Who's Right??

[drlove]

This is an addendum to my "Condom Broke" thread. As I mentioned, the lady I saw this evening wanted me to pull out before I ejaculated. I asked her if this was standard practice with her, to which she replied, "sometimes yes, sometimes no." Then I asked her point blank if it was because the first condom broke and she said "yes".

Personally, I want to be as safe as the next individual. However, in all my years in the hobby, having a condom break has only occured on two occasions - one of them being tonight. Admittedly, she is the one providing the service and I would like to make her feel as comfortable as possible.

The problem is, pulling out is not something I'm used to. In fact, it detracts from the entire experience making me not want to repeat - although I'd love to see her again since she is a very attractive lady. So, who gets to decide?? Is it me, since I'm the one who's paying, or does she have the final say in the matter??

 

[shack]

I guess it would be similar to a lady who says no DFK. I don't think you could force her to DFK by saying I'm paying. You state your preferences and she states her restrictions. Then it's up to you to decide whether honouring her restrictions would detract too much from your session.

 

[Gentle Ben]

given the event that just occured, I'm sure she was a bit concerned that it could happen a second time, and was concerned for her own safety, that it may happen again(same batch of condoms etc) in the heat of the moment its not something that a male wants to do(pull out) but given the circumstances, I can see her point.
If you enjoyed your time with her, maybe you should see her again and (hopfuly) a finish would help you reconcile your thoughts.

 

[drlove]

Shack

I agree... however, she did not bring up the issue of "pulling out" until after the first condom broke. Before that unfortunate occurence, she was content to let me finish normally. I'm under the impression that it was a combination of nerves/paranoia on her part owing to the breakage.

 

[bartbarty]

Double up and use two ???????????

 

[drlove]

Any other suggestions??

 

[drlove]

P.S.

Ladies,

Feel free to jump in any time. I welcome a woman's perspective.

 

[shinyam]

My penis is very small, so I always buy the "fun size" condoms.

 

[tboy]

the double up factor would be the quickest and easist way to overcome her "fear factor"....why didn't you just do that?

 

[shack]

Re: Shack

I agree... however, she did not bring up the issue of "pulling out" until after the first condom broke. Before that unfortunate occurence, she was content to let me finish normally. I'm under the impression that it was a combination of nerves/paranoia on her part owing to the breakage.

Cumming inside while wearing a condom is not unreasonable and is probably the norm. But I guess she took the "once bitten, twice shy" philosophy over the "lightning can't strike twice" approach. Hence her reluctance is not hard to see regardless of whether it is reasonable or not.

As respectable hobbyists, we are going to honour the ladie's restrictions. All you can do is discuss this with her in a logical manner before booking the next session and see if you can talk sense to her. (If not, just slap her around a bit.)

 

[drlove]

Shack...

Good advice, (except for the last comment! *lol*) However, in all seriousness, the next time I see her I will discuss it. I certainly understand her trepidation; the thing is, she's the only woman I've ever been with who's asked me to pull out.

While I did comply with her request, sometimes my "love gun" has a mind of it's own and as I was withdrawing I had already started my release, making the whole point moot IMO. I'll certainly consider double bagging it - hopefully that will assuage her fears about the whole thing and get everything back to normal.

However, if not - sad to say I will not repeat with her again. Hopefully that won't happen though...

 

[pineappleguy]

In every business relationship, it is the business owner's responsibility to define the parameters of their business - i.e. what they are and are not willing to do in the pursuit of that business. It is the customer's responsibility to decide which business' service models they are worth their money.

She has decided on her business parameters. The customer has to respect her decisions and either continue to do business with her on her terms or take his business elsewhere. Weigh the pros and cons of continuing to do business with her vs. doing business with someone else, then your decision will begin to materialize.

 

[Goddessofchastity]

Two things...

First, let's talk condoms...

It is absolutely not true that two condoms offer more protection than just one.

In fact, using two condoms increases the risk of having them break. When you use two condoms, the friction of one rubbing against the other makes it morely likely that they will both tear.

