Point #1 is the biggest thing for me that I think about too. Everything just feels so natural with her - I don't feel any pressure or judgement to the point where I need to try to be someone I'm not. It's what I'm most grateful for in our relationship.
Sexless relationship of 3 years - tips?
- Thread starter boobie519
- Start date
The fact that you're asking this on an escort review site suggests either you are already seeing escorts or seriously considering it.
But I do sympathize with you! I too do feel very connected to my wife/partner also but the sex has stopped completely. However we do get along great otherwise basically.
But what you're talking about is abnormal at your age I think. I'm now 60-ish and at your age my partner and I had pretty regular sex, probably averaged about once a week. All pretty good. But into our mid 40's things seriously dropped off. It's now been around 15 years maybe since there's been any sex all. Not surprisingly I started finding what I needed through sex trade, strippers, massage, escorts. At first a little guilty and stressful as a result but after a time fairly normalized. But it was only about once month or so, sometimes even less.
Now here's the weird part...Since last July I've been very regularly seeing a specific escort about twice a month on average. She is absolutely amazing! She treats me really well, it's the best sex I've ever had including when I was a young guy. And because of having this "regular" where we do really connect and communicate what we want sexually it's absolutely fantastic! So basically she takes care of the sex part and we are also becoming quite close, lots of text communication, sometimes about sex, sometimes just chatting. Again at first it was quite stressful, because it felt a little overwhelming, but again it's becoming normalized. But also at my age I think I may not be able to do this much longer, to function sexually, (ed and all that) so better take advantage of the current situation while I still can.
So what's my point? If you do have that "soul" connection with your wife stick with it (maybe?) and get your sexual needs elsewhere. I think a good "regular" can help rather than having random encounters with escorts etc., which I always found sometimes good, but also often quite unsatisfying and empty. But everybody's different. Maybe you need just a lot of variety. Either way, everyone has to fulfill their needs...
I spent 4 years without sex in my early 40's. We had 2 young kids. Really liked each other but her libido/passion for sex was just gone. Once the youngest kids reached 6 we separated. It was my decision. We remained good friend.
Then I went on a 10 year sex spree... Saw many escort did many many events (parties, gangbang, orgies...). i realized a lot of fantasies that I had. Some were a bit crazy. But men these girls can do crazy shit when they have a good vibe with you. Sometimes I did thing that, from my perspective, tough was too nasty or crazy... Only to see that same girl with a few other guys and ho my god I realized how vanilla I was haha At some point, for close to 2 years, every time I had a meeting at my bank I would text a girl who received 2 blocks away. I called her my sperm deposit haha.
Younger I never imagined I would do all that shit. Men it was awesome. I now pretty much stopped because I'm getting older and the urge is gone. Anyhow I do not regret anything except i should have handle the situation after1 year without sex... i lost a few years of good fun
Then I went on a 10 year sex spree... Saw many escort did many many events (parties, gangbang, orgies...). i realized a lot of fantasies that I had. Some were a bit crazy. But men these girls can do crazy shit when they have a good vibe with you. Sometimes I did thing that, from my perspective, tough was too nasty or crazy... Only to see that same girl with a few other guys and ho my god I realized how vanilla I was haha At some point, for close to 2 years, every time I had a meeting at my bank I would text a girl who received 2 blocks away. I called her my sperm deposit haha.
Younger I never imagined I would do all that shit. Men it was awesome. I now pretty much stopped because I'm getting older and the urge is gone. Anyhow I do not regret anything except i should have handle the situation after1 year without sex... i lost a few years of good fun
OP sorry to hear.
If you both really love each other and both are committed to staying together and making it work,
Open and transparent communication.
She has needs that are not met and pent up as well I would have to guess and might feel bad she can’t have sex w you as often as you or her like.
Stand by her if you think it’s worth the relationship. Communication and honesty are key.
If you both really love each other and both are committed to staying together and making it work,
Open and transparent communication.
She has needs that are not met and pent up as well I would have to guess and might feel bad she can’t have sex w you as often as you or her like.
Stand by her if you think it’s worth the relationship. Communication and honesty are key.
Yeah…except for the fact that you can’t be honest with her about visiting escorts. I guess you have to decide to what degree visiting escorts will weigh on your conscience (if at all). If you feel guilty about visiting escorts and keeping it from your spouse then it will detract from the experience of visiting the sp at least to some degree…although maybe that’s part of the turn on for some guys??? Fuck it…who knows?
