relationship question

[jw01]

hey all

i was wondering if i can get some feedback on a relationship issue.

ive been with my partner for approx 6 yrs....she's moody but all in all great girl....

the issue is, my family will not accept her....im in my mid 20s and she in her early.....but my dad is against her and does not want to ever meet her. obv., it hurts her and she has only met my mom once in the 6 yrs briefly for a 5 mins....i know i feel very ashamed bc i know all her extended family and such, however it's slowly catching up to her and she's given me like a final "straw"....where if i dont introduce her to my dad, she wants to break it off...

it's a cultural and religious issue and i'm torn right in the middle....my mom wont do anything w.o my dad accepting her and i feel horrible but i dont know how to make my dad appreciate her and meet her. my dad is stubborn and now my gf is being equally stubborn.

any thoughts on how i can turn this from becoming a wild fire and save my girl and such?

 

[afterhours]

Sounds like you should tell her that you cannot change your dad for her, but that you are prepared to do something to show that you are serious, like go and live with her

 

[djk]

It's her or your family.

 

[Don Draper]

Do you love her?

Truly and Unconditionally?​

 

[legmann]

I have a good family but don't buy this 'blood is thicker than water' nonsense. Choose her over family.

 

[Jennifer_]

.... If the approval of your family is integral to your commitment to her then call it off.

if you are able to think independently about what is right for you then prove to her that your family's approval has no influence on what you feel then make that clear to her and don't stall the growth of your relationship based on your family. Be prepared to be ostracized but hope it doesn't come to that...

It's unfortunate that you're dealing with these circumstances but the romantic in me believes that true love is worth fighting for..... even if it means choosing love over a closed-minded family.

(I was in a relationship with someone from another race that was not approved by my family years-ago and I know alllll about having a mother who is incapable of making decisions independent of my dad so I am not making a judgement on yours whatsoever. We all have bs to deal with when it comes to our families ~ her family is imperfect too.... Just be honest and help her understand where you and your family is coming from so she understands and doesn't feel rejected ~ hopefully they will change their stance with time... you need to do what is best for you.)

 

[johnnyone1]

...ive been with my partner for approx 6 yrs....she's moody but all in all great girl....

After 6 years you should know whose side you're on.

It's time for you to let go of the need for your parents approval.

Do something to show that you are on your partner's side -- example: marriage proposal and set a date.

Your parents will come around... or not... they will be the ultimate losers.

 

[fuji]

The problem looks like she wants his parents approval. If she won't give up on that, and the parents won't approve, then I think he's in a pickle. Sounds like his pretty determined to choose her over his parents--but what to do to make that clearer to her?

To the OP - do you have any aunts/uncles/brothers/sisters/grandparents/others who could intercede? Or at least go around and introduce her to as many of those as possible? If your entire family are not the same sort of racist cads as your parents then maybe you can work on isolating your dad. This will also demonstrate to her that you're serious. You should be honest with her about the situation, and work on the plan to isolate your dad together with her.

Can you do things like invite the entire extended family to your home for a party, that she will attend, forcing your dad to isolate himself further, so that it is at least obvious to your GF that you, at least, are doing everything you can?

 

[Insidious Von]

From what you're written I get the hunch that you'd have extremely difficult replacing her if she dumped you.

If it's a cultural issue then your family isn't worth losing your SO over. If your father is a religious wingnut then it's an entirely different can of worms.

 

[John Henry]

hey all

i was wondering if i can get some feedback on a relationship issue.

ive been with my partner for approx 6 yrs....she's moody but all in all great girl....

any thoughts on how i can turn this from becoming a wild fire and save my girl and such?

First of all you can't change your dad . Ask yourself this . Do you really want to go against your family ? Is it really that important for her to be accepted by your dad ? I think that she knows that this will not happen and she is looking for a way out of this relationship . You have asked about break-up information in the past so things can't be all that good .

Girl friends are a dime a dozen these days . They come and go . If your thinking Oh I love her and need her but sooner or later it will be my lawyer says this and that .

