Relationship advice

[yessir235]

Looking for some advice here from older folk that have been in a long term relationship.

(long read ahead)
Currently 27, and about a year and a half ago got into a relationship with my first real gf.
I have seen escorts since I was 20, but stopped for the first time since I got into my relationship. It was love at first sight for both of us- more so because she was the first girl that made me feel loved, appreciated and she looks up at me like a king. We work in the same field, one that is very specific, and I am definitely further along the career path and more successful since she’s only 22. I guess that’s also why she looks up to me so much.

Before her, I had a few situationships and went on many dates where I had little to no emotional connection,- they were just hot women I wanted to sleep with. I new that finding a gf would be hard for me, not because I can’t find a girl who is hot and attractive, but to find one who is also smart, kind and has an emotional connection to me because we have so much in common regarding our career, upbringing, interests, passions, intelligence etc.

So by the time I met her, I was so desperate for this emotional and spiritual connection that for the first couple months of us dating, I sort of overlooked the physical stuff. It’s almost like my brain just forgot about it. Don’t get me wrong, she is stunningly pretty, tall and looks like a model; however she is very skinny for her frame, just barely in the normal BMI weight category. The more months went on, the more I realized that the sex simply doesn’t satisfy me. Maybe it’s in part that around the age I got into a relationship with her my brain fully developed and I realized that,( shocker) , I’m into more curvy women. I had always had a suspicion that curvy women are my type, but I guess it wasn’t solidified in my brain until after I got into a long term regular sexual relationship with Gf who is very much a skinny/ spinner type. I’ve tried everything in the last year to spice up our sex life from role play to lingerie, but nothing really helps much. The idea of asking her to change her body and gain weight for me literally makes me cringe because first, that’s a really unhealthy and toxic thing to expect of someone- to change their body and potentially destroy their self confidence for someone, and second, it would sound real rich coming from me as I am not in great shape and she is in considerably better shape than me.

Anyways it got to a point where for several weeks I was literally depressed after having sex every time. In order to get mental clarity, I booked an escort that I had been eying for quite some time- a girl that from the pics looked like my ideal type. I don’t even consider this cheating because I don’t give a flying fuck about getting into any relationship with another woman or seeing SP’s regularly while in a committed relationship. I just needed to know: was the sex really this unsatisfying for me or was it just looking at the past and my whoring days with rose coloured glasses?
So the appointment came. The SP’s personality was meh, but doesn’t matter, it was the sex I was concerned about. I thought that fucking a girl exactly my type would give me an epiphany of some sorts, but it didn’t, it rather confirmed what I had already known. Although, a very scary thought came across my mind while I was having sex with her which I was not ready for: I thought man, if the sex with my girl at home felt like this, I would have married her by now…

I love my gf and she loves me to death literally, I don’t know how I ever managed to get the upper hand in this relationship but she literally treats me like her everything. So me leaving her because of unsatisfied sexual desire is truly a last resort. She also knows about my past with escorts, and we joke about it from time to time.

Any thoughts on how to deal with this situation and advice are appreciated. Going to be starting 1on1 sexual therapy as well to help improve my situation

 

[Zippythepinhead]

Decisions like this are not made when “on the fence” and trying to “think” the best answer. You have a choice here. Stay with her and accept that the sex will just be mediocre, or let her go, learn from this, and clarify what matters to you in a relationship and what are the “non-negotiables” that is, the things you cannot live without. Your emotional connection to her makes it, by definition, difficult to be objective about what you really want as you seem to not want to hurt her. That’s admirable, but by seeing escorts you are cheating…and are hurting her. She deserves more…so stop that and just do the next right thing…whatever that might be

 

[massman]

I’ll resist the urge to play you a sad song on the world’s smallest violin here. I’ll try to help, and sorry if some of what I say seems like a bit of “tough love”.

Not 100% sure what the situation is here, is the sex not satisfying because of her slim body type or is the sex itself just lacklustre. If it’s the latter, you are still early enough in the relationship to improve things by being honest about your likes/ dislikes / fantasies about sex. Be honest with each other now, before habits become ingrained and years later your desires you’ve kept bottled up suddenly come out and it will seem like “you’ve changed” and it’s an attack on her.

If you are simply unsatisfied by having sex with a skinny girl, I think the solution lies with you. Many guys would kill to have a smart, soon to be successful 22year old spinner who looks like a model and thinks that they are the only guy in the world. Try to expand your very narrow view of what is attractive. You say that your “brain is now fully developed”, but I’m not so sure if you have a GF that is gorgeous, but you are not turned on by her because she is not your specific version of gorgeous. Our preferences in terms of physical attraction are not innate or carved in stone. We learned them via exposure to a variety of things in society. You you should easily be able to learn to appreciate a tight little ass, and perky tits. You have got something amazing here, realize that. I gather based on the limited information you have provided about your career, that you are an intelligent person. You can see that you have a great partner here.

