Murphy's Law...

[MissCroft]

I wake up bright and early feeling wonderful and energetic, makeup goes on flawlessly,,,hair looks like I just stepped out of the salon and I am looking HOT BABYYYYYYY Not one single frickin call not one!!!!![/I]
I wake up late, greusome headache, hair looks like a Chia Pets nightmare and eyes are puffy and bloodshot from too much fun the night before,,,,phone starts ringing at 8 am and continues to ring constantly all day........yup Murphy should have been stoned a long time ago.

Yep, that's what I was saying too.... It's soooo frustrating!! On days when I look my prettiest, no one calls. When I look like crap, I'm booked. :-( At least it seems that way. LOL

Every time your hands get dirty your nose starts itching.

Or when your hands are tied.



Also when I'm wearing white or pastels, I'll spill my red wine. Never when I'm wearing black.

 

[Rockslinger]

My boss ("The Big Guy") is always travelling or in meetings, EXCEPT the few times when I am late and there he is sitting at his desk as I walk in.

Ever notice the subway is always delayed due to a "personal injury" (code for suicide) situation when you are already late for a dentist appointment?

The flashlight batteries are always dead when the power goes off. The power only goes off on the coldest and hottest days of the year.

BTW What is the exact opposite of Murphy's Law?

 

[moresex4me]

BTW What is the exact opposite of Murphy's Law?

Utopia.

 

[Rockslinger]

Have you ever noticed that whenever you must have a poop, the loo is always occupied no matter where you are? We had to create a whole new bathroom because of this.

 

[glaeken]

The story of the real Murphy - http://www.improb.com/airchives/paperair/volume9/v9i5/murphy/murphy1.html

Capt. Ed Murphy Jr., a development engineer… Frustrated with a strap transducer which was malfunctioning due to an error in wiring the strain gauge bridges caused him to remark — ‘if there is any way to do it wrong, he will’ — referring to the technician who had wired the bridges.

 

[y2kmark]

Derivative ...

There's a sub-corollary (I'm sure) that states:

The amount of idiots on the road in front of you is directly proportionate to the urgency in which you need to get from point A to point B.

of Mulligan's Law (Murphy was an engineer, Mulligan was a statistician) which simply states - "An event's probability is inversely proportional to it's desirability"

 

[landscaper]

From my youth, why when you were all dressed to the hilt on the way to pick up the girl you have finally got teh nerve up to ask out do you

a) get a flat tire
b) get a flat tire in the muddiest part of the road
c) have to more all teh dirty garbage thats been hiding in your trunk to get the spare
d) have navigated through all of teh above relativly unscathed habve it start raining half way through the tire change.

 

[Rockslinger]

The story of the real Murphy

So true, if there are only two ways to wire the black and white wires to the receptacle, no matter which way you choose, it will be wrong.

Old Irish proverb: "Situation Normal, All Fouled up (SNAFU)."

 

[Rockslinger]

From my youth, why when you were all dressed to the hilt on the way to pick up the girl you have finally got teh nerve up to ask out do you

Find out that the condom is 2 years past its best before date just as you are about to............................

 

[landscaper]

Find out that the condom is 2 years past its best before date just as you are about to............................

Actually that reminds me of a scene from Grease the movie, in the back seat Kiniky unwraps the condom and suddenly you hear" It broke"
well how old is it?

I don't know..................

 

[moresex4me]

Getting a flat while dressed to the nines in a suit, wearing an overcoat right as a snow storm is starting and you are 150 km from home and your spare is one of those mini-tires...

 

[smylee52]

One of my favourites told by a friend :

He was living in Winnipeg one winter and took out his best friends sister for a " freindly" drink at the local pub . One beer led to several and the next thing you know he's fucking her in the front seat of his car . This was before every car had bucket seats . Does the deed , rolls down the window and throws the condom out .
Drives the sister home and who do you think was in the driveway . Yep . Brother walks over to the car and buddy rolls down the window . Brother asks what they'd been doing and buddy tells him they were just having a few beer nothing special . Really replies Brother as he peels the frozen condom , he was wearing gloves , from the outside of the door and raises it to buddy;s face . Busted . Warm condom on cold steel . Instant freeze .

 

[nominis]

I'm disappointed ... I thought this thread was about the pub on Queen ...

 

[Thunderballs]

When you absolutely need your cell phone, you either forgot it or it's dead.

When you absolutely need to contact someone and you have your phone, either they forgot theirs or it is turned off

 

[trm]

Murphy's laws
If anything can go wrong, it will
Corollary: It can
Corollary: It should
MacGillicuddy's Corollary: At the most inopportune time
Extension: it will be all your fault, and everyone will know it.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
Extreme version:
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the FIRST to go wrong
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop
Corollary: It will be impossible to fix the fifth fault, without breaking the fix on one or more of the others
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something

 

[coolcat]

Find out that the condom is 2 years past its best before date just as you are about to............................

Rockslinger, if the condom is 2 years past its best before date, you seriously need to get out more!!! Hell. even more than I do!

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

Another one......I have had a great nights sleep,,,woke up feeling well rested, energetic, grab a shower, make up goes on PERFECT,,,I look AWESOME,,,hair goes GREAT,,,,,damn I am SMOKING.......the first client of the day shows up, looks very impressed, I take him into the bedroom and do the chit chat, he strips down, climbs up and stands on the bed and announces he wants to watch himself in the mirror as he grabs my hair and fucks my face till I gag..............................................................................................................by the time he leaves my makeup is smeared all over my face, my lips are raw and swollen, my hair puts frankys bride to shame and i have a sore throat and a headache from gagging so much. GoddamnMotherFuckingCocksuckingSonofabitchMurphyandhisStupidIdioticShitheadLaw

 

[Moraff]

Old Irish proverb: "Situation Normal, All Fouled up (SNAFU)."

Actually there are two more levels after SNAFU....

TARFU -> Things Are Really Fouled Up

FUBAR -> Fouled Up Beyond All Redemption

 

[alexmst]

It is -18C out. You are going to drive from your underground heated garage in your heated car to an underground heated garage downtown to park and go into the building above by elevator. You think "Why bother wearing a coat?". You start out and everything is fine until your transmission fails on a lightly travelled road where the nearest store is a ten minute walk away, and there is 5 inches of snow on the ground. Cell phones weren't in widespread use yet (modern update is you forgot it at home).

Yes, I couldn't feel my feet after 5 minutes as I was wearing slip on Italian loafers and a business suit. What are the odds the transmission has to fail that day in the most remote part of the drive.

 

[MissCroft]

I thought of another one....

Whenever you're telling a really great story (at least you think so, lol), right at the point when you get to the best part/climax, someone will interrupt the conversation. It's so frustrating cause then the story loses all its momentum. aaarrrrggghhh!! It can be a waiter coming to your table which is not their fault but the people that are annoying are the ones that come and interrupt conversations right smack in the middle. Sometimes right in the middle of your sentence. Do some people have no social skills? If I see a conversation going on between two people, I at least wait until a lull before I come up and step into it. Especially if it looks like an intimate or very personal one but that's a different story...

Like once when a friend was telling me that her mother who had cancer had just been told she had only weeks to live (she died two weeks later). That's the point when this guy who thinks he's smooth decides to come up and hit on me. :-( Then when I told him sorry but I'm in the middle of a conversation, he tells me I'm rude and stuck up. True story. I guess he probably thought I'm just one of those 'cold Toronto women'. ;-)