Commitments are important. Kids have to know that when you promise something you will do your best to see it through.Carcharias said:
But..life sometimes makes promiseses difficult to keep.
Kids also have to learn to be reasonably flexible.
My Children come first......Really?
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But..life sometimes makes promiseses difficult to keep.
Kids also have to learn to be reasonably flexible.
This
It is my absolute intention that my kid know two things
1) That I love him with all my heart...that he know he is adored and cherished. He arrived relatively late in the life of his parents, and his father DESPERATELY wanted a little boy just liek him. I changed wives because I wanted to be a Dad so bad (Wife #1 didn't want kids...we married young...not the sort of thing you discuss when you are 23 typically). I want my kid to know...with confidence...that I love him DEARLY...that I CHERISH him...and I want him to go forth with the confidence I hope that breeds in him, because if he knows he is loved, I am hoping he then knows he can do / attempt to do anything in this world, because I will still love him even in the light of failure...as he can never "fail" at being my son. I want him to know this even while I am sticking my foot in his ass...which is why now I always hug him to death even after he has been punished.
2) That a promise from me to him is as good as gold. That nothing short of GOD'S WILL can keep me from keeping a promise I have made to him. As a general rule I try to keep all of my commitments...to me that is part of being a man...but to ones I make to him are especially important to me. As best I can recall, I have yet to break a promise I have made him.
If I told my kid I'd be a the hockey rink Saturday, I will be at the hockey rink Saturday, barring a crippling injury to myself or his mother. Nothing else would take precedent, and I have told clients / bosses as much
(Like the time I told my boss that I would not be attending a weekly 6:00pm conference call because I had promised my son...and wife...we would eat together every night as a family on school nights if i was in town. My boss was clearly taken aback...but I didn't say anotehr word...as far as I was concerned the matter was closed, and furthewr discussing it would imply that it was up for discussion. Besides, it didn't say that I wouldn't work late...they get PLENTY of me after 8:00pm when the kid goes to bed...but 6:00pm to 8:00pm I am off the clock. Period.)
...I agree with this 100%.Carcharias said:
It is my absolute intention that my kid know two things
1) That I love him with all my heart...that he know he is adored and cherished. He arrived relatively late in the life of his parents, and his father DESPERATELY wanted a little boy just liek him. I changed wives because I wanted to be a Dad so bad (Wife #1 didn't want kids...we married young...not the sort of thing you discuss when you are 23 typically). I want my kid to know...with confidence...that I love him DEARLY...that I CHERISH him...and I want him to go forth with the confidence I hope that breeds in him, because if he knows he is loved, I am hoping he then knows he can do / attempt to do anything in this world, because I will still love him even in the light of failure...as he can never "fail" at being my son. I want him to know this even while I am sticking my foot in his ass...which is why now I always hug him to death even after he has been punished.
2) That a promise from me to him is as good as gold. That nothing short of GOD'S WILL can keep me from keeping a promise I have made to him. As a general rule I try to keep all of my commitments...to me that is part of being a man...but to ones I make to him are especially important to me. As best I can recall, I have yet to break a promise I have made him.
If I told my kid I'd be a the hockey rink Saturday, I will be at the hockey rink Saturday, barring a crippling injury to myself or his mother. Nothing else would take precedent, and I have told clients / bosses as much
(Like the time I told my boss that I would not be attending a weekly 6:00pm conference call because I had promised my son...and wife...we would eat together every night as a family on school nights if i was in town. My boss was clearly taken aback...but I didn't say anotehr word...as far as I was concerned the matter was closed, and furthewr discussing it would imply that it was up for discussion. Besides, it didn't say that I wouldn't work late...they get PLENTY of me after 8:00pm when the kid goes to bed...but 6:00pm to 8:00pm I am off the clock. Period.)
What happens if the extra money, is for let's say a Private education?KWI said:
For a great 3 week family vacation? For a cottage?
What happens if the extra money is for "retirement" so you won't be a drain on your kids when you get old.
Yes, I like work. I like the power that comes with my title. I want to build a LARGE nest egg, not "win the lottery".
I want to teach my kids that Hard work pays off.
And I know what you are refering too...
...but I don't agree with this statement.
There are LOTS of things beyond rent / mortgage that benefit a child...and lots of those things a child would not know are to / for his benefit.
Quality food (versus nothing but bulk starches / Kraft Mac and Cheese / Hamburger Helper) can be expensive. It takes money to buy fresh meats and vegetables. We spend a lot of money on food...mostly because I eat a lot, but partially because my wife doesn't shop for bargains when it comes to what we are going to put in our bodies. And I am NOT a health nut or a fitness freak. But I am his father - he counts on ME to make sure what he is eating is good for him (because he'd eat Cheerios all fucking day and night if it were up to him...lol).
