The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all
down. Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up,
put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You
don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going
to think of
it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints
do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every
question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends
are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want
it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do
it, just do
it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin
is also a
fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we
will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just
not worth
the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is
fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun
formation, or
monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to
sleep on the
couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind
that? It's
like camping.
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all
down. Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up,
put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You
don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going
to think of
it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints
do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every
question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends
are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want
it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do
it, just do
it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin
is also a
fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we
will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just
not worth
the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is
fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun
formation, or
monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to
sleep on the
couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind
that? It's
like camping.
)
