To slap back or not slap back, i.e, the ?

[Aardvark154]

My best friend was slapped, hard, by his wife 3 weeks ago. They are having problems. Go figure. Her behavior has been irrational for a while. To simply protect himself and to get it on the record, my friend called the police. When the police arrived, she admitted the slap (assault). She also gave the cops a little attitude. They took all the information, suggested that it would be best for all concerned if she went to stay with her parents. The next day they decided to lay an assault charge. They informed the husband that they did not need his OK. It gets worse for little Miss Slap Happy. Cops phoned her at her parents and asked her to come in to the station to deal with the charge. She refused, informing that she wanted to discuss with her dad and get a lawyer. Guess it did not go over too well with the cops, as they sent a squad car to expedite matters!! She was taken away in handcuffs. Apparently, it did not help her cause when she questioned the parentage of the police officers and also confused their uniforms with those of the Gestapo.

She now has a court order to not go home or make any contact with her husband. This situation stays in effect until the court order is rescinded. She does not get on well with her parents, but is now stuck with having to live with them and their endless advice and input. Tragic. She might have the criminal charge set aside when it gets to court if she agrees to certain conditions. One of them would be an anger management course with a therapist. Apparently she is very angry about this as she feels that she does not have an anger problem.

Whist I love this egalitarian age in which we find ourselves, violence is not OK.

To bad Celticman, your friend is probably questioning himself now and he shouldn't be. Both professionally and from personal experience - his wife's actions would only escalate. Unfortunately there is a strong likelihood that sooner or later he would react and bam he'd be the one facing criminal charges.

It I'm afraid is not a good sign on several levels that his wife is reacting so confrontationally and negatively to the suggestion of anger management classes.

Are there children in the house?

 

[Ironhead]

What I was reacting to is that seemingly you are “cranking" on the man not because he slapped her but because he cried.

I agree that it was bad for him to have slapped her. I also feel it was bad for her to have slapped him.

The gender of the parties involved legally doesn’t mater assault is assault is assault; battery, is battery is battery.

And yes, I could have made clearer what I was responding to.

Ah. I see.
I was .. ah ... "cranking"(I like the word) on the guy for crying yes, because it seemed so ridiculous to cry just from a little slap then realized no one else liked it and he thought he is going to get a beat down at that point.
It showed me that he is a bully, only picking on weaker opponents but would never peep at a guy that could kick his ass.

 

[Ol' Sodomy Sam]

Alright, so I'm "old school", as it were, and I don't feel you're a man if you hit women, so add my vote to the society tally. I realize we are still behind, but consider-

When would a man slap anyone, anyway? Maybe if you and Perez Hilton are arguing over which napkin holders to use at dinner, or you're some drug addled pop star who's been awake for three days straight, but other than that? You shouldn't be slapping anyone, period. Fine, you hit someone in self defence, but apart from that guy in the other thread who had his eye damaged, you aren't likely to be injured from some girl slapping you. Slapping her back isn't self-defence. Use some self-control. "She hit me first" should have been left behind you in elementary school.

 

[trod]

Firstly, I would trust my reflexes to dodge the slap itself in the first place

But, if she connects and I have no idea why she did that, I would not hit her straightway but give her the most angry look in the eyes for a sec, say "WTF bitch " and then slap her back.

If she continues to retaliate, time to kick her in the ovaries.

And as much I am a gentleman, a girl slapping me for no reason is not someone I would have chivalry for.

 

[Celticman]

To bad Celticman, your friend is probably questioning himself now and he shouldn't be. Both professionally and from personal experience - his wife's actions would only escalate. Unfortunately there is a strong likelihood that sooner or later he would react and bam he'd be the one facing criminal charges.

It I'm afraid is not a good sign on several levels that his wife is reacting so confrontationally and negatively to the suggestion of anger management classes.

Are there children in the house?

