The Personality Test

[onthebottom]

Bummer, I wanted to be a prick, they get all the hot chicks.

OTB

The Gentleman
Deliberate Gentle Love Master (DGLMm)

Steady & mature. You are The Gentleman.

For anyone looking for an even-keeled, considerate lover, you're their man. You're sophisticated. You know what you want both in a relationship and outside of it. You have a substantial romantic side, and you're experienced enough sexually to handle yourself in that arena, too. Your future relationships will be long-lasting; you're classic "marrying material," a prize in the eyes of many.

It's possible that behind it all, you're a bit of a male slut. Your best friends know that in relationships you're fundamentally sex-driven. You're a safe, reliable guy, who does get laid. In a lot of ways, you're like a well-worn, comfortable pair of socks. Did you ever jack off into one of those? All the time.

Your ideal mate is NOT a nut-job. She is giving and loving, like you, but also experienced. Avoid the The Battleaxe at all fucking costs.


CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor, someone just like you.

 

[TheNiteHwk]

The 5-Night Stand
Deliberate Brutal Sex Master (DBSMm)


Compassionate, loving, and understanding, but only for one business week, you are The 5-Night Stand.

Sex is your primary objective, and you are a skilled manipulator. Therefore, you get LOTS of ass. Most likely, you juggle many women at once; you care about all of them a lot, but each of them a little. It adds up, right? One love.

You're not dishonest with people, exactly. It's unlikely, for instance, you'd actually say "I love you," just to get laid; and you might even go as far as explaining "I'm not ready for a commitment" to a potential partner. Of course, when you say it, you'd smile that special smile, like you two have an inside joke. Her.

The secret of your success? Every nice person has an instinct to fix the broken dirtbag within you. Women especially have this instinct, because deep down they want their sons to be evil, a genetic advantage.

To wit, your most likely occupations are stock broker, lawyer, and photographer. You are a hard worker, because power and success turn you on.

"While the breadwinning, gentle husbands of the world are mowing their front lawns, you are literally fucking their wives."


ALWAYS AVOID: The Battleaxe, The Sudden Departure, The Dirty Little Secret

CONSIDER: The Stiletto

 

[superquad1968]

The Boy Next Door
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm)

Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet.

We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what.

Your exact opposite:
The 5-Night Stand

Deliberate Brutal Sex Master
On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold.

More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph

CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor, The Peach

 

[Talenc]

The Pool Boy
Random Gentle Sex Dreamer (RGSDm)

Friendly and eager. You are The Pool Boy.

A teen at heart, you anxiously move about your daily tasks, hoping, praying for a good, instant lay. You're carefree, enthusiastic, and rarely discouraged. Love is cool, but it's not for you right now. You know what is? Crotches.

You're a fun person in both big and small groups, and your friends trust and love you. Inside you, meanwhile, your lust is only growing. Imagine your beating heart sprouting pubic hair. Exactly. Try shaving that.

Your exact opposite:
The False Messiah

Deliberate Brutal Love Master
If you're not scoring enough--which you aren't--you should adopt new strategies. Lower your standards. Be aggressive. Pool Boys are often submissive and hope (desperately) sex will find them. Realize that passiveness will not hook the horny girls you desire. A bolder approach and sheer repetition will.

When browsing OkCupid, consider both The Dirty Little Secret and The Playstation.


ALWAYS AVOID: The Battleaxe, The Priss

 

[Chivas Regal]

paradiso105

Random Brutal Sex Master (RBSMf)

So you are Genghis Khunt: master of man, bringer of pain--riding your way to conquest after conquest.

AVOID: The Slow Dancer
CONSIDER: The 5-Night Stand, The Hornivore, The Playboy

*
The Hornivore
Random Brutal Sex Master (RBSMm)

We really should get together

 

[youngent]

The Last Man on Earth
Random Brutal Sex Dreamer (RBSDm)

Shit, rejected again. You are The Last Man on Earth.

Sorry, but most women would rather see the human species wither to an end....
We've learned the following: you don't think things through. You're haphazard. You're dangerous. You're somewhat inexperienced. It's totally obvious that you're a horny bugger, as well. Everybody knows that and steers clear.
......

There's a small, but negligible, chance we're wrong.

You too huh.
Well, compared to some other people I know, I'd definitely not qualify to be called a 'horny bugger'.
Can't say everyone has steered clear either. Mostly steered towards than away. Oh well, most of these internet thingies seem to be wrong about me.
What can I say, I'm an anomaly.

 

[LateComer]

"The Manchild
Random Brutal Love Dreamer (RBLDm)

Hopeful. Awkward. Soft-headed. Fire intrigues you. You are The Manchild.

Okay, Manchildren have some good qualities. They can be unpredictable, brash, magnetic--and therefore highly charismatic. Particularly, you're passionate and are often a hell of a lot of fun.

Your exact opposite: The Bachelor (Deliberate Gentle Sex Master)

But we'd like you to consider not using OkCupid. You can be unthinking and hurtful, and we think you LIKE seeing bad things happen. You've had a moderate number of relationships, but broken a disproportionate number of hearts. In total, you mean well, but don't really have it together.

It's up to you, of course, whether to continue dating. There are plenty of women out there who do deserve you. But you've heard our advice.

If you stay...
ALWAYS AVOID: The Dirty Little Secret
CONSIDER: The Sudden Departure."

Another Manchild here. Not sure about the "brutal" part though - Ah fuckem.