Sex as a badge of honour

[sexy lady]

I say get them all the help they need-condoms, contraceptives, education, healthy sexual role models (take care of your own sexuality) but in general leave them alone to discover sex as they see fit. (Quote)

i disagree with u, r u going to be the one who will raise these children if they get pregant at the age of 14. i don't think so. Were is a 14 year old girl going to raise the money to raise a child?
Who do u think will raise these children. the parents of course.

take a look at the young mother that left her child in an appartment while she went out dancing.

these girls r just girls and the only think that they have on mind r having a good time, and trying to grow up fast.

 

[antaeus]

I believe this bracelet thingy is an urban myth, it has all the salacious / shocking / humour / ring of truth (..."my friend...").

Like all good urban myths, stories, lies, it is probably based on a kernel of truth that has somehow become blown way out of proportion due to its content. As someone said, kids are excellent at making up stories, its one of their jobs, and teen agers are outstanding at making up sex stories, and some parents are outstanding at misinterpretation. Every generation has had its "What will the teen agers think of next" phenomenon - clothes, drugs, rock and roll, communes, punk, sk8ers, squeegee, and media and parents have reacted accordingly. An infamous document has JS Bach bemoaning his daughters clothes and the fact she won't listen to him!

re: age of consent vs. monitoring computer use. I believe age of consent rules are independent of legal age of majority. A minor has almost no legal rights, the parent or guardian is responsible for everything. Therefore monitoring computer use would be a parental issue, not a legal issue. Another thing for teenagers to cry unfair.


antaeus

 

[Jade4u]

Well all I can say as that I do believe that things have gotten worse for youngsters over the years and as parents I do feel we should be concerned and the only option that we have is to educate our kids of all the risks that are involved ie.. diseases and pregnancy and hope that our kids will understand that a proper education is essential to proper survival in the future. It is definately very hard to have a proper career without the proper education and will only get harder. Always be a good friend to your children and have an open and honest relationship and allow children to come to you with any concerns without getting angry. Stay involved and hope that a true friendship will lead to an honest relationship at least then you will be more aware of what is happening on a daily basis in your childs life. At least try to strive for this.

 

[xarir]

I believe this bracelet thingy is an urban myth, it has all the salacious / shocking / humour / ring of truth (..."my friend...").

I was tempted to believe the same. But, it was my classmate who was telling me this and he would have no reason to lie especially to his former classmates.

We did ask him though, "What do the parents think?". His reply was that the girls doing the bracelet thing generally come from families that have parents who wouldn't really care. As we've seen from some of the comments in this thread, those types of "parents" certainly seem to exist.

It's disheartening though to see this happening. If adults want to have sex then that's fine. If they want to have BBFS then that's fine too. But if they want to have kids, then surely it's not asking too much that they take on the task with all seriousness and dedication.

Xarir shakes head sadly.

Incidentally, the girl charging for breast feels is apparently from an upper, middle-class family so clearly the issue is not one relegated to any particular social class.

 

[ocean976124]

I've got 2 neices in grade 7 . My sister-in-law called me the other day to tell me that her daughter's msn handles is sexy****69@hotmail.com; Needless to say she was horrified. She has asked me to commandeer her computer and log all of her chat and email. I suggested that maybe a talk was in order, and that invading someones privacy might not be the right road to take. After reading this I just might do it.

A talk is indeed in order, but children don't have privacy rights from their parents...

 

[ToronToto]

There will always be the class slut(s). I recall a select few girls in grade 7/8 that would allow the touching/groping. But they were in the minority.

I think that Xarir raises a good point that it's increased dramatically, and become an "extracurricular activity" of sorts. But I also don't think it is as widespread as others think, it's not "free-for-all".

 

[xarir]

I think that Xarir raises a good point that it's increased dramatically, and become an "extracurricular activity" of sorts. But I also don't think it is as widespread as others think, it's not "free-for-all".

True - I don't think it's a free for all either. And let's not forget that drugs and violence in schools are also problems that have increased in recent years, though thankfully they too are not all-pervasive.

I will say again, at the risk of overstepping my bounds, that I do think this is a case of parenting more than anything else. One shouldn't assume that "my kid isn't like that". Find out for sure!

 

[djk]

http://www.sex-bracelets.com/

 

[Geminixoxo]

The big thing in my high school was smoking, times have changed

 

[baci2004]

http://www.sex-bracelets.com/

When I was a kid we called them virginity bracelets.

