wet. Arlene: Where > >did you get it? Jane: You can get them at any
drugstore. The next day, > >Arlene hobbles herself into the local
drugstore and announces to the > >pharmacist that she wants a box of
condoms. The pharmacist, obviously > >embarrassed, looks at her kind of
strangely (she is after all, over 80 > >years of age), but very
delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. > >"Doesn't matter
Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel." The pharmacist > >fainted> >> >

You gota love them seniors.

 

[Aloha]

To My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this letter I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18-year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset; I shall be back by mid-night.
When the man came home late that night he found the following letter on
the dining room table. 'To My Dear Husband, I received your letter and
thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to
take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you
know I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you
that while you read this I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one
of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young,
virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman with an excellent knowledge of math you will understand that
we are in the same situation, although with one small difference; 18 goes
into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore I will not be
home until sometime tomorrow afternoon.'

 

[CUTTERBUCK]

Good one, Shauna. How true.

 

[salazar]

Man said to his wife, "woman start moving your asss, otherwise I will be getting into something new real soon".

Wife replied, " with one inch more, you could be getting into something new right here".

 

[Rigel7]

George and Martha have their 30 some odd years old daughter Jenny living with them. One day Mom and Dad decide to go shopping and are not expected back for a couple of hours. The mother all of a sudden feels under the weather and the two of them come home. Jenny is lying on the sofa stark naked in the throws of orgasm with her vibrator. The parents are horrified to see this. Martha asks "What are you doing?" Jenny says "Well, this is as close as I will ever come to getting married." She collects her clothes and stomps away to her room.

A few days later, Jenny is away running some errands, Mom is working in the kitchen; so Dad decides to watch TV. A little while later Martha comes out to ask George a question. He is completely engrossed in watching TV. She hears some humming sound and tries to see where it's coming from. When she looks around, the vibrator is humming away right beside her husband. She is shocked. "What are you doing with that thing, George?" she asks.

He says, "I am watching the ball game with my son-in-law."

 

[bOOTyMaN]

Good yuks!

 

[bOOTyMaN]

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been
> going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long,
> long time.
>
> So she went to check it out.
>
>
> She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the
> holy site.
> She watched him pray, and after 45 minutes, when he turned to leave,
> using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
>
>
> "Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith
> from CNN. What's your name?
>
>
> "Morris Fishbien," he replied.
>
> "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall to pray?"
>
> "For about 60 years."
>
> "60 years! That's amazing!
>
>
> What do you pray for?"
>
>
> "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray
> for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children
> to
> grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man."
>
> "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
>
> "Like I'm talking to a fuckin' wall."

 

[STASH]

Good One Booty

 

[netizen]

How to clean your condom

www.collegehumor.com/video:1777354

 

[kwbreezer]

an eskimo pushes his snow mobile in to the local service station. He says to the mechanic "it just won't run". The mechanic lifts the hood, fiddles around for a bit then says to the eskimo "looks like you blew a seal". Quickly wiping his chin the eskimo replies "it's just ice cream!".