Education can be expensive. As mentioned previously, my kid is in private Montessori school because his mother and I think that is what is best for him. This costs a pretty penny. Many people would say it is unnecessary, but we think it is important for his development. And if you could meet my kid and see / hear how well mannered and articulate he is...you'd see that it is a good investment. And he sure as shit didn't get that from his father...but his father makes sure the place where he does get it is paid for.
Child care can be expensive - my son had a full time bilingual ECE certified nanny until he was old enough to go to school. That shit was DAMN expensive. Other people sent there kids off to warehouse daycare - but that wasn't what we wanted for OUR kid. We felt it was important that in his early years he get attention and care that was directed at him, and that this come from someone who actually had a background / education in doing so. My wife and I saw what we called "day care" kids...how ill mannered they were, how they had learned to fight for toys and do things to get attention. How beligerent and combative they were.
In summary I am saying I understand your point...that sometimes people invest time in securing bigger / better when really there is no benefit to their children. And I agree this is often the case. but understand that some of us work hard to secure better for our kids...not for ourselves (though I like and have some nice shit too...lol)
KWI said:
...but I don't agree with this statement.
There are LOTS of things beyond rent / mortgage that benefit a child...and lots of those things a child would not know are to / for his benefit.
Quality food (versus nothing but bulk starches / Kraft Mac and Cheese / Hamburger Helper) can be expensive. It takes money to buy fresh meats and vegetables. We spend a lot of money on food...mostly because I eat a lot, but partially because my wife doesn't shop for bargains when it comes to what we are going to put in our bodies. And I am NOT a health nut or a fitness freak. But I am his father - he counts on ME to make sure what he is eating is good for him (because he'd eat Cheerios all fucking day and night if it were up to him...lol).
Education can be expensive. As mentioned previously, my kid is in private Montessori school because his mother and I think that is what is best for him. This costs a pretty penny. Many people would say it is unnecessary, but we think it is important for his development. And if you could meet my kid and see / hear how well mannered and articulate he is...you'd see that it is a good investment. And he sure as shit didn't get that from his father...but his father makes sure the place where he does get it is paid for.
Child care can be expensive - my son had a full time bilingual ECE certified nanny until he was old enough to go to school. That shit was DAMN expensive. Other people sent there kids off to warehouse daycare - but that wasn't what we wanted for OUR kid. We felt it was important that in his early years he get attention and care that was directed at him, and that this come from someone who actually had a background / education in doing so. My wife and I saw what we called "day care" kids...how ill mannered they were, how they had learned to fight for toys and do things to get attention. How beligerent and combative they were.
In summary I am saying I understand your point...that sometimes people invest time in securing bigger / better when really there is no benefit to their children. And I agree this is often the case. but understand that some of us work hard to secure better for our kids...not for ourselves (though I like and have some nice shit too...lol)
But wait. My wife does not work, so she is there for the Kids all the time.KWI said:
You see I think the most important gift you can give your kids is staying together (dad and mom) This is something THEY WILL REMEBER.
Breaking up, cuase marrige is a hassle, I wold dare sys is Very selfish.
Save your wife. You can always have another child.
I think it's important to establish lines. Your child is not you friend, your child is not a sounding board for your problems. A child will always be a person who will need you more than you need them.
Like my father used to say -"Me Chief -you indian. Until you start your own little tribe, and until the day I die -in my house, I am always the Chief." Funny. Simplistic and maybe even insightful.
A parent should act like a parent and understand limits. Understand the wants versus needs category -teach the child common sense. Common sense is not common knowkedge. Teach them responsiblity, accountability. A lot of people I've seen shouldn't even be parents but they are and in the end the child suffers.
But hat's off to parents who raise their child in a disciplined home, in a home where there are some morals standards, in a loving home. If a child can understand that it's not what you buy, but what you can give; then they will grow up to be well adjusted people.
I think it's important to establish lines. Your child is not you friend, your child is not a sounding board for your problems. A child will always be a person who will need you more than you need them.
Like my father used to say -"Me Chief -you indian. Until you start your own little tribe, and until the day I die -in my house, I am always the Chief." Funny. Simplistic and maybe even insightful.
A parent should act like a parent and understand limits. Understand the wants versus needs category -teach the child common sense. Common sense is not common knowkedge. Teach them responsiblity, accountability. A lot of people I've seen shouldn't even be parents but they are and in the end the child suffers.
But hat's off to parents who raise their child in a disciplined home, in a home where there are some morals standards, in a loving home. If a child can understand that it's not what you buy, but what you can give; then they will grow up to be well adjusted people.
Its not that I care what you think so much..Its that its fun to argue.KWI said:Well that is a luxury that I don't have. Not my fault that dad left and ignores his kids. Nothing I can do about that and believe me I have tried. I tried to enforce visitation, never have i asked for a dime in child support knowing that would make him run faster.