See:
http://www.fwhc.org/birth-control/condom.htm
http://www.aidsmap.com/en/docs/A3A8AC7F-76A2-4632-9015-9AD643811C60.asp
http://www.escort-enz.com/swr/condoms.shtml

It sounds to me like this is one of those cases of a condom breaking just because... it's going to happen, and statistically, the doctor's number was probably up. Condom's aren't 100% reliable. We all know the risks.

But more interesting...

I can't believe that we're actually having a discussion about "who gets to decide" in this circumstance. Clients have all kinds of requests, but ultimately an SP gets to set her own rules and if a client is not happy with the services she offers, he gets to take his money elsewhere.

If an SP did not offer BBBJ, DFK or Greek, for example, and a client wanted these services, I think we're all clear that he does not get to decide to partake of these service in blantant disregard of her wishes. If someone did go ahead and decide that he would partake of, say Greek, in opposition to an SP's "rules", I think we're all pretty clear on what that's called.

In this situation, the girl is admittedly nervous and anxious after what happened between them the last time. She's perhaps over-reacting, but that's her prerogative, and the only way the good doctor gets to "decide" that he won't put up with this restricted service is to take his good money elsewhere.

 

[drlove]

Re: Two things...

In this situation, the girl is admittedly nervous and anxious after what happened between them the last time. She's perhaps over-reacting, but that's her prerogative, and the only way the good doctor gets to "decide" that he won't put up with this restricted service is to take his good money elsewhere.

First, thank you for your informative post; much appreciated. Now, regarding the quote above, it brings to mind the following: As I mentioned previously, I believe that had the condom not broken, it would have been a standard appointment. However, owing to the breakage, she was apprehensive and asked me to pull out, even though under normal circumstances she would probably not have made this request, as it was only brought up after the incident.

My question now is, if I decide to see her again, should I wait and see if she brings up the issue of withdrawal again, and if she doesn't, should I proceed as normal??

If I choose to bring it up first, would I not just be stirring up the 'fear factor' again, possibly making her apprehensive once more, when it was a stastistically an isolated case??

 

[wop]

Saw this on Sex with Sue!

Always leave a bit of slack at the top of the condom, (pinch a half an inch, then roll it) this prevents breaking, and once you get goin' you forget its there...

 

[drlove]

Re: Saw this on Sex with Sue!

Always leave a bit of slack at the top of the condom, (pinch a half an inch, then roll it) this prevents breaking, and once you get goin' you forget its there...

You know, that may have been the problem... she put it on and it did feel a bit tight, although there were many times before where it wasn't a factor. Looking back on it now with hindsight being 20/20, I should have put a new condom on at the first sign of discomfort; instead I dismissed it as an aberration. Oh well, live and learn...

 

[drlove]

Thanks Sheik...

However, do you agree that the onus is on the lady to make her preference for release known in future appointments, if she would like me to do something other than finish off in a standard fashion??

I am under the impression that if she doesn't make reference to it next time, I should proceed as normal, that is, as though the incident had not occured.

 

[booboobear]

Re: Re: Two things...

My question now is, if I decide to see her again, should I wait and see if she brings up the issue of withdrawal again, and if she doesn't, should I proceed as normal??

The following is my opinion , why would you even bother seeing her again without bringing it up. If she insists on you withdrawing then I have to ask, does she with all her clients or just you.

If she still wants you to withdraw after you talk beforehand then go elsewhere , why would you pay for something you don't really want.

 

[drlove]

Ok... Ok....

Point blank, all I really want to know is, next time I see her, should I talk with her about what happened, or no??

 

[gala]

I think she probably wouldn't apply this rule if the condom didn't break, but as I said on the other thread you should be VERY GLAD this happened with an SP who is that paranoid about being clean. Just imagine this happened to you with an SP who wasn't as worried about her health!

So you didn't get quite what you thought you'd paid for.. you also probably didn't get a lot more than you bargained for! Thank your lucky stars and move on. I bet "pull out" is not an issue even with her ordinarily.