So, am I a Sexual Harasser?

[kkelso]

At some point during my dating/working life of 35 years (full of encounters with SPs and a dozen traditional romances) let's say I have:

1 - Had a consensual sexual relationship with a 25 year old woman in my company whose direct supervisor reported to me.

2 - Been offered sexual favors by a 28 year old woman to influence me to choose her for a new position in my company. I was going to select her for the job anyway, so I accepted the favors.

3 - Had a quickie on my office desk with my 28 year old head of sales who reported directly to me.

4 - Had a brief, 4 week, sexual/social relationship with a college intern for my company who did not work directly for me. She later approached me for a full time job which I did not grant her as she was unqualified.

 

[SoftHands813]

Most definitions of harassment include something along the lines of "...uninvited and unwelcome verbal or physical conduct..." (Merriam-Webster). So, it would depend on the viewpoint of the ladies in question as to whether or not they felt those situations were uninvited and/or unwelcome. Their call to make, not yours.

As for corporate ethics (not an oxymoron, as some would believe), I suspect many experts in that field would say you crossed several boundaries.

 

[kkelso]

As for corporate ethics (not an oxymoron, as some would believe), I suspect many experts in that field would say you crossed several boundaries.

Oh certainly a big yes on the HR front. That's a given.

KK

 

[Smallcock]

Soon it will be illegal to be a male.

 

[oil&gas]

2 - Been offered sexual favors by a 28 year old woman to influence me to choose her for a new position in my company. I was going to select her for the job anyway, so I accepted the favors.
...........
4 - Had a brief, 4 week, sexual/social relationship with a college intern for my company who did not work directly for me. She later approached me for a full time job which I did not grant her as she was unqualified.

If such conduct is ever criminalized as workplace sexual harassment
how are women going to sleep their way to the top? I guess if they don't
achieve equity with men in business, politics and other ventures they
can always blame it on sexual discrimination manifested as a lack of
sexual harassment.

 

[lomotil]

Bill C36 grants prostitutes immunity, whether they take cash or use the sexual bitcoin between their legs to get keep their jobs or get promoted. Prostitution in the US is still illegal, except in Nevada, but what about in Hollywood California?

 

[Terminator2000]

soon it will be illegal to look at a girl...

 

[rhuarc29]

In today's world, yeah that qualifies as sexual harassment. I personally think that sexual relationships should be kept out of business entirely because it breeds complications I don't fucking need.
That said, I give far greater weight to consent than I do to relative power. While you were in a position of power in all four of those scenarios, they all seem to be consensual, so I don't believe prosecution is in order.
Of the four, I have the greatest problem with #2 as you knowingly exploited her position, whereas in the other three cases it doesn't appear as though position had anything to do with them.

I can't pick any of your three poll choices. I don't think you should be prosecuted and I don't think you're an asshole, but you did participate in a slimy act (#2).

 

[kkelso]

In today's world, yeah that qualifies as sexual harassment. I personally think that sexual relationships should be kept out of business entirely because it breeds complications I don't fucking need.
That said, I give far greater weight to consent than I do to relative power. While you were in a position of power in all four of those scenarios, they all seem to be consensual, so I don't believe prosecution is in order.
Of the four, I have the greatest problem with #2 as you knowingly exploited her position, whereas in the other three cases it doesn't appear as though position had anything to do with them.

I can't pick any of your three poll choices. I don't think you should be prosecuted and I don't think you're an asshole, but you did participate in a slimy act (#2).

No disagreement on any of your points. In all four scenarios I was not the initiating party, and all four were clearly consensual.

The interesting thing about #2 is that the favors continued for several weeks after she was awarded the new job. Looking back I've always wondered if there was something more going on inside her head, she was heavily into submission in bed, but not in any way at work that I ever noticed. I have a hard time feeling guilty about it as she is friendly with me to this day (8 years) and even used to mention "our special time together" in positive terms. Go figure.

KK

 

[essguy_]

Can't answer the poll until more info is provided. Eg: 28 year old head of sales reports to you, also the supervisor of another employee (presumably not in the sales department?) reported to you, and then you also seem to be able to influence direct hires at entry level. So here's the additional info needed: are you the owner of the company? President/CEO? It sounds like the org chart is odd, or messed up - how large is the company?

28 is young to be the head of sales at a large company, and as sexist as it sounds - even more so for a female employee. This actually affects the answer to the poll because it determines how much power you may have had. Power is the ability to influence careers. Eg: if it's a small, private company then it might just be that you're so irresistibly handsome/charming that a young female employee might not know better than to jeopardize her professional reputation by having a fling with you. Even at a large company this can and does happen when hormones (on both sides) over-ride common sense. if this is the case, then I would say it's not harassment if it happened once, even twice. But 4 times?

