So You Want To Date An Escort Eh?
- Thread starter Keanu
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I've been down this road a number of times over the years.
As tough as any relationship can be, there seems to be added obstacles to dating an SP on both sides. The majority of cases that I have personal experience have been the 3 to 6 month type of exploratory, high intimacy hot kind of affairs. These are easy to get into and easy to exit. The emotional scarring here is minimal on both sides.
Every once in a while you get into a longer, more deep and interesting situation; a relationship that can go on for years. These are the tough ones, because like all things in life, they end.
As tough as any relationship can be, there seems to be added obstacles to dating an SP on both sides. The majority of cases that I have personal experience have been the 3 to 6 month type of exploratory, high intimacy hot kind of affairs. These are easy to get into and easy to exit. The emotional scarring here is minimal on both sides.
Every once in a while you get into a longer, more deep and interesting situation; a relationship that can go on for years. These are the tough ones, because like all things in life, they end.
Added obstacles, I can think of so many. Here is a simple example. My gf (escort) had quite a few guys who had major crushes, wanting her badly, and trying to cause a rift between us. Now in a monogamous relationship this is an iritation, but you got the girl and they don't. In an escort relationship these a*holes are doing daty, doggie, kissing, greek, french, russian, and just about every other nation in the world to your girl. Then the mentality in my case is they got to pay, but still some do get a little too close for comfort.lasslicker said:
A client was the first to introduce my girl to coke according to her. Soon she was accepting it as payment. It was the thing he knew would break us up. Not sure if they ever did hook up.
Wow, I feel your pain. Does she CIM? What is her phone number? LOL Hopefully you can look back on the situation now with some humour.Keanu said:
Seriously though, that would be difficult to deal with. Lets see now, the degree of mental anguish and emotional torture for the SO is directly proportional to the emotional instability of the SP? Would that be an accurate assessment?
I doubt that those are anywhere close to the majority. You sound like a pretty rational guy Kkarn, but many hobbyiests think with their penises, and emotions far too much. On the other side of the fence/other extreme, you have a lot of regs paying all day long until they are maxed out on credit cards, taking 2nd mortgages, and filing for bankruptcy. Addictions are a bitch and beautiful women can charm so many guys into parting with their money. Of course most guys were trying to get her out of the business, talking about me like I was some pimp (not true, I made my own money working long hours). Taking the beautiful "bad girl" escort and converting her to a sweetie/ bad girl in bedroom only seemed to be the typical M.O.kkarn said:
Guys say they pay for them to go away afterwards. I heard Charlie Sheen said it also. In his case he can replace the girl no problem. This maybe true for many especially those in marriages or realtionships who don't want the risk. From my experience as a boyfriend, I'll tell you this. There are a lot of VERY LONELY guys out there who I've heard cry to her on the cell phone,and offer the world, and want a pretty girl any way possible. They will toss their marriages and lives out the window.
The coke is pretty well hidden and she has a great personality. I'm not going to give away her name but she was/is quite popular as a provider on this board. I remember a poll on terb not too long ago. Most guys participated (quite a few) were simply lonely, wanted a gf but were in a rut.
I guess when it comes down to it there is a perfect girl for everyone, and we all have different needs.
Of course anyone who hobbies thinks about the possibility of dating someone in the biz. It's only natural that you find some of the ladies attractive, why else would you want to spend time/money with them.
I think there are a number of things that make it difficult.
The first is leaving the biz. At some point it should happen but being human I think its difficult to give up the high income. At the same time as a BF I don't think you can push the woman out of the business, she has to leave on her own terms.
As for drugs, yes I imagine that some women get hooked on drugs. I have mixed feelings about it because I've seen people handle drugs well and others not well. I guess if there are drugs in your relationship regardless of who you are with, you have to carefully watch the amount consumed and frequency.
Another big one is jealousy. You have to be really careful about this one because if you have a fight with her and you throw her occupation in her face, she will most likely hate you for it and probably be scared off of dating till she leaves the biz.
Personally, there are very few MPAs/SPs that I would consider dating. Mainly because I think relationships in general are tough enough so unless the woman seems like an exceptionally good match, I prefer to keep things professsional.
I think there are a number of things that make it difficult.
The first is leaving the biz. At some point it should happen but being human I think its difficult to give up the high income. At the same time as a BF I don't think you can push the woman out of the business, she has to leave on her own terms.