Anyway…I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer; it depends on each person’s beliefs and values; each person is different but I believe it’s worth thinking this through if this is your plan on how to cope with a sexless marriage for the rest of your life.
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Dump her and move on.
Life is short.
Life is short.
You should talk to her. I think you should try to understand if
A) if she wants to have sex but unable because of mood, medical issues or other factors?
B) She is asexual. for her intimacy is a mental thing, not physical sex.
if she is B), then do talk to her and see if you can make a case for your own physical needs. If she truely doesn't value physical itimacy, she would have no problems of you doing it with others. But if it's A), then you have to be patient, if you care /love about her. As it is about understanding. Imagine the reserve sitution. like say, you got physically disabled and unable to perform. would you want your women to start sleeping with other men while you are being treated for the same? you probably your partner to understand you.
A) if she wants to have sex but unable because of mood, medical issues or other factors?
B) She is asexual. for her intimacy is a mental thing, not physical sex.
if she is B), then do talk to her and see if you can make a case for your own physical needs. If she truely doesn't value physical itimacy, she would have no problems of you doing it with others. But if it's A), then you have to be patient, if you care /love about her. As it is about understanding. Imagine the reserve sitution. like say, you got physically disabled and unable to perform. would you want your women to start sleeping with other men while you are being treated for the same? you probably your partner to understand you.
You have my sympathies. Don't know what to say without sounding disingenuous.I can't be the only one who's in this type of situation so I thought I'd ask for some advice. I'm in a relationship (my first - I visited SP's before) and emotionally we connect really well. We live together and I feel as though we are soulmates so to speak on that level. The only problem is, yes, sex. I'd say on average we have sex maybe once a month - pretty standard stuff as well with a mediocre blowjob lol but that's besides the point. We're not old either - I'm 34 and she's 30.
With that said, she has hormone issues and her period has been an ongoing medical issue which I completely understand and is something she has been going to doctors for, but with no solution as of yet. I try to be as supportive as I can, but it's just been really tough for me over time to even try to initiate sex if I know my efforts will be shut down because she's either too tired or not in the mood. I find myself browsing agency ads every now and then or scrolling dating/affair apps and get tempted to go for it, but eventually decide not to.
I'm not sure if there's a sensible way to approach this situation. I've discussed lack of sex with her in the past and it might increase a couple more times a month, but then just falls back into what it is now, which is not much. I really can't imagine what it's like to have sex 2 or 3 times a week that I read about from other couples or see talked about in articles. Sounds like a dream based on my situation! We've had sex twice in a day once in our relationship and I'm reading about Scottie Pippen doing it like 4 times a night haha
Anyhow, thanks for reading and thank you in advance if you provide any insight
Sexless marriages are a real thing, and not something to be laughed at.
All I know is, I wouldn't be ok with this.
Luvdog
All good advice here...this is my 2 cents coming from a single guy...
I would look for a way out if counseling doesn't work and/or no real improvement after trying to figure out her sexual buttons ...it will hurt like a bitch in the short term but it's the best solution long-term.
Ask yourself if you can live with this situation, and/or it's worthwhile for you for whatever reason as a lifelong situation...if the answer is no, or probably no, you need to bail...
I would look for a way out if counseling doesn't work and/or no real improvement after trying to figure out her sexual buttons ...it will hurt like a bitch in the short term but it's the best solution long-term.
Ask yourself if you can live with this situation, and/or it's worthwhile for you for whatever reason as a lifelong situation...if the answer is no, or probably no, you need to bail...
Reality.
As other posters have mentioned, if you do nothing, nothing will change. Will almost certainly get worse. Most couples, struggle to one degree or another as mid life approaches. The pressures/stresses of carreers, kids, keeping a house, bills etc and so on. there is a saying about divorce and mid life. When men hit mid life we buy toys. Women buy lawyers. Fact. About 70% of all divorces are initiated by women.
Presently the divorce rate is around 50%. The divorce rate does not include separation or common law splits. Just those that legally file for divorce. So in truth, it’s likely we’ll over 60%.in short 6 or 7 out of every 10 people will go through it….
I play the odds….
Will say. My first marriage ( almost 20 years) wasn’t sexless, but by the time we hit our 40s, climbed corporate ladders, our children were no longer toddlers….Sex was very infrequent and for the most part boring…we became statistics. Most reading this will too.
