Re-marrying.

[xix]

Well how can I start.
I just received an invitation to a wedding. I personally haven't seen the guy since 1982, but have seen his parents on occasion. Say every 5 years or so. They live in the U.S and he ( the groom) has never return to Canada ; even for visist; although he was born here. This is his second marriage.
I did send him a gift for his first wedding. The marriage only lasted 2 years. Got married at age 25. And now he is 32. Heck even the dad said the chick is whacked.

So am I obligated to give them/him a present?
Even if I don't go should I send something?
If I do go and show up am I obligated of giving a gift?
Should I just feign that the letter never came?

I definetely don't want to be giving this guy a present every 5 - 7 years for each wedding. Heck the guys lives in Mahanttan for crying out loud.

So if anyone know the "proper" way to handle this please let me know.

 

[David_peza]

"I definetely don't want to be giving this guy a present every 5 - 7 years for each wedding"

So don't!

 

[WhOiSyOdAdDy?]

So am I obligated to give them/him a present?
Even if I don't go should I send something?
If I do go and show up am I obligated of giving a gift?
Should I just feign that the letter never came?

I would pretend that the letter never came.

He is obviously not a close friend (If he has not come back)

You gave him a weeding gift 2 years ago... did you get it back when his marriage broke up??.. I would not give another gift.. why should you have to pay because of his mistakes??.. It is not your fault his first marriage failed.

 

[fernie]

Buddy, at least he didn't ask you to be the best man.

Fernie

 

[LateComer]

Why not send him a card congratulating him on his wedding and say that you cannot make it but wish him good luck. No gift is necessary.

 

[james t kirk]

Dude, i have a similar sad story.

This guy i grew up with since the age of 12, who at one time was like a brother, has hooked up with his high school gf after his (and her) first marriage failed.

I never see him, nor does any of "the gang" He also lives in the states but both his and her family are her, so they do return once in a while.

He never bothers to hook up, or otherwise. I have tried to keep up the lines of communication.

Anyway, their wedding will be coming up shortly too we are all expecting. No-one wants to go cause he's turned into such a prick.

Then again, we could all be assuming just cause we all grew up together that we would be invited.

Either way, don't want to go.

 

[HowardHughes]

xix...

I agree with latecomer. However, I would make a small adjustment...

First, you can take the high road - send your congratulations, and be on with it.

OR

Second, you could send the card back, and on it ask him if he didn't receive your gift from his first wedding. He might get the hint there.

 

[Hollywoodladies.ca]

Why not send him a card congratulating him on his wedding and say that you cannot make it but wish him good luck. No gift is necessary.

This is proper ettiquite. The best way to go IMO.

Steph

 

[MilesV]

Steph is correct , this is proper ettiquite.

but who cares, - ettiquite smettiquite

do what you feel like doing , with no regrets. you owe him nothing - this is not about him anymore it is about you. I think your request is kind of like Dear Abby, where most people know what they want to do , they just want to get confirmation.

excellent feedback so far - .

good luck .

MV

 

[xix]

advise

Thanks to all.
Latecomer and Howard Huges excellent ideas.

I will take the high road.
But wil do the second option from Howard on his third marriage.

It is silly some people have the balls to send an invitation after the first. I heard where some guy by the time he was 47 he was married 5 times. If I have 10 friends and 50 weddings in 20 years is very silly. I would be broke.

 

[HowardHughes]

Hey xix...

Well, I have to say that I agree with you on your decision. Here is my horror story...

My family is very Scottish, and feuds are more of an artform. Well, I was fighting with my siblings, and then was informed that one of them was getting married. That was great to hear. However, I was excluded from the stag and doe - and was told that they couldn't reach me (impossible, as I talk to my father a few times a week, and they are all on good terms with him). Then, he had his wedding on the Sunday of a long weekend in the summer, it was in the evening, and he wasn't going to provide dinner because he wanted to profit off of it.

So, call me childish here - I called my brother, left him a message that I hope he enjoys his wedding, and made other plans.

What I actually wound up doing was going to the Sabres/Leafs playoff game (gold seats...what would you do??) - and mailed him my ticket stub from the game - writing on the back "hope you turned a nice profit at your fundraiser".

He has contacted me since, and actually agreed that it was a really stupid thing to do on his behalf.

From my perspective, I was insulted that they couldn't get over the feud for his wedding, and that he still wanted me to show up at his wedding, just so I could add to the bottom line.

 

[james t kirk]

Great story howard hughes.

I have another wedding from hell story.

A few years back one of my good friends was getting married. He's an eastern euro, and she's a mungie cake.

Anyway, it became clear that the wedding was turning into a money making extravaganza.

For example, she had a "green shower" Which basically meant, don't give gifts, give cash. He was there keeping track of who gave what and put it into a spread sheet.

Lots of cash.

A lot of tongue wagging went on there.

Then they had a stag and doe. (More cash)

Then he had a stag (more cash)

Then they had a party for just the wedding party - big gas barbeque as a present.

Think it's over - it's not.

The wedding itself was something like 400 people. Now you can't NOT feed and drink Eastern Euros. They would be very offended and not come.

But you can book a hall about a 45 minute drive outside of your home town.

Why you ask?

Simple

Old eastern Euros love to drink, but they are also cheap. They tend not to throw their money around, or travel, or anything else, though usually decidedly generous with their kids and weddings.

Have the reception 45 minutes out of town means a drive on the highway home. There is no way in HELL any of these eastern euros would book a hotel room close by so they could drink like they normally would.

Result, a considerable savings in the bar bill.

No shit, it's a true story. My friend still denies it, but also smiles when he is denying it.