As for drugs, yes I imagine that some women get hooked on drugs. I have mixed feelings about it because I've seen people handle drugs well and others not well. I guess if there are drugs in your relationship regardless of who you are with, you have to carefully watch the amount consumed and frequency.
Another big one is jealousy. You have to be really careful about this one because if you have a fight with her and you throw her occupation in her face, she will most likely hate you for it and probably be scared off of dating till she leaves the biz.
Personally, there are very few MPAs/SPs that I would consider dating. Mainly because I think relationships in general are tough enough so unless the woman seems like an exceptionally good match, I prefer to keep things professsional.
Toward the end of my marriage my wife (now my ex) decided she was going to earn extra money as a phone girl. she failed miserably - taking a successful client base and driving it into the ground with her unauthentic phone style.
Also she allowed herself to be lured into talking for several hours with a man without taking hs CC information. He turned out to be a ringer, working for her agency. he phoned to test her ability to maintain businesslike behavior. She believed she hadnt faltered because they didn't talk dirty, even though I did hear them talk about what she would and would not talk about sexually and so on. As a phone girl she barely made enough to pay her phone bill.
Eventually she was lured into working massage, where she had more clients cancel on her than follow through. Maybe it was her lack of talent maybe they didn't like her looks -- I dont really know. But I have never seen anyone flounder in the sex trade as badly as she did.
Our marriage was on the way out and we both knew it, so it had little impact on the relationship except to make me feel sorrier for her than I would have otherwise.
Also she allowed herself to be lured into talking for several hours with a man without taking hs CC information. He turned out to be a ringer, working for her agency. he phoned to test her ability to maintain businesslike behavior. She believed she hadnt faltered because they didn't talk dirty, even though I did hear them talk about what she would and would not talk about sexually and so on. As a phone girl she barely made enough to pay her phone bill.
Eventually she was lured into working massage, where she had more clients cancel on her than follow through. Maybe it was her lack of talent maybe they didn't like her looks -- I dont really know. But I have never seen anyone flounder in the sex trade as badly as she did.
Our marriage was on the way out and we both knew it, so it had little impact on the relationship except to make me feel sorrier for her than I would have otherwise.
My story is no different. My ex escorted to get through university (way before we met) and continued to work on and off at nights even after landing jobs. When I met her and moved in with , I was out of a job. She started escorting at nights to cover the rent and bills. You can imagine how guilty I felt, feeling that if I had been employed at that time, she wouldn't have to resort to escorting. But after awhile, she at some point "discovered" cocaine which she used to get up for clients. And just like so many of the stories here, once she started doing it on her off days, that was it! I realized months later that more money was being spent on her habit every month than on rent. The escorting became necessary to maintain her habit. It's one thing to justify escorting when we went hungry some days , but unless you've been through it, try thinking of your girl giving some dude a bbbj because she's gotta pay her drug dealer. Anyway, it got to the point where all I became obsessed about was how many bbbj's, msog, or how many strangers' tongues licked her u know what. I totally lost interest in sex. You don't think you would, but you'de be wrong! A totally crazy life!
i know a lot of you peg yourselves as progressives. "I'm not like mt parents", you say! "I'm open minded" you feel. Some of you talked about the swinging lifestyle, suggesting a correlation with escorting. I'll tell you, a dude I grew up with ( an awful, ugly, lying dirty coke-head of a man) loved paying for the service on weekends. Now , my ex, (who was never introduced to this guy by me) worked for the actual agency one entire summer that this scumbag called his "favourite". To this day, would you believe even though this girl is gone from my life, I literally shudder thinking that i may very well have made love to this girl on the same night as a call with this clown eating her out 2 hours earlier? UGHHH!!! It's NOT the same as swinging or open minded partnership. Ideally, in those examples, you LIKE & are atrracted to the other couple(s). I hate peas and I hated that dude. Therefore, I don't eat peas and I don't share my woman with scum like that! Man, life is crazy!
The majority of customers pay to send her away. Think about it. The majority are married, and looking for something that WON'T call their wife later, because they are happily married, and either not getting enough action at home, or, actually more likely, just like a little variety.Keanu said:
Don't doubt there are lots of guys like that, but I think they're a minority. They stand out, and you know about them, because of their behavior. Most of the guys you basically just don't hear from, they only call to book.
Some people have the sort of personality it takes to be an escort and live happy lives, and some don't. Some of the ones who don't aren't aware that they don't have it. They're the ones who get screwed over by it. I suspect your ex-GF was one of the ones who didn't have what it takes to be an escort, but thought she did have it, and got streamrolled by it.