Having said that tho, pawning off the responsiblity to mom is not the answer either. I don't care what you say. If you feel fine about missing important times in your kids live, that is you. I am not saying you are a bad parent. I am just saying it is not how I would raise my kids. If that offends you, then you have to look in the mirror, not at me. The opinion of some woman on TERB should not determine whether you feel like a good parent. Lord knows, your opinion doesn't affect me any. It is just here for a good debate.
KWI
BTW, are you proud of me, no name calling yet?????
I'm saying people who always put trivial kids games before their life all the time, are putting their children into a dangerous situation.
Kids learn, real fast, that They are in control.
When children are in control..It means you are a bad parent.
Let's exchange work for dinner, ok.
I say family dinner is MORE important than any game. If i say, to the kids, they MAY not particpate in sports that would infringe on Family dinner, am I being "a bad Parent?"
Children's appointments, other than school or Health relateated, should never trump adult appointments. Simple.
Changing the subject around a bit. Are your children ever ungrateful? Have they ever said:
1) I hate you!
2) I wish you were dead!
3) You are the worst parent in the world!
4) I can't wait to leave this house!
1) I hate you!
2) I wish you were dead!
3) You are the worst parent in the world!
4) I can't wait to leave this house!
I agree with teh concept of balance. How often do you read of a big shot executive - usually a man - who is either on a second ( or more ) wife, and who is estranged from his children. Too often we go off climbing the corporate ladder striving for success saying we're doing for our family when in reality we are doing it to feed our ego. Yes the big salary is nice, but at what cost?
You know the old saying about a man on his deathbed never says he should have spent more time at the office.
As for showing up at hockey games, soccer games etc. That us huge for a kid, knowing Mom and/or dad is there. I coached minor hockey for nearly 20 years and the dejection on a kid's face when Dad didn't show up, especially after promising to. Of course if the parent works shifts, it happens but if Dad just doesn't feel like it or is out with the "boys", the kid is hurt. Big time.
Kids know when the parent(s) is legitimately working, or just doesn't care.
You know the old saying about a man on his deathbed never says he should have spent more time at the office.
As for showing up at hockey games, soccer games etc. That us huge for a kid, knowing Mom and/or dad is there. I coached minor hockey for nearly 20 years and the dejection on a kid's face when Dad didn't show up, especially after promising to. Of course if the parent works shifts, it happens but if Dad just doesn't feel like it or is out with the "boys", the kid is hurt. Big time.
Kids know when the parent(s) is legitimately working, or just doesn't care.
wow, what a thread , i agree with KWI , in all posts here* , ok now you all have me thinking ,, ill have to post again lol
You see, my dad came to some of the football games I played. Sometimes, he was working, it did not bother me.Swingdancer said:
What I do remember were the two vacations a year. We had our parents attention for the whole trip.
Also, When our parents took us out for dinner, dressed up, and able to order from the menu.
They never had to coax us to say "please" or "Thank you", we were so proud to be treated like adults. Christmas was my favorite! Always lots of love and fun!
I agree with KWI about dinner whenever possible.
Not only do you hear about your Kids day, but THEY also learn to care more deeply about mom&dad, and learn that they are more than just a driver/atm/cook/cleaner.
But so what if a call comes during dinner? I answer, I give direction/answer a question, and hang up. Big deal.
So what If I'm away a week or two? Not all of us work in an office ( nor would wish too)
The Kids learn that no matter where dad is, he cares.
PS>KWI..I am sorry about the Jab at you and your ex.That was not fair.
Happy Birthday !KWI said:No worries hon. Not your fault he is an ass. I picked him once upon a time ago and that was my fault. I will have to conintue playing both roles for my kids as my punishment I guess and I am okay with that.
I know ideally both parents are better but if one parent is not emotionally or mentally capable of properly caring for a child then I believe the child is better without. Counselling to learn how deal is much better then going for visits that are full of trama and drama.
I work hard everyday for me kids and it shows in their behaviour. Whent he first thing they say this morning before they even get out of bed, "Mom come and give me hug, Happy Birthday! What can we get you for breakfast." that is all I need.
KWI
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Hope your day is filled with happiness hun
Ok,,, no more thinking for me untill after lunch LOL
and picking up the kids
Ok,,, no more thinking for me untill after lunch LOL
and picking up the kids
yelling at your parents
Hey Rock all kids say that to their folks at one time--when I heard it I just said No you dont--you just dont agree with me---deflated their ballon a bit lol.
Hey Rock all kids say that to their folks at one time--when I heard it I just said No you dont--you just dont agree with me---deflated their ballon a bit lol.
Rockslinger said:
