relationship question

[Blue-Spheroid]

What is your relationship with your parents? Do you see them frequently (without the GF)?

What is your relationship with your GF? Are the two of you living together?

If you see your parents often it's easy to see why your GF is uncomfortable (and rightly so). She feels that there's a significant part of your life that she can't be part of. It's unfair of you to try to play both sides and expect her to accept it. If she's the one for you, your parents have to either accept it or be prepared to see you only at weddings (not your own) and funerals.

On the other hand, maybe your parents see something you don't. Remember that relationships can end much more easily than family ties. Choose the GF over your family and you risk losing everything if it does not work out.

Of course, all of this gets more complicated if you're still living with your parents.

 

[twir]

Seen this play out before.

Marry her and you will see they will love her when that first baby come out.
it amazing what time and grandchild can do.

all you have to worry about is you will not be their favorite anymore. she will be ....

Remember, your are the one who is going to live with her, not your dad

Plus, you have to live longer than him, so all his churn is temporary .....

 

[Flying Dutchman]

the issue is, my family will not accept her....im in my mid 20s and she in her early.....but my dad is against her and does not want to ever meet her. obv., it hurts her and she has only met my mom once in the 6 yrs briefly for a 5 mins....i know i feel very ashamed bc i know all her extended family and such, however it's slowly catching up to her and she's given me like a final "straw"....where if i dont introduce her to my dad, she wants to break it off...

Dude, grow a pair. Man up.

If you see her as 'the one', your life partner or future wife, then be prepared to stand up for her -- now and in the future. If you don't have the balls to back her on this, then it's better that you two just go your separate ways.

My mom was quite opposed to my choice either, but I stood my ground.

FD

 

[userz]

What would she think if she knew you were on this board?

 

[jw01]

guys

thxs for the great feedback and inquiry.....i have really stayed away from conversing with my dad about relationships, matter of fact, he works over seas so he comes every few months. i still live with my folks but..for the past few years, ive been chilling or sleeping almost every wkend at my gfs house. she's gets really upset when she sees her sisters sleeping over at their bfs house and if they have some drama at home, her sister just sleeps over at her bfs.....

true, i should grow a pair but losing my folks or my gf it not my option. my dad is either being racist, but more so, religioust (if taht is even a word).

my dad is extremely old school, think if i marry outside, we lose our identity and the kids i will have will grow up wid no faith (i.e. he's seen that wid his friends kids etc).....my gf has been pretty cool about it, but lately shes been down on herself and whenever she is depresssed or upset about her career or life in general, this topic comes up and it's always a deal breaker. ive promised her ill introduce her to my family, but my folks straight up said, no chance she is ever coming over.....so i dont know what to do. as i said, my dad travels, so he often communicates through email, saying the girl is a waste of my time, she's bitch etc, and this is coming from a man who has never sworn infront of me, ever!!

so im so confused...FML....i dont have any family in canada...majority down south...so in terms of her socializing wid my family, its difficult...my brother and sister have met her, but here and there....since she is never allowed over, it's suxs

i love the girl and i want to marry her but i uno how i can bakstab my folks and break my girls heart...jeez...if only both of them can see the stress and pain im going through.....but my gf has been understanding but like i said, at times, esp recently, she's been losing her cool and giving me an ultimatum in a way, which in my mind is fair bc yeah.....i can always get my way wid my mom, but she wont accept her either and its so retarded.....how do i play my cards right and not hurt and make them get along??????

 

[Blue-Spheroid]

Sorry about your situation and it's obvious you have strong feelings for both sides and feel torn. However, the reality is that neither you nor the GF are ready to be thinking of marriage. You BOTH live with your parents and neither of you has the independence to be thinking of starting a life together.

For your part, you will never be able to form a true adult relationship as long as you are living at home. This is because your parents expect to have too much say in your decisions and you will never be your own man as long as you are reliant on them for your daily life.

If you want to "grow a pair" the first thing you need to do is get your own place. That's easier said than done, of course. I don't know if you are a student or if you're already working. Obviously being on your own requires some financial independence so if you're not yet ready to manage that, you're stuck without a real social life for the time being. Until you can relate with your parents on an equal footing where they can't threaten (implied or overt) to cut you off financially if they don;t agree with you you are going to be a child and not a man.

You need to get independent, date whoever you think is right for you, and then let your parents know that if they want to be part of your life, they have to respect the other people who are important in it. This will only work if you are able to walk away if they don't want to compromise. More than likely, when they see that you are determined to follow your own heart and mind, they will find a way to accept you as no parent wants to lose a child.

 

[Thunderballs]

I agree with what Blue says here. It is their roof so it's their rules and they feel that entitles them to a say in how you run your life. However, I have to ask the obvious question that you need to ask yourself and that is how serious are you about her given that you are posting on an escort review board? If you are truly serious and want to commit to her then move out and tell your Dad that it is your life and his problem.

 

[Mikehorn]

It sounds like neither of you has the maturity level to be married to anybody right now. You would be like two little kids playing house, and she'd be nagging at you 24/7 because life isn't what she thought it would be...

 

[wigglee]

your father is an asshole

 

[JRR]

man up and go with ure girl, it's ure parents loss if they choose not to deal with it.
Move in with ure girl and start ure own life.
Case closed!

 

[babemagnet]

the issue is, my family will not accept her....im in my mid 20s and she in her early....

early what?Maybe there is significance in that omission?early sixties? teens?

 

[Blue-Spheroid]

I didn't read everyone's replies. I have hobbies and such, so no time.

Translation: I haven't been paying attention to what's been discussed but I won't let that stop me from wading in with my advice.

 

[jw01]

hey guys

thxs for the great advice....i guess to ans ur q...my gf is in her early 20s so she is relatively young. i finished school a little while ago so im slowly trying to pay off school and save $ aside for a house but obv, it's not easy....

i really would like to move into my own place but i guess like u guys said...i have to let my folks not be so controlling however, how do i make my GF accept the fact that my folks prob wouldnt to meet her unless we get married or something? she wants to meet them or been wanting to meet them...and now shes just if i dont meet them soon...i dont want to be wid u bc i think ur ashamed of me... > NOT TRUE...i just dont want her to come over and watch my dad say something out of line that might ruin everything.....that is waht im scared off...but shit...this is a stick situation lol....i wish both my folks and my gf could understand ugggg

 

[fuji]

You say your family is "down south", I take it that's in another country.

How about organizing a vacation with your GF, and take her down to visit all your other family in the home country?

At some point you need to stop caring what your dad thinks. Have a frank conversation with your GF, tell her your dad is a complete asshole, that he will probably say something mean, but you don't care, you love her. Then just bring her over, without asking for permission from your parents. Just bring her. Let the chips fall where they may--just make sure you warn your GF that it could be a confrontation, but that you intend to stand up for her and be on her side, and then do that.

 

[Brill]

It sounds like you're not going to make a decision and see how it naturally plays out. If your girlfriend was asking me I'd tell her she'd be smart to move on and find someone who will stand up for her.

 

[Blue-Spheroid]

My advice was completely invalid, then?

Yes. But you clearly find it cool to see your ill considered ramblings on the screen. Go ahead, entertain yourself.