Part of me wonders if there is a component of self sabotage here, like is there something else going on? Tho I’m far from a psychologist.

In the end, if everything fails, send her my way.

 

[Goodoer]

…. I thought man, if the sex with my girl at home felt like this, I would have married her by now…

That’s not fair. All she has is you to work with. Bring her some male escorts or other dudes and maybe she’ll develop another side or additional skills from experience. She might realize she only likes big cocks.

 

[massman]

I wonder is this has something to do with your issue

second, it would sound real rich coming from me as I am not in great shape and she is in considerably better shape than me.

Are you feeling some inadequacy with her given that she is lean and fit and you are not so much? Does a heavier girl not make you feel this way?

 

[Goodoer]

I’m impressed the OP told his GF about his Hobbying past. She still stuck around.

 

[Ahri]

I’m impressed the OP told his GF about his Hobbying past. She still stuck around.

Some of my clients tell me that their SO knows about their hobbying. They could be lying but not everyone keeps it’s a secret from their partner.

 

[superman12]

Sex therapy should help a bit but it won't completely solve your dilemma. If your gf agrees take her along to some of the therapy sessions so you can both openly communicate and discuss what you are looking for sexually from the other person. Who knows there might be things she wants from you sexually that you would have never known about. A lot of people have kinky minds but seem to be afraid to share those kinks with there SO out of fear of being judged. From the sounds of it you have a smoking hot gf that most guys dream of so it does seem like you have really unique expectations when it comes to sex or what your ideal girl should look like. I would recommend to lower your expectations a bit especially if your gf is as hot as you say she is. If what you are looking for is curves I don't think it would be harmful to let her know that and if she's the type of girl who would literally do anything for you like you say she is she probably won't take it offensively and try to get the body you want. You mentioned that you told her about seeing escorts in the past and she didn't have a negative reaction to it. Another solution would be to ask her if she would be ok with you seeing escorts again that have the body type you want explaining that you still love her and want to be with her but want a different experience sexually and that's it.

 

[Forzafonz]

definitely further along the career path and more successful since she’s only 22. I guess that’s also why she looks up to me so much.

based on your post history you made $40k gross last year. Not sure what career you're in (definitely not MD), but sounds very weird.

As for your situation. Sex is a big part of any relationship. If you're not compatible in bed you might not be compatible as a pair. So, if you cannot resolve it through therapy or any other group programs (hehe), don't drug it out hoping it will not be a big issue. Had to learn it hard way with my 3rd wife (now ex-wife).

 

[Sonic Temple]

You def. have a keeper, but if the sex is not satisfying based on body image of what your brain is looking forward too, you need to understand why and simply saying I like curvy woman will not help. Go talk to a sex therapist alone first to get clarity and then bring her along when its time based on the recommendation of the therapist. Good luck mate.

 

[Canadiandude]

She sounds like a keeper don’t let her go over little things that can be fixed. Especially in this day and age where younger people are struggling to find a committed partner, you found yours so hold on to her. Seems like her looks are the main issue and you want her to be a bit more curvy.
Here’s a tip you can try out maybe tell her how you both should join a gym since summer is coming up and you want to shred your body and want to do it with her as a couple. This way it doesn’t sound disrespectful to her nor directly telling her to change her body.
This also works in both your favours you can be in better shape and shred for the summer and she can build muscle/gain weight. There’s a fitness trainer who has transformed the skinniest of girls to thick curvy women by building muscle if you need tips on how to help your girlfriend this is a good start. An ex of mine would watch his videos and it helped her so give it a shot www.instagram.com/bootyking

 

[massman]

She sounds like a keeper don’t let her go over little things that can be fixed. Especially in this day and age where younger people are struggling to find a committed partner, you found yours so hold on to her. Seems like her looks are the main issue and you want her to be a bit more curvy.
Here’s a tip you can try out maybe tell her how you both should join a gym since summer is coming up and you want to shred your body and want to do it with her as a couple. This way it doesn’t sound disrespectful to her nor directly telling her to change her body.
This also works in both your favours you can be in better shape and shred for the summer and she can build muscle/gain weight. There’s a fitness trainer who has transformed the skinniest of girls to thick curvy women by building muscle if you need tips on how to help your girlfriend this is a good start. An ex of mine would watch his videos and it helped her so give it a shot www.instagram.com/bootyking

Lifting will thicken the legs and ass, but not the boobs. But I like your idea. It’s got multiple potential benefits. Tho still, manipulating your girl to become more “thick”…..