Are you really that happy with her ? After all you have been on terb for 6 years and you state that you have been with her for 6 years .

 

[fuji]

First of all you can't change your dad.

I disagree. You can never make him changes his views, but you can put some considerable pressure on him to be more polite, especially if the OP can build support for his relationship among the extended family. Dad would wind up being forced to skip family event, after family event, until he relents. Eventually dad would have to choose between being excluded from the extended family, and at least agreeing to be publicly polite to the girlfriend / future wife.

Of course this assumes the extended family aren't as big 'tards as dad is, and are less stubborn and more open. If the OP comes from a whole extended family of racists then I guess he is up shit creek. If she matters that much to him his only option would be to disown his entire extended family, and even that might not work if she doesn't accept it.

I find it hard to believe, though, that the OP can't find grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc., that are more tolerant than dad, and start including her in family events without him.

 

[OddSox]

Get your mom to cut dad off until he becomes a little more reasonable...shouldn't take long. LOL

 

[Questor]

ive been with my partner for approx 6 yrs....she's moody but all in all great girl....

any thoughts on how i can turn this from becoming a wild fire and save my girl and such?

What do you want from this girl? What does she want from you? Okay, so you are an Irish Seventh Day Adventist and she is an Italian Jew. Her family accepts you, but your family doesn't accept her. Is there are future together? Do you want a future together? What's more important to you, your future together or doing what your family wants? If the latter, then dump her and move on. If the former, then you better figure out how you are going to support your girl. You've got to choose, and your girl is right in forcing the issue because you just want to avoid it. It really sounds like you just like the convenience of dating her.

 

[bobistheowl]

...im in my mid 20s and she in her early.....

teens? 40's? What's the (approximate) age gap?

 

[fuji]

Simply give them an ultimatum that they either meet her and show approval of her OR they just will lose their son.

...and future grandchildren.

 

[Questor]

Simply give them an ultimatum that they either meet her and show approval of her OR they just will lose their son.
Its your own life to fuck up not theirs.

If your parents really loved you all they would want is for you to be happy. If the only the reason they don't accept her is because she was born into a different religion than them then your parents are ignorant racists. I would gently try to educate my parents on the evils of racism for a few years. If that didn't work I would sever ties with them. Life should not be about hatred. It should be about love.

Culturally it is easier to date someone with a similar background but if you fall in love with someone from a different one and have a really strong relationship otherwise it really shouldn't make any difference.

...and future grandchildren.

Except that he hasn't told us that he loves her, or wants to marry her, or have kids with her. In fact, he's given her a rather luke warm endorsement...

ive been with my partner for approx 6 yrs....she's moody but all in all great girl....

This is not exactly a declaration of eternal love. She's demanding to meet the family because she is getting serious and thinking long term. The OP is just doesn't want any problems.

 

[fuji]

Sure, Questor, he has to decide whether she's worth it. If she is, we're just pointing out, he does have options. He just has to decide that she is worth the cost of those options.

 

[legmann]

Living you life to try and keep parents, siblings and old friends happy is a sure fire way to end up with a partner you don't actually want to be with or alone.

Enough said.

 

[milehigh]

I've always said the best kind of the girl to bring home is the one who WON'T make your parents happy.

Seriously, do what you need to do independantly. If the parents come around - cool. If not - their loss.

 

[angiec27@ymail.com]

OPTION #1 - Just tell her your dad sexually abused you as a kid and that you have no respect for him. Tell her you have no respect for your mom because she let it happen. She won't have any respect for your parents either (will no longer want their approval) and you can get a whole lot of bonus sympathy sex!

OPTION #2 - Pay an escort to fuck your dad. Only thing is make sure your dad thinks she's is a civilian. Walk in on your dad doing the deed with this random chick. Then give him an ultimatim. Either he accept this your girlfriend and convince mom to do so or else...

... come on people we need some more creative options in this thread to spice things up!