Good question. A two year old son is now being shuttled back and forth. He knows someting is wrong. My male friend was granted temporary custody so he is mainly looking after the son. This is a huge strain as he is now "mommy and daddy", running a big house, pursuing a busy carreer, and now has a secondary career dealing with all sorts of court appearances and lawyers etc. I am have been taking time out from my life to travel 100 clicks to go to my friends home to look after the young son just so his dad can go out and shop or get a mental break now and again.

Wifey is at her parents home with her mommy looking after her. She is also off work on "stress" leave.

How do you spell inequity?

 

[djk]

I would control myself but I see nothing wrong with what he did.
It's not like he punched her in the face.
He did exactly the same thing she did and she touched him first.
Women do not have a free pass to go around hitting guys without repercussions.

Agreed. It's the 21st century. They are our equals and with that freedom comes responsibility.

 

[djk]

Another White Knoght Errant.... charging to the rescue....



Who the fuck are YOU to determine if that makes someone a man or not?

 

[djk]

So women are allowed to "not" control themselves but men should?

Fuck that. You give it, you better expect to take it.

Agreed. The attitude that there's no excuse to hit a woman is just ugly sexism. It's the opinion that women are little dainty things that need constant protection from men and are not responsible for their actions.

 

[Aardvark154]

Good question. A two year old son is now being shuttled back and forth. He knows someting is wrong. My male friend was granted temporary custody so he is mainly looking after the son. This is a huge strain as he is now "mommy and daddy", running a big house, pursuing a busy carreer, and now has a secondary career dealing with all sorts of court appearances and lawyers etc. I am have been taking time out from my life to travel 100 clicks to go to my friends home to look after the young son just so his dad can go out and shop or get a mental break now and again.

Wifey is at her parents home with her mommy looking after her. She is also off work on "stress" leave.

How do you spell inequity?

Too bad, but glad he has a friend like you who is willing to help.

And of course just awful for the son.

I hope his wife "sees the light", however, as we both know she has to be willing to be helped before she can be helped.

 

[genintoronto]

I vote for don't slap/hit back. But whether the person who slapped first is a woman or a man is irrelevant: responding to violence with more violence only makes matters worse in most situation.

Unless the situation is one of self-defense, and escalating with more violence is the only reasonable way out of it, I always vote for walking away.

I agree that women don't have a free pass on violence because they are women.

I have slapped one guy in my life. After he groped my ass under my skirt while telling me some obscenity. Slapping him definitely came out of anger, and was probably not the smartest response to the situation, but the asshole had it coming.

 

[coolcat]

I was raised never to hit a woman and therefore never have. I also have never been provoked to the point where I was considering doing so. If there is no reasoning with the individual I simply just walk away BEFORE anything stupid happens.

 

[Sammy the Bull]

I have slapped one guy in my life. After he groped my ass under my skirt while telling me some obscenity. Slapping him definitely came out of anger, and was probably not the smartest response to the situation, but the asshole had it coming.

Dunno about smart, but you were definitely in your right to hit him.

 

[Tokyo Heights]

Never ever raise your hand on a girl or a women , always respect them, that's what our parents had taught us since our childhood & that is in practise eversince. Whatever may be the case, always show respect and dignity towards the weaker sex, being educated always try to solve any disagreements through peaceful means of dialougue or request a third party to arbitrate and solve the issue if any, or just move ahead and forget as a bad dream. In many cultures due respect is given to Females by males.

 

[Armagettin]

I have slapped one guy in my life. After he groped my ass under my skirt while telling me some obscenity. Slapping him definitely came out of anger

He had it coming. The reaction out of anger is also often what happens with men when they are assaulted.

If a man gropes you and you slap him, he does not have any justification in hitting back. He caused the situation by physically assaulting you. I'm guessing that most, if not all the men on the board would support what you did.

Whether your actions were the wrong thing to do from a safety perspective is another thing and you certainly have the right to risk.

If it is a verbal discussion and you you physically assault the man first, it's not so clear anymore. Hence the split in opinion.