 

[C Dick]

A couple of women in the sex business, that I know well, basically did know that they were going to likely be in the business, by the time they were 10 or 12. One dancer described not being interested in having her Barbie take care of a baby, she wanted to put her in a short skirt and have her dance for GI-Joe (not Ken). Another described how she would take every opportunity to take her clothes off in the house, then when the doorbell rang she would race her mother to the door to answer it naked before her mother could capture her. In each case they did not know that they were going into the sex business, but they knew they were different, and looking back they could see that the signs were there if they had known what to look for. Both of the women I mentioned above are now in stable relationships and out of the sex business for a long time, but they took interesting paths to get there.

Kids have always been interested in sex at much earlier ages than people would like. How secret they keep it, and how much they actually do, depends on the culture and their parenting, but the interest is always there. I don't think things are really worse now than in the past, I think women get more screwed up by societies hypocritical attitudes than men do, if girls view sex more positively now than in the past, that is good.

I have always answered my kids questions about sex, starting from when they were toddlers. They are comfortable asking, and it gives me an idea of what stage they are at. We'll see if it continues as they get older.

 

[strange1]

I got thinking about this issue from a slightly different point of view. For years (and i'm not talking two or three) teenage sex has been happening. The hip hop culture is the current purvayour of sexuality, popularized for the youth market but the same criticisms have been made about the hippies, rock and roll, swing, ..... they probably said the same thing about baroque.

Teenage pregnacy and drugs have also been a continual distraction for youth in their attempt to find their way.

We did ask him though, "What do the parents think?". His reply was that the girls doing the bracelet thing generally come from families that have parents who wouldn't really care.

This is the statement that made me start to think. There are definately some bad parents but I'm sure that many "bad" parents are doing their best trying to provide for their kids but, in doing so, don't have the time to take them to t-ball or constantly be supervising them. In the absence of continual support, youth will seek out their own support groups that unfortunately don't have the experience or opportunity to make the "right" decisions. I find often, the phrase "bad parents" is a euphamism for "poor parents" (or parent)

It seems to me that this uproar, although justified, is a symptom of NIMBYism. As long as it's a ghetto problem, there seems to be nobody worried, but if it's in "my child's school", someone raises hell. I'm sure that everyone on this board had someone in their school who got pregnant. You might not have known because schools hush it up and parents who have the means will send the child to "an aunt in Kansas" until there's no evidence that suburbia was disrupted.

As a side note, I also found the comments on gender roles an interresting one. Guys are expected to brag about sexual experiences (real or imagined) from the start of puberty. Should girls have equal rights?

I will say again, at the risk of overstepping my bounds, that I do think this is a case of parenting more than anything else. One shouldn't assume that "my kid isn't like that". Find out for sure!

This is a good sentiment. How many of people would be willing though to assist children and parents who need help. (is anyone here a "big bropther/sister" or at least a role model?) This should be the issue in the story but the issue will "go away" once Sally Whitebread in the suburbs is safe again.

And let's not forget that drugs and violence in schools are also problems that have increased in recent years

Not at all true. The issues are talked about know thanks to proactive campaigns dealing with drugs, smoking, sex, and now bullying. It seems to me that youth are far more aware of the possible consequences of sex and drugs; they just sometimes ignore them. Bullying is now a major issue now because of a realization that it is detrimental to child development, not because it didn't happen before. Violence now is more spectacular with the possibility of there being guns but the number of schoolyard fights is no different that in the 50's. (they are taken more seriously now; no more "boys will be boys")

These are just my observations, based on 10 or so years of working with troubled youth so take this however you choose.

 

[ocean976124]

I don't think things are really worse now than in the past, I think women get more screwed up by societies hypocritical attitudes than men do, if girls view sex more positively now than in the past, that is good.

Depends if you think 14 year olds having sex is a "positive." Sex is more than physical, its also psychological. How early one has sex and in what kind of relationship will affect how they view sexuality and relationships when they are adults.
The old line about getting the kids to use birth control doesn't quite work. These kids can't remember to do their homework or take out the trash and we think in the heat of the moment they'll always take the time to open the condom package and put it on or that the girl will be responsible enough to take her pill as she's supposed to. Sure they might do it "most" of the time, but when it comes to sex "most of the time" is not often enough...
Teenage boys and girls with babies or diseases is not a "positive" in any way...