So quick answer (if it's a larger company with a messed up org chart) is - yes, you are probably a harasser - and even before all this stuff hit the news, if you reported to me I would question your judgement enough to find a way to get rid of you (not just because of potential harassment but because repeatedly dipping your pen in company ink causes gossip and gossip kills productivity at a company). If it's a smaller company then the amount of power you may have had is reduced, so best case - all may have been just regular flings - same as non-work life. But you're still walking a thin line - also probably hurting your own bottom line by mixing company business with pleasure.

 

[jcpro]

Oh, you're on thin ice, buddy.

 

[ultistar]

We can determine if it's harassment if we hear the women's side of the story. Right now, the OP claim it was all consensual and no expectation of advancement. But that's only his side of the story.

 

[james t kirk]

I'm a lot more hard nosed on these things.

I voted for Option No. 3.

Women need to be accountable for their actions. They want equal rights (and I'm all for it), then start taking responsibility. I don't believe that women should be considered delicate little brittle flowers to be put on a pedestal and protected at all costs. They have free will, they made a decision, live with the consequences good and bad. Sounds like your one example is just fine with the decision she made. A solid woman in my opinion and I admire her.

 

[Butler1000]

Being a secretary and fucking my boss is one of my biggest secret fantasies.

But unless there were genuine feelings involved, that have been going on for a while, then I don't think I'd ever do this in real life, as I wouldn't want to be used like in some of OPs stories. I'd feel dumb, easy and good for nothing else...

A boss remains a boss no matter what goes on between you. He can still show you the door whenever he feels like it.

Taking this into consideration, I'd probably feel as though I'd have to keep on fucking him, pleasing him, and always be on my tiptoes just to make sure I don't disappoint him and get kicked out. Maybe the boss himself could put pressure on me to continue having sex with him.

They used to say a secretary isn't a permanent fixture in the office until she has been screwed to the desk........

 

[Butler1000]

As for the topic i
I never ever have nor ever will get involved with people at work. And I've had options. Its just too damn complicated and can cause to many issues down the road.

 

[261252]

At some point during my dating/working life of 35 years (full of encounters with SPs and a dozen traditional romances) let's say I have:

1 - Had a consensual sexual relationship with a 25 year old woman in my company whose direct supervisor reported to me.



3 - Had a quickie on my office desk with my 28 year old head of sales who reported directly to me.

4 - Had a brief, 4 week, sexual/social relationship with a college intern for my company who did not work directly for me. She later approached me for a full time job which I did not grant her as she was unqualified.

I am trying to visualize how this happens.

She started flirting with you so you took her for a drink then one thing lead to another?

 

[Born2Star]

Poll result shows that this must be an escort review board lol !

All four are no-no.

 

[malata]

business and pleasure don't mix. But sometimes it's a hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

[Worf]

Can't answer the poll until more info is provided. Eg: 28 year old head of sales reports to you, also the supervisor of another employee (presumably not in the sales department?) reported to you, and then you also seem to be able to influence direct hires at entry level. So here's the additional info needed: are you the owner of the company? President/CEO? It sounds like the org chart is odd, or messed up - how large is the company?

28 is young to be the head of sales at a large company, and as sexist as it sounds - even more so for a female employee. This actually affects the answer to the poll because it determines how much power you may have had. Power is the ability to influence careers. Eg: if it's a small, private company then it might just be that you're so irresistibly handsome/charming that a young female employee might not know better than to jeopardize her professional reputation by having a fling with you. Even at a large company this can and does happen when hormones (on both sides) over-ride common sense. if this is the case, then I would say it's not harassment if it happened once, even twice. But 4 times?

So quick answer (if it's a larger company with a messed up org chart) is - yes, you are probably a harasser - and even before all this stuff hit the news, if you reported to me I would question your judgement enough to find a way to get rid of you (not just because of potential harassment but because repeatedly dipping your pen in company ink causes gossip and gossip kills productivity at a company). If it's a smaller company then the amount of power you may have had is reduced, so best case - all may have been just regular flings - same as non-work life. But you're still walking a thin line - also probably hurting your own bottom line by mixing company business with pleasure.

So, what you are saying is that there needs to be context and you also need to have more information before you can decide. That is exactly correct. However, in the rush today of naming names without any further information, context is thrown out the window. All men it seems are now guilty of gross sexual assault and misconduct without anyone knowing the full facts.

And we are now all guilty by being a member of a particular gender. How did we let things get this bad?

But I predict that this entire gender war will make things worse for women. But that's just my opinion, FWIW

 

[canada-man]

no crime has been commited