When a woman slaps a man, physical pain aside...
- It demonstrates tremendous lack of respect
- It is embarrassing
- It is humiliating
- It is a breach of trust
- It will often be perceived by the man that the woman did it because she believes she can get away with it.
- It is an act of physical aggression. Stating the obvious but this will affect men differently.
- It is insulting
- It is unfair
- It is taunting
- It is daring

Women should not be surprised if they face physical retaliation. Isn't it good enough having some confidence that a man is not going to initiate physical assault even if he is really angry during an argument or debate?

Remember, if some men didn't retaliate, there would be a lot more women slapping a lot more men a lot more often.

 

[Armagettin]

always respect them

Unconditional respect is silly imo but to each their own.

Whatever may be the case, always show respect and dignity towards the weaker sex

The way this is phrased seems somewhat condescending and/or patronizing.

 

[djk]

The way this is phrased seems somewhat condescending and/or patronizing.

That's exactly my point. A lot of these white knights whether or not they will admit it, view women as delicate little things that don't know what they're doing and need male protection.

 

[Armagettin]

That's exactly my point. A lot of these white knights whether or not they will admit it, view women as delicate little things that don't know what they're doing and need male protection.

Yeah... most of my female friends would be offended by the post. They are not that helpless, even the tiny ones.

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

I have only hit a man once, he was drinking and had an ugly mind set going on,,,,he was being a bully and trying to intimidate me....he grabbed the book i was reading and threw it across the room,,,,,I don't believe a woman should be allowed to hit man anymore than a man should be allowed to hit a woman but I was so scared and frustrated that I hauled off and socked him one. I was a tiny little thing back then so i don't think he really felt it lol. he did however see that as an excuse to slap me back. I had a bruise on my jaw for two weeks.

Men are usually considerably stronger than women, that is the main reason they should not hit us.

 

[a 1 player]

A true story that happened to me a number of years ago.

I am in a bar, and some guy walks into me, causing me to spill a few drops of Rye and coke on his back. It was clearly his fault, as he backed into me, I was against a wall with people surrounding me, and I had nowhere to move. Dude was a small guy, with a big attitude and demanded $150 from me to buy a new shirt, (the shirt was a Walmart special). I said that there was no way I was buying him a shirt, but I'd buy him a beer as a peace offering, (I do that type of thing to make problems go away). He is all in my face about wanting to take it outside, and that he was going to get his money one way or another. It was at this point I told him to go fuck himself.

His GF was standing beside him by this time. She was about 5'10 and 200+ lbs. Out of nowhere her left fist comes, and she punches me square on the jaw, cutting my lip open, it damn near knocked me out. By the grace of god, I saw the second fist coming towards me, (the girl again), I blocked the punch, but took a kick to the thigh. I then swung back, hitting her cleanly in the teeth, knocking her to the ground, and almost knocking her out. Her pussy of a boyfriend did not do anything, but I was surrounded by a bunch of guys who saw the whole thing unfold.

They did not beat me, but removed me from the situation before things got out of hand. Apparently that was not the first bar fight she had tried to start.

So the question is...

Was I within my right to protect myself? This was not a slap, rather a repeated attack from a woman who almost matched me in size? If I did nothing, I would have been knocked out.

This here is the same situation (almost) as in the video. The difference being, the woman was pretty and much smaller in the video. Another difference was that I used a much greater amount of force to protect myself.

Hell, I would walk away from a slap on the face, but if I am under attack, I have every right to protect myself (with a reasonable amount of force) from the attacker. Man or woman be damned. If I am under attack, I will protect myself. There ARE times it is okay to hit a woman.

 

[Back Burner]

A 1 no question you did the right thing. I believe a man has to right to slap a woman back if she slaps him but I totally understand why many would walk away. HOWEVER, if woman comes a swinging, then it's obvious she wants to throw. I say knuckle up and dance.