Jokes of the day
- Thread starter thirdcup
- Start date
I didn't get it either. And why would a German talking to German teens be attempting to speak English?
This joke is over 50 years old, so it's a little dated.
During the heyday of University of Alabama football, coach Paul Bryant was granted a visit with the Pope in Rome. He not only got to speak with the Pontiff, but actually got to stand next to him on the balcony above St. Peter's Square while he blessed the crowd. Wearing his trademark hounds tooth checked hat, he waved to the crowd. In the crowd, one Italian turns to another Italian and asks "who's that standing next to the Bear?"
During the heyday of University of Alabama football, coach Paul Bryant was granted a visit with the Pope in Rome. He not only got to speak with the Pontiff, but actually got to stand next to him on the balcony above St. Peter's Square while he blessed the crowd. Wearing his trademark hounds tooth checked hat, he waved to the crowd. In the crowd, one Italian turns to another Italian and asks "who's that standing next to the Bear?"
This one is for the ladies.
What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a penis?
- A man!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the skunk, porcupine and the racoon that it could be done.
To show the skunk, porcupine and the racoon that it could be done.
If you're in a Chinese restaurant, and the waitress asks you if you want to fuck, she wants to know if you want two forks.
A bagpiper was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for an elderly homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be held at a graveyard next to a small village church. The bagpiper was not familiar with this area, he got lost and, being a proud man, didn’t ask for directions.
Finally, two hours late, he arrived and saw the funeral director had already gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left, and they were eating lunch. He felt very bad and apologised to the men for being late. He went to the side of the grave and looked down to see the vault lid already in place. Not knowing what else to do, he started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around the bagpiper. He played out his heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. And as he played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began weeping. They wept, he wept, they all wept together.
When he finished, he packed up his bagpipes and started for his car. Though his head hung low, his heart was full. As he opened the door to his car, he heard one of the workers say, “I never seen anything like that before, and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for 20 years.”
Finally, two hours late, he arrived and saw the funeral director had already gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left, and they were eating lunch. He felt very bad and apologised to the men for being late. He went to the side of the grave and looked down to see the vault lid already in place. Not knowing what else to do, he started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around the bagpiper. He played out his heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. And as he played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began weeping. They wept, he wept, they all wept together.
When he finished, he packed up his bagpipes and started for his car. Though his head hung low, his heart was full. As he opened the door to his car, he heard one of the workers say, “I never seen anything like that before, and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for 20 years.”
And then, there was the Orthodox Jewish man who refused to perform oral sex on his wife, because she had become a pig.
| THE ITALIAN WHO WENT TO NEW YORK One day Ima go to New York to a bigga Hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two piss toast. She branqa me only wona piss. I tell her I wanna two piss, she say go to the toilet, I say you no understand. I wanna two piss on my plate. She says you better not piss on my plate you sonna ma bitch! I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch. Later, I go to eat somalunch at Emma's Restaurant, the waitress bringa me a spoon, ana knife, but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell sa me everybody wona fock. I tella her, you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She says you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch. So I go back to my romm inna Hotel, an there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager ana tell him I wanna sheet. He tells me to go to the toilet, so I say you no understand I wanna sheet on the bed. He say you better not sheet on the bed, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the man ana he calls me a sonna ma bitch. I go to check out and the man at the desk, he say peace to you. I say piss onna you too, you sonna ma bitch. I go back to Italy! |
