walk into a bar jokes

[red]

A priest, a rabbi, and a pastor are sitting in a bar, across the street from a brothel. They are sipping their drinks when they see a rabbi walk in to the brothel. "Oy! It's awful to see a man of the cloth give into temptation", says the rabbi.
A short while later, they see a pastor walk into the brothel. "Damn! It's terrible to see a man of the cloth give into such temptation", says the pastor.
In a little bit, they see a priest enter the brothel.
"It's nice to see the ladies, who have been used so poorly, have time to confess their sins", says the priest.

 

[red]

A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whiskey. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?" The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging." "Hanging? Who are they hanging?" "Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.
"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked. "Well," said the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."
"Weird guy," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"


"Rustling," said the bartender.

 

[red]

So a guy walks into a bar after a round of golf and sits down at a table opposite a flashily dressed blonde who says to him" I'm a hooker" and he says "well, if you turn your hands on the shaft a little bit to the left... you'll tend more towards a slice.

 

[thumper18474]

a horse walks into a bar...bartender looks up and says...
What'll ya have Celine?

 

[Demfeller]

A guy walks into a bar asks for five shots. Bartender ask what's wrong. Guy says he just found out my son is gay.
Next week the guy walks into the same bar orders the same(five shots). Bartender ask what's wrong. Guy says he just found out my other son is gay. Third week the guy walks into the same bar orders the same(five shots). Bartender says let me guess your other son is gay, is there anyone in your house likes women. The guy says that his wife likes women.

 

[roblestone]

A baby seal walks into a club.

 

[blackrock13]

A cow walks into a bar sits down beside a horse and says to him, why the long face?

 

[Bopper2]

An Irishman walks out of a bat.........hey, could happen!

 

[destillat]

a guy walks into a heavy metal bar...
ouch

 

[destillat]

three pieces of string are walking down the street and see a bar with a sign saying "no strings allowed".
the first string is disgusted with this discrimination, walks in and demands a beer... the bartender says "hey, you're a string, can't you read the sign? get out!"... so the string leaves.
the second string see this injustice and storms in, chastising the bartender for his behaviour and demands a whiskey... the bartender says "you're a string, read the sign! get out!"... so the string leaves.
the third string has had enough of this nonsense, so he ties himself, ruffles his top end and walks in, sits down and kindly requests a caesar... the bartender looks at him and says "don't you learn from your friends? you're a string! get the hell out of my bar!!!" the string casually says "nope, i'm afraid not!"

 

[SchlongConery]

A priest, a paedophile & a compulsive liar walk into a bar.

Barman goes " How come you're drinking alone tonight Father?"

 

[bemeup]

Modigliani walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, why the long face?"

 

[Adam_hadam]

A man walks in the bar and sees an attractive lady seated at the bar. He orders himself a drink and orders one for the lady. The bartender says, "She's a lesbian." . The man walks over and asks her, "What part of Lesbia are you from?"

 

[wazup]

three pieces of string are walking down the street and see a bar with a sign saying "no strings allowed".
the first string is disgusted with this discrimination, walks in and demands a beer... the bartender says "hey, you're a string, can't you read the sign? get out!"... so the string leaves.
the second string see this injustice and storms in, chastising the bartender for his behaviour and demands a whiskey... the bartender says "you're a string, read the sign! get out!"... so the string leaves.
the third string has had enough of this nonsense, so he ties himself, ruffles his top end and walks in, sits down and kindly requests a caesar... the bartender looks at him and says "don't you learn from your friends? you're a string! get the hell out of my bar!!!" the string casually says "nope, i'm afraid not!"

a frayed knot,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i love funny jokes, too bad none were in here.

 

[bobistheowl]

A guy walks in to the 19th hole. He has a large swollen lump on his forehead. He says "Bartender, give me a double scotch, straight up".

The bartender says "Hey, what happened to you, did you get hit with a ball?"

The guy says "No, it was like this... I made my tee shot on 17, and sliced the ball way off to the left, over the fence into that farmer's field. So I'm looking for my ball for like, fifteen, twenty minutes, I was just a stroke down on my best round here. Then I see this cow walk by. Her tail goes up, and I see there's a golf ball lodged up the cow's vagina. I go over and take a look, and it's a Dunlop 65. I'm shooting a Titleist 2. So I keep looking for my ball. Then this lady walks by, and says she lost her ball as well. I ask her what she's shooting, and she says it's a Dunlop 65. So I went over to the cow, lifted up it's tail, and said 'This one looks like yours, lady'. She hit me with a five iron!".

 

[Wild Wiglin Willie]

A young guy walks into a bar and asks for a cognac. The bartender asked the kid if he was over 18, the kid shows him ID and it shows that he just turned 18 a few days before. So the bartender gives him a cognac. The kid gulps it and then asks for a second cognac, and then a third. The bartender asks the kid why so many cognacs. The kid tells him that he had his first blowjob. So the bartender said to the kid, it is a wonderful thing to turn 18 and then have your first blowjob you should be celebrating. The kid said to the bartender, who is celebrating I am trying to get the taste out of my mouth.

 

[Samantha Jones]

not bad not bad

A priest, a rabbi, and a pastor are sitting in a bar, across the street from a brothel. They are sipping their drinks when they see a rabbi walk in to the brothel. "Oy! It's awful to see a man of the cloth give into temptation", says the rabbi.
A short while later, they see a pastor walk into the brothel. "Damn! It's terrible to see a man of the cloth give into such temptation", says the pastor.
In a little bit, they see a priest enter the brothel.
"It's nice to see the ladies, who have been used so poorly, have time to confess their sins", says the priest.

 

[deep_blue]

A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Get the fuck out of here."

-Gran Torino

 

[lazysausage]

A young guy walks into a bar and asks for a cognac. The bartender asked the kid if he was over 18, the kid shows him ID and it shows that he just turned 18 a few days before. So the bartender gives him a cognac. The kid gulps it and then asks for a second cognac, and then a third. The bartender asks the kid why so many cognacs. The kid tells him that he had his first blowjob. So the bartender said to the kid, it is a wonderful thing to turn 18 and then have your first blowjob you should be celebrating. The kid said to the bartender, who is celebrating I am trying to get the taste out of my mouth.

Thats fucked

 

[blackrock13]

And now for something completely different, a genius at work. Two cowboys walk into a bar ........