I am now in a long term relationship and we are older. Sex was good the first
Then cancer hit. (Also around 50% of people will go through) Between Chemo and losing all her lady parts and Chemo triggered menopause. Sex now for her is uncomfortable…we are good, we have a great intimate, adult relationship but it is what it is.
long winded way of saying.
life happens to everyone. And age catches up with everyone. Something many young people forget..
my 2c
If you see a life with her.
get professional help.
and for what it’s worth. When she found the lump, (about 18 months in). As someone else said whose friend went through it. I wasn’t going to throw her under the bus. And I saw a life with her. She’s worth it.
ignore “advice” to just leave. Only you can decide if you see a life with her…but if you do, and you do nothing ( meaning both of you don’t go for counseling). The odds are against you.
As other posters have mentioned, if you do nothing, nothing will change. Will almost certainly get worse. Most couples, struggle to one degree or another as mid life approaches. The pressures/stresses of carreers, kids, keeping a house, bills etc and so on. there is a saying about divorce and mid life. When men hit mid life we buy toys. Women buy lawyers. Fact. About 70% of all divorces are initiated by women.
Presently the divorce rate is around 50%. The divorce rate does not include separation or common law splits. Just those that legally file for divorce. So in truth, it’s likely we’ll over 60%.in short 6 or 7 out of every 10 people will go through it….
I play the odds….
Will say. My first marriage ( almost 20 years) wasn’t sexless, but by the time we hit our 40s, climbed corporate ladders, our children were no longer toddlers….Sex was very infrequent and for the most part boring…we became statistics. Most reading this will too.
I am now in a long term relationship and we are older. Sex was good the first
Then cancer hit. (Also around 50% of people will go through) Between Chemo and losing all her lady parts and Chemo triggered menopause. Sex now for her is uncomfortable…we are good, we have a great intimate, adult relationship but it is what it is.
long winded way of saying.
life happens to everyone. And age catches up with everyone. Something many young people forget..
my 2c
If you see a life with her.
get professional help.
and for what it’s worth. When she found the lump, (about 18 months in). As someone else said whose friend went through it. I wasn’t going to throw her under the bus. And I saw a life with her. She’s worth it.
ignore “advice” to just leave. Only you can decide if you see a life with her…but if you do, and you do nothing ( meaning both of you don’t go for counseling). The odds are against you.
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I solved the problem.........she's a LESBIAN!!!!!
Offer her a threesome with another chick and you'll score. You can thank me later.
Offer her a threesome with another chick and you'll score. You can thank me later.
IF YOUR MAN OR WOMAN CAN NOT SATISFY YOU....YOU HAVE EVERY FUCKING RIGHT TO GET SATISFACTION ELSEWHERE. FUCK THAT BULLSHIT.
SHES SELFISH FOR NOT KEEPING YOU HORNY AND SOUNDS MANIPULATIVE.
IF IM NIT HORNY AND MY WOMAN IS...I WOULD STILL PUT IN 100% LIKE EAT HER OUT FINGER HER TIL MY MOUTH AND FINGERS ARE SORE.
FUCK HER BULLSHIT. NO EXCUSES.
PLEASE FOR GODS SAKE...YOU ARE YOUNG. SEX IS A WEAPON USED BY MANY WOMEN. LEAVE HER!
SHES SELFISH FOR NOT KEEPING YOU HORNY AND SOUNDS MANIPULATIVE.
IF IM NIT HORNY AND MY WOMAN IS...I WOULD STILL PUT IN 100% LIKE EAT HER OUT FINGER HER TIL MY MOUTH AND FINGERS ARE SORE.
FUCK HER BULLSHIT. NO EXCUSES.
PLEASE FOR GODS SAKE...YOU ARE YOUNG. SEX IS A WEAPON USED BY MANY WOMEN. LEAVE HER!
72....she is 50...married 22 years....bj every morning...daty and mish more than once a week.....
I lift weights every morning...eat well....trim....solid hard ons... always horny...and I treat her like my fancy little fuck and full time housekeeper. Happy wife....happy life....
I lift weights every morning...eat well....trim....solid hard ons... always horny...and I treat her like my fancy little fuck and full time housekeeper. Happy wife....happy life....
I can't be the only one who's in this type of situation so I thought I'd ask for some advice. I'm in a relationship (my first - I visited SP's before) and emotionally we connect really well. We live together and I feel as though we are soulmates so to speak on that level. The only problem is, yes, sex. I'd say on average we have sex maybe once a month - pretty standard stuff as well with a mediocre blowjob lol but that's besides the point. We're not old either - I'm 34 and she's 30.