Hope she gets over this. A coke addiction is hard to shake. Brace yourself for some bad times ahead, but I sincerely hope it works out for her, as even though she's now your ex, I imagine you still care.
I would recommend dating one for the sake of understanding them... for me, it made me a better hobbyist.
my date lasted 45 minutes.
my date lasted 45 minutes.
What a great thread,thanks to everyone.I guess I have to realise Im just a hopeless romantic,Its impossable for me to have hot passion with a chick several times without developing some feelings,I guess I just have to accept that fact,,,but I believe unfortunatly the things they say to make me feel good,thats the peoblem
I don't know, sounds like basically the same thing, wether it's to be up for the clients or to get up after the clients. If the drug use started after the sex work, it's probably because of the clients.kkarn said:
For most women, unwanted intimacy is a nightmare - usually ranks right behind death and dismemberment on the fear and loathing chart. Even intimacy with someone they like can be upsetting if they are not comfortable with the context. Our society hlods very dearly the right to deny access to those we find offensive, either physically or emotionally. So it's hardly surprising when substance abuse is used to manage the distress and underlying sense of defeat that might result from giving up that right.
Indeed, when someone can do a good job at pleasure work without drugs or alchohol, you have to wonder what they've been through to lose their fear and take revulsion in stride. I know there are special individuals who were born without the hangups, or who can reach that state of mind through reason alone, but I'm sure that's not very common.
That's true. Both strippers and waitresses have told me there are few things drunker than judge returning from his break or a cop during his traffic ticket day.JoyfulC said:
But in the case of successful professionals, I don't think the drug use is to help them do thieir job, it's more a wish for a magic bullet in the search of an unrealistic and unatainable level of happiness.
I think fuji hit the nail on the head in this thread. There are lots of normal people in this hobby/proffession, and they are the ones who you don't hear about. Sounds like the original poster just got stuck with a real gem of a coke addict. Shitty deal. =\
Hey people! I think that you're all thoughtful , brilliant men who can offer me solid personal advice. I wrote recently about my experience with an sp with a coke problem who lied to me for four out of the five years I have been with her.The only thing is, while I wrote to the readers that I am now single, the sad truth is I never actually ended the relationship. In my case I truly believed her when she told me that nothing happens on these calls ( and she hid her coke habit from me up untill the problem was undeniable on her part). She would brag that she could manipulate them out of their money without granting a single sexual request. I actualy believed that for the first 4 years. Into the fifth year I discovered Terb and started snooping. I confronted her, and she finally confessed to some indiscretions (but still unable to all of them ,ie, yes she had sex w/condom but no bbbj, even though I started a correspondence on Terb with more than one of her clients who swear to bbbj with her!). After initially going through the dramatic break-up, I forced her to quit escorting and coke on the spot ( she did) , and I would grant her a second chance. This girl was never just a chick to me guys! I had planned to have my first child with her and stay with her forever! This is where I require your help. I just don't think I'm strong enough to forget the past 5 years. It's affecting the way I think about her. Sex with her doesn't feel the same ( I don't feel that she is completely mine anymore, or clean, even after she quit) . Every day I find myself staring at her and all I think is, 1) She had a cock in her twat at the same time she was with me; I call that cheating. 2) How could she maintain lying to me for that long? Just 'cause she was getting paid for this, is it not still a sort of technical "cheating"? And should I truly believe that someone who deliberately maintained a lie from me for 4 years about escortin and cocaine is not capable of lying again? Just for the record, I've made a point to NEVER keep secrets from her and I NEVER cheated on her once. She herself knows this and says that I am the most honest person shes met. Will I ever get over this? Does she trully deserve a second chance? Am I trully wasting both our times by thinking that I will ever respect her again like I once did? As of now, I have zero respect for her, but I don't show it. As far as she knows, I'm ok with things. Please help friends
feel your pain
wow. feel your pain. get help; get out; prepare for a long difficult road ahead. wish i could tell you it will be different when you finally exit the ride. but thats not always the case. it will be better though in time. last poster spoke well about the board. not much sincerity here so careful where you bare your soulisolvgrks said:
isolvgrks - eddoes makes a good point i also agree that you pretty well know the answer to your question, however you love this girl & loving someone is hard and often times love makes no sense. I would have to agree if you truly love your GF and want to make a go of things then do get some professional counseling - you only get one chance at life, go slow and make sure this type of relationship is truly what you want with your "once chance at life"