 

[booboobear]

If you don't know where your kid is spending his/her time...

If you don't know where your kid fits in the social scene...

.

I agree to a point . look who the media throws at teens and pre teens as idols madonna, brittany speers , christine aguilera.
They grind their crotches . grap their privates and generally dry hump on stage and we wonder why kids act like that. Also a lot of parents don't care hwere their kids are as long as they are not at home and leave them alone.

On the other hand who shouild decide how old is ok to give a bj.
If a girl wants to experiment at 14 do you think you can or should stop her. Girls mature at different speeds and some willl have no intererst in sex at 13 or 14 some will.

Do the people here that use escorts think they were all sexually inactive until when 17 , 18 , 19 then just decided to become
escorts.

 

[ocean976124]

On the other hand who shouild decide how old is ok to give a bj.
If a girl wants to experiment at 14 do you think you can or should stop her. Girls mature at different speeds and some willl have no intererst in sex at 13 or 14 some will.

To a certain extent kids are going to be kids and experiment and try things. But when adults take a laisez-faire (or however you spell it) attitude towards teenage sex, then teenagers take the same attitude. As adults we know how much it'll screw up a teenager's life to have a baby or an STD at 15, they don't quite get the seriousness of it. To them 30 is old so it doesn't matter if their life is screwed up when they reach 30.
There's no easy answers, but I don't think throwing birth control at teenagers and saying, "hey have a ball" (no pun intended) does anyone any good...
Just a side note, a government survey in the US found that schools that handed out condoms did not increase condom usage among their students nor decrease their teen pregnancy rates...

 

[C Dick]

Not all sex is positive, positive sex is. Lots of people tell their 14 year olds "Don't have sex, nothing to discuss", so some kids then have sex and don't know what the issues are, so they make serious mistakes.

Or you can tell your kids, "If you have sex now you will hate it and get a disease and go to hell". Sometimes that seems to work, until she is an adult in a relationship and not enjoying sex because she can't get over the idea of getting sick or going to hell.

To me the right approach is to say "Sex can be great, but you need to know what you are doing, don't start until you have educated yourself, I can answer any questions you have". That is not fool-proof either, but better than the other two approaches.

 

[james t kirk]

A couple of women in the sex business, that I know well, basically did know that they were going to likely be in the business, by the time they were 10 or 12. One dancer described not being interested in having her Barbie take care of a baby, she wanted to put her in a short skirt and have her dance for GI-Joe (not Ken). Another described how she would take every opportunity to take her clothes off in the house, then when the doorbell rang she would race her mother to the door to answer it naked before her mother could capture her. In each case they did not know that they were going into the sex business, but they knew they were different, and looking back they could see that the signs were there if they had known what to look for. Both of the women I mentioned above are now in stable relationships and out of the sex business for a long time, but they took interesting paths to get there.

Interesting.

A couple of years ago I knew a woman who worked for a few escort agencies on the office side. She used to be in charge of running the office, bookings, and recruiting.

She told me how she would fly to Halifax to interview new candidates etc, about the celebs that used their agencies, the girls, the life etc.

The one thing I will never forget that she said about the women who became escorts, she said, a lot of them "were born for it"

I.e. to be sexual play things.

 

[james t kirk]

My take on the whole child / teenage sex thing is that times are very very different than when I was 12 or 13.

I clearly remember being very very horny all the time at 13, but no action almost whatsoever to speak of. And I was not alone. None of my friends, or classmates was getting very much of anything. The only "action" we ever saw was a bit of ass groping at the grade 8 dance. That was it. There was certainly NO oral sex going on in my class whatsoever. There may have been the odd odd kid in grade 8 who was having sex, but very very few.

For my group of friends, it all started to happen around the age of 17 I remember.

Now, you want a shocking story of today.

My neice is 8 years old.

Last Christmas, she would have been 7 and she told my sister about how another 7 year old girl was giving a 7 year old boy a blow job on the school bus in front of the other kids. I don't know the details, don't even want to. But my sister related the story to me as it came out of my neice. Needless to say, my sister was horrified.

Things have changed.

Sex is everywhere and easily accessable.

When I was 12 or 13, we would stay up late to catch site of a nipple in "Up Pompei" on City TV. Now, kids can click click click to the nastiest porn in the world.