With that said, she has hormone issues and her period has been an ongoing medical issue which I completely understand and is something she has been going to doctors for, but with no solution as of yet. I try to be as supportive as I can, but it's just been really tough for me over time to even try to initiate sex if I know my efforts will be shut down because she's either too tired or not in the mood. I find myself browsing agency ads every now and then or scrolling dating/affair apps and get tempted to go for it, but eventually decide not to.
I'm not sure if there's a sensible way to approach this situation. I've discussed lack of sex with her in the past and it might increase a couple more times a month, but then just falls back into what it is now, which is not much. I really can't imagine what it's like to have sex 2 or 3 times a week that I read about from other couples or see talked about in articles. Sounds like a dream based on my situation! We've had sex twice in a day once in our relationship and I'm reading about Scottie Pippen doing it like 4 times a night haha
Anyhow, thanks for reading and thank you in advance if you provide any insight
You should probably see a sex therapist with Or without sex. Who knows she might need to ask to get her pump going. Unlike France it's not covered by ohip
Since SW are covered in France And you do qualifies a couple You might wanna move.
Reading through old posts and saw this one - has basically been my exact situation. So I thought Id chip in in case I can be of help to anyone else going through this.
So as wife gets older she has bad endometriosis - crazy bad periods - crawling on the floor in pain kinda thing. Tried everything then on a whim she went gluten free and it mostly cleared up - doc put her on a low dose pill which took rest of pain away. If she cheats and eats gluten she will have a bad month. So try that.
As for sex - it was great before kids but then died off completely - so I would say you need to sort this out before you get married or have kids - cos kids will add stress to your life and that makes endo worse - sex also dies off - so my recommendation is if you have a high sex drive then find a girl that matches or is higher before you get married as it will die off. And I speak from lessons learned.
Then I found Shogun Married Game - which gives you steps to get the relationship and sex life back on track - lots of arguing involved - but eventually along came a truce of sorts and now back to sex once or twice a week with some BJs when she is too tired for sex. I would say the sex is totally one sided - aka I do all the work.
As a result i find myself on here wondering about what else I could do.
Would I get married again? No. Straight talk.
Problem is I had no game back then and was desperate so settled very quickly - too quick even. Knowing what I know now I should have stayed single and done more research on getting more game.
Anyway Gluten Free for her and Shogun for you.
Edit: BTW if anyone is wondering about Shogun - in a nutshell its basically about improving yourself - become a stud - go to gym, get fit, get hobbies (free and cheap ones are fine but ones that may get you out into company of other women) - its not about having affairs as such but getting to the stage where affairs could be possible and other women may be attracted to you which triggers her attraction - its about being a higher value male compared to her status - ie if she is a 7 and you are a 6 then its game over but if you are both a 6 and you become a 7 or 8 then its game on. Theres a lot more nuance to it that that. Def get the book - cant recommed it enough...
Good Luck
So as wife gets older she has bad endometriosis - crazy bad periods - crawling on the floor in pain kinda thing. Tried everything then on a whim she went gluten free and it mostly cleared up - doc put her on a low dose pill which took rest of pain away. If she cheats and eats gluten she will have a bad month. So try that.
As for sex - it was great before kids but then died off completely - so I would say you need to sort this out before you get married or have kids - cos kids will add stress to your life and that makes endo worse - sex also dies off - so my recommendation is if you have a high sex drive then find a girl that matches or is higher before you get married as it will die off. And I speak from lessons learned.
Then I found Shogun Married Game - which gives you steps to get the relationship and sex life back on track - lots of arguing involved - but eventually along came a truce of sorts and now back to sex once or twice a week with some BJs when she is too tired for sex. I would say the sex is totally one sided - aka I do all the work.
As a result i find myself on here wondering about what else I could do.
Would I get married again? No. Straight talk.
Problem is I had no game back then and was desperate so settled very quickly - too quick even. Knowing what I know now I should have stayed single and done more research on getting more game.
Anyway Gluten Free for her and Shogun for you.
Edit: BTW if anyone is wondering about Shogun - in a nutshell its basically about improving yourself - become a stud - go to gym, get fit, get hobbies (free and cheap ones are fine but ones that may get you out into company of other women) - its not about having affairs as such but getting to the stage where affairs could be possible and other women may be attracted to you which triggers her attraction - its about being a higher value male compared to her status - ie if she is a 7 and you are a 6 then its game over but if you are both a 6 and you become a 7 or 8 then its game on. Theres a lot more nuance to it that that. Def get the book - cant recommed it enough...
