Too much...how to stop?

[Firestick]

I'm looking for some advice from my fellow terbites and some of the ladies also. I belive my hobbying is out of control and I'm having a hard time staying away. Last year I saw a total of 56 sp's and a few mpa's. I told myself that this year would be different, that I would reduce the visits down to one per month to keep it all in check. Well, I've failed...I've already visited 10 sp's since Jan 1st and this is not on track with my earlier stated goal.

I'm seeing nice girls with good service most of the time so it's not like I'm chasing the next encounter just to make up for the last crappy one.

I know I'm opening myself up for all kinds of comments and wise cracks but I'll wade through them in hope of getting some meaningful recommendations. Hope to hear from someone who may have been in the same situation and found a way to control it all. Money is not an issue so going broke is not a deternet for me.

Solutions anyone ??

 

[alex52]

Masterbate like hell to make the feeling go away. It costs nothing.

 

[Spacealien2]

Enjoy the ladies. You only live once!

 

[sam33]

Why not just donate some of that money to the rest of us (since money isn't an issue) so we can enjoy if you want to limit yourself / stop lol I can dream can't I?

 

[Frosty]

Watch a lot of porn and jerk off. It'll ease the urge.

 

[Mr Deeds]

Your a sex addict get some professional help. This hobby can ruin your life just the same as drugs or booze

 

[GPIDEAL]

Your a sex addict get some professional help. This hobby can ruin your life just the same as drugs or booze

Last year he had sex on average, once per week.

This year, it's about the same.

Is that really sex addiction?

I echo the comments of ripperlover.

 

[TeasePlease]

It's not necessarily as simple as whether hobbying frequently is harmful. Perhaps he just wants to stop or slow down because he thinks there are better things he can be doing with his time and money.

I'd say that an apparent inability to stop when you "want to" is reason enough to pause and ask why you've seemingly lost control (or can't exercise self-discipline).

As I reflect on my own hobbies (golf, shooting, bikes, cooking, etc), there's really not one that I couldn't just stop. They're simply enjoyable pastimes. Hobbying was a different story. It was hard to stop until I simply didn't want to go any more.....

 

[getwhatuwant]

I am a former SP... I gather your feelings aren't related to the money that you have spent as you have stated it is not an issue for you. I would guess the manner in which this hobby has affected you is emotional. I have met many men in my experience as a provider who while at first enjoyed the companionship, physical pleasure and stimulation eventually became more lonely than they were to begin with...especially if they are not in a relationship, or if their relationship is not functioning in a manner where they feel loved and desired. The short interactions with the ladies gave them satisfaction in the moment because it made them feel; and not just physically. The part that began to bother them was when they left, and they reevaluated the situation. Some people are okay with the interaction, and the fact that it is paid one. Some people begin to hurt because they want something real. Maybe they enjoyed the hobby while it was good and healthy for them but are now at a place in their lives that they want something that is "real" and with meaning. They realize they want something more than the reality of exactly what a provider/client relationship is. Yes, sometimes those relationships do develop and are genuine where both parties care about each other, but I would be dishonest to not acknowledge that nearly all provider/client relationships have their limitations.

I would suggest that you try to evaluate why you visit the girls, and exactly what it is you get out of the interactions..other than a good fuck, blow job and orgasm. Be honest with yourself about why you started and why you have continued. Maybe you are bored with life, with yourself and with your money. Maybe this has been easier avenue for social stimulation than being your genuine self and seeking relationships in a setting where you have to put yourself out there and be vulnerable when you meet people in "normal/real" situation. I would wager that it would be very difficult to quit or cut down unless you know why you are doing it to begin with, and without acknowledging what it is exactly that bothers you about it.

This hobby/industry can hurt your mind, body and life just as much as smoking, drinking or drugs. And it can be just as hard to quit. There is a healthy and unhealthy approach and practice to everything; sex and intimate interactions included. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[TeasePlease]

I am a former SP... I gather your feelings aren't related to the money that you have spent as you have stated it is not an issue for you. I would guess the manner in which this hobby has affected you is emotional. I have met many men in my experience as a provider who while at first enjoyed the companionship, physical pleasure and stimulation eventually became more lonely than they were to begin with...especially if they are not in a relationship, or if their relationship is not functioning in a manner where they feel loved and desired. The short interactions with the ladies gave them satisfaction in the moment because it made them feel; and not just physically. The part that began to bother them was when they left, and they reevaluated the situation. Some people are okay with the interaction, and the fact that it is paid one. Some people begin to hurt because they want something real. Maybe they enjoyed the hobby while it was good and healthy for them but are now at a place in their lives that they want something that is "real" and with meaning. They realize they want something more than the reality of exactly what a provider/client relationship is. Yes, sometimes those relationships do develop and are genuine where both parties care about each other, but I would be dishonest to not acknowledge that nearly all provider/client relationships have their limitations.

I would suggest that you try to evaluate why you visit the girls, and exactly what it is you get out of the interactions..other than a good fuck, blow job and orgasm. Be honest with yourself about why you started and why you have continued. Maybe you are bored with life, with yourself and with your money. Maybe this has been easier avenue for social stimulation than being your genuine self and seeking relationships in a setting where you have to put yourself out there and be vulnerable when you meet people in "normal/real" situation. I would wager that it would be very difficult to quit or cut down unless you know why you are doing it to begin with, and without acknowledging what it is exactly that bothers you about it.

This hobby/industry can hurt your mind, body and life just as much as smoking, drinking or drugs. And it can be just as hard to quit. There is a healthy and unhealthy approach and practice to everything; sex and intimate interactions included. I wish you the best of luck.