Good Luck
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Living together can ruin the allure for both.I can't be the only one who's in this type of situation so I thought I'd ask for some advice. I'm in a relationship (my first - I visited SP's before) and emotionally we connect really well. We live together and I feel as though we are soulmates so to speak on that level. The only problem is, yes, sex. I'd say on average we have sex maybe once a month - pretty standard stuff as well with a mediocre blowjob lol but that's besides the point. We're not old either - I'm 34 and she's 30.
With that said, she has hormone issues and her period has been an ongoing medical issue which I completely understand and is something she has been going to doctors for, but with no solution as of yet. I try to be as supportive as I can, but it's just been really tough for me over time to even try to initiate sex if I know my efforts will be shut down because she's either too tired or not in the mood. I find myself browsing agency ads every now and then or scrolling dating/affair apps and get tempted to go for it, but eventually decide not to.
I'm not sure if there's a sensible way to approach this situation. I've discussed lack of sex with her in the past and it might increase a couple more times a month, but then just falls back into what it is now, which is not much. I really can't imagine what it's like to have sex 2 or 3 times a week that I read about from other couples or see talked about in articles. Sounds like a dream based on my situation! We've had sex twice in a day once in our relationship and I'm reading about Scottie Pippen doing it like 4 times a night haha
Anyhow, thanks for reading and thank you in advance if you provide any insight
also are you doing traditional household roles?
could she use some help around the house whenn she’s not feeling well? Maybe resentment has been building? Doesn’t feel like having sex if you don’t want to vacuum here and there. Or do you use beingthe bread winner against her ? Maybe she feels like sex is her only trade Maybe she feels like you don’t really value her
do you boldly ask for sex or ask for sex in a childlike manner ? Are you romantic ahead of time ?
are you initiating after sitting togetheron your phones and she thinks maybe someone or something else is making you now want to have sex ?
is it while watching tv and with the tv on?
do you know each others love languages?
maybe the timing she doesn’t feel sexy and is insecure. Maybe planning a night where you get a hotel and she can go before you and relax and get ready and then you meet her. The mental preparation is real.
offer a massage before and after sex As a way of thanking her for Her body. Especially if she’s in Pain often. perhaps undiagnosed PCOS or endometriosis or another disorder that is causing pain during sex. You can ask her politely and maybe help her seek medical advice. Maybe she needs pelvic floor exercises.
maybe you can go to a sex club together and be observers ? Maybe you can find a cardgame together to play where you choose a card and try that position? Or a cardgame that gets you talking about sex without having to be the one to figure out what questions to ask. There’s a company called we’re not really strangers who does a xxx version.
many other couples sex games you can fine online and instores.
have you purchased her lingerie before and in her actual size ? or even a nice silk dress of some sort or silk robe. Maybe get one for both of you and start by touching them on yourselves and each other and then oops that robe is sliding open and ….
maybe try getting silk eye masks and kissing her while massaging her with coconut oil and focus on her. Sometimes women are also thinking ugh if you just want to come in me or on me then just get it over with and then they lose interest. Make it about her.
does she wear dresses? When at dinner maybe put your hand on her thigh and your finger casually strokes her over her panties. You make eye conract. Now she’s wondering what does that mean ? Maybe she will think About it and get warm and wet and want sex later.
if she’s having period issues have you tried having sex with her on her period? It can alleviate painful cramps and help with the shedding process.plus added moisture benefits both of you.maybe the insecurity around her period could be to blame.
or maybe she’s thinking about what your next move is in the relationship and if you want kids. Maybe this is worrying her during sex and she’s not really in the moment.
they couples therapy with a sex therapist who could uncover what’s going on. Search on psychology today.
was she sexual before ? does she use toys ? Does she feel good in her body?
are you both relatively healthy?
do you both drink or smoke tobacco or marijuana?drugs both illegal and legal?
sleep schedule? Work stress?
depression? Anxiety? Hormones? 1/3 life crisis?
too much social media?
lack of hobbies and stimulating conversation? Lack of curiosity?
maybe try a fleshlight? But consider involving her. Get a mold of her vagina and she can use it on you with you. Tease you and edge you Then she won’t be jealous you’re cumming in some pornstars plastic pussy
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Yes. Why would she risk getting pregnant if you aren’t willing to commit. Women need security and safety and commitment to feel they want sex. It’s what drives them. To procreate and pleasure is connected to feeling partnered for the most part. Especially at 30.