A wonderful post. Honest, balanced and understanding.

 

[harryass]

. Money is not an issue so going broke is not a deternet for me.

Solutions anyone ??

I think you answered your problem! I think I can say most terbites have a set budget for the hobby. Try to find a SO or more to spend your time and money on.

 

[BlueLaser]

Last year he had sex on average, once per week.

This year, it's about the same.

Is that really sex addiction?

I echo the comments of ripperlover.

Addiction has nothing to do with frequency. It has to do with an inability to stop. According the American Society of Addiction Medicine,

"addiction is a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry. Dysfunction in these circuits leads to characteristic biological, psychological, social and spiritual manifestations. This is reflected in an individual pathologically pursuing reward and/or relief by substance use and other behaviours. Addiction is characterised by inability to consistently abstain, impairment in behavioural control, craving, diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviours and interpersonal relationships, and a dysfunctional emotional response. Like other chronic diseases, addiction often involves cycles of relapse and remission. Without treatment or engagement in recovery activities, addiction is progressive and can result in disability or premature death."

If you can't abstain from something, you're addicted to it or have a dependency on it. Dependencies aren't always bad - we depend on air, you can't abstain from it. Seeing SPs is different. If you can't abstain from seeing an SP even if you want to, you're addicted to it. Whether you go once a day, once a week, or once a month. If you are literally unable to resist doing it, you're addicted.

 

[Kyra.Graves]

I would suggest that you try to evaluate why you visit the girls, and exactly what it is you get out of the interactions..other than a good fuck, blow job and orgasm. Be honest with yourself about why you started and why you have continued. Maybe you are bored with life, with yourself and with your money. Maybe this has been easier avenue for social stimulation than being your genuine self and seeking relationships in a setting where you have to put yourself out there and be vulnerable when you meet people in "normal/real" situation. I would wager that it would be very difficult to quit or cut down unless you know why you are doing it to begin with, and without acknowledging what it is exactly that bothers you about it.

Agreed and well put! I would also add that you might benefit by identifying who you see and when, what triggers it? There are very different types of companions out there, it's not just a one stop shop as some ladies offer shorter more physical encounters and some longer encounters based more on the 'date' or companionship. Look for the pattern in who you see and what is going on in your life before you see them as well as what happens immediately after; eg. do you book most often when you are stressed at work, after a big deadline has been met, when travelling, etc. Identifying the patterns will help you to answer the questions above and changing the pattern before you find yourself in an undesirable situation is often the easiest way to start modifying your behaviour.
Good luck!

 

[shack]

I would wager that it would be very difficult to quit or cut down unless you know why you are doing it to begin with, and without acknowledging what it is exactly that bothers you about it.

I'd say the second question is the more important one.

He tells us money is not the issue. Fine. Then what is the issue? Why do you say it is too much? Obviously you don't feel hobbying itself is inherently a bad thing as you plan to keep doing it. The issue seems to be the frequency.

So then, we need to know, in your mind, why hobbying 10 times a year is OK but 50 times a year bothers you. Why does this increased frequency make you feel negatively about yourself such that you tern to terb members for advice on how to see only 10-12 girls a year instead?

HELP US HELP YOU. Pleeease.

 

[shack]

Impressive post. I am always amazed how insightful some ladies are on here.

Wow.

 

[legmann]

hooking up with a beautiful woman and having great sex once in a while is nothing to be afraid of.
So when is it addiction? IMHO, it becomes addiction when it has a negative impact on other aspects of our lives such as finances, or ability to form other relationships.

Agreed, but those are very real consequences/risks of this hobby.
When this becomes a means to fill in whatever else is missing from your life, when you start putting it ahead of making plans with actual friends/family - then it's time to step back and take a look at things.

 

[explorerzip]

I don't see it that way. Men are biologically wired to seek out beautiful women and procreate with them -- this isn't addiction, it is a completely healthy, natural urge as opposed to alcoholism or other forms of drug addiction. Most men would do what we do if they weren't constrained by other factors such as religious beliefs, cultural pressures, fear of STDs, and/or money. Hobbyists are risk-takers in that respect. I'm not saying we can't become addicted, I'm just saying that hooking up with a beautiful woman and having great sex once in a while is nothing to be afraid of. So when is it addiction? IMHO, it becomes addiction when it has a negative impact on other aspects of our lives such as finances, or ability to form other relationships.

I'm not psychologist, but when someone says they're "out of control" that's kind of a sign that it's addiction or close to it. At least the OP is "aware" (to what degree I don't know) of his problem. I don't think there's a magic number or level you reach when you're addicted or not because everyone experiences it differently. Humans are complex creatures.

I wonder how the OP could afford to see that many ladies in a year? We're looking at $20 K or more to see all those ladies during the year. God forbid he's borrowing (cash advances, credit line, pay day loan) to pay for all that hobbying because that will really mess up his life. If that's the case, then he needs credit and sex counselling.

 

[theycallmebruce]

Hell, I go see MPA's 2 times a week. That's 100 times a year or about $14k to $15k. It got this way when I started making more money... Do I have a problem too?

 

[buttercup]

Gather ye rosebuds while you may.

In a few months, there will be new prostitution laws, likely in which you will commit a criminal offence if you pay a lady for sex.

If that doesn't stop you, I can't see anything else working.

 

[Pussy4life]

Just got a promotion at work with a big jump in pay. Had visited a couple sp's last year, but have seen 3 so far this month... Not sure I will hit 56, but here's hoping!

Now that I have a terb account, reviews of those 3 ladies are on the way!